Symmetry 7a: End of the Circle
Title: Symmetry 7a: End of the Circle
Author:princess72385
Pairings/Characters: Logan/Veronica, Duncan (mentions of: Duncan/OC and Veronica/Duncan)
Word Count: 6,737 (6,609 without lyrics)
Rating: R (a little bit of language and little bit of violence)
Summary: There are similarities to the past and now. History always repeats itself, whether we realize it or not and breaking the circle is always the most difficult part of it all.
Spoilers/Warnings: Everything to 3.17 (Debasement Tapes)
Future Fic
Disclaimer: None of it’s mine, and if it was it would all be going different right now. So don’t sue, because I have nothing and it’d be a waste of both our time. The Song is By Your Side by Sade
Symmetry
7a
End of the Circle
Chapter 1: Everything Has It's Beginning... And It's End
Chapter 2: Leave My Heart Behind
Chapter 3a: When It's All Unraveling
Chapter 3b:When It's All Unraveling
Chapter 4a:The Lines That Cross
Chapter 4b: The Lines That Cross
Chapter 4.5:Almost Had It
Chapter 5: Everything You're Running From
Chapter 5.5: Steal the Night
Chapter 6:Wrap the Night Around Me
You think I'd leave your side baby
You know me better than that
You think I'd leave you down when you're down on your knees
I wouldn't do that
I'll tell you you're right when you want
And if only you could see into me
ha ah ah ah ah ah
Logan knew he should have folded, but he had kept right on betting anyway. And that is why he was currently out of chips and wondering if it would be a good idea to throw his shoe in for good measure.
Probably not.
“Well, if Echolls is done losing miserably, I think I’ll collect my winnings and get back to the little woman.” Dick announced joyfully, scooping his chips up into a heap in front of him. “I’d like to cash out my winnings.”
Wallace rolled his eyes and got out the cash box, slapping a fifty down on the table. They could all afford higher than the ten dollar buy in, but any higher and the friendly game would turn out to be not so friendly.
“I guess it figures that I lost, since I’m suddenly so lucky in love right?” Logan joked, knowing full well that he was like to catch some flack for the cheesiness of it.
“Yeah, figures.” Wallace remarked, pulling his jacket off the back of his chair and shrugging into it. “Finally starting to steal lines from the movies huh? With your record, you’d think you’d have a little more originality to it.”
“That was a Drew Barrymore movie, right?” Dick asked as he walked towards the door as well.
“Whatever.” Logan replied, lamely. “You gonna take a stab at it too Piz?”
“Naw, I’m just glad I’m not the lamest one in the group tonight. Usually you’re the one winning and I’m the one losing every hand.” The goofy grin didn’t seem to match up with his new, more professional hair cut. Logan kind of missed the floppy hair, it had matched Piz’s personality better. But he guessed it didn’t really work in an office setting.
“Go. Get out of here before I decide I care that you just called me lame.” Logan said, the laugh evident in his voice, as he started to clean up the mess on the table. “Dick! You’ll send my girl back when you get home, right?”
“Yeah man, as soon as Fennel here gives me a ride home I’ll send her on back. Wouldn’t want your schmoopy ass to be here all alone now, would we?” Dick yelled from just outside the back door, before running to Wallace’s car.
“You gonna get going man? Because Veronica’ll be home in about forty-five minutes and you have to be gone.” Logan said jauntily as he cleaned up the mess the small group of friends had made during their game. Tilting his head in Duncan’s direction so he could get a better look at him, he continued, “After that depressing game she’ll have to rebuild my ego, and that’s not something I want you around for.”
As Logan stacked the glasses so he could carry them to the kitchen, Duncan flopped onto the couch and sighed. Logan rolled his eyes, knowing that the ‘flop and sigh’ was Duncan’s code for ‘I want to talk’.
“What’s on your mind man? And make it snappy.” Logan asked as he came back from dropping the glasses off in the kitchen sink.
“I think I’m getting divorced.” Duncan replied, causing Logan to drop the bowl of Doritos he was holding.
“Fuck! What did you say?” Logan asked, staring at his friend in shock for a moment before dropping to his knees and beginning to collect the scattered chips. What a mess. Everything was always a mess. “Why?”
“About a week after we got back from the honeymoon, Lindsay decided that she wanted different sheets on the bed in the guest room when her cousin came. It’s not that her cousin was even spending more than an hour here, just a pit-stop on her way to LA, but Lindsay wanted the fancier sheets for ‘the tour’. It’s so fucking annoy-”
“Why are you getting divorced? Not why did she change the sheets.” Logan interrupted him, when Duncan went off on a tangent he rarely got himself back on his original topic.
“Well, she found a pair of panties in the sheets.”
“How did they get…? Who’s were they? When? You need to explain a little better, because you’ve left some things out.” Logan stuttered out before it dawned on him. “I found you naked in the guestroom bed when I went to get you on your wedding day. Please tell me…”
“Yeah, that was it. I kind of slept with someone else… the night before I got married.”
“What the fuck were you thinking? No wonder you made the bed before we left, you were freaking out about it. I just thought you got drunk and stripped down. I never imagined that you would do something like this. Since when do you cheat? Since when do you do shit like this? Who the hell was it?” Logan was stomping over to the closet where the vacuum was kept, after pacing over the Doritos he prayed they would come out of the rug.
“Well, since never. It was a one time thing, I think. I don’t even know what came over me. And I wasn’t drunk, I was totally sober and making one of the dumbest decisions of my life. There is seriously something wrong with me.” Duncan answered, leaning his head back and throwing an arm over his eyes. “Anyway, Lindsay found the panties. She knew they weren’t hers, and nobody has ever stayed in the room. She just knew. According to her I’ve been acting weird.”
“Yeah, of course you have been, you’ve never been able to lie. And God knows you go all freaking robotic when you’re hiding something. Thing is, have you tried to work it out?” Logan was starting to get nervous. Lonely and single Duncan hung out in Logan’s house all the time.
“No, but she hasn’t given me much chance to try and fix it.” Duncan said, heaving himself off the couch and lumbering towards the back door. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow? Maybe we could hang out and talk a bit?”
Rolling his eyes, Logan agreed and walked Duncan the rest of the way out. Logan waved at Duncan as he drove off, watching as Duncan’s SUV passed Veronica’s outside the driveway. Logan couldn’t help but notice how Duncan honked at Veronica and waved. Veronica barely raised her hand, looking like she was barely holding back the urge to just ignore him.
Veronica parked the car and slid out, bouncing up the walkway to where Logan was standing in the door. She threw her arms around his shoulders before he had realized she had gotten so close. Veronica’s lips attached to the side of Logan’s neck and he heard a faint giggle come out of her.
“So I heard you might need a little cheering up.”
“I lost, baby. I lost big.” Logan whined despondently, wrapping his arms around his girlfriend’s waist and lifting her up, carrying her into the house.
~*~
Veronica’s head lay in crook of Logan’s arm, nuzzling her nose into his chest. She sigh happily as she let her hand travel down to his stomach and started rubbing in soft, circular motions.
“Mmmm… I like when you do that.” Logan moaned out, squirming around on the bed until he was lying on his side, propped up on his elbow.
“I was comfy.” Veronica groaned as her head fell and landed softly on the mattress. “What’s up?”
“Duncan might be getting divorced.”
Veronica shot up, almost smacking her head against his own.
“What?”
“Lindsay found panties in the spare bedroom and knew Duncan had fucked around. I’m not sure if Duncan conceded and admitted to it to her or if he’s maintaining that he doesn’t know what she was talking about. Either way, there’s lawyers in their future.” Logan dropped back on the bed. “I can’t believe DK’s getting divorced. First Piz, now the Donut? What the hell?”
Veronica fell back next to him. “Yeah, it’s weird.”
“Granted, they’re probably the only two of our friends that will ever divorce.” Logan stated. “Wallace is so head over heels with Cassie and Sammy there’s no way they’d ever split. If Dick and Mac ever break up I’m pretty sure we’d all kill him, because we know that it’d probably be his fault. And Parker, well, I don’t know why she and Michael would ever divorce. According to Michael, the sun rises and sets on her.”
