Read my Past today, realized that I've grown, but am still rehashing the same old stuff...

[post_pedestal]

I've grown in terms of how I see the world, I'm not as angry, I don't let people hurt me anymore, I've put up these big brick walls in my heart and soul that no one can climb over or break through unless they're pure of heart. And even then they're chances of getting through are slim to none

Comments

[the_last_muse]

Dude...I think you'd be a wonderful mom, when the time is right...just don't rush into anything.

[gavagirl]

I second that. Anyway, as long as all of our friends and relatives keep roducing all these lovely babies, there is plenty to do. And the crazy aunties of the world mostly only have to deal with the fun parts. Enjoy it for all it's worth!

[the_last_muse]

and for f*ck's sake, remember how much you don't want auntie duty on a daily basis...when they are your own, you can't look to anyone to hand them back to. They come home with you...

[post_pedestal]

I don't look forward to Auntie duty on a daily basis because you try to guilt trip me into watching her instead of letting me come around on my own. I don't like being guilt tripped. I don't like being guilt tripped. Get it? If you try to use guilt to make me do something, I will find any reason to not do it. That's the way my brain works. But when I have something fun to do with gracie, I do it. Just trying to find more fun things to do. I'm thinking this weekend I want to take her to pace bend park to go hiking, or walking around and exploring. How does that sound.

[demon_monk]

Christ almighty... you don't have to be easy, hell you don't even have to find a boyfriend, just enjoy being yourself. Thing I see with you is you're too uptight and judgemental... it's like you can't relax enough around someone to let them see what's really there. All us guys see is an attitude that seems to be covering a deeper insecurity

[post_pedestal]

I love being uptight and judgmental. I love myself plenty, but I don't want to hurt people's feelings. I don't express myself a lot of the time, and seem distant because what I really want to do is tell people about how they're being idiots. I'm an art snob. Seriously. SERIOUSLY. I have two artists in austin whom I respect. Everyone else should burn their work, and study human behavior for 4 months, and then go to the exploratorium until they've found joy again. People in austin put their stupid ugly emotional pain onto paper and call it art. I put my emotional pain on the internet and call it vomit

[demon_monk]

Case in point =)

Of course, you're right and no one will ever have any insight into you beyond what you already know. And so far that's made you happy, right?

Believe me, I've got nothing personally to gain by responding to your post. I care about people who care about you, I respect your work as an artist, but as far as personality goes you lost me at hello.

"It's lonely in here, in my walled off tower of snobbery and pain and fear. But it's safe." That pretty much sums it up. Have fun in your ivory tower =)

[demon_monk]

Wait... you know what, you make a great point.

Forgive me for thinking maybe you and I were friends. Forgive me for daring to be bold enough to offer something more than a nudge and a smile and a "don't worry it's ok" response. Forgive me for being honest with you.

All this amounts to what you've always shown me personally: hostility and abuse. And I've never asked anything of you, and I never will, because you have nothing I need, want, or desire. All I've ever offered is sincerity and compassion. But you've proven to be a master at pushing people away, and now you've succeeded yet again. Congrats.

[madeline_9]

It was all crap and bananas until I gave into the Dave...and then, it just felt right.

We tease each other that we would have killed the other had we met any sooner but there's truth there. We would have! I wince at how many boys I raked over the coals and he had some soul figuring out to do in his 20s also. It's a miracle I survived "Party Girl" and he "Crazy Dave"...it's like the Universe rewarded us with each other.

And sometimes I look back and wish I could have gotten there quicker, found him sooner - but that just aint the way it works, ya know? : ) Knowing my Other Half now, I wouldn't change a thing about that path that led me to him.

I *know* your Other Half is out there too. I also know one of the hardest things EVER is to be patient with yourself and the Universe. Hang in there Dear One. I love you. : )

on the same page

[luxzia]

you and i always seem to run in the same emotional circles. i already sent you the message as to what's up in my life.

you would be an awesome mom, i agree.