Forever & Ever 30.1
Title: Forever & Ever (Miseinen Sequel)
Author: Zion Shadowlet
Beta: butterflysaga(the bitch)
Characters: Aoi, Uruha, Ruki, Reita, Kai and many OCs (Fuwa etc.)
Pairing: Aoi/Uruha and more~
Genre: Drama, Romance, Friendship, Comedy
Rating: NC17
Summary: Six years have passed since the summer at the Dazai Bright Future Retreat for Troubled Children. The boys meet in an unexpected way perhaps bound by fate in the underground world of Visual Kei. With broken hearts and promises; the boys-now young men look to regain some of what they lost by the wild and reckless pursuit of the same dream.
Previous Parts: Part 1.1 | Part 1.2 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4.1| Part 4.2| Part 5| Part 6| Part 7.1| Part 7.2| Part 8.1| Part 8.2| Part 9| Part 10| Part 11| Part 12| Part 13| Part 14| Part 15| Part 16| Part 17| Part 18| Part 19| Part 20| Part 21| Part 22| Part 23| Part 24| Part 25| Part 26| Part 27| Part 28| Part 29
The former hooker that had opened the door and greeted him with a smug, tired face replied shortly and forcefully “She doesn’t live here anymore” when he had asked for his mother by name.
“She doesn’t live here?”
“You don’t have ears?”
“Any idea where she is now?”
“Fuck if I know,” the woman muttered as she slammed the door in his face. Interviewing the neighbors and the landlords proved to be just as useless. When he returned to his friends, the look of defeat was evident on his face.
“Now what?” Reita asked leaning against the car as his gaze danced from friend to friend. Like Aoi, he was at a loss for where they should check next.
“Well considering your mother was the way she was,” Kai pondered. “It might be smart to check the police station?”
It seemed like a pretty smart idea. Checking around, they found a local map at a noodle house that catered to tourists and made their way to the station. Aoi of course, went inside alone and telling them who he was and that he was looking for his mother, the police officer behind the counter gave him a quizzical look. After pulling up her file in the database, the strangeness of the situation faded. This seemed like something the son of whore might do the man figured, going to a police station to find out the whereabouts of his mother. After checking Aoi’s ID to make sure he was who he said he was and then having him answer several questions to confirm his identity, the police officer more out of the whim of helping the kid out than following protocol, told him her latest address.
Aoi thanked him and quickly returned to his friends where he relayed the news.
By now, it was almost 10 in the morning. The 5 of them filed inside of the car and made their way to the old, tattered apartment building. He wasn’t expecting much. Who would? He sat in the car for several moments longer than he should have, building up his courage. All sorts of lines ran through his mind. He had a million different things he wanted to say to her but he feared he would barely say even one.
“Are you okay?” Ruki asked from the backseat.
Halfheartedly, Aoi replied “yeah.” With one last sigh, he dragged himself out of the car and made his way to the dirty door that led inside her apartment. It was right on the street without any gate or any pathway. To the left of the door, against the wall was a stack of phonebooks with several empty beer bottles sitting on them like the old jugs people used to leave out for the milk man.
He lifted up a heavy hand and knocked. From the apartment above, a window swung open and an old man stuck his wrinkly bald head out. “Are you looking for Miwa?” He shouted in a grunty voice. “Costumer, are ya?”
“I’m her son,” he replied. For some reason even though he trusted his friends with his life, he felt embarrassed that his mother was so easily talked about in that way. It was no secret among them what she had done for a living but it didn’t ease the fact that it was still humiliating.
“Her son?” The old man’s thin eyes went wide as he repeated back what he had heard in disbelief. “Well, she isn’t home. She is probably at the bar.”
“Its 10 in the morning.”
“So!” The old man barked as he quickly slammed the window shut. He wanted nothing to do with the kid. He knew from experience that it wasn’t a good idea to mess in that crazy broad Miwa’s business.
Facing his friends, Aoi let out another sigh. Kai rolled down the window and looking at the map said to him “the bar is only down that way. Should we wait here?”
Aoi nodded yes and shoving his hands into his pockets, quickly walked away from them, still feeling sore over the embarrassment of what the old man had said. Stop thinking about it, Aoi said to himself but all it did was increase the nervousness that was building up in him.
The outside bar was as ratty as he thought it would be. The front was made completely of splintered wood and the sign above the entrance read “Shima Bar” as if the owner could think of nothing less creative to name the joint. The windows seemed to have been tinted or were just so dirty they had that appearance. Aoi didn’t pause to let his thoughts creep back up in him. Carrying the adrenaline from the short walk from the apartment here, he opened the door and walked inside.
There was about 3 to 4 other patrons in the bar. A couple of them were sitting together in the corner. They looked like two retired old fisherman, another was a fat trucker staring blankly at a pretty host on some crappy mid-day television show that was being projected into the dirty old bar from a small television behind the counter. It seemed in the dark shadow of the place like an electronic hole that had been punched into the wall and was now emitting fake light.
If there was any place in Shima that was completely opposite of what it was like outside, what it was like only a mile away at the beach, it was here. It didn’t take him long to find his mother. She was the only woman there.
Miwa was dressed in her typical attire, a leopard print skirt and a thin pink spaghetti strapped tank top that revealed not only the weight that she had gained over the years puffing out over the edges of her skirt but also her neon green bra. She was wearing a garish amount of makeup and her hair, dyed blonde was held up in a high pony tail. She was drinking beer, laughing loudly at some joke the cryptic old bartender was making.
He looked up from the old hooker to the young man that had just entered. He narrowed his eyes suspiciously at him. He had never seen him before. “Hello there,” he said in a strangely ominous voice as he picked up a towel and started wiping the counter. Miwa followed the bartender’s eyes. When they landed on her son, he expression went blank.
“Yuu…” she muttered.
“You know him?”
“He’s my son,” she replied.
Aoi forced a smile and made his way over to her. “Ma,” he said with a tremble in his voice.
“AHHHH the son,” the bartender said with obvious cruelty in his voice. He wanted to make it known that he knew everything about him. “The Prodigal Son returns.”
Aoi glanced at him. He didn’t know what he was talking about. But he wasn’t here to speak with him. Looking back at his mother, he could tell immediately that she was drunk.
“YUUUUUU!!! YOU’VE RETURNED!!” She yelped in an annoyingly irritating high pitched voice. “You couldn’t stay away from your dear mommy all that long now could ya, baby!” Getting quickly to her feet and stumbling on her heels, she smacked two sweaty hands on the sides of his face and kissed him messily on the lips. Aoi closed his eyes tight as the reeking scent of alcohol pervaded the air.
