Fandom: Supernatural
Title: Wrong
Characters/Pairings: Sam/Dean, John, Ellen, Bobby, Caleb OMC
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 3444
Summary: A sequel to
Anything which was a Christmas request from
nanakomatsu,
Nothing,
Something,
To Be Good,
Broken,
To Be Strong,
Nothing, No One, Alone,
Yours,
Mine,
Better,
Choice,
Gathering,
Betrayal,
Taken,
Remember,
Training,
Conflagration,
Setting Up,
Surviving,
Pretending,
Rescue,
Revelations,
Reconciliation,
Waking Up,
Guilt,
Working On It,
Effort,
The Need to Talk,
Please and
Family Summary: Sam makes breakfast while trying to pretend for Dean, Ellen and Caleb get to Austin, Dean has a strong reaction to a suggestion Sam makes...and Dean helps Sam feel better.
A/Ns and Warnings: Very dark. Includes memory of torture and rape and very dark violence.
Sam woke sometime before dawn, the weight of Dean’s body pressing into the mattress beside him. His dreams had been vague and they left him feeling uncomfortable in his own skin, though the screaming fear seemed to be in recession.
He was tired of looking at the room. He was restless and itchy. He hated feeling like an invalid. Careful not to disturb Dean, Sam inched his way to the edge of the bed and reached for his crutches. He’d like to shower, but the stitches and the cast would make it difficult without help, so instead he dug out a t-shirt and slipped it on over his head.
Sam made his way out into the hall and slowly down the stairs.
The air was cool and still tasted of the rain that had been falling the last few days. Sam sighed as he stood at the door looking out over the trees. Ellen and Caleb had gone after Gorlian, and a part of him was glad. It meant he didn’t have to face them, didn’t have to see their pity. It meant their father hadn’t gone, though Sam knew he wanted to.
Hell, part of Sam wanted to be out there, going after them.
Part of Sam wanted to take Dean and go far, far away to deal with all of this in private.
And another part of him didn’t want to deal with it at all. He sighed and closed his eyes. Dean wanted him to pretend. Sam wasn’t sure he could, but if it helped Dean, he was willing to try.
The skies were starting to lighten, and he knew Dean would wake up soon. With a deep breath he decided that he’d surprise his brother with breakfast…something sweet. He hobbled into the kitchen and searched until he came up with a skillet and pancake mix.
It wasn’t an easy thing to do, trying to cook while standing on crutches, but he managed to not burn many and by the time Bobby came into the kitchen in search of coffee, Sam had quite a stack of pancakes that he was trying to figure out how to move to the table. “Let me help.”
Bobby took the plate and set it in the center. “You okay?”
Sam smiled. “Just making breakfast for Dean. He’s been so concerned with me, I thought it would be nice.”
“He was just getting out of the shower when I came down.” Bobby said, moving to pull coffee cups out of the strainer.
“There’s plenty, help yourself.”
Bobby got butter and syrup from the fridge and set them on the table while Sam flipped the pancakes in the pan. “Thank you Sam.”
“Well, consider it payback, after all the breakfasts you made for me and Dean.”
Bobby froze and turned to him. “You know you don’t owe me anything, Sam.”
Sam inhaled sharply. Already his ability to pretend was being shown for what it was. The sound of pain in Bobby’s voice cut through him. “I mean, if anything I owe you…you and Dean…”
“Bobby, I-“ Sam took the skillet off the flame, and turned on his crutches. “You have nothing to - for god’s sake Bobby.” Sam didn’t know what to say…how to console the grief or placate the need he could hear in Bobby’s voice.
Bobby was shaking his head. “No, Sam.” Bobby turned to face him. “If I’d been a better father, if I’d seen what was happening…Robert would have gotten the help he needed…he wouldn’t have…done this, hurt you.”
“Fuck Bobby.” Sam struggled over to the table. He didn’t want to deal with this…here was the man whose son had shown Gorlian how to take Dean, how to break him, and demanded Sam in payment…whose son Sam had shot in cold blood…and he was blaming himself. “It isn’t your fault. Robert was…sick. None of us saw it and me and Dean saw him nearly as much as you did.”
Bobby hung his head, still holding the butter. “He thought he loved you.” Bobby sighed heavily. “How could I not see that? I know more about you and Dean than I do my own son.”
