I don't know if this helps, but you don't need to be ashamed or embarrassed. You really are cared for and loved and wanted and the Cranes will take you even if you're in a bad mood. I know that for you saying that you should think of it more like family is not the right way to go, since your family is part of the root of this issue.
So maybe think of it as a way more functional family.
Your mileage may vary, I'll say that right up front. But, it's been my experience that oftentimes when I am stressed out or feeling as if i'm going to crack. It's because I'm too tired to be angry.
Hear me out. Often i feel that frustration and stress come out of the things in our life that are out of our control. And sometime the ONLY thing that will fix those things is to get good and goddamn angry enough to do something about it. Sadly, living in a civilized society has something of a price, at times, you cannot choke the shit out of people who desperately need to have the shit choked out of them. So many times, we sublimate the anger.
But that never really works. better to find positive ways to work that anger out. Find ways to use anger to motivate positive action, or if nothing else, go out and punch the living shit out of the heavy bag until you feel better.
Maybe the problem is not that you're angry. It's that you aren't angry enough. Tap the well and see.
Don't know if it helps any, but i react to stress/anxiety/embarrassment/anger in the same way: i have to leave the scene right away and try to clear my head. I figure it's better than screaming/throwing/punching/etc. If i have to go back before i'm ready, it's a bigger disaster than it started, and one of those other things probably will happen :\ You're not alone; i guess that's all i'm trying to say.
I'm VERY hard to upset. I meet most situations with cold indifference, but once i get pushed over the edge, it's the point of no return. I'm pretty much ruined for the rest of the day.
Yup, that's what happens. I mean I'm generally not indifferent, I can take shit and usually can toss out some of my own, but when I'm upset, I'm out and need to get away for a long while.
"In my life, I've learned a really shitty habit. Keep shit to yourself, don't cry, don't be anything other than the perfect fun, personable persona that is expected in social circles."
Bren and I had this discussion the other day. He gets tied of watching me let myself get beat down because I draw inside myself the second anything is less than pleasant. After years and years and years of being chastized for having feelings, I've found it best to just keep them to myself.
It's frustrating, debilitating and not healthy, I know.
I'm so sorry you're having such a terrible time right now. You have every right to feel awful right now and be a little or a lot emotional.
If you ever wanna get out for a bit I'll gladly come pick you up. HUGS!!
Comments 25
*hugs* and love
Irisa
Reply
Reply
So maybe think of it as a way more functional family.
Reply
But, it's been my experience that oftentimes when I am stressed out or feeling as if i'm going to crack. It's because I'm too tired to be angry.
Hear me out.
Often i feel that frustration and stress come out of the things in our life that are out of our control. And sometime the ONLY thing that will fix those things is to get good and goddamn angry enough to do something about it.
Sadly, living in a civilized society has something of a price, at times, you cannot choke the shit out of people who desperately need to have the shit choked out of them. So many times, we sublimate the anger.
But that never really works. better to find positive ways to work that anger out. Find ways to use anger to motivate positive action, or if nothing else, go out and punch the living shit out of the heavy bag until you feel better.
Maybe the problem is not that you're angry. It's that you aren't angry enough. Tap the well and see.
Reply
Reply
Ans yes, i too, feel like if I try to push it before I'm ready to be calm, it gets WAY worse.
Are you pretty hard to get upset? I find that I'm slow to get upset, but when I am, i'm hot for a really long time.
Reply
Reply
Reply
Bren and I had this discussion the other day. He gets tied of watching me let myself get beat down because I draw inside myself the second anything is less than pleasant. After years and years and years of being chastized for having feelings, I've found it best to just keep them to myself.
It's frustrating, debilitating and not healthy, I know.
I'm so sorry you're having such a terrible time right now. You have every right to feel awful right now and be a little or a lot emotional.
If you ever wanna get out for a bit I'll gladly come pick you up. HUGS!!
Reply
It's just been rough. And I'm not great at expressing myself when I'm stressed.
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment