Dammit, *why*?

Jun 05, 2011 12:35

This is a plea for information, ideas, theories, anything -- if you have something that might shed light on the following, please let me know in the comments to this post ( Read more... )

sexual child abuse, foster homes, death, demons, malignant narcissists, bastards, evil, assholes, sociopaths, personal, psychopaths, sexual abuse, @!$%^&##!!?!, full-tilt mandrill, cruelty, autobiographical

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Comments 14

gen June 5 2011, 22:12:55 UTC
Hello! I'm the wife of prester_scott who pointed me to this entry. I seem to have a knack for figuring people out (and I have a seething hatred for narcissists) and he thought I might be able to offer some insight ( ... )

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polaris93 June 5 2011, 22:31:55 UTC
There's a problem here: my adoptive father was born in 1905. My adoptive mother, who was raised a Methodist but introduced to various occult practices by my adoptive father after she amrried him, was born in 1910. That first set of foster parents were born in somewhere between 1925 and 1935. Of the second set, he was born in 1931, she in 1933. My psychotic/psychopathic student, George Bryson, was born in Santa Barbara, CA in 1935 to two devout Christians, one of whom was the daughter of a missionary; they raised him rather strictly. I will give you that the string of horrible boyfriends I had were born around the same year I was, as was the landlord I mentioned and some others, but most of them were raised by sensible parents, and some were raised in the Roman Catholic Church. But those who harmed me the most, and did the most damage to my life, were certainly not part of my "peer group," because they were born well before my age-grade. The few good friends I've ever have all been in my age-grade. My fiance, who was a very ( ... )

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prester_scott June 6 2011, 01:08:20 UTC
Yeah, having demons taking an unusually keen interest in you is obviously well beyond the psychological.

My knowledge in this area is but a thimble-full. I do have it on good authority that occult involvement/magick/etc. is one of the best ways of attracting such attention. Of course it could not have been your fault at such a young age, but, I presume from your LJ that you are yourself a practitioner now, or at least you were and you never renounced it, and that could be their opening.

My opinion is that your best bet is Christian Baptism, if you haven't received it; a good Confession if you already have; go see an exorcist; and of course, quitting the stuff and relying on Christ for protection instead. No offense meant if that doesn't interest you, but I'm a priest, so that's what I've got to offer. If I knew any exorcists or saints, I would surely ask if they had a more specific answer for you.

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polaris93 June 7 2011, 05:13:12 UTC
Actually, I'm a student of various esoteric fields of study. I've been able to provide anthropologists and others interested in the belief systems of peoples ancient and modern with a great deal of data on such things, and regard that as both harmless and honorable. I believe in freedom of conscience, freedom of study, freedom of communication, and freedom of assembly -- the First Amendment of the US Constitution, and in the right to defend one's right to all the rights enumerated among the Bill of Rights, the Second Amendment. Beyond that, I do have a relationship with God, and my studies are aimed at perfecting that relationship, but I keep that private because nobody really is interested, and I like my spiritual privacy as much as any other. My studies are aimed at that. I'm not a member of any occult or neopagan group, and don't intend to join any. I'm not a joiner, as it is -- every time I've tried to join any group, of any kind, it's fallen apart or blown up on me, and I've long since given up trying, even socially ( ... )

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galadrion June 6 2011, 02:35:44 UTC
To quote from Richard Bach: "There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands.

You seek problems because you need their gifts."

And before the obvious question is asked ("What gift?!?"), allow me to point out that not only is it not my role to answer that, it's not even possible for me to do so, other than as a guess; answering that question is part of the questioner's role. The world is a very frustrating teacher, primarily because it insists on the Socratic method.

In another part of the same book (I can't find the exact quote at the moment), Mr. Bach states that if you repeatedly encounter the same problem, it's because you haven't learned (or are refusing to learn) the lesson to which it's connected. As I said, I can't answer the obvious question with any authority, but in this case, my off-the-cuff guess would be: "What sort of people should I learn to recognize ASAP and thereafter avoid like the human plague they represent?" Only you can decide how accurate that guess may be, but if it helps, use it.

