FIC: Crossroads Part 26/??; Guiding Light
TITLE: Crossroads
AUTHOR: Wonko
FANDOM: Guiding Light
RATING: PG for this part
SUMMARY: Natalia needs to make a choice between her past and her future.
TIMELINE: Begins immediately after the episode on the 12th of May and goes off into its own little world at that point.
DEDICATION: This is dedicated to the memory of badtyler, a great writer and an even better friend.
A/N - This isn't the chapter I'd planned to write, but this is what came out. Damn thing seems to want to write itself.
[ Part 1] [ Part 2] [ Part 3] [ Part 4] [ Part 5] [ Part 6] [ Part 7] [ Part 8] [ Part 9] [ Part 10] [ Part 11] [ Part 12] [ Part 13] [ Part 14] [ Part 15] [ Part 16] [ Part 17] [ Part 18] [ Part 19] [ Part 20] [ Part 21] [ Part 22] [ Part 23] [ Part 24] [ Part 25]
Natalia had no idea where she was going. It was all she could do to keep one foot moving in front of the other. The streets were a blur of sights and sounds and people's faces and she couldn't take it in. All she could do was replay that night nearly nineteen years ago over and over in her mind.
"I can make her an appointment at a...at a clinic." Her father's voice was low and gravelly. Had he been crying? "That's what people do, isn't it? When they need to take care of...something like this."
There was a long pause. "Some people do," her mother allowed, with no expression in her voice to give a clue of what she was thinking. Natalia curled into a foetal position in her bed, hugging her pillow and frowning.
"We need to do something," her father continued. "We can't just let her make her own mistakes - she's only a child."
"She'll be a child to you for the rest of her life," Josephine murmured.
"What do you mean?" Her father's voice was sharp.
"Just that you might not be seeing things clearly," Josephine replied. "You should rest. Think about it in the morning."
Natalia heard a sigh, and then the creak of bedsprings as her parents lay down. "You're right," her father sighed. "It has been a very long day."
"It has," her mother agreed softly.
There was a very long silence, so long that Natalia thought they'd gone to sleep. But then her father's voice cut through the night one last time. "If we do send her to one of these clinics," he said hesitantly. "What do we do if she refuses? What do we say?"
"Don't worry about that now," her mother muttered. "Sleep."
"But what if-"
"If she refuses," Josephine interrupted, "then she'll find out that actions have consequences."
Natalia lay in the darkness next door, eyes wide, heart thumping. She strained her ears as hard as she could, but there was no more. After a few minutes her father began to snore.
He'd gone to sleep. She could hardly believe it. How could he sleep so easily? Natalia knew that rest would not come so easily to her. She rested her hand over her stomach, slipping it under her thin tank top and splaying her fingers across it. She could almost feel the child growing inside her. She'd looked up a book in the library - it was the size of an apple seed right now. So small and vulnerable and delicate. It needed her to protect it. She'd even started thinking of names. How could her father even think of asking her to...to kill it?
But was he going to ask? Her blood ran cold at the thought. Her mother had said something about consequences. What consequences? Would they take the choice away from her? Drag her to a clinic kicking and screaming? Maybe they'd take her to one of the women she'd heard school friends whispering about who could 'take care' of little problems like this in their back bedrooms? Would they hold her down themselves or pay someone else to do it?
Her stomach lurched and she had to force herself to calm down. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, trying to dispel the dreadful images from her mind. Her father would never do that, she thought. Surely...surely he wouldn't.
Her eyes flickered open as she remembered the look of pain and shame that had coloured his features when she'd finally told her parents everything, that afternoon. He'd looked at her like he didn't know who she was anymore. She barely knew herself. Maybe she didn't know him either? Maybe nothing was as it seemed.
And then there was her mother. Cold eyes. Her lips in a thin, hard line. Consequences. What did she mean by that?
Natalia's jaw hardened. She couldn't take a chance on finding out. She knew what she had to do.