Bobby sat down at the table and Sam followed, sinking into a chair. There were no words. Sam’s eyes fell on the pancakes. “Dean tells me that I need to eat, and that if I pretend I’m okay, one day I will be. Maybe…you could try that. Eat something?”
Bobby managed something like a smile and reached for the plate of pancakes just as Dean came into the room. “You cooked.” Dean said and Sam grinned.
“I did. Let me get the last of them.”
“I should call Dad.”
“And Gabe.” Sam said as he hobbled back to the stove. “There’s plenty and I have bacon too.”
Ellen woke as they crossed into Texas. Caleb glanced her way and offered her a cup of coffee. “It’s probably mostly cold.”
“It’s okay.” She took it and sipped, making a face, but swallowed anyway. She stretched as much as the small space of the passenger seat would allow. “You okay? Need me to drive?”
“I’m good.” They were quiet for a long minute before Caleb cleared his throat. “I’ve been thinking.”
Ellen waited, looking at him. “Are you sure we should do this….I mean without help?”
“I have an idea how he thinks. He won’t suspect me.” She looked out the window at the blurry landscape. “He thinks of me as little more than the woman who seduced his brother. Never put much stock in women…thought of them as a distraction, a way to work off the energy.”
Caleb raised an eyebrow as he glanced at her. “Obviously, he didn’t get to know you.”
She smiled tightly. “No, Bill kept him away. And when he was around, he ignored me, while I watched him.” She shifted in her seat. “We should stop in the next town, stretch our legs, get some fresh coffee.”
Sam left the others to clean up after breakfast and hobbled out to the porch, lowering himself onto the wicker chair and lifting his leg with both hands to prop it up on the railing. It throbbed from the activity. He rubbed at his thigh, above the cast. With all the other injuries, he could work past the pain, pretend like Dean wanted. The leg though…it branded him as injured, an invalid. It weakened him, took him out of the fight.
It was what kept his father there in that cabin instead of being out there taking care of Gorlian.
The door opened beside him and Dean came out to sit beside him. “You okay, Sammy?”
Sam nodded. “Sore. But okay.”
“I can get you something.”
Sam shook his head. “No, I’m fine. Sit with me?”
Dean smiled and sat down in the chair beside Sam’s. “It’s a nice day.”
“Yeah, I guess.” Sam toyed with the ring on his finger. He still wasn’t used to it…but it was a connection to Dean…to their father. “I think we should tell Dad to go after Ellen.”
Dean frowned at him. “What?”
Sam grimaced and rubbed harder at his thigh. “He wants to, you can see it. He doesn’t know what to do with us…especially…now…you know?” He reached for Dean’s hand and held it.
“You mean now that he knows about us?” Dean asked, letting Sam pull his hand into his lap.
Sam nodded. “I think it would be easier…for both of us…and him.”
Dean was quiet for a long time, and when he spoke his voice was soft. “The last time he left us alone, Robert came and took you away from me.”
Sam looked at him, trying to see past the blank expression and down turned eyes. “Robert is dead.”
“But the others aren’t. They’re still out there Sam.” Dean drew in a shaky breath and raised his face. “What if they come? What if they’re just waiting for him to be gone? What if they took you away…or me? What if they took us both and we never see each other again?”
Dean shook his head. “Could you handle that…all of that…again?” He stood up and paced away to the door, pulling the heavy oak door shut behind the screen door. “I-I don’t think I could do it again Sam.”
“Dean, no one knows where we are. No one is coming for us.”
Dean frowned and shook his head. “No? Like Tulsa? Like Bobby’s?” He came to kneel by Sam’s knee. “A new master, Sam. They’d start from scratch. Lock us up in the dark with the voice…beat us with the paddle and the lash and the crop…rape…over and over until you can’t feel anything…and all you can taste is the come in your mouth…until it’s all numb and you can’t remember your name or what it was like before the cage…” Dean’s hands closed around Sam’s wrists. “And then, when you can’t fight and you can’t remember…when they’ve taken everything and you really are nothing…they go at it just a little longer until you’re not even that…until you can’t feel the dick in your ass, can’t cry…can’t think…until you’re blank…less than nothing…”
“Dean….please stop.” Sam groaned, but Dean couldn’t hear him. He pulled harder on Sam’s wrists.
