The Telling of One Billion Ghost Stories (draft) - Part 23

[rallamajoop]

A week and a half late on this chapter - oh man, I was not counting on this taking so long. >.> I've had a pretty good run on this story so far, but this chapter kicked my arse - which I was expecting, but not quite on this scale. This would be what happens when you finally get to scenes you've been building towards for pretty much the whole damn

Comments

[lodelco]

Doumeki had underestimated where this would get him; and there was a light, empty feeling in his gut before he’d even finished that thought that made him feel almost selfish for having been given so much control over something Watanuki needed this badly.

No shit. Doumeki dug himself a hole nearly 6ft deep there. He doesn't mean to take advantage of Watanuki but its not like he's the talkative type. Not forgetting these are two very lonely people here.

This can... well it CAN end well. Just beware of the bumps, spikes and that humougous pit in the road on the way. ^^;

[rallamajoop]

Well, it's really more like Doumeki's finally dug himself out of the hole he's been in since their argument about Haruka. Rest assured, no-one's being taken advantage of here - this is far more a long overdue resolution than anything that will cause more problems. I don't think Doumeki is all that lonely most of the time, more like solitary - and it's not really something that bothers him. He just hasn't quite bothered being as surprised by the way Watanuki's gotten under his guard as most people would be.

So yeah - Doumeki may not have quite known where things were going, but he's not in any way going to be unhappy with where they've gotten him. But that would be something that later scenes should deal with. ^^;

[cheloya]

Oh goddddakjhsfdadsjfhadhsfkjadhsfas Joop, you are amazing. But like lodelco said, this has the potential to end really badly as well as really beautifully. *frets* It's looking very complicated to write, so good luck with it. X3 I can hardly wait.

[rallamajoop]

Hi, I'm sort of STUPIDLY RELIEVED to get this comment right now. Feedback on these last few chapters has been so very sparse that part of me is getting ridiculously paranoid that I've stuffed it up and completely lost all but about the last three people who used to be reading right when I'm getting to the really intense parts of the story. I spent way more of this morning wondering whether I should bother to keep on posting these draft chapters than is healthy, believe me. >< Haven't really stopped yet either. Gah, I'm so easily influenced by feedback it's pathetic.

Er, to respond to your actual comment, I'm not sure why people think this development is so likely to be a bad thing. >.> Maybe the next chapter or two should clear that up though assuming they get posted and all - things *are* still pretty raw right where I finished this part. But for now just rest assured I've put Doumeki and Watanuki through enough of the emotional wringer for one fic - all is essentially resolved on this front, and the difficult parts left to write in

[cheloya]

|D; I knowwww, I've been so terrible about commenting on this lately - it's a combination of my internet dropping out all the time and the fact that usually it's posted about ten minutes before I need to run out the door on a Thursday. XD; I am still reading and I am still loving! ♥

I guess I just went askdhjf because - well, Watanuki says it all in the next part, really. That he's had so little kindness or care showed towards him that it could very well impact on the health of any given relationship (although of course I trust Doumeki with pretty much anything XD). Add to that Watanuki's inherent attraction of trouble, and... |D;

(I am looking forward to finding out what exactly all the April Fool stuff is about in this world, though. :3)

[rallamajoop]

Oh, not at all - I recall you being one of only a couple of people who commented at all on some of the recent chapters I put up. It was mostly just having spent two weeks on a really important part of the story and then waking up in the morning to find only a single vaguely-positive response after several weeks of not getting much response at all that was getting me so worried. ^^;;; But it looks like people were just taking their time finding this chapter *gestures sheepishly down page* so my confidence has gone a long way towards being restored. But I really really do appreciate the feedback I get - especially now the end is so nearly in sight, and the rest the writing left to go is bound to be an uphill job all the way

[tomoyohime8]

i'm supposed to be commenting on the actual story - but all i can think right now is "omg, finally, they're kissing!"

apparently, my brain has decided to go to its happy place, far away from me.

He needed Doumeki’s acceptance so badly he’d make everything that stood in front of it his own fault. This was someone who didn’t even know how to ask for anything that was purely for himself.

this was the most poignant part for me. the second sentence completely describes watanuki, in any world.

[rallamajoop]

Haha, that's cool, I was kinda expecting a few people to get that reaction. Story is very nice and all, but the slashy bits do tend to be horribly distracting like that.

the second sentence completely describes watanuki, in any world.

Very true - if even more so in this world. I'm glad that part stood out like that, it was one of the ones I was hoping would. ^_^

[immelmanturn]

Just to weigh in, I'm still reading!

I love all they April Fool's day mystery and the backstories and everything. I don't normally comment (sorry!), but it's been an awesome story so far.

[rallamajoop]

Thanks, I do appreciate it. And I certainly don't want to wind up blackmailing people into commenting, but given how sadly addicted to feedback I am and how hard a lot of the scenes I'll have to tackle between now and the end of the story are going to be, the encouragement goes a long way, believe me. ^^;

[immelmanturn]

I'll do my best to leave more consistent feedback, then~!

[ldydragon7]

Yea! for another chapter! (is a very happy fangirl at the kissing its about time :P I very much loved that scene.) Seriously, they have both come a long way and that makes this scene all the sweeter.

Poor confused Watanuki, yeah Doumeki has been giving some mixed signals, but at least no he has at last come to a decision. one that involves kissing
This was who the April Fool had always been ... He needed Doumeki’s acceptance so badly he’d make everything that stood in front of it his own fault. This was someone who didn’t even know how to ask for anything that was purely for himself. I love this section, so so Watanuki. It makes my heart break for him. Watanuki's experince at this camp has been so different from his previous experinces that we and Doumeki do need to be reminded that a part of him is still waiting for the other shoe to drop while hoping desperitly that it won't do too much damage when it does.

so tired of Watanuki’s sick attempts at compromise; tired of watching Watanuki wonder whether the person who’s trust

[rallamajoop]

^_^ Thanks, it is a real relief to be hearing people think I did this part of the story justice. So much build up and so many high reader expectations, and here's me with embarrassingly little practice writing serious romance scenes. Of course, on the same logic probably a lot of readers wouldn't care so much how the scene comes out as long as there's boykissing at the end of it, but relying on that to carry the scene would be cheating.

...we and Doumeki do need to be reminded that a part of him is still waiting for the other shoe to drop while hoping desperitly that it won't do too much damage when it does.

Oh yes, well put and still so very, very true.

I also really enjoyed the Doumeki and Kurogane interaction, it is so much fun to see how 2 people who have not interacted in cannon would behave, and I think you manage it very well indeed.And it's hugely gratifying to hear that part stood out too, because that whole section of this chapter actually took me more work and rewriting than the final scene did. Mostly, getting the

[ldydragon7]

Very glad to hear it, though your comments have already gone a long way to keeping me going in the last couple of chapters as it is. ^^; Thanks again for all your encouragement (and your patience with slow chapter weeks as well).

Really? I'm so glad to hear that. :D