Dammit, *why*?

Jun 05, 2011 12:35

This is a plea for information, ideas, theories, anything -- if you have something that might shed light on the following, please let me know in the comments to this post ( Read more... )

sexual child abuse, foster homes, death, demons, malignant narcissists, bastards, evil, assholes, sociopaths, personal, psychopaths, sexual abuse, @!$%^&##!!?!, full-tilt mandrill, cruelty, autobiographical

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polaris93 June 7 2011, 04:14:39 UTC
I need to apologize for misunderstanding what you were trying to say. I do understand an engineering point of view -- in fact, engineering and the sciences have always been my loves, ever since I was six, and systems theory is a delight and joy to me. Recognizing a pattern is necessary to really grasping how a system -- and every phenomenon is a system, if only of atoms, molecles, subatomic particles, and energy, while some patterns are both physical and spiritual and enormously complex -- of any kind is working.

I have worked out one solution to the problem, at least for now, which is to avoid directly interacting with people any more than absolutely necessary, especially beyond the confines of my building. My social life is almost entirely online now, and I can easily withdraw from online interactions that I really don't want anything to do with. I have also been using this time, about four years, for research, study, and writing, and have achieved some real gains in my qaballistic practice, writing, and study. This is no small thing. I needed to withdraw to do that. As for whether I'll ever come out of withdrawal, it depends on a lot of things, especially my finances. I am very poor, so much so that I can't go places where one normally goes to meet new people, and can't afford to dress in the way one needs to in order to make a good impression. At my age, I don't see that changing before I die, save for the worse, given how the economy has tanked.

But if sociopaths seek me out where I live, I can deal with them. I just want to minimize the chances of having to do so. There legal as well as other avenues of redress there that I can use to protect myself, and if such come seeking me out here without my having done anything to invite them (save in their imaginations, or whatever), that may give me more intelligence on why these things happen to me.

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