The Need to Talk, Supernatural, NC-17, Broken!Verse
Fandom: Supernatural
Title: The Need to Talk
Characters/Pairings: Sam/Dean, hint of John/Ellen, Bobby, OMC
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 3245
Summary: A sequel to Anything which was a Christmas request from nanakomatsu, Nothing, Something, To Be Good, Broken, To Be Strong, Nothing, No One, Alone, Yours, Mine, Better, Choice, Gathering, Betrayal, Taken, Remember, Training, Conflagration, Setting Up, Surviving, Pretending, Rescue, Revelations, Reconciliation, Waking Up, Guilt, Working On It and Effort.
Summary: Sam and Dean talk over breakfast. Gabe and Bobby work together to sort out the information in the encrypted files. Ellen gets news from Ash, and decides it's time to talk to John.
A/Ns and Warnings: Very dark. Includes memory of torture and rape and very dark violence.
The Dean that came in the room with a tray filled with fruit and some eggs was subdued, quiet. His eyes flicked to his father’s, then Sam’s before setting the tray on the table. “Ellen has breakfast nearly ready downstairs,” he said to John who nodded and stood.
“I’m going to lay down after breakfast for a while, give you boys some time alone.”
It was obvious to Sam they had talked about that, made some sort of agreement. Dean nodded and went about setting the food out on the table. “I’m right across the hall if you need anything.”
Sam nodded, but he wasn’t exactly listening. His eyes were on Dean. It was obvious he had been crying, and his movements were stiff. As the door closed, he turned to Sam, hesitating slightly before coming to help him up. “I thought we’d eat over here, by the window.”
He let Dean get him up and onto the crutches before moving to the chair by the table. He looked at Dean long and hard. “You okay?” he finally asked as he sat.
Dean nodded. “Better.” He handed Sam a cup of coffee with an apologetic expression. “Bobby made it…its’ kinda strong. I brought you sugar though.” He pointed to the packets of sugar.
Sam sipped before making a face and reaching for the sugar. “Kinda strong? I could strip the paint on the Impala with this.”
Dean chuckled, his smile transforming his face from mournful and lost to Dean. Sam reached out for his hand and brushed his lips over it. Dean smiled down at him and set a plate in front of Sam. “Eat.”
Sam made a face and let go of Dean. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m just not…” he sighed and stabbed at the scrambled eggs. “Food is just gross.”
Dean’s hand was on his face, turning it up. “I know, Sam. I do. But you have to eat. Okay?”
Sam nodded, turning enough that he could kiss Dean’s palm. “I’m trying.”
Dean nodded. “It was bad for me too. I thought I’d throw up….and Thomas wasn’t keen on that. Got punished for it.”
“T-Thomas?” Sam felt flushed with fear at the name, his hands shaking. He put the fork down. He remembered that punishment, remembered throwing up and getting beaten. He remembered the glee with which Thomas applied the punishment.
“He was my handler too.” Dean said softly, cutting into an apple. “He…was vicious.” He was quiet for a minute, then sighed and reached for his coffee. “At least you didn’t have him and Razz together.”
Sam remembered Razz and the thought of him and Thomas together was terrifying. Dean nodded slowly and went to stand by the window. “The point is Sam, you won’t get sick. Just eat slowly. Little bits, while your stomach readjusts. Okay?” Dean’s voice was soft, a slight quiver coloring it as he looked out into the trees.
When Sam didn’t answer, Dean turned to look at him. There were tears in his eyes. “Please, Sam?”
Sam picked the fork back up and put the eggs in his mouth, chewing slowly without breaking eye contact. Dean breathed out and came back to the table, sinking onto the second chair with a hitch of an inhale as his ass touched the seat. “It’s important…”
“I know, Dean.” Sam said. “See, I’m eating.”
“You can’t leave me again.” Dean whispered, his voice and eyes dropping.
Sam’s hand fumbled away from the plate and took Dean’s. “Dean?”
“You…you can’t.” He breathed in hard, trying to gather himself. He didn’t look at Sam and Sam couldn’t figure out what he was thinking.
“Dean, I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here.”
Dean shook his head. “You need to eat…you need to get better…stronger…so you don’t…get sick….so you don’t…die.”
Sam shivered, then pulled on Dean’s hands to get him to look up. “I’m not going anywhere Dean. I’m not going to die. I’m right here.” Dean blinked, squeezing tears out onto his cheek. “And see, eating.” He took another bite of egg. “See?”
