Random Buffy Thought

[rahirah]

Post-Chosen stories where Buffy is a suicidal wreck because Spike is dead puzzle me. I can believe she had feelings for him at the end. I can believe those feelings were love, in the moment of his death. (I also think that if he had survived, she'd very likely have panicked and backpedaled and been very glad of that "no you don't" out, but that'

Comments

[slaymesoftly]

Agreed. Mostly. :) I do think she loved him (denial thy name is Buffy), and I think she would mourn, not just for the loss, but for waiting so long to acknowledge the love. (guilt = Buffy Summers) But she has already survived terrible losses and bounced back to some semblance of her old self. Each one took a toll, and she will never be the bouncy 15-yr old we first met, but she sucks it up and goes on. And in this case, she has Spike's final sacrifice to ease the pain because she can be proud of him. Season 8 comics were a bit too dismissive of the relationship, but in all fairness to Buffy, they kept her pretty busy being ridiculous to have time to worry about Spike.
Having said all that, I know that my Prologue/I Know You has a short scene where she seems to be contemplating suicide when they have finally stopped for the night. However, in my brain, that is as much about exhaustion over all the losses of the past several years (including the whole of Sunnydale)and about just feeling she could be done again, as it was about Spike's

[rahirah]

She's just never been one for showy mourning, and less and less so as the years go by.

[slaymesoftly]

And that. I think she'd keep any tears pretty private.

[torrilin]

The I Know You series is one of the ones I class as very believable suicidal since a lot of completed suicides are very impulsive and very quick decisions. Buffy has the impulse, she has the opportunity, and thank goodness Dawn was there to talk her down. And I treat it as a matter of luck/Willow/Buffy's practice dealing with horrible loss that she doesn't go for a more methodical attempt later.

I really like that particular one because her despair right then feels very real and very awful. And the more normal depressed phase after feels like the kind of grey nothingness and blandness that depression often feels like.

It's not a fun phase of the story, but the emotions feel real, and the sad and hard parts are there for a reason.

[dwyld]

By and large I agree, however there is one possible loophole I can see, though it would need a very good writer to sell it to me in Buffy's case. This is that while some people do just keep bouncing back from repeated blows, and use each experience as a foundation of strength to get through the next one ('if I survived that, I can survive this') for others, repeated blows become cumulative, until even a relatively small thing can become unbearable.

Now personally I think Buffy belongs more in the first category. She has already survived a lot of death, upset and apocalypses and hasn't noticeably been accumulating emotional problems. But against that the whole of season 6 could be cited as an example of somebody who ultimately does break when the pressure gets too high. So as I say, a good enough writer could possibly sell it to me. But I would need the sales pitch, not just a bland assumption that loss of the woobie = suicidal.

[rahirah]

Yes, exactly.

[kikimay]

That's really OOC for me. We clearly see Buffy smiling and that's not a smile like "Spike's dead and the whole town collapsed, YOLO!" It's more like a grateful, hopeful and accepting smile. I think that she would live the rest of her life with this grace rather than feeling suicidal.

[rahirah]

Even if it was a YOLO smile, that would make it even less likely for her to try to kill herself afterwards, I would think!

[kseenaa]

I agree. She just don't seem like a suicidal person. If that makes sense.

[pfeifferpack]

Because of Spike's death? Not by itself, no

[rahirah]

Yes, like I said, I'm not arguing that she'd never consider suicide for any reason. I just have seen quite a number of stories over the years where it's specifically Spike's death that does it, in a Bella Swan-esque "My life is meaningless without him" way.

[pfeifferpack]

Oh yeah and I agree. I think she loved him but not in a Bella Swan way. She didn't even "love" Angel that way. She is no Bella Swan or Juliette Capulet