Afraid of this
One of the most surprising things about organ failure and the shrinking of my life to fit the treatment has been the feeling of being disappeared. I find myself just as self-obsessed as I ever was, but as the years go by, I forget that others can see me, too. And then - then I am shocked when they tell me they DO see me
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It's that of realizing that something is dead-serious.
It's the same when being sick with an infection and then you also don't like to follow morbid hobbies or so, but just want comfort all the time in order to get back to be healthy again.
Things like that depend on instinctively feeling "good" and having all one's powers available because, on an instinctive level, it has to do with some sort of "danger" and "adventure".
You don't expose yourself to any dangers or go on an adventure if you don't feel quite right, do you?
...Of course this "feeling "good" and having all one's powers available" depends on the individual itself.
Some do still feel like this, feel capable enough, even though they're physically and mentally clearly not in that position; and others would have factual reality on their side, but don't feel like it and feel inferior.
Don't know what does the trick... Maybe repression is something of meaning here?
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<3 *hugs* once you start it will probably become less scary.
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