Veronica flipped over so she was lying on top of Logan. She straddled his lap, and ground her hips down onto his burgeoning erection. Time to change the subject. “No more talk of breaking up.”
Veronica met Logan’s lips halfway for a kiss, before long they were rolling around on the bed again.
Oh when you're cold
I'll be there
Hold you tight to me
Veronica peeled the self-stick tab off the medium-sized cardboard envelope. Hopefully the papers inside wouldn’t bend in transit, it would be best if these particular papers made it to the intended destination without crinkling or anything on them at all.
Logan breezed through the kitchen and reached for the coffee pot, having just gotten up and needing to fuel up before his “man-date” with Duncan.
“What’s that?”
“Evidence.”
“You got a job? When?” Logan asked eagerly, he hadn’t known she had even started looking.
“Not exactly a job, more like a public service.” She replied as she sealed up the envelope.
“Public service and evidence? Please tell me it’s a corrupt politician. It’s the president isn’t it?” Logan straightened in excitement.
“I though you liked the president, you lookin for flaws now?” Veronica asked with a raised eyebrow.
“No I like him. I still get a little thrill out of you bringing down authority figures, makes me feel young again.” Logan ran his hand through his hair, trying to look older and distinguished.
“Shut up, you’re younger than me, and if it makes you feel ‘young again’ that means you’re old. I’m not old, so you can’t be old.” Veronica rolled her eyes as she finished writing the address on the front of the envelope in a black sharpie.
“Why are you mailing evidence to the Massachusetts Bar Association?” Logan asked, turning his head so he could read the words she had written.
“Because that’s where you send the evidence if you want a lawyer to get disbarred.” She said casually as she moved to refill her own coffee mug.
“Who you getting-Wait, isn’t Max a lawyer in Boston? Boston, Massachusetts?” Logan interrupted himself.
“Correct. He is a lawyer in good ole Boston, Mass!” Veronica said cheerfully. “Good ole Boston lawyer who accepted bribes to let evidence ‘disappear’ and ‘forget’ about witnesses. I didn’t say anything at the time, but I’ve been thinking about it… and it was really wrong.”
“Of course, you kept all this evidence as a testimony to your trust and faith in your relationship?” Logan asked, amused.
“No, I kept it because I knew that one day I was going to want to screw him over.” Veronica watched as Logan leaned over the counter to pick up his duffel bag. “Have fun on your boy-date.”
“I will, have fun with the wedding plans, baby.” Logan leaned down to kiss Veronica, but she leaned back at the last second.
“When we get home tonight, we should talk about some things, okay?” Veronica said, suddenly so very serious.
“Yeah, of course.” Logan agreed. He kissed her softly on the lips, lingering just a bit, before heading out the door. Suddenly he wasn’t sure if he should be too quick to get home. He had planned on trying to cut his afternoon with DK short, get home to his girl sooner. But now it didn’t seem like such a great plan. Now he had a feeling of dread.
Nothing good ever came out of talking.
~*~
“Veronica?” Logan asked over the phone, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet. He had been at the beach already for twenty minutes and still no Duncan. He was starting to feel like he’d been stood up. By a guy. “You still at home baby? Because Donut ditched me and I thought maybe I could-”
“Hold on a sec, Logan. There’s someone at the door.” Veronica said as she tugged her robe together, tightening the sash. She swung open the front door, relieved when it didn’t let out a loud creak. Logan had finally gotten around to oiling it.
There stood Duncan, looking grim and slightly determined. Veronica couldn’t remember the last time she saw that emotion on his face, determination. Usually he was completely too detached from whatever situation was going on at the time.
“Logan, Duncan is here.” Veronica said into the phone, trying to give a little more life into the monotone that always seemed to take over when she saw Duncan these days. She couldn’t help it. She had really spoke to him since their brilliant display of stupidity the night before his wedding. And since she’d moved back home to be with Logan she’d quite successfully avoided all contact with him with the clever charade of ‘wedding plans’. It killed two birds with one stone. No Duncan and she was closer to marrying Logan in what was turning out to be her dream wedding.
Duncan shook his head, signaling Veronica to not call Logan back to the house to retrieve his errant friend.
“Why the hell is he there? I thought he was supposed to meet me here!” Logan yelled into the phone, pissed that Duncan had misunderstood the plan. That meant that Logan was going to have to run all the way home to pick him up and then they’d have to drive back up the beach. He’d spend most of his time in the car and miss all the waves. This was bullshit.
“I thought we were supposed to meet here. Tell him that I’ll drive up, but since I thought we were going to stop and get breakfast I’ll be a little late. I have to grab something to eat. Tell him to go on and start without me.” Duncan said in the same monotone that Veronica had used.
Veronica repeated the message to Logan and it seemed to calm him.
“Okay, well, tell him to flag me out of the water when he gets here.” Logan replied, lifting his surfboard up out of the sand and walking back towards his car to put his cell phone away. “I love you, and I’ll see you in a few hours.”
“Love you too, I’m picking up Chinese food for dinner, okay?” Veronica asked as her eyes slid closed, erasing Duncan from her sight.
“Yeah, okay.” Logan agreed before disconnecting, but Veronica held the phone to her ear for another couple of seconds.
“If you want to be able to surf at all you should get going, since you need to stop for food.” Veronica said in a low, toneless voice, setting her phone down on the table next to the door.
“I’ve already eaten. But we have to talk.” Duncan said, as she knew he would. Duncan always ate a full fifteen minutes before he planned to get in the water. He was responsible like that. But when it came to not sleeping with the ex before his wedding and making sure he was fully committed to his wife-to-be that was another story.
Veronica was responsible like that though, she ate and swam five minutes later and sometimes she even spoke to strangers. But she was fully committed to Logan and she intended to be responsible with his heart and their relationship.
“I don’t want to do this.” Veronica said before pivoting on her heal and walking away from her ex. She made it all the way to the living room before Duncan’s fingers curled around her wrist and stopped her, turned her around.
“Too bad, because this has to be taken care of.” Duncan said, looking her straight in the eye. Some of that determination in his expression had made its way into his voice. Dammit.
“Actually, I’m kicking you out. So I don’t have to deal with you or this right now. So get out.” Veronica gritted out, trying to yank her arm out of his grasp.
Duncan shook his head slightly as he let his grip loosen and her wrist pulled out of his own hand with only a small resistance on his part.
Veronica turned and began walking towards her bedroom again.
“Just so you know, I’m going to tell him.”
It was all Duncan said, a simple sentence that could mean so many things. Duncan could tell Logan about any number of things. How he escaped the country and the FBI with his daughter. Where he had been all those years. What the secret to life was. How many licks it took to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. But none of those options were what Veronica knew he intended to tell Logan.
“Why? What’s the point in you telling him anything?” Veronica asked, curious as to why Duncan was so dead set on being the one to deliver the news.
“He should know the truth. I have to tell him the truth about this, about you. About us. It’s not fair to him, just like it’s not fair to Lindsay.” Duncan had begun to pace around the living room.
“The truth? Why is it that Logan only needs to know the truth when it hurts him?” Veronica asked, curious to what Duncan’s ultimate reasoning would be. What Duncan had to tell himself to justify his actions. She already planned to tell Logan about this anyway, but what she needed to know now was Duncan’s motives.
“Logan needs to know the truth whether it hurts him or not.” He stopped pacing long enough to give Veronica an indignant glare and to put his hands on his hips for a moment.
“When you left senior year you said you didn’t want Logan to know the truth, it would hurt him and he didn’t need know.” Veronica shot back, before giving Duncan several more examples of Duncan’s previous reasons for not being fully honest with his best friend.
“Those times were different. This isn’t the same.”
“No they weren’t. And yes it is. You need for it to be this way in order to get your way, what you want. If Logan doesn’t know then he marries me.” Veronica stepped intimidatingly into Duncan’s path. “And that doesn’t work for you, does it?”