“I’ve been trying to call you…” he said in a low voice.
She stared at him blankly as she sat back down on her stool. “I don’t have a phone and those bitches-THOSE BITCHES-THOOOSEE BITCHES!” she pointed to the door as if they were going to emerge at any moment. “They kicked me out. Can you believe it? Me! I was the one who organized that whole SHIT.” She burped and started laughing hysterically.
Aoi knew that she had to be lying. Those women even though they weren’t the nicest women wouldn’t have just kicked her out. “What happened?” he asked with a smile. He hated himself for it but he was trying to make it seem like he thought whatever she thought was funny too even though he had no idea why she was laughing. He felt pathetic for it. He sat down next to her and looked down at the counter.
“Yoshiro came by…and you know, I let him stay with us,” she shook her head back and forth.
“Yoshiro…” he repeated. He was the leech that his mother was so fond of. Aoi couldn’t even count all the times that he had used her. He hadn’t seen him in a couple years. If he had been there when he showed up again, he would have killed him on the spot and would have gone happily to prison. “Can I have a beer?” he asked the bartender.
“Yeah, I am over him, baby. OVER HIM! OVERRRRRR!!” She laughed without covering her mouth, her uneven teeth projecting out of her mouth carelessly. It was immensely unattractive but for some reason, Aoi liked that about her, about the fact that she never gave a shit to cover her teeth when she laughed even if she looked like what she was, an obnoxious, rude prostitute.
“What happened?” he forced another smile.
“Took my money. What else is new,” she finished off her beer. “Hey sweetheart,” she said to the bartender. “How about some tequila to celebrate the return of my baby boy, eh?”
“On the house,” the old man replied flatly. He reminded Aoi of a grave digger. He was tall, lanky, pale and his voice had that hollow deep sound that old radio announcers used to have.
“You are really a doll, you know that? You know that? Yeah? YEAH?” She leaned on the counter. Her semi-exposed breasts spilled out over the flat surface.
“Ma, your shirt,” Aoi shook his head.
“Ah! They are just titties,” she chuckled. “But baby, I know you like boys and all. Yeah, you heard that Shinigami-yeah we call him that,” she said quickly to Aoi. “My boy here is bi-sexual and all. Crazy shit kids are into these days, eh?”
“Crazy shit,” Shinigami replied in that same ominous flat voice.
“Men are only good for fucking, I’ll tell ya and money. But for love, don’t even go near that. Women are the only ones who really know how to love. Men-men-men they will ONLLLYYY hurt you, baby. Only hurt you,” she shook her head. “You can’t trust them.”
Shinigami placed two clear glasses in front of them and with skill, he poured them the clear alcohol that looked curiously like pure water. “For the Prodigal Son,” he said with an almost evil smirk.
“Stay away from romance shit honey. That’s my advice. I fell in love with Yoshiro and did whatever the fuck he asked of me. Fuck’m.” She picked up the glass and raising it into the air like a toast, downed it in one gulp.
“I’m with Uruha,” he said softly looking down at the tequila. Uruha loved drinking this shit.
“Oh, that little retarded boy?”
“He’s not retarded.”
“Bullshit. His mother said he had mental problems which means retarded.”
“He was depressed.”
“Well, falling in love with a retard might be okay. At least, they are too fucking dumb to fuck you over!!” she laughed obnoxiously.
“Uruha isn’t fucking retarded,” he slammed the glass on the table. The tequila jumped up and specks of it sprayed over the counter.
She stared at him. “Baby, is he with you? Did he come with you?”
His eyes traveled across her drunken face. How many times had he seen her like this? But it wasn’t like it is right now, sitting in a bar drinking at 11 in the morning. “Yeah,” he answered.
“He can live with us,” she smiled. “I don’t mind. He seems harmless.”
“I didn’t come back to stay.”
“What?” She blinked confused.
“I just came because you weren’t answering my calls,” he sighed and looked down at the drink. It could be water or it could be tequila but he knew that despite the way it looked, it was actually the poison. “I was worried something happened to you.”
“Something did happen to me,” She spat out angrily. “Every. Fucking. Man. I ever loved, hurt me. Men don’t know how to love. And Yuu baby…you are man just like the rest of them.”
“You’re drunk,” he shook his head.
“DAMN RIGHT I AM! I am in pain, Yuu. PAIN! You were supposed to be the light of my life. I loved you. I loved you. And you left me like all the rest. I hope you are fucking happy. You pawned your own blood for some little retard’s dick.”
Aoi could feel his anger well up inside of him. Anger at what? At her? At her drinking, her obnoxious ways, for the words she was calling Uruha, for the guilt she made him feel? For the ugly life she had given him? Maybe he was angry with himself. But did it matter? It wasn’t just her. It wasn’t him. It was everything.
He picked up the glass and downed the tequila.
“Yuu, why did you leave, huh? Why did you do that, baby? I’ve never felt so alone in my life. It was supposed to be us against the world, remember that?” She held his arm softly. Leaning in, she tried to get him to look at her face. “It was us versus them, versus the world, right baby? We made that promise, you remember?”
Of course he remembered. They were waiting for the first train that left for Hokkaido. 5 in the morning, the sun rising like it was when him and his friends had arrived not too long ago. A beautiful Mie sunrise. They had stayed up the whole night and the two them with a couple bags full of everything they had ever owned waiting on the platform. “We got to stick together,” she had said and wrapped her arm around his shoulders. “You’re my baby.” She kissed him on the cheek. “Promise me that we’ll stick together.”
“Promise me,” he had replied.
“I promise.”
“I promise.”
Miwa. He would call her that sometimes. Call her by her given name. She felt younger than other people’s mothers. You have to be a man, you have to stand up for her, protect her. The world all they want to do is fuck her over, fuck you over. They step on the little people, the poor people, the hurt, the sick, the outcast. Fuck them.
Aoi, you failed.
You were weak all along.
You ran away to protect yourself. You ran away to serve yourself. You ran away chasing a useless dream that you thought if you believed in it hard enough it would come true. But it is all a lie anyway. Dressed up piece of shit, like makeup on a dirty whore.
“I love you baby,” his mother said to him. Her words cut through his thoughts. He looked at her.
“I love you too, ma.”
“Come back.”
The air seemed to have gone thick. He stared at her face as she waited for him to respond. Something inside of him told him to.