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polaris93 June 6 2011, 04:28:45 UTC
I know you mean well, and I thank you for the effort, but I'm not about to excuse the chronic, often horrific abuses that I and so many others have undergone throughout our lives at the hands of parents, caretakers, and others as due to "seeking problems because you need their gifts." In particular, in my own case, this endlessly, continuous series of being stalked, hunted, abused, you name it, started at birth. My adoptive parents took me home from the hospital when I was 9 days old. At that age, a baby has about as little ability to realize what's going on, develop a theory about it, and act on that theory as I have of bench-pressing two tons, so whatever happened then was up to them, not me. Also, my birth was apparently planned by people who had some occult purpose for it in mind. That took place before I was conceived, and thus I had no control over it. And in everything I've ever tried to do with my life, I've had people come out of left field to siderail whatever I was attempting and make it impossible for me to succeed ( ... )

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galadrion June 6 2011, 06:24:07 UTC
"...but I'm not about to excuse the chronic, often horrific abuses that I and so many others have undergone throughout our lives at the hands of parents, caretakers, and others...

And nor should you. Their actions and the responsibility for the consequences are theirs, not yours. Your responsibility is for your own actions and the consequences thereof.

My point is that you have noticed a recurring pattern. I am an engineer by training and career; as part of that outlook, when I encounter a recurring pattern which should be changed, the first step is to recognize it and to determine the points of commonality. In this case, the common point is that you have encountered all these people and interacted with them. Since you (presumably) want no more of these types, the starting course is to find out what is bringing them into your sphere and, if it seems necessary or advisable, change that ( ... )

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polaris93 June 7 2011, 04:14:39 UTC
I need to apologize for misunderstanding what you were trying to say. I do understand an engineering point of view -- in fact, engineering and the sciences have always been my loves, ever since I was six, and systems theory is a delight and joy to me. Recognizing a pattern is necessary to really grasping how a system -- and every phenomenon is a system, if only of atoms, molecles, subatomic particles, and energy, while some patterns are both physical and spiritual and enormously complex -- of any kind is working ( ... )

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brezhnev June 6 2011, 10:31:52 UTC
I've observed informally that some people sort of have "radar" to find/be found by certain types. That's how, for instance, girlfriend 3 would end up glomming onto scuzzy people wherever she went. I would think that working on better shielding would help keep the bad types from finding you, or perhaps an invisibility working targeted at users, sociopaths, etc.

As for supernatural forces, perhaps regular banishings would work. This might give you some ideas:
http://thelemapedia.org/index.php/Banishing

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polaris93 June 6 2011, 19:42:38 UTC
I've observed informally that some people sort of have "radar" to find/be found by certain types. That's how, for instance, girlfriend 3 would end up glomming onto scuzzy people wherever she went. I would think that working on better shielding would help keep the bad types from finding you, or perhaps an invisibility working targeted at users, sociopaths, etc.The problem is that it doesn't explain how I got adopted by the people I did; my adoption was arranged before my birth, and they took me home from the hospital when I was 9 days old. It also doesn't explain those who had control of me after my adoptive mother kicked me out (age 15) and before I went out on my own (age 22). Those sort of started it all rolling. That period of my life includes the occultist friends my adoptive father hung with, and the believers in Dianetics and assofted other occult crap my adoptive mother hung with (said believers were the wives of my adoptive father's friends). While admittedly the juvenile "justice" system stinks, as do most foster homes, ( ... )

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polaris93 June 6 2011, 19:54:25 UTC
One of the banishing rituals I use, by the way, is the Ritual of the Rose Cross. Unlike the Pentagram rituals, that one doesn't set up flashing symbols on the Inner Planes; it just puts a nice dome over you that hides you from the Inner Planes for a while, and generations a feeling of peace. But eventually, of course, it wears off, and in my case, the moment it does, the surge of weirdness that hits me then is appalling, as if it were just waiting there outside the dome for me to come out again so it could attack me, and while it waited, all its 500 ugly cousins came by and joined it. Needless to say, this isn't supposed to happen, but in my case, it does.

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brezhnev June 7 2011, 07:52:54 UTC
Just wondering, how long does the feeling of peace last?

I'm wondering if maybe a permanent sigil would be effective?

Anyway, as to why you ended up in the proximity of people like that in your young age, that much can be chalked up to bad luck. Some people just suck. Taking the metaphysical stuff at face value, maybe they put a curse on you or something; they sound just that batty.

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