Natalia swam back into the present through a veil of unshed tears, blinking hard. Her thoughtless steps had brought her three blocks from her mother's house, to St Paul's church. Worshippers were streaming out from morning mass and the priest was on the steps, greeting each parishioner as they stepped out into the light. It was Father Joe.
"Natalia!" he called cheerily, waving to her. She blinked twice before she finally walked over to him, shaking her head as if trying to wake herself from a dream.
"Father," she said softly. "Good morning."
The priest looked her up and down, a small smile on his lips. "You look terrible, my dear," he remarked conversationally. Natalia flushed.
"I didn't sleep well," she admitted. "And I...had words with my mother and son this morning."
"Ah." Father Joe nodded. "Unpleasant words, I assume?"
Natalia almost laughed. "You could say that," she replied, then sighed. "I'm sorry Father, I don't really know why I'm here..."
Father Joe shrugged. "That's fine. We don't have to talk. Have you had breakfast? Our housekeeper always makes too much..." He trailed off, holding his hands apart invitingly. Natalia shook her head.
"No...thank you, Father. I think I know now where I should be going." She fished through her bag, pulling out the well thumbed letter she'd stayed up all night to read. "This helped," she said, holding it out to him. "Thank you."
Father Joe shook his head. "Keep it," he said. "I think you'll get more use out of it now than I will." He smiled gently, glancing over her shoulder to the street. "And I think there's someone here to see you."
Natalia turned slowly, expecting to see Rafe or her mother spoiling for a fight, but it wasn't either of them. It was the person she should have gone to in the first place, the only one who could help her make sense of her shattered thoughts, the woman who was her home, her life, her world, her love. "Olivia," she breathed, and left Father Joe without a backwards glance, trotting down the steps and practically throwing herself into the other woman's arms.
"Hey," Olivia soothed, running her hands through Natalia's hair and down her back. "What's wrong?" Natalia shook her head tightly and breathed in deeply through her nose, drinking in the smell of Olivia's soap and shampoo along with that quintessential something that no-one could ever replicate, that scent which wrapped her up like a child in a blanket and whispered: "You're home."
"Nothing, now that you're here," she whispered against Olivia's neck. She felt rather than heard Olivia's answering sigh, shuddered at the sensation of warm lips pressing against her shoulder.
"Your mother called me," Olivia said at last, her voice a little trembly. "She seemed to think you'd be coming to see me."
"I was," Natalia replied instantly. "I was confused and I got a little side-tracked. But I was coming to you."
Olivia's breath caught and she had to blink back tears. "Thank you," she whispered.
Natalia squeezed Olivia a little tighter, then pulled back. "Where's Emma?" she asked. Her eyes raked over Olivia's face as if she was trying to memorise her features.
"The hotel has day care," Olivia replied. "I was on my way to see you. We're supposed to look at a building for the Beacon franchising project today, remember?"
Natalia blinked, then nodded slowly. "I remember," she said at last. "Can we do something else first?" She closed her eyes and sighed, leaning into Olivia's slightly trembling hand which had come up to caress her cheek.
"Anything you want," Olivia said. "Anything." Natalia smiled tremulously.
"Thank you," she said. There was a pause, during which the rest of the world seemed to melt away like a pavement chalk drawing in a sudden downpour. "Olivia..." she breathed, struck with a sudden compulsion to say the one thing above all others of which she was completely certain. "I love you."
Olivia swallowed hard and then smiled, that smile of hers which said 'If I don't smile I'm going to cry and it's stupid to cry when I'm so happy.' "I love you too," she replied. "So...so much."
Natalia smiled and took the other woman into her arms again, holding her so close that she was sure she could feel her heartbeat. Olivia clung to her tightly, burying her face into the ebony river of her hair and breathing deeply. "What did you want to do?" she asked at last, her voice watery. Natalia pulled back a little and pushed a stray strand of her hair behind Olivia's ear.
"Can you take me to see my dad?"
TBC...
