Read my Past today, realized that I've grown, but am still rehashing the same old stuff...

[post_pedestal]

I've grown in terms of how I see the world, I'm not as angry, I don't let people hurt me anymore, I've put up these big brick walls in my heart and soul that no one can climb over or break through unless they're pure of heart. And even then they're chances of getting through are slim to none

Comments

[demon_monk]

Christ almighty... you don't have to be easy, hell you don't even have to find a boyfriend, just enjoy being yourself. Thing I see with you is you're too uptight and judgemental... it's like you can't relax enough around someone to let them see what's really there. All us guys see is an attitude that seems to be covering a deeper insecurity

[post_pedestal]

I love being uptight and judgmental. I love myself plenty, but I don't want to hurt people's feelings. I don't express myself a lot of the time, and seem distant because what I really want to do is tell people about how they're being idiots. I'm an art snob. Seriously. SERIOUSLY. I have two artists in austin whom I respect. Everyone else should burn their work, and study human behavior for 4 months, and then go to the exploratorium until they've found joy again. People in austin put their stupid ugly emotional pain onto paper and call it art. I put my emotional pain on the internet and call it vomit

[demon_monk]

Case in point =)

Of course, you're right and no one will ever have any insight into you beyond what you already know. And so far that's made you happy, right?

Believe me, I've got nothing personally to gain by responding to your post. I care about people who care about you, I respect your work as an artist, but as far as personality goes you lost me at hello.

"It's lonely in here, in my walled off tower of snobbery and pain and fear. But it's safe." That pretty much sums it up. Have fun in your ivory tower =)

[demon_monk]

Wait... you know what, you make a great point.

Forgive me for thinking maybe you and I were friends. Forgive me for daring to be bold enough to offer something more than a nudge and a smile and a "don't worry it's ok" response. Forgive me for being honest with you.

All this amounts to what you've always shown me personally: hostility and abuse. And I've never asked anything of you, and I never will, because you have nothing I need, want, or desire. All I've ever offered is sincerity and compassion. But you've proven to be a master at pushing people away, and now you've succeeded yet again. Congrats.

[post_pedestal]

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I just don't really see that you know me well enough to see who I am under my layers, and if you're not interested in getting to know me under my thick rough skin, then why are you making judgment calls on my outer shell