Dean nodded, though he still looked spooked. Sam concentrated on eating, watching each forkful and not looking at Dean. He didn’t know why Dean was suddenly so fragile, but suspected it had to do with what he’d demanded of their father.
His stomach was full after less than half the eggs, and he nibbled on some grapes until he thought he really would be sick. “Better?” he asked Dean.
“Yeah. Better.”
“So…you and Dad talk?” It wasn’t a subtle segue, and Dean looked annoyed when he stood.
“Yeah. He…wants to understand…but it hurts to see the way it makes him feel.”
“Dad is doing his best Dean.” Sam said, squirming a little. They weren’t exactly used to a great deal of emotion that wasn’t anger coming from their father. It wasn’t that he was an angry man, just…obsessed, and a Winchester…which meant that emotion was kept close to the chest.
“He cried.” Dean shook his head. “Its all…weird.”
“Did he-“ Sam stopped himself. It was a stupid question. Dean had needed punishment, and their father had punished him. Of course it hurt. Of course it left Dean in a strange emotional place. Because Dean wasn’t the same man he’d been when he’d begged Sam to punish him…Dean wasn’t himself, but he remembered himself. “Are you okay?”
Dean shrugged, his back to Sam. “I-I don’t know. I’m tired of being so…weak….so afraid.”
“You are stronger than anyone I know Dean.” Sam said softly.
“No, Sam, I’m not.” Dean sat on the end of the bed and stared at the floor. “I told him you’d be okay. I told him they wouldn’t touch you, but I knew. God Sam, some part of me knew and I couldn’t…I remember it, and every time I thought about what they were doing to you…”
“Dean…It’s…I’m okay.”
He shook his head. “I’m not.”
Sam leveraged himself up off the chair and limped to his brother. “What are you saying, Dean?”
“I…I’m trying Sam…but its…too much….its just…I’m hurting him, I see it every time he looks at me, and I’m afraid…and I remember when I wasn’t afraid…and fuck but I want to beat the shit out of something...but I’m not sure I can.”
Sam sank onto the bed beside him, taking his hand. “When Dad first came to me, to tell me that you were missing…he was in bad shape. He’d been hunting for you, but couldn’t pick up the trail. He hadn’t eaten in days, and he was so angry with himself.”
He stroked over Dean’s cheek with his free hand. “He was a wreck. I’d never seen him like that. When he told me what happened…when he told me you were gone, he cried. I didn’t know what to do. But it wasn’t you. It wasn’t your fault. He was crying because he couldn’t save you.”
Dean looked at him and sniffed back the tears threatening to fall. “Yeah?”
Sam nodded. “Yeah. I think that maybe its still about that. It isn’t your fault, or mine. Dad didn’t keep these things from happening to us…and because he didn’t, it hurts to be reminded that they did happen.”
“I asked him to punish me…because I broke the rules…”
“I know.” Sam kissed his cheek. “Did it help?”
Dean sighed heavily. “I don’t know. I think so.” He sighed again. “It’s all so wrong, you know? I mean…I’d do it again. Too little, too late. But I was wrong and they hurt you…we didn’t get to you fast enough…they shouldn’t have touched you…but they did…and I couldn’t let them…I couldn’t let him…”
“What did you do, Dean?” Sam asked breathlessly, though he was starting to get a picture.
“I killed him, Sam.”
Sam’s hand stopped it’s tender movement on Dean’s face, moved to cup the back of his neck. “Master James? You killed him?” Sam asked. He figured the man was dead, but assumed he’d died in the explosion, or that their father had killed him.
Dean nodded miserably. “He-he would have found a way out. He would have turned you into what I am. I couldn’t let him have you…I couldn’t...”
Sam closed his eyes and pushed away the terror in his stomach. As bad as it had been, James hadn’t done more than examine him, and yet…and yet…Sam was terrified of him…of what he was, what he could do to them both. He wanted to curl up and block out the memories, but Dean needed him. Dean who’d had James do so much more, who James had trained to submit willingly. “Dean.” He cleared his throat and leaned in to kiss Dean’s cheek again. “Dean…god…”
Dean’s eyes were closed and Sam could see him reliving the moment. “I got his knife. I shoved it up his ass. I…cut him…That knife he used on your back to get me to talk…I used it to…I cut his dick off.”