“Another drink?” Shinigami asked. Aoi turned and looked at his smiling face. It seemed like he had awoken suddenly out of a dream as he looked at the man’s evil smirk. He held the clear bottle of poison in his hand as if it were something precious. His smirk grew into a grin and the only light in that dingy old bar poured forth from the television and illuminated the crevices of his ancient wrinkles.
This is death, Aoi realized.
“I can’t,” he said. “I love you Mama but I can’t.”
“What?”
“For the first time in my life, I feel happy and I know it’s selfish and I know it’s wrong but I have to. I have to. Nothing will change with you and I know it. I’ve tried but I can’t fight it. I can’t fight it. You want this. You want to live like this. I love you Mama but I don’t know,” he shook his head and looked away. “You did this to me and I hate you to for it. I’m not going to lie. You turned me into what you are, a sleazy whore, a fucking bitter piece of shit,” he picked up the glass and turned it over. “And I am paranoid that nothing is ever real. I’m paranoid that everyone is lying to me. That it won’t last. But fuck, right now, I’m happy. I feel…fucking happy.”
“You don’t look happy…” she slurred slowly, rocking on her stool, drunk on alcohol and sadness.
“Because I’m with you in this grave of a life,” he looked at her, anger flashing through his damp eyes. “I’m sorry I have to leave. I’m sorry it has to be this way but I want more than anything to be happy and I want it to be real not make believe like it always is with you, not a lie. I want to be really and truly happy.”
“Are you? Truly? If you can kill me like this…”
“You’re killing yourself and you want to take me down with you!” he screamed at her and stood up, knocking the stool over. He didn’t care if the old fishermen or the drunk trucker saw him or heard what he said. He was tired of being embarrassed and ashamed of his life, of what he was and of his raging vulnerabilities.
She turned around on her stool and said to Shinigami “Another drink please” as if Aoi hadn’t said anything at all.
“So, you are going to be like that?” he asked softly
“Be like that? FUCK YOU!” she spat at him. “You think that little boyfriend of yours loves you more than me, you are wrong. No one could ever love you more than me,” and suddenly as if a dam was broken inside of her, she started crying bitterly. “I am your mother,” she pointed at herself self-righteously, beating viciously on her own chest. “No one . NO ONE. NO ONE can love you more than me,” she threw her messy head down on the old counter.
The cruel sound of his own mother crying tore him up inside and the emotions that flowed through him seemed lined with barbed wire as they swam through his body. “I’m sorry Mama. I tried to fix things…but I can’t.”
“Go.”
“What?”
She looked up at him once more, two streams of damp black make-up running down her face. “GO! I SAID LEAVE! LEAVE NOW BEFORE I CHANGE MY FUCKING MIND,” she pointed to the door. “Go be happy, baby,” she said, her voice suddenly sweet and tender and as she spoke, her face contorted in emotions that she could barely understand. “Go if I hurt you so much. Go. I know I’ve failed. There isn’t a goddamn thing I’ve done right. And I hate myself more than you or anyone in this shitty world could…but I love you... Just…go…Baby, go.”
He stood there staring at her.
“GO! PLEASE GODDAMIT…Please…Please just-just…go…”
Fighting against everything inside of him that told him to stay, that told him that he couldn’t leave her like this, fighting against all the love that overflowed him, he turned around and headed to the door leaving his mother finally for the last time.
***
Inside the car, the other four sat in thick silence. No one knew what to say or what to do so they waited without saying a word.
But it couldn’t last like that for long before they grew nervous.
“I need a cigarette,” Uruha announced looking at the others for one. Reita from the back seat pulled out his pack and quickly pulling one little white stick out, handed it to him. “Lighter?” From the same pocket, he withdrew the old silver Zippo and gave it to his friend.
“I wonder how he’s doing…” Kai said in a low voice. His eyes were focused on the road before him, waiting with avid anticipation for his friend to suddenly appear walking towards them.
Uruha lit the end of the cigarette and turning to Kai who sat in the passenger seat next to him asked with excited if not pleading eyes “Want to go wait outside the bar for him?”
Reluctantly, Kai got out of the vehicle and made his way down the road. Uruha getting out after him, followed.
“I guess we’re waiting here,” Reita said with a sigh as he rested his head back against the car seat.
“I guess so,” Ruki replied. He turned in his seat and laid against the car door facing Reita. Through the window glass, the sun poured in generously. And as Reita closed his eyes and breathed deeply, Ruki watched as his features were bathed in the golden light.
After they had finished in that old shack, they had laid there laughing together for several minutes. Reita kept making jokes about the owner coming in and finding them, two random guys together on the floor of his store and then that little scenario grew and grew until the two of them were rattling off random humorous impossible occurrences. Ruki looking at him now as he sat there on the other side of the car trying to relax himself wondered what sort of things him and Kameyo talked about. Did they joke like that all the time? It seemed that was always the case when they were together, just a pair of two idiotic young guys cracking jokes.
“Well we should get the food and stuff,” Reita has said with good humor getting off the floor and quickly dressing. He had acted like nothing unexpected happened. He smiled at Ruki and joked. But what really left Ruki feeling unsettled was when Reita picking up the necklace finally from the safe place he had placed it, put it back around his neck.
“What are you thinking about?” Ruki asked him now.
“I’m thinking about Uruha and Kai,” he replied without opening his eyes.
“What about them?”
“I’m wondering if it’s a good idea or not. Probably is. I feel like Uruha knows Aoi pretty well and Kai…well…Kai always knows what the right thing to do is.”
“Except join Gazette,” Ruki replied unexpectedly.
With a shocked laughed, Reita quickly looked at him. “Wow! Catty little Ruki.”
“Please, you know I’m right,” Ruki smiled at him. He kicked off his shoes and lifting his legs up, rested them in front of him where he wrapped his arms around them.
“It would be better if he played with us. Would make things less awkward.” With a deep sigh, he turned and looked out the window and stared out at the empty street bathed in sunlight. A lone and yellow stray cat strutted down the road.
“Why did you have sex me?”
Reita surprisingly wasn’t shocked by the question. “Because you needed me to.”
“Needed.”
“You said please.”
The small boy looked down embarrassed. “I did…” he admitted in a soft voice. “It doesn’t bother you?”
“Bother me?” His eyes didn’t leave the orange cat. He watched it sniff a light pole and look around. Perhaps it heard the sound of birds?
“Yeah…bother you.”
“Should it?”
“Maybe…you joked a lot.”
“Ruki, I’m not as stupid as you think.”
“You aren’t?” He giggled.
The orange cat spotting what he had thought he heard, a tiny little bird jumping up and down, hunched over in a hunter stance. “Oh no…” Reita said as if he were answering Ruki’s question but what he was really speaking to was the cat and it’s little prey. He didn’t want to see the bird killed.
