Forever & Ever 30.2
Title: Forever & Ever (Miseinen Sequel)
Author: Zion Shadowlet
Beta: butterflysaga(the bitch)
Characters: Aoi, Uruha, Ruki, Reita, Kai and many OCs (Fuwa etc.)
Pairing: Aoi/Uruha and more~
Genre: Drama, Romance, Friendship, Comedy
Rating: NC17
Summary: Six years have passed since the summer at the Dazai Bright Future Retreat for Troubled Children. The boys meet in an unexpected way perhaps bound by fate in the underground world of Visual Kei. With broken hearts and promises; the boys-now young men look to regain some of what they lost by the wild and reckless pursuit of the same dream.
Previous Parts: Part 1.1 | Part 1.2 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4.1| Part 4.2| Part 5| Part 6| Part 7.1| Part 7.2| Part 8.1| Part 8.2| Part 9| Part 10| Part 11| Part 12| Part 13| Part 14| Part 15| Part 16| Part 17| Part 18| Part 19| Part 20| Part 21| Part 22| Part 23| Part 24| Part 25| Part 26| Part 27| Part 28| Part 29| Part 30.1
MAKE SURE YOU'VE READ PART 30.1
It was like crawling out of a wet hole in the earth. He opened the door and walked out, walked out into the bright quiet streets of the small city of Shima in a midday. The air filled his lungs as if he had been suffocating. It flowed inside of him so quickly that he felt almost that he was going to become sick by it.
A wave of nausea mingling with a curious feeling of relief.
“Aoi?” he heard Uruha’s soft voice.
Stopping in his tracks, he turned and looked at him as the awkward young man made his way down the street with Kai tentatively following him. He must have seen his face, seen his eyes red and his cheeks tear stained because he too stopped where he was and merely stared.
“Are you okay?” Kai asked rushing forward.
Turning quickly away, Aoi hid himself from them and said “I want to be alone right now…”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
Reluctantly, Kai always the trustworthy friend did as he was asked and stepped backwards, his eyes never leaving Aoi. He wanted to be sure he was doing the right thing but in the end, he would respect his wishes and give him some space. “We’ll be waiting in the car. Here, take my cell phone. Ruki has his so…if you need to call for whatever reason.” He pulled out the small silver phone and presented it. Aoi just stood where he was, his eyes casted downward. “Here…” Kai with rapid steps walked up to him and slipped it into his pocket. “Just look out for yourself,” he added before turning around and heading back to the car. He exchanged a glance with Uruha but figuring it wasn’t his place to tell him to come with him, remained silent and disappeared down the road leaving the two lovers behind him.
“What happened?” Uruha asked when he was sure their friend was far enough away to not hear them talking.
“I want to be alone right now…” Aoi repeated himself. “Don’t be offended…I just…want to be alone.”
Uruha was at a loss for what to do. In one way, he wanted to be like Kai and respect his wishes but in another way, his intuition told him not to leave. “I can’t do that,” he replied.
Aoi didn’t say anything. Instead, he started down the street. He had no idea where he was heading but he just needed to move, to go, to get away from that bar with his drunken mother, from that cryptic bartender. Needed to get away from his friends too for a little while, needed to even get away from his lover.
“Please stop,” Uruha called after him. Aoi, however quickened his pace. But Uruha wasn’t going to give up that easily. Once he had made the decision to stay, he had to follow him. He couldn’t go back. Confused and anxious, he ran after him.
As the distance between them disappeared and Aoi could hear his steps becoming faster and louder behind him, he stopped where he was. Uruha finally reaching him, grabbed his arm and tried to catch his breath.
“Uruha, please just go back,” Aoi said avoiding his eyes.
“I can’t.”
“Yes, you can.”
“I can’t leave you.”
“If you love me, you’ll go back.” He spoke between his teeth. He was angry, frustrated, confused, lost.
Uruha merely replied “No.”