Dean’s hands were shaking under Sam’s. Sam kissed his face, turning him so that he could press his lips over his cheeks and eyes. “You are the most amazing man Dean.” Sam whispered. “You came for me…knowing what you were coming back into…knowing what he would do to you…you came…and you made it okay…”
He kissed over Dean’s lips, licking his own before kissing a little deeper, letting his tongue linger on Dean’s lip. “I knew what I had to do, when I saw you. When you helped me say the words…I knew Dean…I knew that you’d take care of me. I just had to get there.”
Dean’s hands were on the side of Sam’s face now, pulling him in for more kisses, his lips parting slightly. Sam sank into him, into the familiar feeling of Dean’s lips, Dean’s hands. Dean made a soft, needy sound in the back of his throat and Sam tried to keep the bubbling panic away, tried to not remember what it felt like to be mauled and violated, tried to remember that this was love, this was Dean…this was everything he had…
“Sam.” Dean breathed his name, and Sam’s heart stopped.
“Right here Dean.” Sam whispered. “Right here.”
“It doesn’t make any sense.” Gabe said, sitting back in frustration and looking up at Ellen and Caleb. Bobby was hovering behind him, reading over his shoulder as he tried to make sense of the data in the encrypted files.
“It almost looks like someone at that facility was gathering information to use against the Gorlians.” Bobby said, pointing. “Go to that. I want to see it again.” He read silently for a few minutes then moved back to his chair. “From what I’ve seen the Gorlians are…well, aliases, and it’s almost like it’s a title…like you earn your way up the organization.”
“And someone was gunning to replace one of them?” Ellen asked.
Bobby shrugged. “Don’t know. Just know that whoever created these files had to already be pretty highly placed. There’s a lot of stuff here that’s pretty personal. Whoever did this knew Terry Gorlian…the youngest, the one Sam dealt with, and knew a lot about the other two.”
Caleb paced around the kitchen a bit, then leaned against the counter. “So…what does this tell us?”
Ellen sat down and sipped on her coffee. “Not much, I’m afraid. Tells us the organization may not be as solid as we thought…or it could just tell us that we killed a rival of the Gorlians in power now.”
“Well, it does give us more addresses to check out.” Gabe said. “Some names to track down.”
“Yeah. That’s something.” Ellen nodded, looking a little distracted.
Gabe started to say something, then reached for his phone in his pocket. “It’s my dad.” He flipped the phone open. “Hey, Dad.”
Bobby sighed as Gabe moved away to talk to his father, pulling the computer closer again.
“Bobby?”
He looked up at Ellen. “Yeah?”
“You remember before Bill died, when he came home all beat up after hunting that werewolf? You were there.”
Bobby nodded. “Yeah, he said that the werewolf turned out to be something else, a berserker or something.”
She nodded, cradling her coffee cup. “He never did like to talk about that.” She shook her head. “Wouldn’t tell me. Wouldn’t let me patch him up.”
Bobby frowned at her and looked up at Caleb who could only shrug. “You okay, Ellen?”
“What?” She looked up, blinking. “Yeah…just…memories. You know?”
Bobby nodded. He knew about memories.
Gabe came back into the room, looking pale. “The Florida thing is done. It was bad. Dad’s the only one still walking. His whole team is dead or in the hospital. No one’s heard from Gordon and his team.”
“I just did.” John said as he got to the bottom of the stairs. “They’re on their way to someplace in Texas, said that one of the men was…persuaded to talk.”
“Knowing Gordon, I’ll bet I know what kind of persuading was involved.” Caleb said. “What about the rest?”
“Dealt with. Although apparently he had a moment of conscience when he found out that they were brutalizing a demon half breed and not a human.” John shook his head, his hands stuffed deep in his pockets. Every fiber of his being was yelling at him, telling him he needed to be out there, hunting these men.
“Wait. You said Texas?” Gabe pulled the laptop to him, nodding to himself as he searched through the files. “Here. Here. Outside of Austin. There’s a series of warehouses and office buildings under a dummy corporation owned by Harvey Bedell. That’s one of the names that seems to be associated with Marvin Gorlian.”
“We should get more information.” Ellen said. “See if we can start to pin these men down. I’m gonna call Ash. Point him in that direction.”
“I’ve got some people in Austin I can get to do some leg work.” Caleb said, reaching for his own phone.”