“Not when you’re supposed to be with me.” Duncan stepped closer to her, trying to tower over her. Intimidate her.
“That’s where you’re wrong Duncan. We’re not meant to be together.” Veronica wanted to take a step back, but Duncan’s close proximity was started to make her uncomfortable and the strain of looking up at him was hurting her neck. Logan never stood this close to her, never made her look up to like this.
“I get that you’re mad, I shouldn’t have gone through with the wedding, but I was a little confused afterwards, with you disappearing from bed before I was up. I get that. But I’m willing to fix it, to end it with Lindsay and be with you. I was always willing for that, I just didn’t know that was what you wanted.” Duncan’s voice was pleading with her. Veronica got the distinct impression that he was still trying to convince himself of this logic, as well as her.
“I left because it was a mistake and I shouldn’t have done it. Not to mention I didn’t want Logan to get there and find me with you. No it’s not fair to Lindsay and you shouldn’t have gone through with the wedding, but that’s because she deserves better than what you’re giving her, not because we’re meant for each other.” Veronica sunk down and into the couch, letting out a deep breath and praying for the patience to deal with Duncan.
“We’ve always managed to find our way to each other. Before Lilly died we were so happy-” Duncan began,
“And you broke up with me without telling me because your mother informed you that it was possible that we could be half-siblings.” Veronica commented.
“-And senior year, after everything we had been through, we still found each other-”
“Because I was on the rebound and we broke up that time because you had to kidnap your illegitimate daughter from your dead, comatose ex-girlfriend’s psycho parents. And had to flee the country.” She interrupted again.
“-Your senior year at Hearst, when I finally was able to return to you. We didn’t reunite then, but I understood why. You didn’t trust me to stick around then, but-”
“We didn’t get back together because you broke up me and Logan. And in doing so you caused him to run away to Europe. And pushed me to move to the East Coast and not return home for almost five years.”
“-I’m still here. And then a few months ago, before my wedding-” Duncan continued desperately.
“I made a mistake because I was miserable in my current relationship and seeing Logan with Nicole drove me to a point of insanity and desperation. Something I don’t plan on repeating… ever.” Veronica held up a hand to silence Duncan. “You and I could never make it work Duncan, not then and not now. You will always be my first love, and you would be the love of my life if I still were the Veronica I was before Lilly was killed. If I was still that person we would be totally compatible. But I’m not her and we’re not right for each other. I can’t be want you want or live up to the idealized version of me that you have in your head. But Logan doesn’t do that to me. He knows me, all of me. All the parts and all the pieces. You could only love parts of me, where Logan loves all of me. Do you see that? Do you even care if I’m happy?”
Duncan’s mouth opened and shut a few times, trying to find an argument to Veronica’s statement. Answers to her questions. Something-anything-to change her mind. She just shook her head and started towards her bedroom.
“Just get out of here.” With that Veronica entered the bedroom she shared with Logan and shut the door.
A few minutes later, as she was finishing up her make up, she heard the front door open and shut.
When you're on the outside baby and you can’t get in
I will show you you're so much better than you know
when you're lost and you're alone and you cant get back again
I will find you darling and I will bring you home
Duncan slowly opened the door to his house, not swinging the door open but keeping his hand on the doorknob and all times. Like he was going to pull it shut again at any moment. Duncan nearly tiptoed inside, making as little noise as he could. As if he were trying to not alert anyone else to his presence.
“You avoiding Lindsay now or something?” Logan asked as he breezed through the doorway of the mansion, not caring who heard or saw.
“Don’t have to. She’s taken Lilly and set up shop at the Grand.” Duncan said with a shrug, sliding the door closed.
Logan rolled his eyes, then his shoulders. He needed a shower, something to get all the sand off his body, the sand that was trapped between him and his clothes. But not here, not in this house. He could wait until he got home. Maybe Veronica would join him.
“I got to get going man. Veronica should be home from her wedding stuff meeting thing and I need to find out how that went.” When Logan saw that Duncan was about to protest he added, “and she wanted to talk when I got home too, before dinner.”
Logan doubled back, out of the kitchen and through the foyer towards the front door. He was only a couple feet away before he remembered that Veronica had told him to pick out his Best Man by the end of the day and ask. She needed measurements.
“Oh yeah, Veronica said that if you’re going to be my Best Man she’s going to need your measurements for your tux, like, pronto. So what do ya say? Are you going to do it?”
“Listen Logan, about me and Veronica, something happened that I think you should know about. It’s not right going into this when it… I mean, you’ll find out sooner or later, and I think…” Duncan stops to take a deep breath, seemingly like he’s about to regret what he was about to tell his former friend. Truth is, Duncan can’t remember the last time they really were friends. They’ve been competitors for so long it’s washed everything else away. If Logan had stayed away from the one person that belonged to Duncan they might still be friends. But he didn’t, and now Duncan was going to have to do what was best for all of them.
“DK? You have to hurry it up, man. Veronica is waiting and… wait.” The sudden realization of Duncan’s words seem to hit him finally and he stopped. “Did you say something happened between you and Veronica? Like recently?”
Nodding, Duncan opened his mouth to continue, but was interrupted by Logan.
“Are you going to tell me why you guys suddenly stopped speaking to each other? Because I’ve been wondering…” Logan trailed off, a feeling of apprehension overwhelming him at the look in Duncan’s eyes.
“Partially, but it’s more than that. I should never have married Lindsay, not when I knew what I knew. But I was scared, you know? Sometimes we go with what we want to be true instead of what really is true. But I messed up and now there are more people involved, and everyone is going to get hurt. I wish I could have stopped it when I had the chance, when there were less people I care about involved.” Duncan’s voice was quiet and seemed sorry, but Logan could tell that it was fake. Duncan Kane had never truly been sorry for anything in his life. And he had definitely never been really sorry for anything he had ever done or said to Logan Echolls.
“Don’t.” Logan couldn’t handle hearing anymore than what Duncan had already said. Duncan was going to imply that Veronica had cheated, he knew it. Duncan knew that the one thing Logan wouldn’t tolerate was unfaithfulness and he was going to exploit that the best he could. “Don’t say anything to me about Veronica, because I don’t want to hear it. If she’s been hiding something, she’ll tell me. Even if it takes a bit longer, she’ll tell me. In the end she always does and I want to hear it from her.”
Duncan reached out a hand to stop Logan from leaving. He had to tell Logan this now. He was prepared now. Lilly wasn’t here so she couldn’t witness the violence and he was fully prepared for the fight.
Logan flinched when Duncan’s heavy hand landed on his shoulder. Actually flinched. It was the first time since his dad was murdered that he felt helpless. He felt emotionally beaten down, like his shirt was already off and Duncan was holding a belt.
“Get. your hand. off of me.” Logan ground the words out, anger and adrenaline taking over. His fight or flight instincts had kicked in, the way the always did with his dad. With his father he had taken the physical abuse, allowed himself to be brought down to that level. Feeling he deserved it. And up until now he had taken Duncan’s own form of abuse. Up until now Logan had let Duncan treat him like he was second rate, like he didn’t deserve a best friend that was loyal to him. Duncan had always taken the stance that he was better than Logan, that he deserved more than Logan did.
After having a mother that drank and popped pills and eventually abandoned him to a father that used him for his own image publicly and beat the hell out of him in private. After having a sister who had purposely turned a blind eye on years of abuse, ignoring the bruises and broken bones in favor of favoritism. After being with Lilly, who cheated constantly and made him feel like he didn’t deserve to be fully loved. Logan let himself believe that he didn’t merit everything that Duncan did. Logan let Duncan push him around and treat him like crap. And Logan was done.
One hard swing and Logan’s fist connected with Duncan’s left eye.
“Don’t touch me. And don’t go near my fiancée.” Logan looked down on Duncan, who had been knocked to the ground from the force of the blow. “We’re done. Best Man offer rescinded, I should’ve just asked Dick in the first place.”