Shaking his grip off of his arm, Aoi went to continue walking down the street hoping that if he was persistent enough, Uruha would eventually give in and leave him alone but it didn’t turn out that way. He refused to give in. Uruha grabbed his arm again and Aoi, this time violently shook him off. “Leave me the fuck alone,” his words were lined with all sorts of various poisons: resentment, aggression, fear, heartbreak and his eyes as they finally looked into Uruha’s were red and wet. And all these things that Aoi was showing him now, willingly letting him see just how broken he was only convinced Uruha that he needed to be with him.
But when he held fast to his arm, gripping it tighter it only infuriated Aoi who brimming with rage, pushed Uruha into a nearby alley and pressed him up against a brick wall. “I just want to be left alone.”
“I can’t do that, Aoi,” Uruha said looking up at his face. Aoi could see no traces of fear in his eyes, only worry. Was he looking for fear? Why was he looking for fear?
“What do you think you can do?”
Uruha, like a shy child replied “I don’t know.” He felt he should know what to do. He should know how to make him feel better, shouldn’t he? He felt a strange desperation to make things right as if their livelihood depended on it. Perhaps, deep down he could sense by the look of sadness in Aoi’s eyes something he hadn’t seen before. “What happened?” he asked him.
“Nothing.” Aoi let go of him and stepped away.
“Something happened.”
“She was in there,” he shrugged angrily. “She was in there drunk, what else do you expect?”
Uruha realized then what he was afraid of. “She tried to make you come back to her…”
“Of course she did. She never wanted me to leave in the first place but like a selfish dick I did. What kind of man am I, Uruha? What kind of man runs away from a problem he can’t fix…” He turned around.
“Aoi, I’m not the smartest in these things…But you can’t fix people…”
“I don’t buy that.”
“You can’t-”
“I helped you back then when you were a fucking shooting heroin, didn’t I?” Aggressively, he turned back around and yelled “And you helped me, remember? Isn’t that what you are trying to do now?”
In a soft voice Uruha asked “Did you try?”
“Of course, I tried.”
“Then, you can’t do anything...”
“I know…but that doesn’t make me feel less like a failure.”
“Aoi, why are you making it about you? Isn’t she the one who failed? It isn’t your job to save people…”
“Uruha, you know what I fucking mean.” He was livid. “That’s why you are here right now. You see me in distress and you here to make things better, right? Right?!”
Meekly he replied “Right…”
“Right,” Aoi repeated and walked over to the other side of the alley and throwing his back against the wall, slid downward.
“It’s cheesey and all but Aoi…you couldn’t have helped me if I didn’t want you to, you know? I wanted to be strong for you. That’s how it works. It isn’t like in some movie where there is a princess up in a tower and some knight goes and saves her…it isn’t like that at all. You made me want to be better. And even if you never tried, I would have felt that way because I love you. I love you and I want to be strong for you…”
Aoi threw his head back and closed his eyes. “Are you saying that she doesn’t love me? He spoke slowly.
“No,” Uruha paused to think about what he should say. He felt overwhelmed by the situation but he didn’t want to show Aoi that. “I don’t know her at all…I don’t know why you can’t help her….”
“So…I should just leave? Go back to Tokyo then?”
Uruha didn’t reply. Aoi’s question hit him hard, stunned him even. Suddenly, he felt smaller, diminished and he wondered what was going on Aoi’s mind and where he was in there. And then the thought occurred to him, that this wouldn’t have been the first time Aoi had chosen his mother over him. Uruha in fear, stood there immobilized. The pressure to say the right thing began to weigh on him and his hands began to tremble as if something horrible was about to happen. Gripping his fists into a tight ball, he hid them behind his back.
“You think that is the right thing to do?” Aoi continued.
“For you, yes.”
“But for her?”
“I don’t know her…”
“A better man would stay you know?” Aoi laughed bitterly.
“I don’t know anything about that.” Normally, he would have remained silent but he felt he should speak and say anything even if it was useless.
“You don’t know much…”
“I don’t.”
“What do you know?”
“How to play guitar…and some other things…but not stuff like that.”
“Guitar? I swear Uruha…there must be something wrong with your brain,” he got to his feet.
“Huh?”