Ellen slipped out onto the porch and flipped open her cell phone. “Ash. What have you got for me?” She peered in through the window, watching the men scatter, each with their own phones. Her heart was pounding as she listened to Ash re-count the digging he’d had to do. “Just cut to it.” She finally interjected. “That’s what I was afraid of. Damn it. Okay, listen Ash. This is important. I want Jo out of there. I want you both out of there. Close the roadhouse. Take her someplace you’ve never told anyone about, no hunters, no nothing. You go and don’t come back until I call you.”
She moved further away from the door. “I don’t care what she wants, Ash. You tell her I said so and you go. Now. Before dark.”
She exhaled slowly as she hung up the phone. She was going to have to tell John. She was going to have to…She watched him end his own phone call and hang his head. “John?” she called in through the screen door.
His head came up and he nodded, easing out onto the porch. “Take a walk with me?” Ellen asked, not really looking at him.
“What’s up, Ellen?”
“We need to talk.”
Dean’s body quivered as Sam held him, stroking him. They whispered almost endlessly, encouragement, reassurances, Mine and easy and need you as they lay facing one another on the bed. Sam’s hand curled casually around Dean’s cock, gentle, soft. Please and love you and want this…
Sam closed his eyes, breathed slowly. Dean was hard in his hand, and he shuddered when Sam’s thumb swiped over the tip. He moved his hands down to fondle Dean’s balls, earned a quick gasp. He kissed over Dean’s face, capturing his lips, already swollen from teeth and lips. “Sam.” Sam’s eyes fluttered open to see Dean, his pupils large and swallowing the green of his eyes.
“Dean…can you?” Sam whispered, his stroke a long pull that made Dean’s hips thrust into him. “Come for me?”
Dean’s eyes closed, his head thrown back, offering his neck up to Sam who leaned in and kissed his way up the muscle. Dean gasped and thrust forward again, grabbing Sam with both hands as he came, spilling over Sam’s hand.
Sam’s kiss was fervent, hot tongue and bruising lips. “Better?” he whispered and Dean’s sated smile was enough answer. Sam sat up and wiped his hand on the towel that had come with him after his shower the day before, and then settled in to lay beside his brother.
Dean sighed and shifted on to his back. Sam echoed the sigh, laying his head on Dean’s shoulder. He knew Dean would sleep now, for a little while at least…leaving Sam alone with his memories and little to buffer him from them.
“You going to tell me what this is about, Ellen?” John asked when they’d walked into the woods far enough that they couldn’t see the cabin.
Her hands were in the pockets of her jeans, bunching up the flannel shirt in front of her. She nodded but didn’t speak right away. “You remember the first time you showed up at the Roadhouse?”
John nodded himself. “I was wiped out. On the road for days.”
“You’d left the boys with Bobby while you chased your Demon.”
“Turned out what I had thought was a lead was nothing…just another low level possession.”
“Bill knew about you before then. Was happy to see you come in. Wanted to show you it didn’t have to be that way...the way you were living.”
“He was so proud of you and Jo.” John said with a smile. “Wanted me to bring the boys around to meet you.”
“He was worried plenty for your boys, John, but it was you that bothered him most.”
“Me?” They stopped in a clearing. “What’s this about, Ellen?”
“That day, when you came in for a beer, Bill was…upset. You reminded him of someone, someone who lived the life you were living…someone that got tore up by that life.”
She paced away, toying with the bark on the nearest tree. “Thought maybe if he couldn’t save Michael, maybe he could save you.”
“Save me from what?”
She heaved a heavy sigh and turned, leaning against the tree. “The dark. The way evil tears through hunters…breaks them…burns into their skin. The ones that don’t have something that scrubs ‘em clean, you know?”
John was trying to follow her, but he was thrown by the vulnerability, the trip down memory lane…and the nagging feeling in his gut that he wasn’t going to like what she had to say when she finally got to the point.
She saw the look on his face though and shook her head, dropping her eyes to the mossy ground under foot. “Indulge me? Just a little?”
He moved to stand in front of her, leaning in to kiss her forehead. “Yeah, okay.”
She smiled fleetingly, then pressed her hands to his chest. “You’re even built a little like him. Like Michael I mean. He was bigger than my Bill. Broader at the shoulders. Didn’t know him well myself. He’d already started getting a little dark when Bill and I met. Kept him away from the Roadhouse, away from me and Jo.”
There were tears in her eyes that she blinked away as she moved away from him. “He didn’t though. Bill…couldn’t stop running every time he called. I guess, that’s what big brothers do.”