And with the last word, Logan swiveled on his heel and walked out Duncan’s front door.
And if you want to cry
I am here to dry your eyes
And in no time
You'll be fine
Slamming through the door Logan cringed at the noise it made, at the message it was sending to the single occupant inside. Logan took a deep breath to calm himself before walking into the empty, dark kitchen. No Veronica, and no Chinese food.
After a quick search of the house he failed to turn up any trace of his fiancée or their dinner. She probably wasn’t home yet, probably still out planning their wedding and picking up their dinner and starting their life. And he was here in the house, brooding over some stupid thing Duncan said to him, something that probably meant something entirely different to him than to Veronica.
Logan flopped back onto the couch, sinking deep into the cushions and letting out a long and deep sigh. Between surfing, worrying about how Veronica was handling the wedding plans, his argument and subsequent fight with Duncan, he was exhausted. Leaning his head back on the cushions and the arm of the couch he let his eyes close, but the sound of the door sliding open almost silently caused them to snap back open.
“Logan?” Veronica’s voice floated down the hallway, sounding sweet, happy and somehow a little nervous. The thought of her nervousness set the knots in Logan’s stomach twisting again. He remembered the feeling of dread that he had felt that morning when she had first told him she wanted to “talk about some things”.
He heard her walk from the entrance of their house to the kitchen, and the rustle plastic bags followed the sound of her footsteps. The heavy clinking sound of the plates being pulled out of the cabinet echoed throughout the house, as did the sound of silverware and glasses. The fridge opening and shutting, her pouring drinks. Finally he heard the sound of her walking into the living room.
“Logan? Why didn’t you answer me?” She asked, her voice curious, but there was still that slight apprehension in it.
“Tired.” He croaked out, looking up at her as she stood in front of him.
“Dinner.” Veronica jerked her head back in the direction of the kitchen, where she had set up their dinner already.
Logan stood and followed her to the kitchen, taking his seat across from her at the table. The knot of fear grew exponentially at the sight of the grim look on her face as she took her own seat. Logan gritted his teeth. “You said you needed to talk about some things?”
“Yeah.” Veronica’s voice didn’t have that self-assured quality it normally had. In fact, she sounded a little weak, somewhat off balance. Logan swallowed hard, trying to get past the lump deep in his throat.
“I thought, maybe, since… well, since we’re getting married in just over a month we should do something we’ve never quite managed to do before.” She looked down at her chow mein, it almost looked like she had lost her appetite.
“And what is that exactly?”
“Be honest. Let each other in on our secrets.” Veronica took a deep breath before continuing, letting her words rush out with the air. “No matter how much it hurts.”
“Please…” Logan pleaded, his eyes closing as he pushed his meal away from him.
“I need you to know some things about me before I let you marry me. I need you to understand that… well, I’m not a good person and I’m not as strong as I might pretend to be. I need you know these things about me, and understand them. Accept them. I need to you to look past them.”
Logan opened his eyes and looked into the ones across the table from him. Veronica looked him in the eye briefly before averting hers. Usually Logan was the one feeling like he had screwed up, like he was the one that should be sorry and ashamed and that Veronica only ever blamed him for things, never herself. He had always thought that that was the proper order of things, that it was the way things should be. Now he was starting to see that she did blame herself for things, she just never showed it.
“I need you to know that senior year of high school I used Duncan to try to get over you. I dated him because I gave you an option, pride and revenge or me. You didn’t chose me. I need you to know that freshman year of college I couldn’t admit you were right about me, so I hit you. Like everyone else in your life I hit you and then left you. I don’t know what I hated myself for more, the hitting or the leaving. Senior year of college I took you for granted. We were back together and I thought that it would just stay that way, with little to no work from me. When it didn’t work out I didn’t fight to keep you, I accepted that it was over and left. Worse yet, I let your insecurities over my supposed lingering feelings for Duncan convince me that they existed. So instead of reassuring you that they didn’t I started to believe that they were there, I just hadn’t noticed them. I left and you were out of my life for nearly five years.” Veronica took a deep breath and reached for the glass of Root Beer in front of her, chancing a glance toward Logan. His eyes were shut and his bottom lip was pulled between his teeth, and he was gently gnawing on it.
“Five years and all of them were spent in a sort of depression. I used Max shamelessly at the beginning, praying that he would be able to help me to forget you. It didn’t help and when I couldn’t stop comparing and I refused to move in with him he finally lost it. I had the bruise for a week and a half.” Logan sat up straight at that, he eyes open and cold, glaring over her shoulder at an invisible enemy, his fists clenched on the table. Veronica took a deep breath and pressed forward.
“I still don’t know why I stayed, still don’t know why I didn’t turn and walk out right then and there. Why I didn’t hit him back, I had physical training from the FBI. I just couldn’t though, it’s like I wasn’t myself without you there. You had been in my life for so long, I couldn’t really remember a time when you weren’t a major part of it, and without you it didn’t work right. I didn’t work right.” Veronica took another gulp of soda, trying to gather the courage for the next bit.
“So I did stupid things. Things that ruin other things, good things. Big things-”
“Like with Duncan?” Logan interrupted, suddenly eager to see where this was going, what her big failure was. Eager to focus on something other than that Max bastard hitting her, hurting her.
“What?” Veronica choked out, her eyes big and staring at Logan.
“Why did you and him stop being friends?” Logan clarified, his gaze sharpening on her face, his eyes narrowing. She looked scared at the question, even a little guilty.
“I was kind of working up to that, why?” Her voice was so little now, he could hardly stand it. Breath was getting to be a problem for him, and he took in a deep gasp. Logan was starting to freak out a little, wondering what this was all about, what things it could ruin.
“Duncan mentioned something about something happening between the two of you.” Logan left out the part where he had hit his former-best friend and walked out.
“Like I said I did stupid things. I cheated on Max. I didn’t mean to, and I didn’t really want to. Once it started however, it snowballed and I couldn’t stop it.” Veronica saw the confused expression on Logan’s face then closed her eyes, she couldn’t watch his reaction to her next confession.
“I slept with Duncan the night before he married Lindsay. I snuck out early the next morning, got a cab and prayed that no one would ever find out. But I can’t consciously marry you without you knowing who I really am. A liar and a home-wrecker.” Veronica kept her eyes shut, but let her head droop forward, hanging in shame.
Logan felt the familiar pang in his chest, a sharp twinge that he had felt all throughout senior year of high school half of freshman and all of sophomore and junior years of college. The feeling he got when he saw Veronica with someone else.
“What?” Logan choked out, his voice sounding distant and strangled.
“I didn’t mean to, and I not only knew it a mistake after it was over but during the act for as well. Afterwards I didn’t care what Max would think, just your reaction. The only meaning is what it could do to you. To us.” Her voice was thick and a little gargled, which meant she was holding back tears. “I’m sorry.”
Logan stared at Veronica, shocked that she had admitted to being the other woman that was breaking up Duncan and Lindsay’s marriage. She had slept with Duncan, again, but this time she hadn’t left him to go back to the Donut. No, this time she had waited four years.
Logan felt a pang in his chest, but somehow it didn’t seem like it was all from her sleeping with Duncan. He hadn’t exactly shoved her into his arms this time, but he had helped a bit. If he hadn’t ended their relationship so abruptly in college then she would never have been in this situation. She would have still been with him. She never would have been with Max. She never would’ve have gotten hit and she would never have stayed with him. The girl Logan had known since he was twelve would never have put up with that, but if Logan thought about it he could admit that she hadn’t seemed like herself before. She had seemed lost.
“Say something. Please.” Veronica pleaded, the tears slipping down her cheeks and bottom lip starting to shake.
A pained look crossed his face when Logan looked at her. Duncan had put them here yet again. Duncan had screwed him one more time, snuck in to steal his happiness.
Logan stood and walked out of the kitchen. He had to absorb this information and figure out what he wanted to do with it. It hurt, but not enough to lose her. It hurt, enough to lose him. But the real question was, after years of letting Duncan Kane walk all over was if he could.
