It's difficult to describe, but I agree with a lot of what the previous person said--it's tangible. It is definitely thoughts, but for me it is also a physical feeling of heaviness...like the air around me is dense and I am swimming through it and it pushes me down. I move slowly, think slowly, and go between feeling really down to just feeling numb. It gets really bad in a depressive episode, which I luckily have not had in a long, long time...not a major one, anyhow.
I sort of agree with you about people's set points--I am one of those people who gets asked "Are you OK???" when I am perfectly fine. What is considered normal in American society is the energetic, bubbly, extrovert. I am very calm, quiet, reserved, and often shy...definitely introverted. I have my times of being gregarious, but that is only with people I know and/or are comfortable with--then I can be quite funny, open, charming, and even loud :)
Right before my ex and I broke up, I was struggling with some anxiety and teetering on that edge of depression. I remember describing it to my counselor not as something to be feared, but as a familiar friend hiding behind the curtain, waiting for me with open arms. And that is the part that is scary--the darkness is comfortable, accepting, and is always there waiting for you just beneath the surface when you are vulnerable. It's like an old friend who has died but you can hear them calling your name--you want to go there so bad, but you know it's a trick and should be avoided.
So far, I've never had to use any antidepressants although back when I was younger I bet I could have benefited from them greatly. Oh well.
that's actually an amazing description. i actually have one of those "friends" myself....
if i'm left to my own for too long i'll kind of "regress" into the same shit that used to dominate my life - smoking, porn, gambling, avoiding people. really the only thing that keeps me from existing like that on a daily basis is employment and family.
i think that's not the same as what you were talking about but related....a comfortable old sense of being that you know isn't good for you. hmm.
btw i don't know if you're trying to do this or not but i'm kind of vicariously re-living my single days with your dating posts. it's kind of exciting!
I sort of agree with you about people's set points--I am one of those people who gets asked "Are you OK???" when I am perfectly fine. What is considered normal in American society is the energetic, bubbly, extrovert. I am very calm, quiet, reserved, and often shy...definitely introverted. I have my times of being gregarious, but that is only with people I know and/or are comfortable with--then I can be quite funny, open, charming, and even loud :)
Right before my ex and I broke up, I was struggling with some anxiety and teetering on that edge of depression. I remember describing it to my counselor not as something to be feared, but as a familiar friend hiding behind the curtain, waiting for me with open arms. And that is the part that is scary--the darkness is comfortable, accepting, and is always there waiting for you just beneath the surface when you are vulnerable. It's like an old friend who has died but you can hear them calling your name--you want to go there so bad, but you know it's a trick and should be avoided.
So far, I've never had to use any antidepressants although back when I was younger I bet I could have benefited from them greatly. Oh well.
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if i'm left to my own for too long i'll kind of "regress" into the same shit that used to dominate my life - smoking, porn, gambling, avoiding people. really the only thing that keeps me from existing like that on a daily basis is employment and family.
i think that's not the same as what you were talking about but related....a comfortable old sense of being that you know isn't good for you. hmm.
btw i don't know if you're trying to do this or not but i'm kind of vicariously re-living my single days with your dating posts. it's kind of exciting!
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same as you, family and employment keep me out of my own way. :)
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