Title: The Need to Talk
Characters/Pairings: Sam/Dean, hint of John/Ellen, Bobby, OMC
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 3245
Summary: A sequel to Anything which was a Christmas request from nanakomatsu, Nothing, Something, To Be Good, Broken, To Be Strong, Nothing, No One, Alone, Yours, Mine, Better, Choice, Gathering, Betrayal, Taken, Remember, Training, Conflagration, Setting Up, Surviving, Pretending, Rescue, Revelations, Reconciliation, Waking Up, Guilt, Working On It and Effort.
Summary: Sam and Dean talk over breakfast. Gabe and Bobby work together to sort out the information in the encrypted files. Ellen gets news from Ash, and decides it's time to talk to John.
A/Ns and Warnings: Very dark. Includes memory of torture and rape and very dark violence.
The Dean that came in the room with a tray filled with fruit and some eggs was subdued, quiet. His eyes flicked to his father’s, then Sam’s before setting the tray on the table. “Ellen has breakfast nearly ready downstairs,” he said to John who nodded and stood.
“I’m going to lay down after breakfast for a while, give you boys some time alone.”
It was obvious to Sam they had talked about that, made some sort of agreement. Dean nodded and went about setting the food out on the table. “I’m right across the hall if you need anything.”
Sam nodded, but he wasn’t exactly listening. His eyes were on Dean. It was obvious he had been crying, and his movements were stiff. As the door closed, he turned to Sam, hesitating slightly before coming to help him up. “I thought we’d eat over here, by the window.”
He let Dean get him up and onto the crutches before moving to the chair by the table. He looked at Dean long and hard. “You okay?” he finally asked as he sat.
Dean nodded. “Better.” He handed Sam a cup of coffee with an apologetic expression. “Bobby made it…its’ kinda strong. I brought you sugar though.” He pointed to the packets of sugar.
Sam sipped before making a face and reaching for the sugar. “Kinda strong? I could strip the paint on the Impala with this.”
Dean chuckled, his smile transforming his face from mournful and lost to Dean. Sam reached out for his hand and brushed his lips over it. Dean smiled down at him and set a plate in front of Sam. “Eat.”
Sam made a face and let go of Dean. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m just not…” he sighed and stabbed at the scrambled eggs. “Food is just gross.”
Dean’s hand was on his face, turning it up. “I know, Sam. I do. But you have to eat. Okay?”
Sam nodded, turning enough that he could kiss Dean’s palm. “I’m trying.”
Dean nodded. “It was bad for me too. I thought I’d throw up….and Thomas wasn’t keen on that. Got punished for it.”
“T-Thomas?” Sam felt flushed with fear at the name, his hands shaking. He put the fork down. He remembered that punishment, remembered throwing up and getting beaten. He remembered the glee with which Thomas applied the punishment.
“He was my handler too.” Dean said softly, cutting into an apple. “He…was vicious.” He was quiet for a minute, then sighed and reached for his coffee. “At least you didn’t have him and Razz together.”
Sam remembered Razz and the thought of him and Thomas together was terrifying. Dean nodded slowly and went to stand by the window. “The point is Sam, you won’t get sick. Just eat slowly. Little bits, while your stomach readjusts. Okay?” Dean’s voice was soft, a slight quiver coloring it as he looked out into the trees.
When Sam didn’t answer, Dean turned to look at him. There were tears in his eyes. “Please, Sam?”
Sam picked the fork back up and put the eggs in his mouth, chewing slowly without breaking eye contact. Dean breathed out and came back to the table, sinking onto the second chair with a hitch of an inhale as his ass touched the seat. “It’s important…”
“I know, Dean.” Sam said. “See, I’m eating.”
“You can’t leave me again.” Dean whispered, his voice and eyes dropping.
Sam’s hand fumbled away from the plate and took Dean’s. “Dean?”
“You…you can’t.” He breathed in hard, trying to gather himself. He didn’t look at Sam and Sam couldn’t figure out what he was thinking.
“Dean, I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here.”
Dean shook his head. “You need to eat…you need to get better…stronger…so you don’t…get sick….so you don’t…die.”
Sam shivered, then pulled on Dean’s hands to get him to look up. “I’m not going anywhere Dean. I’m not going to die. I’m right here.” Dean blinked, squeezing tears out onto his cheek. “And see, eating.” He took another bite of egg. “See?”
