"This makes me laugh and laugh loud, too loud for the middle of the night. Now I am fully disrobed and fully awake. I stumble quickly into his arms with my nightdress at my ankles. Thin as he says I am, I am afraid to fold in two and disappear. I'm afraid to be shy, distant, and cold......'Your clothes cover more than your skin' he says. 'You ( Read more... )

Cooked myself dinner earlier and while I was cooking started talking to Maria about what's been going on with Cody. By the time dinner was ready I felt completely nauseous and still can't bring myself to eat anything. AWESOME. Then I came in my room and started crying. yayyyyy this is so fun I really missed being a wreck and spontaneously crying ( Read more... )

 ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ( Read more... )

 I just wanna get married and have babies.

 I feel like I'm falling back into that all too familiar hole. It's all I can do to pry myself out of bed, I don't want to talk to anyone, I am not eating right, I am trying to use drugs and alcohol to numb my feelings, my school work is suffering, my relationships are suffering, and I am suffering. I feel stupid and confused. It's impossible to ( Read more... )

 Every day is a battle. Me against me. I feel as though I am always trying to sabotage myself.

 I hung up the phone and broke down in tears. It happened on Tuesday, too. I don't know why I was crying. Well, I feel like I know, but when I try to think about why my mind just goes blank and I hold my breath. I thought maybe you would ask me how my week has been, but you didn't. I sound happy when I talk to you because I always am happy to talk ( Read more... )

 Life feels so weird. Some days I feel so happy and carefree and I can't imagine feeling sad or upset..or..whatver. I don't know what to call it. I am not sad. I just feel....ughhh. I dont know. I am happy, but I am not the person I want to be. I am sick of being so lazy. I jsut feel like I suck at life sometimes. I don't know why it's so hard for ( Read more... )

 I figured things out with school and it is a giant weight off of my chest. I am mostly really happy most of the time these days. Some times I feel like I am suppressing other feelings a lot. I am falling in love. I am falling in love. I actually have been enjoying Binghamton. I am making friends. I feel so,so grateful for my family and friends and ( Read more... )

 I feel full. I am bursting at the seams. It is uncomfortable. Everything is trying to make its way out, but I am holding it in there. I don't know why. I don't know how to let it all. I was afraid to let myself cry today. What's up with that?