when love comes calling, don't look back

[coronated]

Characters: Utena and Mami
Date: During the mistletoe event
Summary: The best way to make things between a friend less awkward is to make out with them! Oh wait.
Warnings: None

Comments

[coronated]

[Utena's arm begins to shake from the strain of keeping her grip steady. The empty sky is of no comfort and the black, glassy eyes of the birds are even less so. But she doesn't let go; she won't let go. She can use her other hand to reach it, she can swing her legs up to hold on to the branch, she doesn't need any help...

Why expect help? The only people that had ever helped her were her prince, who she hadn't seen in years, and Anthy and Wakaba, who weren't here. Any assistance from the Duelists had been a means to an end, she's sure, and she realizes she expects this from Mami as well. Empty promises and empty friendships, moods that changed from one moment to the next. Inconsequential and impermanent, lasting only for a single instant in time. There was nothing eternal about them.

Her vision blurs again; her eyes fill with frustrated, angry tears. The birds are only faint pinpricks of color now, barely visible. Finally, she can't hold on any longer, and there is nothing left to do but trust. Her grip loosens, she falls and lands safely in the ribbons.]

[headedforhope]

[Mami lets out a sigh of relief, her breath a soft wispy cloud carried away by the wind. It's cold, she notices again with a new clarity, now that the moment of danger has passed; raising goosebumps all over her skin, her nose and cheeks and fingertips flushing pink, turning numb. Under her command, the ribbons lower Utena gently, moving away from the tree to avoid the branches. A new wind rustles Mami's skirt, plays with her curls - she shivers, yet presses on.

Soon, Utena is near enough to the ground to reach out and touch it. Mami smiles at her, the expression weak and weighed down - heavy with a hundred things she can't yet say. But there's an apology there, and concern, and a genuine relief that Utena isn't hurt. A pause, searching for some way to begin, and then Mami asks softly:]

Are you all right?

[She doesn't just mean the near-miss.]

[coronated]

[She steps off the ribbons as soon as she is close enough to the ground for it to be safe, and turns away from Mami, ignoring her smile, returning her gaze to the birds still nestled safely on the branch. Her teeth grit again, and she manages a terse:]

I'm fine. [She quickly wipes at her face with her sleeve. One of the birds flutters down, the ribbon held in its beak, and gently deposits it into Utena's hand. The look she gives it is enough to make it retreat, returning to its safe haven up above.

Utena ties her hair back again. She appears tense, the movements of her hands rushed and stilted.] You didn't have to help. [This is at least delivered a bit more gently.] I could've gotten a leg up on the branch, but thanks anyway. [She untucks her ponytail from her jacket collar, straightens her shoulders. Her hands hurt from holding on to the branch, and she stuffs them in her pockets.]

[headedforhope]

[That hurts, more than she could have expected. Mami bites her lip, does her best to swallow the sting - there's that tightness in her chest again, but for an entirely different reason. She had this coming anyway, didn't she? This is payback for her cowardice, her weakness and selfishness.]

You're right, I didn't have to. [She sucks in a quick breath, wraps her arms around herself to weather another icy breeze.] ...I did it because I wanted to. You're my friend, I didn't want you to get hurt. [Mami regards the ugly, depressing sky; her smile becomes a bitter and self-hating thing.] ....ah, but I haven't been a very good one lately, huh....?

[A moment to brace herself, and Mami steps forward. Slowly, she reaches out to gently touch Utena's arm.]

I'm sorry, Utena-san.

[coronated]

[It would be childish, she knows, to yank her arm away, and she doesn't want to besides. Regardless of what happened prior, Mami is her good friend - besides Xion, the only close friend she had in this place. She had trusted her before, and just now, as she fell from the tree. Trusting her again should not be hard.

Her hand reaches up to touch Mami's, and she sighs. The tenseness in her posture dissipates - she seems almost relieved. Her feelings are still hurt, she's still a little confused. But an apology goes a long way.]

Thanks for not letting me fall. ...I'm sorry too.

[headedforhope]

[There's an easing of the unhappy pressure, a slow and tentative relief that Mami tries to shove from her mind for the time being. She looks down at their hands. It isn't hard for her, so keenly aware of her surroundings (and every ache, every pang of feeling she carries) to notice how Utena's is reddened and sore....probably from clutching the tree branch in an attempt to stay aloft.]

....It's all right.

[She closes her eyes, concentrates. A golden light blooms from her fingertips, envelops Utena's hand in a warmth that heals and soothes - meant to reduce pain to little more than a bad memory. Mami shivers; the rest of her is growing colder, becoming numb, but she can't find it in her to regret this.]