Dean nodded, though he still looked spooked. Sam concentrated on eating, watching each forkful and not looking at Dean. He didn’t know why Dean was suddenly so fragile, but suspected it had to do with what he’d demanded of their father.
His stomach was full after less than half the eggs, and he nibbled on some grapes until he thought he really would be sick. “Better?” he asked Dean.
“Yeah. Better.”
“So…you and Dad talk?” It wasn’t a subtle segue, and Dean looked annoyed when he stood.
“Yeah. He…wants to understand…but it hurts to see the way it makes him feel.”
“Dad is doing his best Dean.” Sam said, squirming a little. They weren’t exactly used to a great deal of emotion that wasn’t anger coming from their father. It wasn’t that he was an angry man, just…obsessed, and a Winchester…which meant that emotion was kept close to the chest.
“He cried.” Dean shook his head. “Its all…weird.”
“Did he-“ Sam stopped himself. It was a stupid question. Dean had needed punishment, and their father had punished him. Of course it hurt. Of course it left Dean in a strange emotional place. Because Dean wasn’t the same man he’d been when he’d begged Sam to punish him…Dean wasn’t himself, but he remembered himself. “Are you okay?”
Dean shrugged, his back to Sam. “I-I don’t know. I’m tired of being so…weak….so afraid.”
“You are stronger than anyone I know Dean.” Sam said softly.
“No, Sam, I’m not.” Dean sat on the end of the bed and stared at the floor. “I told him you’d be okay. I told him they wouldn’t touch you, but I knew. God Sam, some part of me knew and I couldn’t…I remember it, and every time I thought about what they were doing to you…”
“Dean…It’s…I’m okay.”
He shook his head. “I’m not.”
Sam leveraged himself up off the chair and limped to his brother. “What are you saying, Dean?”
“I…I’m trying Sam…but its…too much….its just…I’m hurting him, I see it every time he looks at me, and I’m afraid…and I remember when I wasn’t afraid…and fuck but I want to beat the shit out of something...but I’m not sure I can.”
Sam sank onto the bed beside him, taking his hand. “When Dad first came to me, to tell me that you were missing…he was in bad shape. He’d been hunting for you, but couldn’t pick up the trail. He hadn’t eaten in days, and he was so angry with himself.”
He stroked over Dean’s cheek with his free hand. “He was a wreck. I’d never seen him like that. When he told me what happened…when he told me you were gone, he cried. I didn’t know what to do. But it wasn’t you. It wasn’t your fault. He was crying because he couldn’t save you.”
Dean looked at him and sniffed back the tears threatening to fall. “Yeah?”
Sam nodded. “Yeah. I think that maybe its still about that. It isn’t your fault, or mine. Dad didn’t keep these things from happening to us…and because he didn’t, it hurts to be reminded that they did happen.”
“I asked him to punish me…because I broke the rules…”
“I know.” Sam kissed his cheek. “Did it help?”
Dean sighed heavily. “I don’t know. I think so.” He sighed again. “It’s all so wrong, you know? I mean…I’d do it again. Too little, too late. But I was wrong and they hurt you…we didn’t get to you fast enough…they shouldn’t have touched you…but they did…and I couldn’t let them…I couldn’t let him…”
“What did you do, Dean?” Sam asked breathlessly, though he was starting to get a picture.
“I killed him, Sam.”
Sam’s hand stopped it’s tender movement on Dean’s face, moved to cup the back of his neck. “Master James? You killed him?” Sam asked. He figured the man was dead, but assumed he’d died in the explosion, or that their father had killed him.
Dean nodded miserably. “He-he would have found a way out. He would have turned you into what I am. I couldn’t let him have you…I couldn’t...”
Sam closed his eyes and pushed away the terror in his stomach. As bad as it had been, James hadn’t done more than examine him, and yet…and yet…Sam was terrified of him…of what he was, what he could do to them both. He wanted to curl up and block out the memories, but Dean needed him. Dean who’d had James do so much more, who James had trained to submit willingly. “Dean.” He cleared his throat and leaned in to kiss Dean’s cheek again. “Dean…god…”
Dean’s eyes were closed and Sam could see him reliving the moment. “I got his knife. I shoved it up his ass. I…cut him…That knife he used on your back to get me to talk…I used it to…I cut his dick off.”