“I’m not talking about that kind of knowing you fucking dumbass,” he rubbed his face violently. Why was he talking to him like this? He knew it was wrong and cruel and yet his fury for the world was so great, he wanted to destroy everything around him. He knew Uruha was right that there was nothing he could do and it was because it was too late for Miwa that this crummy world had already taken everything from her and all that was left for her was heartbreak and pain until the day she died. She was so fucked up in the head that he was left powerless, unable to save her, unable to penetrate her mind and convince her that she just needs to change the way she thinks. But she was too haunted. Too scarred. Now, all she can do is drink.
“I’m sorry,” Uruha looked down.
“This fucking world is ugly…”
“Aoi…”
“Go away.”
“Please,” he grabbed his arm. Aoi in a sudden rage, pushed him up against the brick wall again, slamming his body so hard that his head flew back and smacked the surface. He let out a moan of pain.
Aoi eyes went wide from the shock of his own actions. “See…I told you to leave me alone…” he muttered regretfully and let him go.
“It’s okay…”
“No, it’s not.”
“Aoi…I know you’re just angry…”
His eyes shot up to his face. “Uruha…I just hurt you.”
“It’s okay-”
“No, it’s not. I love you and I just fucking…Ughh,” he ran his hands threw his hair and tugged, gritting his teeth. The rage and confusion welled up inside of him uncontrollably.
Impulsively, Uruha rushed over to him and held him tightly from behind. “Just shut up, okay? You’re talking yourself into this…Relax.”
“I can’t relax.”
Somewhat randomly, Uruha replied quickly “Remember that time you stole the motorcycle?”
Despite all his feelings, Aoi had to laugh at that. “Yeah…”
“That was funny.”
“It was…”
“We should get one.”
“It scared me shitless…” The memory seemed so different from now as if it had happened in another life time, in another universe.
“You’ll get over it,” Uruha kissed him sweetly on the forehead.
“Uruha, I appreciate this, I really do but…trying to make me remember happy times but…this happiness is temporary,” he forced smiled at him.
Resting his head on his chest, he said almost as if he hadn’t heard what Aoi’s words “The world isn’t that ugly.”
[A/N As usual LJ post limit~ Again, sorry abt unexpected typos and such]
Author: Zion Shadowlet
Beta: butterflysaga(the bitch)
Characters: Aoi, Uruha, Ruki, Reita, Kai and many OCs (Fuwa etc.)
Pairing: Aoi/Uruha and more~
Genre: Drama, Romance, Friendship, Comedy
Rating: NC17
Summary: Six years have passed since the summer at the Dazai Bright Future Retreat for Troubled Children. The boys meet in an unexpected way perhaps bound by fate in the underground world of Visual Kei. With broken hearts and promises; the boys-now young men look to regain some of what they lost by the wild and reckless pursuit of the same dream.
Previous Parts: Part 1.1 | Part 1.2 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4.1| Part 4.2| Part 5| Part 6| Part 7.1| Part 7.2| Part 8.1| Part 8.2| Part 9| Part 10| Part 11| Part 12| Part 13| Part 14| Part 15| Part 16| Part 17| Part 18| Part 19| Part 20| Part 21| Part 22| Part 23| Part 24| Part 25| Part 26| Part 27| Part 28| Part 29| Part 30.1
MAKE SURE YOU'VE READ PART 30.1
It was like crawling out of a wet hole in the earth. He opened the door and walked out, walked out into the bright quiet streets of the small city of Shima in a midday. The air filled his lungs as if he had been suffocating. It flowed inside of him so quickly that he felt almost that he was going to become sick by it.
A wave of nausea mingling with a curious feeling of relief.
“Aoi?” he heard Uruha’s soft voice.
Stopping in his tracks, he turned and looked at him as the awkward young man made his way down the street with Kai tentatively following him. He must have seen his face, seen his eyes red and his cheeks tear stained because he too stopped where he was and merely stared.
“Are you okay?” Kai asked rushing forward.
