this is really just for me ( Read more... )

GOD DAMNIT.

i'm so tired of being angry.
and alone.

i don't mean to push people away, i swear.

i just wish some people would push back.

i have so much to say. i check this journal everyday for updates from the few people that still keep track of this thing. i feel an obligation to put something down, even for myself. it's time to be frank ( Read more... )

i wanted to
cut/burn/die tonight
but i didn't.

it's time to let go. it's time to say "fuck this and fuck you. i'm better than all of it."

looking for a new job starting wednesday. i don't need you or your married ass self.

i need chess. and cigarettes.

i have cried way too many times in the ihop parking lot.

my life is one big joke.

i've found someone really great for me, to replace the person that was no good at all.

but i miss the vice already.

sometimes, hell feels better than heaven.

too bad i don't know what heaven really means.

here's to blowing up that stupid rock and hoping the hard place isnt really as hard as i imagine it to be.

wow.
i really have no idea what i want.

lately, the right side of my jaw has been killing me, in the sense that i can't chew, talk (thank god), or yawn. apparently, i have TMJ. yet, i haven't gone to the doctor to have this verified. the pain is annoying, though not unbearable. and, from what i hear, it never goes away. great ( Read more... )

"So, you'll never remember. That's not how it works.

You're not just going to all of a sudden remember what it was like.

You'll never get those back ever.

Because of, well, the alcohol.

AND - you'll never forget that you'll never remember."

for a new tattoo. or piercing. or sex. or kitten.

can't i just have all four in the same day?