Summer Boy

[teafortwelve]

Title: Summer Boy
Author: teafortwelve (Tara)
Rating: G
Verse: Gen V, Gameverse.
Characters: Black/White
Summary: His summer ends when she leaves. It's as simple as that.
Author's Note: Comments and crits are loved. <3 This will probably be completely OOC for them when the games are released, but for now, just take their characterizations as my personal

Comments

[caddyeverafter7]

This was gorgeously written. The detail, the style, the flow, everything. I loved it. I was never really excited about Gen V, but I am excited to see if you write more for these two (and to see what their names are eventually). You're fabulous. I worship at your feet ;) ♥

[teafortwelve]

Wow, thank you so much~ *///* You're too kind. x3

I'm definitely planning on writing more for them, especially since the games are coming out in Japan soon. <3 My excitement + inspiration will start all over again when that date rolls around. xD

And I'm dying to know their names, lol. x)

[caddyeverafter7]

Watch the names be like, Bob and Lucy or something. I'd die. XD

[teafortwelve]

LOL. xD That would suck big time. x3
I wouldn't mind Lucy, but Bob...? x)

[bay115]

Like ibuberu, the writing style of this piece is fabulous. You did so well giving the main characters of Black and White some personality, even before the Japanese version of the games came out. Also, like Mijumaru's POVs there. Such a cute Pokemon. :3

Great job there!

[teafortwelve]

Thank you very much! <3

Teehee, Mijumaru is one of my top favourites now. x3

[kouriko]

I loved this so much! ♥

I'm not really sure what to ship since I haven't seen the games yet, but this definitely swayed me to the Black/White side! Haha. The imagery and flow of words and time here is just brilliant, and beautiful!

His summer girl is just that; his summer girl. She is born at the start of the summer and dies at the end of it, but sometimes her death is premature. Like this year.

;---; My heart was just breaking for these characters. I like the personalities you've developed for them!

♥

[teafortwelve]

Thank you so much! <3

Haha, glad to hear that you may jump on the Black/White bandwagon! :D I just think they're the cutest couple, riiight before Silver/Kotone. x3

And thanks again! o///o I strove to give them as much personality as I could without making huge assumptions that may turn out to be incorrect. I'm glad to hear they're liked! <3

[chrysa]

Aaah, this fic is really cute. I really like how you captured both Mijumaru and the male PC's feelings of longing. Maybe it's because my room is ridiculously hot right now, but I feel like you really captured the air and spirit of a waxing summer in this fic.

I have to say, though, for some reason, the rhythm of your first section is a little off. I can't pinpoint exactly why - I'm learning towards the fact that your sentences are really short and choppy in that section, which interrupts the sense of fluidity in the scene. Especially with this sentence:

“Tomorrow,” she says, after decades have passed.

It took me a minute to actually figure out that you meant it figuratively and not literally. Something about the proceeding passage about her actions made it seem like not a lot of time has passed. Shorter sentence structures get read faster, and sense the reader's sense of time feels interrupted, the pacing is off.

The sun is setting, but the twosome remains.Twosome is plural, so remain. You wouldn't say "They is a twosome", so the

[teafortwelve]

Thank you, and thanks much for the critique. That really helped. x) <3

Haha, yes, I'll have to fix up that sentence, as it was pointed out twice now...

Thanks again! :)