“What does that mean….you’re not as stupid?”
The cat moved closer and closer, the distance between it and the little bird dwindled. Reita grew tense as what seemed like the inevitable kill. “People always think you have to talk serious. I don’t like talking serious. In the end…I think people just want to be happy and laugh.”
“You make it too simple…”
The cat lowered itself. It was ready.
“I told you before and I’ll tell you again, I don’t care about all this other stuff. In fact, I hate it. All this complicated crap. I just want you to be happy.”
Suddenly from the alley, a feral dog pranced out and seeing the cat started barking incessantly. The orange hunter fluffed up in fear and hissing, took off from whence it came allowing the little bird who startled by the noise, to fly away. Reita watching from a far started laughing.
“What’s so funny?”
“Just that dog.”
“What dog?” Ruki leaned in and seeing what he was looking at started making aww sounds. The canine was one of those medium sized ones with fuzzy blonde hair the kind that no matter how many times you brush it was still ratty looking. It’s curled little tail wagged happily as he looked from side to side for something interesting to do. “We should take him with us!” Ruki chirped excitedly and without wasting any more time, opened the door and got out taking with him some left over junk food.
“Ruki wait!” Reita called after him but it was too late, he was already crouching with the food in his hand, whistling at the dog.
“Come here~~” he sang and presented the food to him. “I won’t hurt you! I won’t hurt you,” he cooed at the animal who eyed him somewhat taken aback by his sudden appearance. Ruki lifted up his free hand to show him that he wasn’t hiding anything and getting on his knees, displayed further clear signs to the animal that he meant no harm. The dog watched him with his innocent brown eyes. “See, I brought you food!”
Reita figuring that if he walked over to them, the dog would take out down the alley, stayed inside of the car and watched Ruki from afar as he tried to win the animal over.
“Come here cutey pie. I will love you. Let me love you,” he cooed. The dog was easily won over and it started prancing over to him, stopping occasionally to eye him and make sure that Ruki wasn’t deceiving him. Once the animal made his way to him, he sniffed the food and started eating it out of his hand. Ruki took the opportunity to start petting it and scratching it behind the ears. “Aww that-a-boy~~”
Once the food was all gone, the dog looked up at him and started wagging it’s tail. Ruki turned and smiled at Reita and then getting to his feet, smacked the side of his waist telling the dog to follow him which the trusting and goodhearted creature did. Ruki walking to the car, opened the door and pulling out a bottle of water and a plastic lid from the noodle take out, poured some and placed it in front of the door who thirstily drank the water up. “He likes me,” Ruki announced to Reita.
“Of course he does. You are feeding him and giving him water and petting him.”
“So, to win you over I have to start doing those things.”
Reita laughed. “Yeah, well so far you have never fed me or gave me something to drink and you barely pet me.”
“Pet you? I always pet you!”
“Lies!!” Reita smiled.
“Pull it out and I’ll pet it,” Ruki winked at him.
The perverted come on caused the other young man to start blushing madly regardless of the fact that only an hour or so ago that had slept together. “Uhhh…” He laughed nervously.
The dog had finished drinking and looked up at Ruki with happy expectant eyes wondering what he was going to give him next. “Come on, get in,” Ruki directed him inside of the car. “I hope Kai’s boyfriend won’t mind,” he chuckled as he looked down at the animal’s dirty paws. “We have air conditioning!” he said to the dog as he hopped inside and walking up to Reita started licking his face.
“FUCK! He stinks!” Reita scrunched his nose and moved away, protecting himself for the dog’s love attack.
“Shut up. He just needs a bath.” Ruki crawled inside of the car and shut the door, insuring that his new pet couldn’t leave them now. “You should have brought your nose band thing,” he laughed.
“Um…Ruki what if he is someone’s dog…”
“I don’t care. They let him wander around without a tag and he is dirty. If he has an owner, they weren’t very good to him.”
“So, you are just going to steal him?”
“Yeah.”
“Isn’t that…wrong? Shouldn’t you check first?”
“No,” Ruki glowered at him. “Shut up.”
The look in Ruki’s eyes told him to back off. “Okayyy,” he nodded.
The three of them sat in the back seat quietly. The dog sandwiched in between looked from face to face until lulled on by the cool air that pervaded that car, lied down and prepared itself for its midday nap.
“You put the necklace back on,” Ruki said unexpectedly.
Reita didn’t know what to say.
“That means…to me at least…that you don’t love me…not like you used to.”
“What do you want from me?” Reita asked, his frustration building up inside of him. “I already told you everything.”
“I want you…”
“You want everything,” Reita turned and looked out the window.
“So?”
“Well…that’s not fair.”
“I don’t care…” Ruki muttered and looked down at his hands. “It was nice…”
Reita turned and looked at him. Ruki’s tone was gentle and soft, not at all what he had expected. “What?”
“Earlier, when we had sex. It was nice…It felt good and you are right, it made me happy. But…the way you are…It makes me happy,” he turned and looked out his own window. He wasn’t brave enough to look at Reita directly. “What I mean is…I’m not like you. I’m not a good man like you-”
“Ruki, please.”
“No, it’s true. I don’t want you to be happy. I thought I did but I don’t. Maybe I don’t love you like you love me. Maybe I’m a low person. I think I am…”
“That isn’t true…”
Ruki ignored him and continued “I like Kameyo. I do. I wish I hated her…It would have been easier if I never met her but…When you marry her, I want you to be the most unhappy married man in the world.”
“Ruki…”
“Shut up,” he glanced at him and then quickly looked away again. “I am saying this right now as a warning…”
“A warning?”
“I said shut up,” he spat. He was burning inside with nervousness, with anger, with a passion he could barely control. “I will possess your heart or kill everything trying. I’ve made the decision back there in that fucking little shack when I saw you put that necklace around your neck and not mine…You’re right. I want everything and I’m not going to compromise. I want Kai in our band and he will be…I assure you,” he put his hands together and started twisting them. “And…and Reita, you will love me…”
The dog detecting the sadness behind his aggressive words looked up and wagging its tail, sweetly licked his hands. Ruki smiling wrapped his arm around the dog and started petting it.
Reita in shock stared at him. His heart throbbing in his chest, his skin burning hot. Ruki’s passion seemed to overwhelm him and he felt lost inside of it but what startled him the most as he sat there looking at him, immersed in the chaos of this very passion was the fact that the only thing that Reita felt he could look to, to hold on to was Ruki himself.