Chapter 7b: End of the Circle
Author:princess72385
Pairings/Characters: Logan/Veronica, Duncan (mentions of: Duncan/OC and Veronica/Duncan)
Word Count: 6,737 (6,609 without lyrics)
Rating: R (a little bit of language and little bit of violence)
Summary: There are similarities to the past and now. History always repeats itself, whether we realize it or not and breaking the circle is always the most difficult part of it all.
Spoilers/Warnings: Everything to 3.17 (Debasement Tapes)
Future Fic
Disclaimer: None of it’s mine, and if it was it would all be going different right now. So don’t sue, because I have nothing and it’d be a waste of both our time. The Song is By Your Side by Sade
Symmetry
7a
End of the Circle
Chapter 1: Everything Has It's Beginning... And It's End
Chapter 2: Leave My Heart Behind
Chapter 3a: When It's All Unraveling
Chapter 3b:When It's All Unraveling
Chapter 4a:The Lines That Cross
Chapter 4b: The Lines That Cross
Chapter 4.5:Almost Had It
Chapter 5: Everything You're Running From
Chapter 5.5: Steal the Night
Chapter 6:Wrap the Night Around Me
You think I'd leave your side baby
You know me better than that
You think I'd leave you down when you're down on your knees
I wouldn't do that
I'll tell you you're right when you want
And if only you could see into me
ha ah ah ah ah ah
Logan knew he should have folded, but he had kept right on betting anyway. And that is why he was currently out of chips and wondering if it would be a good idea to throw his shoe in for good measure.
Probably not.
“Well, if Echolls is done losing miserably, I think I’ll collect my winnings and get back to the little woman.” Dick announced joyfully, scooping his chips up into a heap in front of him. “I’d like to cash out my winnings.”
Wallace rolled his eyes and got out the cash box, slapping a fifty down on the table. They could all afford higher than the ten dollar buy in, but any higher and the friendly game would turn out to be not so friendly.
“I guess it figures that I lost, since I’m suddenly so lucky in love right?” Logan joked, knowing full well that he was like to catch some flack for the cheesiness of it.
“Yeah, figures.” Wallace remarked, pulling his jacket off the back of his chair and shrugging into it. “Finally starting to steal lines from the movies huh? With your record, you’d think you’d have a little more originality to it.”
“That was a Drew Barrymore movie, right?” Dick asked as he walked towards the door as well.
“Whatever.” Logan replied, lamely. “You gonna take a stab at it too Piz?”
“Naw, I’m just glad I’m not the lamest one in the group tonight. Usually you’re the one winning and I’m the one losing every hand.” The goofy grin didn’t seem to match up with his new, more professional hair cut. Logan kind of missed the floppy hair, it had matched Piz’s personality better. But he guessed it didn’t really work in an office setting.
“Go. Get out of here before I decide I care that you just called me lame.” Logan said, the laugh evident in his voice, as he started to clean up the mess on the table. “Dick! You’ll send my girl back when you get home, right?”
“Yeah man, as soon as Fennel here gives me a ride home I’ll send her on back. Wouldn’t want your schmoopy ass to be here all alone now, would we?” Dick yelled from just outside the back door, before running to Wallace’s car.
“You gonna get going man? Because Veronica’ll be home in about forty-five minutes and you have to be gone.” Logan said jauntily as he cleaned up the mess the small group of friends had made during their game. Tilting his head in Duncan’s direction so he could get a better look at him, he continued, “After that depressing game she’ll have to rebuild my ego, and that’s not something I want you around for.”
As Logan stacked the glasses so he could carry them to the kitchen, Duncan flopped onto the couch and sighed. Logan rolled his eyes, knowing that the ‘flop and sigh’ was Duncan’s code for ‘I want to talk’.
“What’s on your mind man? And make it snappy.” Logan asked as he came back from dropping the glasses off in the kitchen sink.
“I think I’m getting divorced.” Duncan replied, causing Logan to drop the bowl of Doritos he was holding.
“Fuck! What did you say?” Logan asked, staring at his friend in shock for a moment before dropping to his knees and beginning to collect the scattered chips. What a mess. Everything was always a mess. “Why?”
“About a week after we got back from the honeymoon, Lindsay decided that she wanted different sheets on the bed in the guest room when her cousin came. It’s not that her cousin was even spending more than an hour here, just a pit-stop on her way to LA, but Lindsay wanted the fancier sheets for ‘the tour’. It’s so fucking annoy-”
“Why are you getting divorced? Not why did she change the sheets.” Logan interrupted him, when Duncan went off on a tangent he rarely got himself back on his original topic.
“Well, she found a pair of panties in the sheets.”
“How did they get…? Who’s were they? When? You need to explain a little better, because you’ve left some things out.” Logan stuttered out before it dawned on him. “I found you naked in the guestroom bed when I went to get you on your wedding day. Please tell me…”
“Yeah, that was it. I kind of slept with someone else… the night before I got married.”
“What the fuck were you thinking? No wonder you made the bed before we left, you were freaking out about it. I just thought you got drunk and stripped down. I never imagined that you would do something like this. Since when do you cheat? Since when do you do shit like this? Who the hell was it?” Logan was stomping over to the closet where the vacuum was kept, after pacing over the Doritos he prayed they would come out of the rug.
“Well, since never. It was a one time thing, I think. I don’t even know what came over me. And I wasn’t drunk, I was totally sober and making one of the dumbest decisions of my life. There is seriously something wrong with me.” Duncan answered, leaning his head back and throwing an arm over his eyes. “Anyway, Lindsay found the panties. She knew they weren’t hers, and nobody has ever stayed in the room. She just knew. According to her I’ve been acting weird.”
“Yeah, of course you have been, you’ve never been able to lie. And God knows you go all freaking robotic when you’re hiding something. Thing is, have you tried to work it out?” Logan was starting to get nervous. Lonely and single Duncan hung out in Logan’s house all the time.
“No, but she hasn’t given me much chance to try and fix it.” Duncan said, heaving himself off the couch and lumbering towards the back door. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow? Maybe we could hang out and talk a bit?”
Rolling his eyes, Logan agreed and walked Duncan the rest of the way out. Logan waved at Duncan as he drove off, watching as Duncan’s SUV passed Veronica’s outside the driveway. Logan couldn’t help but notice how Duncan honked at Veronica and waved. Veronica barely raised her hand, looking like she was barely holding back the urge to just ignore him.
Veronica parked the car and slid out, bouncing up the walkway to where Logan was standing in the door. She threw her arms around his shoulders before he had realized she had gotten so close. Veronica’s lips attached to the side of Logan’s neck and he heard a faint giggle come out of her.
“So I heard you might need a little cheering up.”
“I lost, baby. I lost big.” Logan whined despondently, wrapping his arms around his girlfriend’s waist and lifting her up, carrying her into the house.
~*~
Veronica’s head lay in crook of Logan’s arm, nuzzling her nose into his chest. She sigh happily as she let her hand travel down to his stomach and started rubbing in soft, circular motions.
“Mmmm… I like when you do that.” Logan moaned out, squirming around on the bed until he was lying on his side, propped up on his elbow.
“I was comfy.” Veronica groaned as her head fell and landed softly on the mattress. “What’s up?”
“Duncan might be getting divorced.”
Veronica shot up, almost smacking her head against his own.
“What?”
“Lindsay found panties in the spare bedroom and knew Duncan had fucked around. I’m not sure if Duncan conceded and admitted to it to her or if he’s maintaining that he doesn’t know what she was talking about. Either way, there’s lawyers in their future.” Logan dropped back on the bed. “I can’t believe DK’s getting divorced. First Piz, now the Donut? What the hell?”
Veronica fell back next to him. “Yeah, it’s weird.”
“Granted, they’re probably the only two of our friends that will ever divorce.” Logan stated. “Wallace is so head over heels with Cassie and Sammy there’s no way they’d ever split. If Dick and Mac ever break up I’m pretty sure we’d all kill him, because we know that it’d probably be his fault. And Parker, well, I don’t know why she and Michael would ever divorce. According to Michael, the sun rises and sets on her.”