Turning quickly away, Aoi hid himself from them and said “I want to be alone right now…”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
Reluctantly, Kai always the trustworthy friend did as he was asked and stepped backwards, his eyes never leaving Aoi. He wanted to be sure he was doing the right thing but in the end, he would respect his wishes and give him some space. “We’ll be waiting in the car. Here, take my cell phone. Ruki has his so…if you need to call for whatever reason.” He pulled out the small silver phone and presented it. Aoi just stood where he was, his eyes casted downward. “Here…” Kai with rapid steps walked up to him and slipped it into his pocket. “Just look out for yourself,” he added before turning around and heading back to the car. He exchanged a glance with Uruha but figuring it wasn’t his place to tell him to come with him, remained silent and disappeared down the road leaving the two lovers behind him.
“What happened?” Uruha asked when he was sure their friend was far enough away to not hear them talking.
“I want to be alone right now…” Aoi repeated himself. “Don’t be offended…I just…want to be alone.”
Uruha was at a loss for what to do. In one way, he wanted to be like Kai and respect his wishes but in another way, his intuition told him not to leave. “I can’t do that,” he replied.
Aoi didn’t say anything. Instead, he started down the street. He had no idea where he was heading but he just needed to move, to go, to get away from that bar with his drunken mother, from that cryptic bartender. Needed to get away from his friends too for a little while, needed to even get away from his lover.
“Please stop,” Uruha called after him. Aoi, however quickened his pace. But Uruha wasn’t going to give up that easily. Once he had made the decision to stay, he had to follow him. He couldn’t go back. Confused and anxious, he ran after him.
As the distance between them disappeared and Aoi could hear his steps becoming faster and louder behind him, he stopped where he was. Uruha finally reaching him, grabbed his arm and tried to catch his breath.
“Uruha, please just go back,” Aoi said avoiding his eyes.
“I can’t.”
“Yes, you can.”
“I can’t leave you.”
“If you love me, you’ll go back.” He spoke between his teeth. He was angry, frustrated, confused, lost.
Uruha merely replied “No.”
Shaking his grip off of his arm, Aoi went to continue walking down the street hoping that if he was persistent enough, Uruha would eventually give in and leave him alone but it didn’t turn out that way. He refused to give in. Uruha grabbed his arm again and Aoi, this time violently shook him off. “Leave me the fuck alone,” his words were lined with all sorts of various poisons: resentment, aggression, fear, heartbreak and his eyes as they finally looked into Uruha’s were red and wet. And all these things that Aoi was showing him now, willingly letting him see just how broken he was only convinced Uruha that he needed to be with him.
But when he held fast to his arm, gripping it tighter it only infuriated Aoi who brimming with rage, pushed Uruha into a nearby alley and pressed him up against a brick wall. “I just want to be left alone.”
“I can’t do that, Aoi,” Uruha said looking up at his face. Aoi could see no traces of fear in his eyes, only worry. Was he looking for fear? Why was he looking for fear?
“What do you think you can do?”
Uruha, like a shy child replied “I don’t know.” He felt he should know what to do. He should know how to make him feel better, shouldn’t he? He felt a strange desperation to make things right as if their livelihood depended on it. Perhaps, deep down he could sense by the look of sadness in Aoi’s eyes something he hadn’t seen before. “What happened?” he asked him.
“Nothing.” Aoi let go of him and stepped away.
“Something happened.”
“She was in there,” he shrugged angrily. “She was in there drunk, what else do you expect?”
Uruha realized then what he was afraid of. “She tried to make you come back to her…”
“Of course she did. She never wanted me to leave in the first place but like a selfish dick I did. What kind of man am I, Uruha? What kind of man runs away from a problem he can’t fix…” He turned around.
“Aoi, I’m not the smartest in these things…But you can’t fix people…”
“I don’t buy that.”
“You can’t-”
“I helped you back then when you were a fucking shooting heroin, didn’t I?” Aggressively, he turned back around and yelled “And you helped me, remember? Isn’t that what you are trying to do now?”
In a soft voice Uruha asked “Did you try?”
“Of course, I tried.”
“Then, you can’t do anything...”
“I know…but that doesn’t make me feel less like a failure.”
“Aoi, why are you making it about you? Isn’t she the one who failed? It isn’t your job to save people…”
“Uruha, you know what I fucking mean.” He was livid. “That’s why you are here right now. You see me in distress and you here to make things better, right? Right?!”