***
[A/N sorry for typos and such, no betaaaa ;_: she's busy...]
Author: Zion Shadowlet
Beta: butterflysaga(the bitch)
Characters: Aoi, Uruha, Ruki, Reita, Kai and many OCs (Fuwa etc.)
Pairing: Aoi/Uruha and more~
Genre: Drama, Romance, Friendship, Comedy
Rating: NC17
Summary: Six years have passed since the summer at the Dazai Bright Future Retreat for Troubled Children. The boys meet in an unexpected way perhaps bound by fate in the underground world of Visual Kei. With broken hearts and promises; the boys-now young men look to regain some of what they lost by the wild and reckless pursuit of the same dream.
Previous Parts: Part 1.1 | Part 1.2 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4.1| Part 4.2| Part 5| Part 6| Part 7.1| Part 7.2| Part 8.1| Part 8.2| Part 9| Part 10| Part 11| Part 12| Part 13| Part 14| Part 15| Part 16| Part 17| Part 18| Part 19| Part 20| Part 21| Part 22| Part 23| Part 24| Part 25| Part 26| Part 27| Part 28| Part 29
The former hooker that had opened the door and greeted him with a smug, tired face replied shortly and forcefully “She doesn’t live here anymore” when he had asked for his mother by name.
“She doesn’t live here?”
“You don’t have ears?”
“Any idea where she is now?”
“Fuck if I know,” the woman muttered as she slammed the door in his face. Interviewing the neighbors and the landlords proved to be just as useless. When he returned to his friends, the look of defeat was evident on his face.
“Now what?” Reita asked leaning against the car as his gaze danced from friend to friend. Like Aoi, he was at a loss for where they should check next.
“Well considering your mother was the way she was,” Kai pondered. “It might be smart to check the police station?”
It seemed like a pretty smart idea. Checking around, they found a local map at a noodle house that catered to tourists and made their way to the station. Aoi of course, went inside alone and telling them who he was and that he was looking for his mother, the police officer behind the counter gave him a quizzical look. After pulling up her file in the database, the strangeness of the situation faded. This seemed like something the son of whore might do the man figured, going to a police station to find out the whereabouts of his mother. After checking Aoi’s ID to make sure he was who he said he was and then having him answer several questions to confirm his identity, the police officer more out of the whim of helping the kid out than following protocol, told him her latest address.
Aoi thanked him and quickly returned to his friends where he relayed the news.
By now, it was almost 10 in the morning. The 5 of them filed inside of the car and made their way to the old, tattered apartment building. He wasn’t expecting much. Who would? He sat in the car for several moments longer than he should have, building up his courage. All sorts of lines ran through his mind. He had a million different things he wanted to say to her but he feared he would barely say even one.
“Are you okay?” Ruki asked from the backseat.
Halfheartedly, Aoi replied “yeah.” With one last sigh, he dragged himself out of the car and made his way to the dirty door that led inside her apartment. It was right on the street without any gate or any pathway. To the left of the door, against the wall was a stack of phonebooks with several empty beer bottles sitting on them like the old jugs people used to leave out for the milk man.
He lifted up a heavy hand and knocked. From the apartment above, a window swung open and an old man stuck his wrinkly bald head out. “Are you looking for Miwa?” He shouted in a grunty voice. “Costumer, are ya?”
“I’m her son,” he replied. For some reason even though he trusted his friends with his life, he felt embarrassed that his mother was so easily talked about in that way. It was no secret among them what she had done for a living but it didn’t ease the fact that it was still humiliating.
“Her son?” The old man’s thin eyes went wide as he repeated back what he had heard in disbelief. “Well, she isn’t home. She is probably at the bar.”
“Its 10 in the morning.”
“So!” The old man barked as he quickly slammed the window shut. He wanted nothing to do with the kid. He knew from experience that it wasn’t a good idea to mess in that crazy broad Miwa’s business.
Facing his friends, Aoi let out another sigh. Kai rolled down the window and looking at the map said to him “the bar is only down that way. Should we wait here?”
Aoi nodded yes and shoving his hands into his pockets, quickly walked away from them, still feeling sore over the embarrassment of what the old man had said. Stop thinking about it, Aoi said to himself but all it did was increase the nervousness that was building up in him.
The outside bar was as ratty as he thought it would be. The front was made completely of splintered wood and the sign above the entrance read “Shima Bar” as if the owner could think of nothing less creative to name the joint. The windows seemed to have been tinted or were just so dirty they had that appearance. Aoi didn’t pause to let his thoughts creep back up in him. Carrying the adrenaline from the short walk from the apartment here, he opened the door and walked inside.
There was about 3 to 4 other patrons in the bar. A couple of them were sitting together in the corner. They looked like two retired old fisherman, another was a fat trucker staring blankly at a pretty host on some crappy mid-day television show that was being projected into the dirty old bar from a small television behind the counter. It seemed in the dark shadow of the place like an electronic hole that had been punched into the wall and was now emitting fake light.
If there was any place in Shima that was completely opposite of what it was like outside, what it was like only a mile away at the beach, it was here. It didn’t take him long to find his mother. She was the only woman there.
Miwa was dressed in her typical attire, a leopard print skirt and a thin pink spaghetti strapped tank top that revealed not only the weight that she had gained over the years puffing out over the edges of her skirt but also her neon green bra. She was wearing a garish amount of makeup and her hair, dyed blonde was held up in a high pony tail. She was drinking beer, laughing loudly at some joke the cryptic old bartender was making.
He looked up from the old hooker to the young man that had just entered. He narrowed his eyes suspiciously at him. He had never seen him before. “Hello there,” he said in a strangely ominous voice as he picked up a towel and started wiping the counter. Miwa followed the bartender’s eyes. When they landed on her son, he expression went blank.
“Yuu…” she muttered.
“You know him?”
“He’s my son,” she replied.
Aoi forced a smile and made his way over to her. “Ma,” he said with a tremble in his voice.
“AHHHH the son,” the bartender said with obvious cruelty in his voice. He wanted to make it known that he knew everything about him. “The Prodigal Son returns.”
Aoi glanced at him. He didn’t know what he was talking about. But he wasn’t here to speak with him. Looking back at his mother, he could tell immediately that she was drunk.
“YUUUUUU!!! YOU’VE RETURNED!!” She yelped in an annoyingly irritating high pitched voice. “You couldn’t stay away from your dear mommy all that long now could ya, baby!” Getting quickly to her feet and stumbling on her heels, she smacked two sweaty hands on the sides of his face and kissed him messily on the lips. Aoi closed his eyes tight as the reeking scent of alcohol pervaded the air.
