(no subject)
i have so much to say. i check this journal everyday for updates from the few people that still keep track of this thing. i feel an obligation to put something down, even for myself. it's time to be frank.
every time i hear the song "runaway train" i think about brandon. in fact, there still hasn't been a day that had gone by in the past 5 years that i havent thought about him. it makes me angry, sad, and lonely, every time that i do. i wish i could change my mentality about romance, life, and my uncertain future.
i'm with someone i can't BE with. i've been asked on a date by someone i TRIED to be with. the whole situation is complicated. there are two people i can confide in, but neither discussion seems to help. i don't know what to do. i know there's no one in this town that will fulfill my needs. i know that i need to cut myself loose, find a new world entirely. but all i've known is lakeland. the end is approaching, and i don't know how to let go.
the depression has been sinking lately to a dark hidden place i cant seem to close out. i need it out. i need to breathe fresh air.
my priorities are all screwed up. instead of studying, i watched old movies, played skipbo, and drank. i disappointment myself more and more every day.
my life will forever be defined by what happened two years ago, and i hate the guilt that resides in me because of it. i want to be held again. i'm tired of pushing away. i miss having that "everything."
i miss a lot of things.
i need to grow up.
i wish this sadness wasnt so overwhelming.
every time i hear the song "runaway train" i think about brandon. in fact, there still hasn't been a day that had gone by in the past 5 years that i havent thought about him. it makes me angry, sad, and lonely, every time that i do. i wish i could change my mentality about romance, life, and my uncertain future.
i'm with someone i can't BE with. i've been asked on a date by someone i TRIED to be with. the whole situation is complicated. there are two people i can confide in, but neither discussion seems to help. i don't know what to do. i know there's no one in this town that will fulfill my needs. i know that i need to cut myself loose, find a new world entirely. but all i've known is lakeland. the end is approaching, and i don't know how to let go.
the depression has been sinking lately to a dark hidden place i cant seem to close out. i need it out. i need to breathe fresh air.
my priorities are all screwed up. instead of studying, i watched old movies, played skipbo, and drank. i disappointment myself more and more every day.
my life will forever be defined by what happened two years ago, and i hate the guilt that resides in me because of it. i want to be held again. i'm tired of pushing away. i miss having that "everything."
i miss a lot of things.
i need to grow up.
i wish this sadness wasnt so overwhelming.