Veronica flipped over so she was lying on top of Logan. She straddled his lap, and ground her hips down onto his burgeoning erection. Time to change the subject. “No more talk of breaking up.”
Veronica met Logan’s lips halfway for a kiss, before long they were rolling around on the bed again.
Oh when you're cold
I'll be there
Hold you tight to me
Veronica peeled the self-stick tab off the medium-sized cardboard envelope. Hopefully the papers inside wouldn’t bend in transit, it would be best if these particular papers made it to the intended destination without crinkling or anything on them at all.
Logan breezed through the kitchen and reached for the coffee pot, having just gotten up and needing to fuel up before his “man-date” with Duncan.
“What’s that?”
“Evidence.”
“You got a job? When?” Logan asked eagerly, he hadn’t known she had even started looking.
“Not exactly a job, more like a public service.” She replied as she sealed up the envelope.
“Public service and evidence? Please tell me it’s a corrupt politician. It’s the president isn’t it?” Logan straightened in excitement.
“I though you liked the president, you lookin for flaws now?” Veronica asked with a raised eyebrow.
“No I like him. I still get a little thrill out of you bringing down authority figures, makes me feel young again.” Logan ran his hand through his hair, trying to look older and distinguished.
“Shut up, you’re younger than me, and if it makes you feel ‘young again’ that means you’re old. I’m not old, so you can’t be old.” Veronica rolled her eyes as she finished writing the address on the front of the envelope in a black sharpie.
“Why are you mailing evidence to the Massachusetts Bar Association?” Logan asked, turning his head so he could read the words she had written.
“Because that’s where you send the evidence if you want a lawyer to get disbarred.” She said casually as she moved to refill her own coffee mug.
“Who you getting-Wait, isn’t Max a lawyer in Boston? Boston, Massachusetts?” Logan interrupted himself.
“Correct. He is a lawyer in good ole Boston, Mass!” Veronica said cheerfully. “Good ole Boston lawyer who accepted bribes to let evidence ‘disappear’ and ‘forget’ about witnesses. I didn’t say anything at the time, but I’ve been thinking about it… and it was really wrong.”
“Of course, you kept all this evidence as a testimony to your trust and faith in your relationship?” Logan asked, amused.
“No, I kept it because I knew that one day I was going to want to screw him over.” Veronica watched as Logan leaned over the counter to pick up his duffel bag. “Have fun on your boy-date.”
“I will, have fun with the wedding plans, baby.” Logan leaned down to kiss Veronica, but she leaned back at the last second.
“When we get home tonight, we should talk about some things, okay?” Veronica said, suddenly so very serious.
“Yeah, of course.” Logan agreed. He kissed her softly on the lips, lingering just a bit, before heading out the door. Suddenly he wasn’t sure if he should be too quick to get home. He had planned on trying to cut his afternoon with DK short, get home to his girl sooner. But now it didn’t seem like such a great plan. Now he had a feeling of dread.
Nothing good ever came out of talking.
~*~
“Veronica?” Logan asked over the phone, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet. He had been at the beach already for twenty minutes and still no Duncan. He was starting to feel like he’d been stood up. By a guy. “You still at home baby? Because Donut ditched me and I thought maybe I could-”
“Hold on a sec, Logan. There’s someone at the door.” Veronica said as she tugged her robe together, tightening the sash. She swung open the front door, relieved when it didn’t let out a loud creak. Logan had finally gotten around to oiling it.
There stood Duncan, looking grim and slightly determined. Veronica couldn’t remember the last time she saw that emotion on his face, determination. Usually he was completely too detached from whatever situation was going on at the time.
“Logan, Duncan is here.” Veronica said into the phone, trying to give a little more life into the monotone that always seemed to take over when she saw Duncan these days. She couldn’t help it. She had really spoke to him since their brilliant display of stupidity the night before his wedding. And since she’d moved back home to be with Logan she’d quite successfully avoided all contact with him with the clever charade of ‘wedding plans’. It killed two birds with one stone. No Duncan and she was closer to marrying Logan in what was turning out to be her dream wedding.
Duncan shook his head, signaling Veronica to not call Logan back to the house to retrieve his errant friend.
“Why the hell is he there? I thought he was supposed to meet me here!” Logan yelled into the phone, pissed that Duncan had misunderstood the plan. That meant that Logan was going to have to run all the way home to pick him up and then they’d have to drive back up the beach. He’d spend most of his time in the car and miss all the waves. This was bullshit.
“I thought we were supposed to meet here. Tell him that I’ll drive up, but since I thought we were going to stop and get breakfast I’ll be a little late. I have to grab something to eat. Tell him to go on and start without me.” Duncan said in the same monotone that Veronica had used.
Veronica repeated the message to Logan and it seemed to calm him.
“Okay, well, tell him to flag me out of the water when he gets here.” Logan replied, lifting his surfboard up out of the sand and walking back towards his car to put his cell phone away. “I love you, and I’ll see you in a few hours.”
“Love you too, I’m picking up Chinese food for dinner, okay?” Veronica asked as her eyes slid closed, erasing Duncan from her sight.
“Yeah, okay.” Logan agreed before disconnecting, but Veronica held the phone to her ear for another couple of seconds.
“If you want to be able to surf at all you should get going, since you need to stop for food.” Veronica said in a low, toneless voice, setting her phone down on the table next to the door.
“I’ve already eaten. But we have to talk.” Duncan said, as she knew he would. Duncan always ate a full fifteen minutes before he planned to get in the water. He was responsible like that. But when it came to not sleeping with the ex before his wedding and making sure he was fully committed to his wife-to-be that was another story.
Veronica was responsible like that though, she ate and swam five minutes later and sometimes she even spoke to strangers. But she was fully committed to Logan and she intended to be responsible with his heart and their relationship.
“I don’t want to do this.” Veronica said before pivoting on her heal and walking away from her ex. She made it all the way to the living room before Duncan’s fingers curled around her wrist and stopped her, turned her around.
“Too bad, because this has to be taken care of.” Duncan said, looking her straight in the eye. Some of that determination in his expression had made its way into his voice. Dammit.
“Actually, I’m kicking you out. So I don’t have to deal with you or this right now. So get out.” Veronica gritted out, trying to yank her arm out of his grasp.
Duncan shook his head slightly as he let his grip loosen and her wrist pulled out of his own hand with only a small resistance on his part.
Veronica turned and began walking towards her bedroom again.
“Just so you know, I’m going to tell him.”
It was all Duncan said, a simple sentence that could mean so many things. Duncan could tell Logan about any number of things. How he escaped the country and the FBI with his daughter. Where he had been all those years. What the secret to life was. How many licks it took to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. But none of those options were what Veronica knew he intended to tell Logan.
“Why? What’s the point in you telling him anything?” Veronica asked, curious as to why Duncan was so dead set on being the one to deliver the news.
“He should know the truth. I have to tell him the truth about this, about you. About us. It’s not fair to him, just like it’s not fair to Lindsay.” Duncan had begun to pace around the living room.
“The truth? Why is it that Logan only needs to know the truth when it hurts him?” Veronica asked, curious to what Duncan’s ultimate reasoning would be. What Duncan had to tell himself to justify his actions. She already planned to tell Logan about this anyway, but what she needed to know now was Duncan’s motives.
“Logan needs to know the truth whether it hurts him or not.” He stopped pacing long enough to give Veronica an indignant glare and to put his hands on his hips for a moment.
“When you left senior year you said you didn’t want Logan to know the truth, it would hurt him and he didn’t need know.” Veronica shot back, before giving Duncan several more examples of Duncan’s previous reasons for not being fully honest with his best friend.
“Those times were different. This isn’t the same.”
“No they weren’t. And yes it is. You need for it to be this way in order to get your way, what you want. If Logan doesn’t know then he marries me.” Veronica stepped intimidatingly into Duncan’s path. “And that doesn’t work for you, does it?”