“I’ve been trying to call you…” he said in a low voice.
She stared at him blankly as she sat back down on her stool. “I don’t have a phone and those bitches-THOSE BITCHES-THOOOSEE BITCHES!” she pointed to the door as if they were going to emerge at any moment. “They kicked me out. Can you believe it? Me! I was the one who organized that whole SHIT.” She burped and started laughing hysterically.
Aoi knew that she had to be lying. Those women even though they weren’t the nicest women wouldn’t have just kicked her out. “What happened?” he asked with a smile. He hated himself for it but he was trying to make it seem like he thought whatever she thought was funny too even though he had no idea why she was laughing. He felt pathetic for it. He sat down next to her and looked down at the counter.
“Yoshiro came by…and you know, I let him stay with us,” she shook her head back and forth.
“Yoshiro…” he repeated. He was the leech that his mother was so fond of. Aoi couldn’t even count all the times that he had used her. He hadn’t seen him in a couple years. If he had been there when he showed up again, he would have killed him on the spot and would have gone happily to prison. “Can I have a beer?” he asked the bartender.
“Yeah, I am over him, baby. OVER HIM! OVERRRRRR!!” She laughed without covering her mouth, her uneven teeth projecting out of her mouth carelessly. It was immensely unattractive but for some reason, Aoi liked that about her, about the fact that she never gave a shit to cover her teeth when she laughed even if she looked like what she was, an obnoxious, rude prostitute.
“What happened?” he forced another smile.
“Took my money. What else is new,” she finished off her beer. “Hey sweetheart,” she said to the bartender. “How about some tequila to celebrate the return of my baby boy, eh?”
“On the house,” the old man replied flatly. He reminded Aoi of a grave digger. He was tall, lanky, pale and his voice had that hollow deep sound that old radio announcers used to have.
“You are really a doll, you know that? You know that? Yeah? YEAH?” She leaned on the counter. Her semi-exposed breasts spilled out over the flat surface.
“Ma, your shirt,” Aoi shook his head.
“Ah! They are just titties,” she chuckled. “But baby, I know you like boys and all. Yeah, you heard that Shinigami-yeah we call him that,” she said quickly to Aoi. “My boy here is bi-sexual and all. Crazy shit kids are into these days, eh?”
“Crazy shit,” Shinigami replied in that same ominous flat voice.
“Men are only good for fucking, I’ll tell ya and money. But for love, don’t even go near that. Women are the only ones who really know how to love. Men-men-men they will ONLLLYYY hurt you, baby. Only hurt you,” she shook her head. “You can’t trust them.”
Shinigami placed two clear glasses in front of them and with skill, he poured them the clear alcohol that looked curiously like pure water. “For the Prodigal Son,” he said with an almost evil smirk.
“Stay away from romance shit honey. That’s my advice. I fell in love with Yoshiro and did whatever the fuck he asked of me. Fuck’m.” She picked up the glass and raising it into the air like a toast, downed it in one gulp.
“I’m with Uruha,” he said softly looking down at the tequila. Uruha loved drinking this shit.
“Oh, that little retarded boy?”
“He’s not retarded.”
“Bullshit. His mother said he had mental problems which means retarded.”
“He was depressed.”
“Well, falling in love with a retard might be okay. At least, they are too fucking dumb to fuck you over!!” she laughed obnoxiously.
“Uruha isn’t fucking retarded,” he slammed the glass on the table. The tequila jumped up and specks of it sprayed over the counter.
She stared at him. “Baby, is he with you? Did he come with you?”
His eyes traveled across her drunken face. How many times had he seen her like this? But it wasn’t like it is right now, sitting in a bar drinking at 11 in the morning. “Yeah,” he answered.
“He can live with us,” she smiled. “I don’t mind. He seems harmless.”
“I didn’t come back to stay.”
“What?” She blinked confused.
“I just came because you weren’t answering my calls,” he sighed and looked down at the drink. It could be water or it could be tequila but he knew that despite the way it looked, it was actually the poison. “I was worried something happened to you.”
“Something did happen to me,” She spat out angrily. “Every. Fucking. Man. I ever loved, hurt me. Men don’t know how to love. And Yuu baby…you are man just like the rest of them.”
“You’re drunk,” he shook his head.
“DAMN RIGHT I AM! I am in pain, Yuu. PAIN! You were supposed to be the light of my life. I loved you. I loved you. And you left me like all the rest. I hope you are fucking happy. You pawned your own blood for some little retard’s dick.”
Aoi could feel his anger well up inside of him. Anger at what? At her? At her drinking, her obnoxious ways, for the words she was calling Uruha, for the guilt she made him feel? For the ugly life she had given him? Maybe he was angry with himself. But did it matter? It wasn’t just her. It wasn’t him. It was everything.
He picked up the glass and downed the tequila.
“Yuu, why did you leave, huh? Why did you do that, baby? I’ve never felt so alone in my life. It was supposed to be us against the world, remember that?” She held his arm softly. Leaning in, she tried to get him to look at her face. “It was us versus them, versus the world, right baby? We made that promise, you remember?”
Of course he remembered. They were waiting for the first train that left for Hokkaido. 5 in the morning, the sun rising like it was when him and his friends had arrived not too long ago. A beautiful Mie sunrise. They had stayed up the whole night and the two them with a couple bags full of everything they had ever owned waiting on the platform. “We got to stick together,” she had said and wrapped her arm around his shoulders. “You’re my baby.” She kissed him on the cheek. “Promise me that we’ll stick together.”
“Promise me,” he had replied.
“I promise.”
“I promise.”
Miwa. He would call her that sometimes. Call her by her given name. She felt younger than other people’s mothers. You have to be a man, you have to stand up for her, protect her. The world all they want to do is fuck her over, fuck you over. They step on the little people, the poor people, the hurt, the sick, the outcast. Fuck them.
Aoi, you failed.
You were weak all along.
You ran away to protect yourself. You ran away to serve yourself. You ran away chasing a useless dream that you thought if you believed in it hard enough it would come true. But it is all a lie anyway. Dressed up piece of shit, like makeup on a dirty whore.
“I love you baby,” his mother said to him. Her words cut through his thoughts. He looked at her.
“I love you too, ma.”
“Come back.”
The air seemed to have gone thick. He stared at her face as she waited for him to respond. Something inside of him told him to.
“Another drink?” Shinigami asked. Aoi turned and looked at his smiling face. It seemed like he had awoken suddenly out of a dream as he looked at the man’s evil smirk. He held the clear bottle of poison in his hand as if it were something precious. His smirk grew into a grin and the only light in that dingy old bar poured forth from the television and illuminated the crevices of his ancient wrinkles.