Dean’s hands were shaking under Sam’s. Sam kissed his face, turning him so that he could press his lips over his cheeks and eyes. “You are the most amazing man Dean.” Sam whispered. “You came for me…knowing what you were coming back into…knowing what he would do to you…you came…and you made it okay…”
He kissed over Dean’s lips, licking his own before kissing a little deeper, letting his tongue linger on Dean’s lip. “I knew what I had to do, when I saw you. When you helped me say the words…I knew Dean…I knew that you’d take care of me. I just had to get there.”
Dean’s hands were on the side of Sam’s face now, pulling him in for more kisses, his lips parting slightly. Sam sank into him, into the familiar feeling of Dean’s lips, Dean’s hands. Dean made a soft, needy sound in the back of his throat and Sam tried to keep the bubbling panic away, tried to not remember what it felt like to be mauled and violated, tried to remember that this was love, this was Dean…this was everything he had…
“Sam.” Dean breathed his name, and Sam’s heart stopped.
“Right here Dean.” Sam whispered. “Right here.”
“It doesn’t make any sense.” Gabe said, sitting back in frustration and looking up at Ellen and Caleb. Bobby was hovering behind him, reading over his shoulder as he tried to make sense of the data in the encrypted files.
“It almost looks like someone at that facility was gathering information to use against the Gorlians.” Bobby said, pointing. “Go to that. I want to see it again.” He read silently for a few minutes then moved back to his chair. “From what I’ve seen the Gorlians are…well, aliases, and it’s almost like it’s a title…like you earn your way up the organization.”
“And someone was gunning to replace one of them?” Ellen asked.
Bobby shrugged. “Don’t know. Just know that whoever created these files had to already be pretty highly placed. There’s a lot of stuff here that’s pretty personal. Whoever did this knew Terry Gorlian…the youngest, the one Sam dealt with, and knew a lot about the other two.”
Caleb paced around the kitchen a bit, then leaned against the counter. “So…what does this tell us?”
Ellen sat down and sipped on her coffee. “Not much, I’m afraid. Tells us the organization may not be as solid as we thought…or it could just tell us that we killed a rival of the Gorlians in power now.”
“Well, it does give us more addresses to check out.” Gabe said. “Some names to track down.”
“Yeah. That’s something.” Ellen nodded, looking a little distracted.
Gabe started to say something, then reached for his phone in his pocket. “It’s my dad.” He flipped the phone open. “Hey, Dad.”
Bobby sighed as Gabe moved away to talk to his father, pulling the computer closer again.
“Bobby?”
He looked up at Ellen. “Yeah?”
“You remember before Bill died, when he came home all beat up after hunting that werewolf? You were there.”
Bobby nodded. “Yeah, he said that the werewolf turned out to be something else, a berserker or something.”
She nodded, cradling her coffee cup. “He never did like to talk about that.” She shook her head. “Wouldn’t tell me. Wouldn’t let me patch him up.”
Bobby frowned at her and looked up at Caleb who could only shrug. “You okay, Ellen?”
“What?” She looked up, blinking. “Yeah…just…memories. You know?”
Bobby nodded. He knew about memories.
Gabe came back into the room, looking pale. “The Florida thing is done. It was bad. Dad’s the only one still walking. His whole team is dead or in the hospital. No one’s heard from Gordon and his team.”
“I just did.” John said as he got to the bottom of the stairs. “They’re on their way to someplace in Texas, said that one of the men was…persuaded to talk.”
“Knowing Gordon, I’ll bet I know what kind of persuading was involved.” Caleb said. “What about the rest?”
“Dealt with. Although apparently he had a moment of conscience when he found out that they were brutalizing a demon half breed and not a human.” John shook his head, his hands stuffed deep in his pockets. Every fiber of his being was yelling at him, telling him he needed to be out there, hunting these men.
“Wait. You said Texas?” Gabe pulled the laptop to him, nodding to himself as he searched through the files. “Here. Here. Outside of Austin. There’s a series of warehouses and office buildings under a dummy corporation owned by Harvey Bedell. That’s one of the names that seems to be associated with Marvin Gorlian.”
“We should get more information.” Ellen said. “See if we can start to pin these men down. I’m gonna call Ash. Point him in that direction.”
“I’ve got some people in Austin I can get to do some leg work.” Caleb said, reaching for his own phone.”
