Depression, when it's bad, is a physical, tangible thing. The darkness definitely includes a spiral of negative thoughts, but a lot of time (for me at least) it's like there's just this inaudible whine in my brain that hurts. And there's a fog over my brain, making it hard to think coherently. Thoughts are slow in coming, and it's hard to focus on anything other than the pain I'm going through, both physical and mental/emotional.
Bearing in mind, of course, that I'm talking about bipolar depression, which may be different or worse than other people's depression.
Hope that helps. Thank ghod for decent meds, I tell you whut, as I haven't had one of those episodes in several years and hope never to again.
most of my patients don't get the meds right for the first few months...always seem to need adjusting. good that you got yours down, it makes a difference.
i saw someone who looked a lot like you at Addies on the pike this weekend...!
It's difficult to describe, but I agree with a lot of what the previous person said--it's tangible. It is definitely thoughts, but for me it is also a physical feeling of heaviness...like the air around me is dense and I am swimming through it and it pushes me down. I move slowly, think slowly, and go between feeling really down to just feeling numb. It gets really bad in a depressive episode, which I luckily have not had in a long, long time...not a major one, anyhow
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that's actually an amazing description. i actually have one of those "friends" myself....
if i'm left to my own for too long i'll kind of "regress" into the same shit that used to dominate my life - smoking, porn, gambling, avoiding people. really the only thing that keeps me from existing like that on a daily basis is employment and family.
i think that's not the same as what you were talking about but related....a comfortable old sense of being that you know isn't good for you. hmm.
btw i don't know if you're trying to do this or not but i'm kind of vicariously re-living my single days with your dating posts. it's kind of exciting!
I have had major episodes before. Now I know what it is and when I see it coming I either step up my exercise (but that is only when it's right in the beginning) or if I sink down into the throes of it, medication.
It's like having a really heavy blanket on you all the time. It's hard to move or get up. It feels like that on your brain too....hard to think or even process things that you are good at normally. It also makes you not want to be around anyone (for me) so it's dangerous...I feel like calling into work EVERY DAY when I'm depressed.
That's why I have to get on the meds when I need it. I don't have time to lollygag around and need something that will push me out of the depression faster than "naturally".
Oh and I'm SUPER bitchy because I'm so tired...that anything that causes me to expend any energy is almost painful. So I lash out at any request for me to do anything. Though I try not to.
and, is it like you can only just wait until it passes? i think it's interesting that it "comes and goes" with you, instead of something that's lurking there all the time.
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Bearing in mind, of course, that I'm talking about bipolar depression, which may be different or worse than other people's depression.
Hope that helps. Thank ghod for decent meds, I tell you whut, as I haven't had one of those episodes in several years and hope never to again.
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i saw someone who looked a lot like you at Addies on the pike this weekend...!
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if i'm left to my own for too long i'll kind of "regress" into the same shit that used to dominate my life - smoking, porn, gambling, avoiding people. really the only thing that keeps me from existing like that on a daily basis is employment and family.
i think that's not the same as what you were talking about but related....a comfortable old sense of being that you know isn't good for you. hmm.
btw i don't know if you're trying to do this or not but i'm kind of vicariously re-living my single days with your dating posts. it's kind of exciting!
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same as you, family and employment keep me out of my own way. :)
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It's like having a really heavy blanket on you all the time. It's hard to move or get up. It feels like that on your brain too....hard to think or even process things that you are good at normally. It also makes you not want to be around anyone (for me) so it's dangerous...I feel like calling into work EVERY DAY when I'm depressed.
That's why I have to get on the meds when I need it. I don't have time to lollygag around and need something that will push me out of the depression faster than "naturally".
Oh and I'm SUPER bitchy because I'm so tired...that anything that causes me to expend any energy is almost painful. So I lash out at any request for me to do anything. Though I try not to.
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and, is it like you can only just wait until it passes? i think it's interesting that it "comes and goes" with you, instead of something that's lurking there all the time.
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i would say it's lurking there all the time. there's always a darkness. but it's "me" so what can you do?
if i had a totally different brain chemistry i would be a different person. not to say that might be nice sometimes!
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