This is death, Aoi realized.
“I can’t,” he said. “I love you Mama but I can’t.”
“What?”
“For the first time in my life, I feel happy and I know it’s selfish and I know it’s wrong but I have to. I have to. Nothing will change with you and I know it. I’ve tried but I can’t fight it. I can’t fight it. You want this. You want to live like this. I love you Mama but I don’t know,” he shook his head and looked away. “You did this to me and I hate you to for it. I’m not going to lie. You turned me into what you are, a sleazy whore, a fucking bitter piece of shit,” he picked up the glass and turned it over. “And I am paranoid that nothing is ever real. I’m paranoid that everyone is lying to me. That it won’t last. But fuck, right now, I’m happy. I feel…fucking happy.”
“You don’t look happy…” she slurred slowly, rocking on her stool, drunk on alcohol and sadness.
“Because I’m with you in this grave of a life,” he looked at her, anger flashing through his damp eyes. “I’m sorry I have to leave. I’m sorry it has to be this way but I want more than anything to be happy and I want it to be real not make believe like it always is with you, not a lie. I want to be really and truly happy.”
“Are you? Truly? If you can kill me like this…”
“You’re killing yourself and you want to take me down with you!” he screamed at her and stood up, knocking the stool over. He didn’t care if the old fishermen or the drunk trucker saw him or heard what he said. He was tired of being embarrassed and ashamed of his life, of what he was and of his raging vulnerabilities.
She turned around on her stool and said to Shinigami “Another drink please” as if Aoi hadn’t said anything at all.
“So, you are going to be like that?” he asked softly
“Be like that? FUCK YOU!” she spat at him. “You think that little boyfriend of yours loves you more than me, you are wrong. No one could ever love you more than me,” and suddenly as if a dam was broken inside of her, she started crying bitterly. “I am your mother,” she pointed at herself self-righteously, beating viciously on her own chest. “No one . NO ONE. NO ONE can love you more than me,” she threw her messy head down on the old counter.
The cruel sound of his own mother crying tore him up inside and the emotions that flowed through him seemed lined with barbed wire as they swam through his body. “I’m sorry Mama. I tried to fix things…but I can’t.”
“Go.”
“What?”
She looked up at him once more, two streams of damp black make-up running down her face. “GO! I SAID LEAVE! LEAVE NOW BEFORE I CHANGE MY FUCKING MIND,” she pointed to the door. “Go be happy, baby,” she said, her voice suddenly sweet and tender and as she spoke, her face contorted in emotions that she could barely understand. “Go if I hurt you so much. Go. I know I’ve failed. There isn’t a goddamn thing I’ve done right. And I hate myself more than you or anyone in this shitty world could…but I love you... Just…go…Baby, go.”
He stood there staring at her.
“GO! PLEASE GODDAMIT…Please…Please just-just…go…”
Fighting against everything inside of him that told him to stay, that told him that he couldn’t leave her like this, fighting against all the love that overflowed him, he turned around and headed to the door leaving his mother finally for the last time.
***
Inside the car, the other four sat in thick silence. No one knew what to say or what to do so they waited without saying a word.
But it couldn’t last like that for long before they grew nervous.
“I need a cigarette,” Uruha announced looking at the others for one. Reita from the back seat pulled out his pack and quickly pulling one little white stick out, handed it to him. “Lighter?” From the same pocket, he withdrew the old silver Zippo and gave it to his friend.
“I wonder how he’s doing…” Kai said in a low voice. His eyes were focused on the road before him, waiting with avid anticipation for his friend to suddenly appear walking towards them.
Uruha lit the end of the cigarette and turning to Kai who sat in the passenger seat next to him asked with excited if not pleading eyes “Want to go wait outside the bar for him?”
Reluctantly, Kai got out of the vehicle and made his way down the road. Uruha getting out after him, followed.
“I guess we’re waiting here,” Reita said with a sigh as he rested his head back against the car seat.
“I guess so,” Ruki replied. He turned in his seat and laid against the car door facing Reita. Through the window glass, the sun poured in generously. And as Reita closed his eyes and breathed deeply, Ruki watched as his features were bathed in the golden light.
After they had finished in that old shack, they had laid there laughing together for several minutes. Reita kept making jokes about the owner coming in and finding them, two random guys together on the floor of his store and then that little scenario grew and grew until the two of them were rattling off random humorous impossible occurrences. Ruki looking at him now as he sat there on the other side of the car trying to relax himself wondered what sort of things him and Kameyo talked about. Did they joke like that all the time? It seemed that was always the case when they were together, just a pair of two idiotic young guys cracking jokes.
“Well we should get the food and stuff,” Reita has said with good humor getting off the floor and quickly dressing. He had acted like nothing unexpected happened. He smiled at Ruki and joked. But what really left Ruki feeling unsettled was when Reita picking up the necklace finally from the safe place he had placed it, put it back around his neck.
“What are you thinking about?” Ruki asked him now.
“I’m thinking about Uruha and Kai,” he replied without opening his eyes.
“What about them?”
“I’m wondering if it’s a good idea or not. Probably is. I feel like Uruha knows Aoi pretty well and Kai…well…Kai always knows what the right thing to do is.”
“Except join Gazette,” Ruki replied unexpectedly.
With a shocked laughed, Reita quickly looked at him. “Wow! Catty little Ruki.”
“Please, you know I’m right,” Ruki smiled at him. He kicked off his shoes and lifting his legs up, rested them in front of him where he wrapped his arms around them.
“It would be better if he played with us. Would make things less awkward.” With a deep sigh, he turned and looked out the window and stared out at the empty street bathed in sunlight. A lone and yellow stray cat strutted down the road.
“Why did you have sex me?”
Reita surprisingly wasn’t shocked by the question. “Because you needed me to.”
“Needed.”
“You said please.”
The small boy looked down embarrassed. “I did…” he admitted in a soft voice. “It doesn’t bother you?”
“Bother me?” His eyes didn’t leave the orange cat. He watched it sniff a light pole and look around. Perhaps it heard the sound of birds?
“Yeah…bother you.”
“Should it?”
“Maybe…you joked a lot.”
“Ruki, I’m not as stupid as you think.”
“You aren’t?” He giggled.
The orange cat spotting what he had thought he heard, a tiny little bird jumping up and down, hunched over in a hunter stance. “Oh no…” Reita said as if he were answering Ruki’s question but what he was really speaking to was the cat and it’s little prey. He didn’t want to see the bird killed.
