violently inept

[leaguechallenge]

[He’s got burn marks on his arms and face. His clothes are scorched. His gloves are in tatters.

No, Red hasn’t been fighting anyone. He isn’t in trouble.

Red has been baking.]

…Just what am I doing wrong…?

[That delicious plate of cookies he’s holding? Yeah, that’s definitely from the café. The ones Red made nearly burned his house down. Why

Comments

1 / ICON SPAM

[aquaboss]

[Archie's been slowly coming to terms with the idea of branching out and trying to seriously train other types of Pokemon. This is totally not because of Maxie's derpy Slugmas, shut up. This has led him to search in other areas, which has led him here, to where a house is clearly smoking. What good would he be if he didn't go help put the fire out?]

[Thankfully he doesn't have Tentacruel Hydro Pump the place down when he first arrives, otherwise you'd probably be in a lot more pain. Instead he actually bothers to look through the window and...]

2 / ???

[aquaboss]

[...What...]

3 / ???

[aquaboss]

[...What are you even doing? That is not how you cook, Red.]

4 / 4

[aquaboss]

You should probably stop before you hurt yourself any more, kid.

[Hey there, hopping through your window now because doors are for squares.]

[leaguechallenge]

[Red looks up, jumping, as he sees someone coming through his window, but - oh, it's Archie! He smiles, wincing as it irritates one of the burns on his face.]

Hi! I...I'm not very good at this, sorry. Do you want a cookie? [A beat.] ...They're not mine, I promise.

[aquaboss]

[They better not be yours if this kitchen is any indication. Archie tsks and accepts the offer, breaking the cookie in half and tossing one half over his shoulder. Tentacruel, who is currently at the window watching warily, catches the other half and it disappears rapidly. Don't ask where it went. No one knows where Tentacruel's mouth is.]

Yeah, I can tell. Alright, let's start by treatin' those burns of yours. [Archie naturally doesn't know much about burns, but those don't look too severe.] Go get some ice to put on those, kid. Now lemme see... [Examining your oven now, don't mind him. Huh, there is batter everywhere. You don't really expect to cook in an environment like this, do you? Archie will make sure the stove is off before checking the inside and tsking again. This is horrible.]

This place is a wreck - how long've you been tryin' to cook anyway? [And now you have the Team Aqua boss cleaning your kitchen. How do you do this, Red, seriously.]

[leaguechallenge]

[Red scurries off to get the ice as directed, not knowing much himself about treating burns. Everything he'd tried had just made them hurt more, so he'd eventually stopped trying.]

I've been doing it for a few hours...I tried three batches before I went to the café instead. [Red's going to double take now though because dude are you really cleaning his kitchen...?] Y-You don't have to do that! I'll clean it, really.

[aquaboss]

Well at least you figured it'd be safer to give up. [You got the ice? Good.] Wouldn't want you to die in a fire of all things. [Because clearly if you can Thunderbolt the ocean and not die, dying in a fire would be damn stupid. As for your protests? He's ignoring them and cleaning that oven of yours.]

Next time you're gonna wanna set the temperature lower an' leave 'em in there for less time. I'll show you. Now gimme a hand here.

[leaguechallenge]

[Red sets the ice against his face, wincing.] Y-Yeah, after a while the smoke would just start pouring out again every time I turned on the oven, so... [He steps forward, shifting awkwardly a bit as he stands.] What do I do? I've never cleaned out an oven before.

[aquaboss]

[Archie laughs at that.] Seriously? You never helped your mom out with this sorta thing? [And you've probably never lived on your own, so he can rule that out.]

It's not that hard. You wanna make sure you're gettin' all the caked-on stuff out - that's what caused all the smoke. Didn't breathe in too much of it, did you?

[leaguechallenge]

[Red pauses, going still.] I...I helped my mom to clean and stuff, once she couldn't...couldn't do it herself so well anymore. [He's not looking at you when he talks. In fact, he's almost forgotten Archie's even there.] But neither of us were much good at cooking or cleaning, so nothing really ever...

[He shakes his head, to clear it, then steps forward.]

No, I didn't breathe in too much, I think. What do I clean it with?

[aquaboss]

[Though he doesn't look up, Archie pauses at Red's tone. Oh right, the kid is worried about his mom back home. Whoops, that was a bad thing to bring up.]

[Red doesn't dwell on it too much, which Archie is grateful for, and finally comes forward to help him.] Get a scrub brush - you have another one, right? - an' lets work on gettin' the easiest stuff out first.

[leaguechallenge]

[Red's not too sure that he does, actually, but when he goes to look in the cupboard under the sink he finds a brush immediately.]

Here we go! Okay... [Red gets on his knees and starts to scrub at the caked-on Cookies That Never Were.]

[aquaboss]

[...Oh Red, you're never going to get it off like that.]

Put your back into it! [And have an encouraging slap on the back. Which is really kind of abusive considering Archie's strength. Whoops.]

[leaguechallenge]

[Red winces, but just for a moment, and then he's smiling again. At least Archie didn't hit one of the burns.]

All right, I'll try harder... [AND NOW WE SCRUB with our stupid weak muscle arms]

[aquaboss]

[...How did you manage to burn your back, Red. That doesn't even make sense.]

[Kid, you're almost pathetically weak. You might have to be subjected to Archie's daily training regime.]

You don't really work on trainin' yourself, do you? [Just snickering over here. Don't mind him.]