“That’s when they start giving you things….they give you rules to follow…instructions…and you do them…because there’s nothing else…you don’t think…you just do….They say kneel and you kneel. They say open your mouth, and you do it. They say bend over and you spread yourself for them….because at least its something…and maybe when you’re good enough you get rewards…when master likes what you’ve done, how you’ve behaved, you might get a treat, or to service him….because that’s what good slaves are…invisible…you disappear, Sam….and no one ever knows where you’ve gone…and no one rescues you…”
“You rescued me.” Sam said through his tears. Something in Dean’s voice, in his desperate words, and the way he was holding him had Sam achingly hard…inappropriately aroused. He tried to pull free, but Dean held him.
“I can’t Sam…I can’t…”
“Dean, you’re hurting me.” The harder he squeezed Sam’s wrists, the harder Sam’s cock was getting. “No…just, fuck, Dean. Let go!”
Dean seemed to snap back into himself and released Sam, pulling back and standing up. “Sorry…I didn’t mean to…I mean…He can’t leave us, Sam. I can’t go back there.”
“It’s okay Dean. We don’t have to say anything.” Sam rubbed his wrists and dropped his hands to his lap to hide his body’s reaction. It was wrong in so many ways. It wasn’t fast enough to hide the bulge from Dean though.
“Sam?”
He shook his head. “Just…leave it Dean. I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
He could see warring emotions on Dean’s face. There was a flash of anger, and compassion and confusion. “No, you promised me you’d tell me. It’s good, Sam.”
Sam looked away and palmed his cock through his pants, trying to make it go down. “No…it’s wrong.”
Dean’s hand was on his face. “Dad told me it was natural…that it was okay.”
“Not like that. You grabbed me…you said those things…it’s just wrong…and I need…I need to be alone.”
“Sam. Look at me.” It took a minute, but Sam looked up at him, wiping tears from his eyes. “Do you remember the night I finally understood? When I realized what you wanted? You kissed me, remember, and pressed up against me, and you got hard. You were so embarrassed, so afraid. Kept telling me it was wrong and you shouldn’t want it.”
Sam nodded slowly as Dean sank back to his knees. He slowly put his hands on Sam’s thighs. “Do you remember what I told you?” Dean’s hands slid up and inward and Sam caught his breath.
Dean was looking up at him and his face was suddenly so much like Dean…and some part of him knew that this was Dean pretending…and some part of him just didn’t care. “You told me wrong shouldn’t matter.”
Dean nodded. His hands reached the crease of Sam’s legs and paused. “Why?” He leaned in and pressed a kiss to Sam’s lips.
“Because we’re Winchesters…and our lives are different.”
Dean’s lips moved over Sam’s jaw line. “Wrong is for normal people Sam.”
Sam moaned and pulled back. “But…this is different Dean. You…were talking about r-rape.” He drew in a deep breath. “You were holding me down. I shouldn’t get hard…Not like that.”
“I like that my touch arouses you, Sam.” Dean whispered, paraphrasing words Sam once said to him. “I like that you are able to feel this.” His hand slipped down to cup his cock through the sweats.
Sam started and breathed through the panic. “Dean…someone’s gonna see. It’s…we should…”
“Want to Sam. Is it okay? Can I make it feel good?” His fingers strummed over his length, and Sam shifted, tilting his hips forward and spreading his legs. Dean’s lips traveled over Sam’s chin and down to his neck.
“Dean.”
“I’ve got you Sammy.” Dean’s hand was inside his pants now, holding his cock, caressing it slowly. “Just me, right Sammy? You and me…”
Sam’s eyes rolled closed and he licked his lips. “Dean…please…”
“Tell me to stop, Sam and I will.”
“No…please…Dean…don’t….”
“Easy, baby…just go easy.”
Sam swallowed and thrust up into his brother’s hand. “It’s okay, Sammy…it’s okay…want you to…” Dean whispered as Sam whimpered and bit his lip. “It’s okay, Sammy. I love you. I love you.”
Sam shuddered and held Dean to him as he came, arching up off the chair. Dean held him and made comforting noises as the tremors faded. When Sam sat back, Dean pulled his hand free and flicked the strings of come into the bushes in front of the porch.
Sam shook his head. He couldn’t figure out how they’d gone from talking about telling their father to go hunt to this. “Dean?”
Dean turned around, a vague smile on his face. “Yeah, Sammy?”
“You okay?”
Dean nodded. “I am, Sam. How about you?”