Ellen slipped out onto the porch and flipped open her cell phone. “Ash. What have you got for me?” She peered in through the window, watching the men scatter, each with their own phones. Her heart was pounding as she listened to Ash re-count the digging he’d had to do. “Just cut to it.” She finally interjected. “That’s what I was afraid of. Damn it. Okay, listen Ash. This is important. I want Jo out of there. I want you both out of there. Close the roadhouse. Take her someplace you’ve never told anyone about, no hunters, no nothing. You go and don’t come back until I call you.”
She moved further away from the door. “I don’t care what she wants, Ash. You tell her I said so and you go. Now. Before dark.”
She exhaled slowly as she hung up the phone. She was going to have to tell John. She was going to have to…She watched him end his own phone call and hang his head. “John?” she called in through the screen door.
His head came up and he nodded, easing out onto the porch. “Take a walk with me?” Ellen asked, not really looking at him.
“What’s up, Ellen?”
“We need to talk.”
Dean’s body quivered as Sam held him, stroking him. They whispered almost endlessly, encouragement, reassurances, Mine and easy and need you as they lay facing one another on the bed. Sam’s hand curled casually around Dean’s cock, gentle, soft. Please and love you and want this…
Sam closed his eyes, breathed slowly. Dean was hard in his hand, and he shuddered when Sam’s thumb swiped over the tip. He moved his hands down to fondle Dean’s balls, earned a quick gasp. He kissed over Dean’s face, capturing his lips, already swollen from teeth and lips. “Sam.” Sam’s eyes fluttered open to see Dean, his pupils large and swallowing the green of his eyes.
“Dean…can you?” Sam whispered, his stroke a long pull that made Dean’s hips thrust into him. “Come for me?”
Dean’s eyes closed, his head thrown back, offering his neck up to Sam who leaned in and kissed his way up the muscle. Dean gasped and thrust forward again, grabbing Sam with both hands as he came, spilling over Sam’s hand.
Sam’s kiss was fervent, hot tongue and bruising lips. “Better?” he whispered and Dean’s sated smile was enough answer. Sam sat up and wiped his hand on the towel that had come with him after his shower the day before, and then settled in to lay beside his brother.
Dean sighed and shifted on to his back. Sam echoed the sigh, laying his head on Dean’s shoulder. He knew Dean would sleep now, for a little while at least…leaving Sam alone with his memories and little to buffer him from them.
“You going to tell me what this is about, Ellen?” John asked when they’d walked into the woods far enough that they couldn’t see the cabin.
Her hands were in the pockets of her jeans, bunching up the flannel shirt in front of her. She nodded but didn’t speak right away. “You remember the first time you showed up at the Roadhouse?”
John nodded himself. “I was wiped out. On the road for days.”
“You’d left the boys with Bobby while you chased your Demon.”
“Turned out what I had thought was a lead was nothing…just another low level possession.”
“Bill knew about you before then. Was happy to see you come in. Wanted to show you it didn’t have to be that way...the way you were living.”
“He was so proud of you and Jo.” John said with a smile. “Wanted me to bring the boys around to meet you.”
“He was worried plenty for your boys, John, but it was you that bothered him most.”
“Me?” They stopped in a clearing. “What’s this about, Ellen?”
“That day, when you came in for a beer, Bill was…upset. You reminded him of someone, someone who lived the life you were living…someone that got tore up by that life.”
She paced away, toying with the bark on the nearest tree. “Thought maybe if he couldn’t save Michael, maybe he could save you.”
“Save me from what?”
She heaved a heavy sigh and turned, leaning against the tree. “The dark. The way evil tears through hunters…breaks them…burns into their skin. The ones that don’t have something that scrubs ‘em clean, you know?”
John was trying to follow her, but he was thrown by the vulnerability, the trip down memory lane…and the nagging feeling in his gut that he wasn’t going to like what she had to say when she finally got to the point.
She saw the look on his face though and shook her head, dropping her eyes to the mossy ground under foot. “Indulge me? Just a little?”
He moved to stand in front of her, leaning in to kiss her forehead. “Yeah, okay.”
She smiled fleetingly, then pressed her hands to his chest. “You’re even built a little like him. Like Michael I mean. He was bigger than my Bill. Broader at the shoulders. Didn’t know him well myself. He’d already started getting a little dark when Bill and I met. Kept him away from the Roadhouse, away from me and Jo.”
There were tears in her eyes that she blinked away as she moved away from him. “He didn’t though. Bill…couldn’t stop running every time he called. I guess, that’s what big brothers do.”