Meekly he replied “Right…”
“Right,” Aoi repeated and walked over to the other side of the alley and throwing his back against the wall, slid downward.
“It’s cheesey and all but Aoi…you couldn’t have helped me if I didn’t want you to, you know? I wanted to be strong for you. That’s how it works. It isn’t like in some movie where there is a princess up in a tower and some knight goes and saves her…it isn’t like that at all. You made me want to be better. And even if you never tried, I would have felt that way because I love you. I love you and I want to be strong for you…”
Aoi threw his head back and closed his eyes. “Are you saying that she doesn’t love me? He spoke slowly.
“No,” Uruha paused to think about what he should say. He felt overwhelmed by the situation but he didn’t want to show Aoi that. “I don’t know her at all…I don’t know why you can’t help her….”
“So…I should just leave? Go back to Tokyo then?”
Uruha didn’t reply. Aoi’s question hit him hard, stunned him even. Suddenly, he felt smaller, diminished and he wondered what was going on Aoi’s mind and where he was in there. And then the thought occurred to him, that this wouldn’t have been the first time Aoi had chosen his mother over him. Uruha in fear, stood there immobilized. The pressure to say the right thing began to weigh on him and his hands began to tremble as if something horrible was about to happen. Gripping his fists into a tight ball, he hid them behind his back.
“You think that is the right thing to do?” Aoi continued.
“For you, yes.”
“But for her?”
“I don’t know her…”
“A better man would stay you know?” Aoi laughed bitterly.
“I don’t know anything about that.” Normally, he would have remained silent but he felt he should speak and say anything even if it was useless.
“You don’t know much…”
“I don’t.”
“What do you know?”
“How to play guitar…and some other things…but not stuff like that.”
“Guitar? I swear Uruha…there must be something wrong with your brain,” he got to his feet.
“Huh?”
“I’m not talking about that kind of knowing you fucking dumbass,” he rubbed his face violently. Why was he talking to him like this? He knew it was wrong and cruel and yet his fury for the world was so great, he wanted to destroy everything around him. He knew Uruha was right that there was nothing he could do and it was because it was too late for Miwa that this crummy world had already taken everything from her and all that was left for her was heartbreak and pain until the day she died. She was so fucked up in the head that he was left powerless, unable to save her, unable to penetrate her mind and convince her that she just needs to change the way she thinks. But she was too haunted. Too scarred. Now, all she can do is drink.
“I’m sorry,” Uruha looked down.
“This fucking world is ugly…”
“Aoi…”
“Go away.”
“Please,” he grabbed his arm. Aoi in a sudden rage, pushed him up against the brick wall again, slamming his body so hard that his head flew back and smacked the surface. He let out a moan of pain.
Aoi eyes went wide from the shock of his own actions. “See…I told you to leave me alone…” he muttered regretfully and let him go.
“It’s okay…”
“No, it’s not.”
“Aoi…I know you’re just angry…”
His eyes shot up to his face. “Uruha…I just hurt you.”
“It’s okay-”
“No, it’s not. I love you and I just fucking…Ughh,” he ran his hands threw his hair and tugged, gritting his teeth. The rage and confusion welled up inside of him uncontrollably.
Impulsively, Uruha rushed over to him and held him tightly from behind. “Just shut up, okay? You’re talking yourself into this…Relax.”
“I can’t relax.”
Somewhat randomly, Uruha replied quickly “Remember that time you stole the motorcycle?”
Despite all his feelings, Aoi had to laugh at that. “Yeah…”
“That was funny.”
“It was…”
“We should get one.”
“It scared me shitless…” The memory seemed so different from now as if it had happened in another life time, in another universe.
“You’ll get over it,” Uruha kissed him sweetly on the forehead.
“Uruha, I appreciate this, I really do but…trying to make me remember happy times but…this happiness is temporary,” he forced smiled at him.
Resting his head on his chest, he said almost as if he hadn’t heard what Aoi’s words “The world isn’t that ugly.”
[A/N As usual LJ post limit~ Again, sorry abt unexpected typos and such]