“What does that mean….you’re not as stupid?”
The cat moved closer and closer, the distance between it and the little bird dwindled. Reita grew tense as what seemed like the inevitable kill. “People always think you have to talk serious. I don’t like talking serious. In the end…I think people just want to be happy and laugh.”
“You make it too simple…”
The cat lowered itself. It was ready.
“I told you before and I’ll tell you again, I don’t care about all this other stuff. In fact, I hate it. All this complicated crap. I just want you to be happy.”
Suddenly from the alley, a feral dog pranced out and seeing the cat started barking incessantly. The orange hunter fluffed up in fear and hissing, took off from whence it came allowing the little bird who startled by the noise, to fly away. Reita watching from a far started laughing.
“What’s so funny?”
“Just that dog.”
“What dog?” Ruki leaned in and seeing what he was looking at started making aww sounds. The canine was one of those medium sized ones with fuzzy blonde hair the kind that no matter how many times you brush it was still ratty looking. It’s curled little tail wagged happily as he looked from side to side for something interesting to do. “We should take him with us!” Ruki chirped excitedly and without wasting any more time, opened the door and got out taking with him some left over junk food.
“Ruki wait!” Reita called after him but it was too late, he was already crouching with the food in his hand, whistling at the dog.
“Come here~~” he sang and presented the food to him. “I won’t hurt you! I won’t hurt you,” he cooed at the animal who eyed him somewhat taken aback by his sudden appearance. Ruki lifted up his free hand to show him that he wasn’t hiding anything and getting on his knees, displayed further clear signs to the animal that he meant no harm. The dog watched him with his innocent brown eyes. “See, I brought you food!”
Reita figuring that if he walked over to them, the dog would take out down the alley, stayed inside of the car and watched Ruki from afar as he tried to win the animal over.
“Come here cutey pie. I will love you. Let me love you,” he cooed. The dog was easily won over and it started prancing over to him, stopping occasionally to eye him and make sure that Ruki wasn’t deceiving him. Once the animal made his way to him, he sniffed the food and started eating it out of his hand. Ruki took the opportunity to start petting it and scratching it behind the ears. “Aww that-a-boy~~”
Once the food was all gone, the dog looked up at him and started wagging it’s tail. Ruki turned and smiled at Reita and then getting to his feet, smacked the side of his waist telling the dog to follow him which the trusting and goodhearted creature did. Ruki walking to the car, opened the door and pulling out a bottle of water and a plastic lid from the noodle take out, poured some and placed it in front of the door who thirstily drank the water up. “He likes me,” Ruki announced to Reita.
“Of course he does. You are feeding him and giving him water and petting him.”
“So, to win you over I have to start doing those things.”
Reita laughed. “Yeah, well so far you have never fed me or gave me something to drink and you barely pet me.”
“Pet you? I always pet you!”
“Lies!!” Reita smiled.
“Pull it out and I’ll pet it,” Ruki winked at him.
The perverted come on caused the other young man to start blushing madly regardless of the fact that only an hour or so ago that had slept together. “Uhhh…” He laughed nervously.
The dog had finished drinking and looked up at Ruki with happy expectant eyes wondering what he was going to give him next. “Come on, get in,” Ruki directed him inside of the car. “I hope Kai’s boyfriend won’t mind,” he chuckled as he looked down at the animal’s dirty paws. “We have air conditioning!” he said to the dog as he hopped inside and walking up to Reita started licking his face.
“FUCK! He stinks!” Reita scrunched his nose and moved away, protecting himself for the dog’s love attack.
“Shut up. He just needs a bath.” Ruki crawled inside of the car and shut the door, insuring that his new pet couldn’t leave them now. “You should have brought your nose band thing,” he laughed.
“Um…Ruki what if he is someone’s dog…”
“I don’t care. They let him wander around without a tag and he is dirty. If he has an owner, they weren’t very good to him.”
“So, you are just going to steal him?”
“Yeah.”
“Isn’t that…wrong? Shouldn’t you check first?”
“No,” Ruki glowered at him. “Shut up.”
The look in Ruki’s eyes told him to back off. “Okayyy,” he nodded.
The three of them sat in the back seat quietly. The dog sandwiched in between looked from face to face until lulled on by the cool air that pervaded that car, lied down and prepared itself for its midday nap.
“You put the necklace back on,” Ruki said unexpectedly.
Reita didn’t know what to say.
“That means…to me at least…that you don’t love me…not like you used to.”
“What do you want from me?” Reita asked, his frustration building up inside of him. “I already told you everything.”
“I want you…”
“You want everything,” Reita turned and looked out the window.
“So?”
“Well…that’s not fair.”
“I don’t care…” Ruki muttered and looked down at his hands. “It was nice…”
Reita turned and looked at him. Ruki’s tone was gentle and soft, not at all what he had expected. “What?”
“Earlier, when we had sex. It was nice…It felt good and you are right, it made me happy. But…the way you are…It makes me happy,” he turned and looked out his own window. He wasn’t brave enough to look at Reita directly. “What I mean is…I’m not like you. I’m not a good man like you-”
“Ruki, please.”
“No, it’s true. I don’t want you to be happy. I thought I did but I don’t. Maybe I don’t love you like you love me. Maybe I’m a low person. I think I am…”
“That isn’t true…”
Ruki ignored him and continued “I like Kameyo. I do. I wish I hated her…It would have been easier if I never met her but…When you marry her, I want you to be the most unhappy married man in the world.”
“Ruki…”
“Shut up,” he glanced at him and then quickly looked away again. “I am saying this right now as a warning…”
“A warning?”
“I said shut up,” he spat. He was burning inside with nervousness, with anger, with a passion he could barely control. “I will possess your heart or kill everything trying. I’ve made the decision back there in that fucking little shack when I saw you put that necklace around your neck and not mine…You’re right. I want everything and I’m not going to compromise. I want Kai in our band and he will be…I assure you,” he put his hands together and started twisting them. “And…and Reita, you will love me…”
The dog detecting the sadness behind his aggressive words looked up and wagging its tail, sweetly licked his hands. Ruki smiling wrapped his arm around the dog and started petting it.
Reita in shock stared at him. His heart throbbing in his chest, his skin burning hot. Ruki’s passion seemed to overwhelm him and he felt lost inside of it but what startled him the most as he sat there looking at him, immersed in the chaos of this very passion was the fact that the only thing that Reita felt he could look to, to hold on to was Ruki himself.
***
[A/N sorry for typos and such, no betaaaa ;_: she's busy...]