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Today's been a hard one. We missed out on going trick or treating with the boys. I always loved Halloween. This year it's just so damn bitter sweet.
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Maybe someday I'll hear the phrase "do why you want I don't care any more" and not view it as a total dismissal. When it won't make me want to cry. Being told that today, after hearing about how unacceptable my feelings are, just makes me want to curl up in bed and cry for a little bit. It makes me want to go change into something nice and go out ( Read more... ) -
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I still can't sleep anymore. The exhaustion is starting to catch up w me but at this point I don't know what to do. I laid in bed for an hour before just getting up to smoke a cigarette. I can't take sleeping pills/niquil or anything either since we have the boys. This has to stop. And soon.
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Still not used to going to bed alone. I hope his request for seconds get approved. God this sucks. Especially since its a Friday night which are always crazy. God I just hate how insecure I feel right now.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.
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One say when they're older the boys will pick her over me and it will shred my heart. I'm not their mother and they act completely different around her. They act like little fools and she doesn't care to correct them. I hate this. Being a stepmom really sucks sometimes.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.
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I can't handle this shit right now. I'm tired, it feels like the boy and I never talk and when I finally got frustrated cause for him it's all work all the time it blows up in my face. Why does he always have to default to defense mode? All I want is some help. I want him to put away dishes without me bugging him. I want him to ask me how my day is ( Read more... ) -
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So I got the boys fed, gave them a drink, and changed and got them dropped off at day care. I'm just hoping they have everything they need so they don't call Gma. I feel weirdly guilty about dropped them off at day care. Mostly because i'm off today. But Gma said they have to go to day care every day. So yea ( Read more... ) -
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I just can't get motivated at all today. I have 1000 things to do, but I just can't seem to get off the couch and turn off Dr Who and do it. :( -
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I have become domestic. I think I like it. My life these past two days have consisted of cleaning, changing diapers, bouncing babies, sneaking outside for smokes during nap times or periods of overly large crying, bed time, nap time, and cutting up food. I have vacuumed, done multiple rounds of dishes (well loaded the dishwasher anyway), done so ( Read more... ) -
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So the trailer thing fell through. I don't know. We're searching for an apartment, but it's hard cause everyone here only thinks I can afford like $450. Which is crazy since I managed to afford after $500 while earning less. But well I don't know. I know we'll find something but it's kinda stressful right now. :(