“Not when you’re supposed to be with me.” Duncan stepped closer to her, trying to tower over her. Intimidate her.
“That’s where you’re wrong Duncan. We’re not meant to be together.” Veronica wanted to take a step back, but Duncan’s close proximity was started to make her uncomfortable and the strain of looking up at him was hurting her neck. Logan never stood this close to her, never made her look up to like this.
“I get that you’re mad, I shouldn’t have gone through with the wedding, but I was a little confused afterwards, with you disappearing from bed before I was up. I get that. But I’m willing to fix it, to end it with Lindsay and be with you. I was always willing for that, I just didn’t know that was what you wanted.” Duncan’s voice was pleading with her. Veronica got the distinct impression that he was still trying to convince himself of this logic, as well as her.
“I left because it was a mistake and I shouldn’t have done it. Not to mention I didn’t want Logan to get there and find me with you. No it’s not fair to Lindsay and you shouldn’t have gone through with the wedding, but that’s because she deserves better than what you’re giving her, not because we’re meant for each other.” Veronica sunk down and into the couch, letting out a deep breath and praying for the patience to deal with Duncan.
“We’ve always managed to find our way to each other. Before Lilly died we were so happy-” Duncan began,
“And you broke up with me without telling me because your mother informed you that it was possible that we could be half-siblings.” Veronica commented.
“-And senior year, after everything we had been through, we still found each other-”
“Because I was on the rebound and we broke up that time because you had to kidnap your illegitimate daughter from your dead, comatose ex-girlfriend’s psycho parents. And had to flee the country.” She interrupted again.
“-Your senior year at Hearst, when I finally was able to return to you. We didn’t reunite then, but I understood why. You didn’t trust me to stick around then, but-”
“We didn’t get back together because you broke up me and Logan. And in doing so you caused him to run away to Europe. And pushed me to move to the East Coast and not return home for almost five years.”
“-I’m still here. And then a few months ago, before my wedding-” Duncan continued desperately.
“I made a mistake because I was miserable in my current relationship and seeing Logan with Nicole drove me to a point of insanity and desperation. Something I don’t plan on repeating… ever.” Veronica held up a hand to silence Duncan. “You and I could never make it work Duncan, not then and not now. You will always be my first love, and you would be the love of my life if I still were the Veronica I was before Lilly was killed. If I was still that person we would be totally compatible. But I’m not her and we’re not right for each other. I can’t be want you want or live up to the idealized version of me that you have in your head. But Logan doesn’t do that to me. He knows me, all of me. All the parts and all the pieces. You could only love parts of me, where Logan loves all of me. Do you see that? Do you even care if I’m happy?”
Duncan’s mouth opened and shut a few times, trying to find an argument to Veronica’s statement. Answers to her questions. Something-anything-to change her mind. She just shook her head and started towards her bedroom.
“Just get out of here.” With that Veronica entered the bedroom she shared with Logan and shut the door.
A few minutes later, as she was finishing up her make up, she heard the front door open and shut.
When you're on the outside baby and you can’t get in
I will show you you're so much better than you know
when you're lost and you're alone and you cant get back again
I will find you darling and I will bring you home
Duncan slowly opened the door to his house, not swinging the door open but keeping his hand on the doorknob and all times. Like he was going to pull it shut again at any moment. Duncan nearly tiptoed inside, making as little noise as he could. As if he were trying to not alert anyone else to his presence.
“You avoiding Lindsay now or something?” Logan asked as he breezed through the doorway of the mansion, not caring who heard or saw.
“Don’t have to. She’s taken Lilly and set up shop at the Grand.” Duncan said with a shrug, sliding the door closed.
Logan rolled his eyes, then his shoulders. He needed a shower, something to get all the sand off his body, the sand that was trapped between him and his clothes. But not here, not in this house. He could wait until he got home. Maybe Veronica would join him.
“I got to get going man. Veronica should be home from her wedding stuff meeting thing and I need to find out how that went.” When Logan saw that Duncan was about to protest he added, “and she wanted to talk when I got home too, before dinner.”
Logan doubled back, out of the kitchen and through the foyer towards the front door. He was only a couple feet away before he remembered that Veronica had told him to pick out his Best Man by the end of the day and ask. She needed measurements.
“Oh yeah, Veronica said that if you’re going to be my Best Man she’s going to need your measurements for your tux, like, pronto. So what do ya say? Are you going to do it?”
“Listen Logan, about me and Veronica, something happened that I think you should know about. It’s not right going into this when it… I mean, you’ll find out sooner or later, and I think…” Duncan stops to take a deep breath, seemingly like he’s about to regret what he was about to tell his former friend. Truth is, Duncan can’t remember the last time they really were friends. They’ve been competitors for so long it’s washed everything else away. If Logan had stayed away from the one person that belonged to Duncan they might still be friends. But he didn’t, and now Duncan was going to have to do what was best for all of them.
“DK? You have to hurry it up, man. Veronica is waiting and… wait.” The sudden realization of Duncan’s words seem to hit him finally and he stopped. “Did you say something happened between you and Veronica? Like recently?”
Nodding, Duncan opened his mouth to continue, but was interrupted by Logan.
“Are you going to tell me why you guys suddenly stopped speaking to each other? Because I’ve been wondering…” Logan trailed off, a feeling of apprehension overwhelming him at the look in Duncan’s eyes.
“Partially, but it’s more than that. I should never have married Lindsay, not when I knew what I knew. But I was scared, you know? Sometimes we go with what we want to be true instead of what really is true. But I messed up and now there are more people involved, and everyone is going to get hurt. I wish I could have stopped it when I had the chance, when there were less people I care about involved.” Duncan’s voice was quiet and seemed sorry, but Logan could tell that it was fake. Duncan Kane had never truly been sorry for anything in his life. And he had definitely never been really sorry for anything he had ever done or said to Logan Echolls.
“Don’t.” Logan couldn’t handle hearing anymore than what Duncan had already said. Duncan was going to imply that Veronica had cheated, he knew it. Duncan knew that the one thing Logan wouldn’t tolerate was unfaithfulness and he was going to exploit that the best he could. “Don’t say anything to me about Veronica, because I don’t want to hear it. If she’s been hiding something, she’ll tell me. Even if it takes a bit longer, she’ll tell me. In the end she always does and I want to hear it from her.”
Duncan reached out a hand to stop Logan from leaving. He had to tell Logan this now. He was prepared now. Lilly wasn’t here so she couldn’t witness the violence and he was fully prepared for the fight.
Logan flinched when Duncan’s heavy hand landed on his shoulder. Actually flinched. It was the first time since his dad was murdered that he felt helpless. He felt emotionally beaten down, like his shirt was already off and Duncan was holding a belt.
“Get. your hand. off of me.” Logan ground the words out, anger and adrenaline taking over. His fight or flight instincts had kicked in, the way the always did with his dad. With his father he had taken the physical abuse, allowed himself to be brought down to that level. Feeling he deserved it. And up until now he had taken Duncan’s own form of abuse. Up until now Logan had let Duncan treat him like he was second rate, like he didn’t deserve a best friend that was loyal to him. Duncan had always taken the stance that he was better than Logan, that he deserved more than Logan did.
After having a mother that drank and popped pills and eventually abandoned him to a father that used him for his own image publicly and beat the hell out of him in private. After having a sister who had purposely turned a blind eye on years of abuse, ignoring the bruises and broken bones in favor of favoritism. After being with Lilly, who cheated constantly and made him feel like he didn’t deserve to be fully loved. Logan let himself believe that he didn’t merit everything that Duncan did. Logan let Duncan push him around and treat him like crap. And Logan was done.
One hard swing and Logan’s fist connected with Duncan’s left eye.
“Don’t touch me. And don’t go near my fiancée.” Logan looked down on Duncan, who had been knocked to the ground from the force of the blow. “We’re done. Best Man offer rescinded, I should’ve just asked Dick in the first place.”
And with the last word, Logan swiveled on his heel and walked out Duncan’s front door.
