when love comes calling, don't look back

[coronated]

Characters: Utena and Mami
Date: During the mistletoe event
Summary: The best way to make things between a friend less awkward is to make out with them! Oh wait.
Warnings: None

Comments

[coronated]

[Utena's arm begins to shake from the strain of keeping her grip steady. The empty sky is of no comfort and the black, glassy eyes of the birds are even less so. But she doesn't let go; she won't let go. She can use her other hand to reach it, she can swing her legs up to hold on to the branch, she doesn't need any help

[coronated]

[She hops back up to her feet, looking over Mami's shoulder curiously. As unusual as it is, she isn't frightened or concerned yet.]

Where do you think it came from?

[headedforhope]

[There's a tiny jolt from having Utena so close, the tiny hairs on the back of her neck rising, but both sensations go unnoticed as Mami processes the situation.

Her smile turns somewhat wry, faintly annoyed.]

Where else?

[It must be the magic of the Gardens. Again.]

[coronated]

[Utena is not nearly as skilled as Mami when it comes to keeping her irritation under wraps, and frowns, giving the empty space in front of them a dark look.]

Some weird magic again, I bet. But what's the reason for it this time? [She glances up again, searching for the birds, but something else catches her eye -- that tiny, innocuous plant she'd overlooked before. She points to it, in order to get Mami's attention.]

Hey, do you see that?

[headedforhope]

Mm?

[She follows the aim of Utena's finger, squinting slightly, searching the branches.]

Ah- that plant? Well, perhaps it's a flower, it's hard for me to tell from here....

[coronated]

[She trots over to get a closer look at the little green plant, and frowns, rubbing her head.]

Mm, no, it's not a flower. I think it's mistletoe...

[Comprehension dawns. Utena reaches out a hand, and while there's nothing visible there, she hits the same solid wall as before.] Oh...

[headedforhope]

[Ignorant of the plant's significance, Mami merely turns to look at Utena with a curious bemusement.]

....I don't think I'm following, Utena-san.

[coronated]

[Ohtori has top-notch botany classes, okok

It's notable that Utena won't face Mami when she speaks, nor does she turn her attention away from the mistletoe hanging above.]

Mm, mistletoe. Himemiya told me about it. It's er...well, there's a tradition you have to follow when you get stuck under it with someone.

[headedforhope]

[A slow arching of one eyebrow.]

Yes...?

[coronated]

Kissing. [The word comes out surprisingly high-pitched, a choked, nervous sound.] You have to kiss under it.

[headedforhope]

[That shuts her up for the moment, the strength bleeding out of her knees. She realizes, now, the purpose of this magic - it fits in so perfectly with the Queen's schemes that it's infuriating.

Or it would be, if Mami could spare the emotion for anger. Instead there's only shock, and when that clears, the overwhelming rush of heat at the thought of such an intimate contact. Her mouth has suddenly gone very dry.]

.....ah....

[coronated]

[They're going to be stuck here forever. That's Utena's first thought, and it persists. They're going to be stuck here forever, and freeze to death, and the birds will take her ribbon again

[headedforhope]

[She leans away when Utena moves forward, takes half a step back - the movement is instinctive, a habit of distance ingrained in her no matter what Mami might actually, consciously, desire.

But what does she desire? On the surface, it seems like a simple enough question: Mami wants to atone, and also to change. To become someone worthy of being admired, to validate the trust others have placed in her - to scrub away at the black marks on her soul until they're, if not gone, at least able to be lived with. She wants to shed the burdens of self-doubt and self-loathing, the grudges and the anxiety, and accept herself for who she really is rather than the muddled vision reflected back to her through the lens of misery

[coronated]

[Futile stalling it may be, but Utena stops when Mami asks her to, freezing in place. What momentum she had to get the kiss over with and leave with some dignity intact...well, that is gone too. She's immediately thrown out of the moment, left flustered and confused. But there is little more she can do but wait. She takes a step backward, feeling awkward and embarrassed. The warm flush spreading across her face deepens.

Having time to think never works well for Utena. She succeeds simply because she lives in the moment; she adjusts her behavior based on what is occurring right in front of her. She does not ruminate. She doesn't make plans. She acts. Thinking simply does not work in her game plan, and leads to darker places, unpleasant places. She is thinking right now though, of how remarkably uncomfortable this is, of how it is completely unfair that she keeps getting thrown into situations like this. ]

Huh? [a pause, and she bites down on the urge to huff in frustration.] What is it?

[headedforhope]

[For the first time in a long while, Mami looks just as vulnerable as she feels. She's never been more out of her depth, her composure torn away without ceremony or mercy. While Mami has been working towards dissembling the wall painstakingly built around herself, this is nothing like her slow and careful efforts - this is a fast and hard and ruthless breaching of her most precious defenses. There's no option of escaping unscathed: it's submit or freeze.

It's such a small thing in the great cosmic scheme, really, a kiss. Mami has faced things ten thousand times harsher than another mouth against her own, challenges that were neither soft nor sweet. Rationally, this is nothing to be scared of at all.]

It's... [She pauses, trembles on the edge of words not yet born, and then finally admits defeat: her shoulders heave in a small shrug, the rising panic reined back from her voice.]....I'm sorry, I'm just being foolish.

[Unlike Utena, there's no room in Mami's head for thoughts of how unfair and underhanded this situation is. Anxiety