He shivered. “I think so. Can we…just sit for a while?”
Dean smiled and leaned down to kiss him. “Anything you want Sam.”
Caleb stretched before he opened his eyes, stiffening up when the last of the open sores on his back brushed across the seat. He felt the car slowing, turning. “Where?” he asked, sitting up finally.
“We just made Austin. Thought we’d get us rooms, maybe some food. Then we can check out the target.” She pulled to a stop in front of a motel and got out to get them a room. Caleb climbed out of the car and wandered a little, turning to eye the long lines of billboards advertising restaurants and motels and tires.
Ellen really did mean “just” in the “just made Austin” part of her statement. It was the kind of motel that sits on the outskirts of big cities, a place for late night rendezvous’ and truckers on long hauls. He still wasn’t entirely sure of this plan of Ellen’s though.
He eyed her through the office windows and pulled out his phone. Caleb chewed on the inside of his cheek, then flipped it open and dialed John’s number. “Hey, John. We’re in Austin. Just pulled in.”
“What do you two think you’re doing?” John asked and Caleb smiled.
“Ellen seems to think we’re going to take out Gorlian. Surprise him or something.”
“And you?”
Caleb shrugged. “I’m just along for the ride…watching her back, you know.”
“I’m sending Bobby and Gabe to back you both up.”
“Ellen would be pissed.”
“What would I be pissed about?” Caleb turned to see her behind him, looking irritated.
“John’s sending reinforcements.”
Ellen stormed to him and pulled the phone from his hand. “You listen to me, John Winchester, if you leave those boys I will skin you alive.”
“Bobby and Gabe, Ellen. Not me. I’ve made a few calls and Allen and Joe and Gordon are working their way toward you too. They should stagger in, so it doesn’t tip them off. You make first contact.”
Ellen nodded, though she was thrown by his response. She’d expected more of a fight. “Okay. Are you sure though? Is Bobby ready for something like this?”
“He’s the one who suggested it.” John said. She could hear his discomfort with staying behind in his silence.
“Have them call when they get into town. Caleb and I will do a preliminary recon this afternoon.”
“Be careful.”
“You too.”
John hung up the phone and sighed, looking up at Bobby and Gabe. “She’s in Austin, like we thought.”
Bobby stood up from the table. “I’ll get packed.”
Gabe stood a little more slowly. “You sure you want me to go?”
John nodded. “You’re closer than your father, and they’re going to need the technical skills. You okay with that?”
Gabe nodded. “Yeah. I’ll get my things.”
The door opened and Dean held it while Sam hobbled in. Sam seemed…subdued, but Dean smiled at him. “Sam’s a little tired. I’m going to take him upstairs.”
“Before you do…come sit down, both of you.”
Dean looked a little confused by the order, but helped Sam get turned and headed toward the table, holding his chair while Sam sank into it.
“We found Ellen and Caleb. They’re in Austin.”
Sam grabbed Dean’s hand, squeezing it. John looked up at Dean’s face, but there was nothing to give away what he was thinking. “You want to go help them.” Sam said and Dean made a strange noise.
“Well…yes, I do.” John said, watching as distress registered on Dean’s face and Sam pulled him closer.
“Dean, it’s okay.” Sam coaxed Dean down to his knees beside him, slipping an arm around him. His other hand stroked Dean’s hair soothingly. “Dean and I talked about this earlier. He’s worried that if you leave we’ll be exposed, and we’re not exactly at our strongest.”
John nodded, watching Sam’s hand, watching the flash of silver on his hand. “I’m not going.”
Both of his boys looked up at him, clearly surprised. “I left you once when I thought you’d be safe. I thought hunting these bastards down was the most important thing. I was wrong.”
“Dad?”
John inhaled. “So, I’m staying here to take care of you boys. Gabe and Bobby are heading to Austin to back up Ellen and Caleb.”
“Gabe?” Sam frowned and his hand stilled on Dean’s head as Dean relaxed. “I don’t know…he’s…still pretty shook up…and he’s…what if he gets…grabbed?”
“Bobby will look after him. He’ll be fine.”
Sam nodded distractedly, then yawned. “Why don’t you get on up to bed, Sam? I’ll come up after I see them off, check on you.”
Dean helped Sam up and onto his crutches, but he stopped beside John as Sam went to the stairs. “Thank you. I didn’t want you to leave.”
“Not going anywhere, Dean.”