And if you want to cry
I am here to dry your eyes
And in no time
You'll be fine
Slamming through the door Logan cringed at the noise it made, at the message it was sending to the single occupant inside. Logan took a deep breath to calm himself before walking into the empty, dark kitchen. No Veronica, and no Chinese food.
After a quick search of the house he failed to turn up any trace of his fiancée or their dinner. She probably wasn’t home yet, probably still out planning their wedding and picking up their dinner and starting their life. And he was here in the house, brooding over some stupid thing Duncan said to him, something that probably meant something entirely different to him than to Veronica.
Logan flopped back onto the couch, sinking deep into the cushions and letting out a long and deep sigh. Between surfing, worrying about how Veronica was handling the wedding plans, his argument and subsequent fight with Duncan, he was exhausted. Leaning his head back on the cushions and the arm of the couch he let his eyes close, but the sound of the door sliding open almost silently caused them to snap back open.
“Logan?” Veronica’s voice floated down the hallway, sounding sweet, happy and somehow a little nervous. The thought of her nervousness set the knots in Logan’s stomach twisting again. He remembered the feeling of dread that he had felt that morning when she had first told him she wanted to “talk about some things”.
He heard her walk from the entrance of their house to the kitchen, and the rustle plastic bags followed the sound of her footsteps. The heavy clinking sound of the plates being pulled out of the cabinet echoed throughout the house, as did the sound of silverware and glasses. The fridge opening and shutting, her pouring drinks. Finally he heard the sound of her walking into the living room.
“Logan? Why didn’t you answer me?” She asked, her voice curious, but there was still that slight apprehension in it.
“Tired.” He croaked out, looking up at her as she stood in front of him.
“Dinner.” Veronica jerked her head back in the direction of the kitchen, where she had set up their dinner already.
Logan stood and followed her to the kitchen, taking his seat across from her at the table. The knot of fear grew exponentially at the sight of the grim look on her face as she took her own seat. Logan gritted his teeth. “You said you needed to talk about some things?”
“Yeah.” Veronica’s voice didn’t have that self-assured quality it normally had. In fact, she sounded a little weak, somewhat off balance. Logan swallowed hard, trying to get past the lump deep in his throat.
“I thought, maybe, since… well, since we’re getting married in just over a month we should do something we’ve never quite managed to do before.” She looked down at her chow mein, it almost looked like she had lost her appetite.
“And what is that exactly?”
“Be honest. Let each other in on our secrets.” Veronica took a deep breath before continuing, letting her words rush out with the air. “No matter how much it hurts.”
“Please…” Logan pleaded, his eyes closing as he pushed his meal away from him.
“I need you to know some things about me before I let you marry me. I need you to understand that… well, I’m not a good person and I’m not as strong as I might pretend to be. I need you know these things about me, and understand them. Accept them. I need to you to look past them.”
Logan opened his eyes and looked into the ones across the table from him. Veronica looked him in the eye briefly before averting hers. Usually Logan was the one feeling like he had screwed up, like he was the one that should be sorry and ashamed and that Veronica only ever blamed him for things, never herself. He had always thought that that was the proper order of things, that it was the way things should be. Now he was starting to see that she did blame herself for things, she just never showed it.
“I need you to know that senior year of high school I used Duncan to try to get over you. I dated him because I gave you an option, pride and revenge or me. You didn’t chose me. I need you to know that freshman year of college I couldn’t admit you were right about me, so I hit you. Like everyone else in your life I hit you and then left you. I don’t know what I hated myself for more, the hitting or the leaving. Senior year of college I took you for granted. We were back together and I thought that it would just stay that way, with little to no work from me. When it didn’t work out I didn’t fight to keep you, I accepted that it was over and left. Worse yet, I let your insecurities over my supposed lingering feelings for Duncan convince me that they existed. So instead of reassuring you that they didn’t I started to believe that they were there, I just hadn’t noticed them. I left and you were out of my life for nearly five years.” Veronica took a deep breath and reached for the glass of Root Beer in front of her, chancing a glance toward Logan. His eyes were shut and his bottom lip was pulled between his teeth, and he was gently gnawing on it.
“Five years and all of them were spent in a sort of depression. I used Max shamelessly at the beginning, praying that he would be able to help me to forget you. It didn’t help and when I couldn’t stop comparing and I refused to move in with him he finally lost it. I had the bruise for a week and a half.” Logan sat up straight at that, he eyes open and cold, glaring over her shoulder at an invisible enemy, his fists clenched on the table. Veronica took a deep breath and pressed forward.
“I still don’t know why I stayed, still don’t know why I didn’t turn and walk out right then and there. Why I didn’t hit him back, I had physical training from the FBI. I just couldn’t though, it’s like I wasn’t myself without you there. You had been in my life for so long, I couldn’t really remember a time when you weren’t a major part of it, and without you it didn’t work right. I didn’t work right.” Veronica took another gulp of soda, trying to gather the courage for the next bit.
“So I did stupid things. Things that ruin other things, good things. Big things-”
“Like with Duncan?” Logan interrupted, suddenly eager to see where this was going, what her big failure was. Eager to focus on something other than that Max bastard hitting her, hurting her.
“What?” Veronica choked out, her eyes big and staring at Logan.
“Why did you and him stop being friends?” Logan clarified, his gaze sharpening on her face, his eyes narrowing. She looked scared at the question, even a little guilty.
“I was kind of working up to that, why?” Her voice was so little now, he could hardly stand it. Breath was getting to be a problem for him, and he took in a deep gasp. Logan was starting to freak out a little, wondering what this was all about, what things it could ruin.
“Duncan mentioned something about something happening between the two of you.” Logan left out the part where he had hit his former-best friend and walked out.
“Like I said I did stupid things. I cheated on Max. I didn’t mean to, and I didn’t really want to. Once it started however, it snowballed and I couldn’t stop it.” Veronica saw the confused expression on Logan’s face then closed her eyes, she couldn’t watch his reaction to her next confession.
“I slept with Duncan the night before he married Lindsay. I snuck out early the next morning, got a cab and prayed that no one would ever find out. But I can’t consciously marry you without you knowing who I really am. A liar and a home-wrecker.” Veronica kept her eyes shut, but let her head droop forward, hanging in shame.
Logan felt the familiar pang in his chest, a sharp twinge that he had felt all throughout senior year of high school half of freshman and all of sophomore and junior years of college. The feeling he got when he saw Veronica with someone else.
“What?” Logan choked out, his voice sounding distant and strangled.
“I didn’t mean to, and I not only knew it a mistake after it was over but during the act for as well. Afterwards I didn’t care what Max would think, just your reaction. The only meaning is what it could do to you. To us.” Her voice was thick and a little gargled, which meant she was holding back tears. “I’m sorry.”
Logan stared at Veronica, shocked that she had admitted to being the other woman that was breaking up Duncan and Lindsay’s marriage. She had slept with Duncan, again, but this time she hadn’t left him to go back to the Donut. No, this time she had waited four years.
Logan felt a pang in his chest, but somehow it didn’t seem like it was all from her sleeping with Duncan. He hadn’t exactly shoved her into his arms this time, but he had helped a bit. If he hadn’t ended their relationship so abruptly in college then she would never have been in this situation. She would have still been with him. She never would have been with Max. She never would’ve have gotten hit and she would never have stayed with him. The girl Logan had known since he was twelve would never have put up with that, but if Logan thought about it he could admit that she hadn’t seemed like herself before. She had seemed lost.
“Say something. Please.” Veronica pleaded, the tears slipping down her cheeks and bottom lip starting to shake.
A pained look crossed his face when Logan looked at her. Duncan had put them here yet again. Duncan had screwed him one more time, snuck in to steal his happiness.
Logan stood and walked out of the kitchen. He had to absorb this information and figure out what he wanted to do with it. It hurt, but not enough to lose her. It hurt, enough to lose him. But the real question was, after years of letting Duncan Kane walk all over was if he could.
Chapter 7b: End of the Circle