[coronated]

[The warmth that covers her hand makes her jump, but soon enough she realizes that her hand no longer throbs with pain, and she can easily bend her fingers.]

Ah...um, thank you. [Finally she glances over her shoulder to smile at Mami. Her anger is forgotten for now...or at least, pushed to the side and buried.] It feels a lot better now. [She studies Mami carefully, tilts her head.] Aren't you cold in that?

[headedforhope]

[The acknowledgement helps her to relax, is soothing in a way Mami can't yet be bothered to define. It's a welcome change, this taste of the old normalcy between them. Her smile grows stronger, the unhappiness and shame falling away - because while she is cold, and bitterly so, the lessening of this tension goes a long way in helping her to forget that.]

A little, but I'll be fine.

[She withdraws her hand and searches Utena's face, the golden light and warmth fading into nothingness for the time being. The same selfless concern is heavy in her gaze, even as another breeze whips around them and raises goosebumps on Mami's skin.]

Your other hand...it probably hurts too, right? [Tentatively holding out both hands, testing the boundaries of this shaky return to friendliness:] ....let me see it.

[coronated]

[It takes her a minute, but Utena eventually holds out her second hand for Mami to hold. It does hurt, but she's had worse, and puts on a brave face.] It's not that bad. It only stings a little.

[The obvious concern etched on Mami's face makes her feel guilty, for being so angry. She still felt strange and off-balance when she looked at the other girl; the memory of their time with the music had not left her. That memory shifts and melds with others: the dreams, and what happened afterward. She remembers the advice of the woman on the Vine now, and her cheeks color slightly. Should she ask? Is it the right time?] Say, Mami?

[headedforhope]

Still....it shouldn't have to sting at all. [She takes it in both of her own, summoning the healing power once more. The glow returns, swallows their hands in warmth. To any passerby, it might seem almost intimate, this closeness - but there's no one else around, save for the birds who continue to watch them from high above.

Mami's thoughts are not running parallel to Utena's; she's too busy being grateful for this chance to atone in some small part to think about Claire's advice.] Yes?

[coronated]

I... [It looks as if Utena might say something important - she certainly looks as if she's prepared to say something serious - but at the last moment, she loses her nerve. She's disappointed in herself, for being so wary about this, but this situation is entirely new...things have changed in a way that she isn't quite prepared for yet.

She stares down at their hands, at the soft, golden glow of Mami's magic, and breathes in.] I wanted to say that I'm glad we're friends.

[headedforhope]

[Mami glances up, looking surprised for a moment....and then the expression smooths out as her face softens. Mami smiles, obviously touched, and gives Utena's hands a gentle squeeze.]

....I'm glad that we're friends, too.

[A soft golden light envelops her, and when it fades Mami is once more in her winter outfit. She closes her eyes and let out a soft sigh of relief, feeling warmth return to her body.]

[coronated]

[Now that the moment of hurt feelings and misunderstandings has passed (at least for the moment), Utena feels awkward again. It had been easier to deal with anger than it had been to deal with the conflicting emotions she'd been feeling over the past several days, and being alone with Mami brings them back into steep focus. She manages a distracted smile in return, but she does at last pull her hands away to stuff them back in her pockets, rocks back and forth on the heels of her feet.]

Good. Um...sorry for causing you any trouble. I thought I'd be able to get the ribbon on my own, but...[She stretches an arm over her head, turns away and looks back up at the tree.] I guess it was too high! [She takes a step forward, then a second, and right as it seems she's about to say something else, she is quite suddenly falling onto the cold, hard ground.]

[headedforhope]

[It's only when Utena withdraws her hands that there's the faintest pang of....of what? Some faint emotion, immediately buried before it can be fully recognized.] Don't worry about it, I'm sure you only- [But the words are lost as Utena falls, her eyes widening with a puzzled concern.

Mami takes only one step, bending down on one knee.] -are you all right? ...did you slip?

[coronated]

[Utena winces and sits up laboriously, groaning under her breath. What had that been? She's certain she didn't slip.]

No, I didn't slip. [She turns her attention back toward the direction she'd been walking in. Nothing but empty, crisp air...] It felt like I hit a wall.

[headedforhope]

...a wall, huh? [Mami mulls that over, returning to a standing position. She takes a cautious step forward past Utena, her arms outstretched and hands carefully reaching out into the empty air.

It wouldn't surprise her in the slightest to find that what Utena is suggesting is true.....and there's only consternation on her face when her fingertips hit something invisible and unyielding.]

It seems as though you're right, Utena-san.