the rant that became a manual...

[qthelights]

So there are some things about anal sex in fanfic that have really been annoying me lately. And thus, i rant. And try not to be too graphic, because ew.

So under the cut:

1. the virgin tightness of Ianto's ass
2. the need for lube
3. oh the pain, the pain
4. one, two, three, cock
5. for the love of a prostate

Comments

[cherry_soup888]

Lol. I'm a little bit in love with you.

[qthelights]

Excellent, because i'm pretty sure this post meant that god doesn't love me anymore *g*

[verasteine]

Can I hire you as a beta for when my fic is done? Also, I love you for doing this, b/c while I apparently managed to avoid most of these things (not the 1,2,3 fingers bit, though *blushes*) you're cramming lots of info into this post I didn't know. Two rings of muscle?? I took biology 101, but that part wasn't covered. And being able to feel the prostate (or the lack of that) I didn't know either. Thank you for sharing! *giggle* Everything sounds like a double entendre now, doesn't it??

[qthelights]

yes, yes it does.

most of that info is pretty much available if you do a net search, and if you follow the basic rules then your fic can't get it very wrong!!

and i wouldn't worry about writing some of those things, everyone does, but you can always say it's a personal thing for jack/ianto (or whoever) and smile smugly ;)

[verasteine]

Hey, that's a good one! I might use that :)

[azewewish]

I would never recommend anal sex to anyone without a little bit of prep. Yeah, it's all about relaxing the muscles, but the anal muscles don't work like vaginal muscles do. It takes more work to get them to loosen enough for a cock to get in there without it being unpleasant and/or really fucking painful.

Rest of it was good, though. \o/

[tencrush]

Way TMI here, but that really differs per person, I've never required any sort of prep if I'm aroused enough.

[azewewish]

True, but men don't lubricate like woman, so there's no residual, um, 'natural' lube, for lack of a better phrase, around the area. *g* So, it would stand to reason that certain standards of hetero anal sex wouldn't be the same with gay anal sex.

YMMV and all that, but, from my own experience (since we're being TMI *g*) is that is' WAY more pleasurable for me if I have some prep first or if the guy goes really slowly in the beginning.

[tencrush]

Oh, I didn't mean in the way of lubrication, I meant in the area of actual muscular relaxation or stretching or whatever it is that authors always seem to be hinting at being a prerequisite for anal sex. The fact that lubricant comes into play, certainly with men (because, again, as you rightly point out, if I'm aroused enough...) goes without saying.

[qthelights]

heh, if only i'd known that adoration was instant with anal sex manuals ;)

[smirnoffmule]

It always makes me lol a little when people say the fingers are being used to stretch and open up the hallowed butthole. Guys, it's not going to stay open when you take your fingers out to ready your cock. Not how it works.

I feel the need for lube - indeed, I wince at fics without it - but I do get bored of the ever-present, ever-ready bottle of generic brand lube, always at the ready. Have a little fun, people. I'd like to see a little imagination on this front. Just once, I'd like to see Jack and Ianto not have anything to hand and have to go desperately rampaging through the fridge and kitchen cupboards in search of a substitute like a normal couple. Also, spit is fine too. Really. With the added bonus that you always have it.

[tencrush]

Don't say that, the last time I saw someone improvise lube in fic they plumped for shampoo.

[smirnoffmule]

I heard of a fic too that went with mud. Dear me, no. Perhaps people opt for the generic bottle because at least it's a safe bet. But you know, the fridge... butter, yoghurt... not too much could go wrong, as long as you bypass the chilli sauce.

[qthelights]

If it did stay open, that would be kind of worrying. On a number of fronts.

I think i've seen spit once, but all other times it was the tube of lube in Jack's damn jacket. like, no.

actually I think I saw shower fic once that went with conditioner or shampoo, which at least was much more realistic. (and leave you silky smooth and frizz free one should imagine ;) )