AUTHOR: Wonko
FANDOM: Guiding Light
RATING: PG for this part
SUMMARY: Natalia needs to make a choice between her past and her future.
TIMELINE: Begins immediately after the episode on the 12th of May and goes off into its own little world at that point.
DEDICATION: This is dedicated to the memory of badtyler, a great writer and an even better friend.
A/N - This isn't the chapter I'd planned to write, but this is what came out. Damn thing seems to want to write itself.
[ Part 1] [ Part 2] [ Part 3] [ Part 4] [ Part 5] [ Part 6] [ Part 7] [ Part 8] [ Part 9] [ Part 10] [ Part 11] [ Part 12] [ Part 13] [ Part 14] [ Part 15] [ Part 16] [ Part 17] [ Part 18] [ Part 19] [ Part 20] [ Part 21] [ Part 22] [ Part 23] [ Part 24] [ Part 25]
Natalia had no idea where she was going. It was all she could do to keep one foot moving in front of the other. The streets were a blur of sights and sounds and people's faces and she couldn't take it in. All she could do was replay that night nearly nineteen years ago over and over in her mind.
"I can make her an appointment at a...at a clinic." Her father's voice was low and gravelly. Had he been crying? "That's what people do, isn't it? When they need to take care of...something like this."
There was a long pause. "Some people do," her mother allowed, with no expression in her voice to give a clue of what she was thinking. Natalia curled into a foetal position in her bed, hugging her pillow and frowning.
"We need to do something," her father continued. "We can't just let her make her own mistakes - she's only a child."
"She'll be a child to you for the rest of her life," Josephine murmured.
"What do you mean?" Her father's voice was sharp.
"Just that you might not be seeing things clearly," Josephine replied. "You should rest. Think about it in the morning."
Natalia heard a sigh, and then the creak of bedsprings as her parents lay down. "You're right," her father sighed. "It has been a very long day."
"It has," her mother agreed softly.
There was a very long silence, so long that Natalia thought they'd gone to sleep. But then her father's voice cut through the night one last time. "If we do send her to one of these clinics," he said hesitantly. "What do we do if she refuses? What do we say?"
"Don't worry about that now," her mother muttered. "Sleep."
"But what if-"
"If she refuses," Josephine interrupted, "then she'll find out that actions have consequences."
Natalia lay in the darkness next door, eyes wide, heart thumping. She strained her ears as hard as she could, but there was no more. After a few minutes her father began to snore.
He'd gone to sleep. She could hardly believe it. How could he sleep so easily? Natalia knew that rest would not come so easily to her. She rested her hand over her stomach, slipping it under her thin tank top and splaying her fingers across it. She could almost feel the child growing inside her. She'd looked up a book in the library - it was the size of an apple seed right now. So small and vulnerable and delicate. It needed her to protect it. She'd even started thinking of names. How could her father even think of asking her to...to kill it?
But was he going to ask? Her blood ran cold at the thought. Her mother had said something about consequences. What consequences? Would they take the choice away from her? Drag her to a clinic kicking and screaming? Maybe they'd take her to one of the women she'd heard school friends whispering about who could 'take care' of little problems like this in their back bedrooms? Would they hold her down themselves or pay someone else to do it?
Her stomach lurched and she had to force herself to calm down. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, trying to dispel the dreadful images from her mind. Her father would never do that, she thought. Surely...surely he wouldn't.
Her eyes flickered open as she remembered the look of pain and shame that had coloured his features when she'd finally told her parents everything, that afternoon. He'd looked at her like he didn't know who she was anymore. She barely knew herself. Maybe she didn't know him either? Maybe nothing was as it seemed.
And then there was her mother. Cold eyes. Her lips in a thin, hard line. Consequences. What did she mean by that?
Natalia's jaw hardened. She couldn't take a chance on finding out. She knew what she had to do.
Natalia swam back into the present through a veil of unshed tears, blinking hard. Her thoughtless steps had brought her three blocks from her mother's house, to St Paul's church. Worshippers were streaming out from morning mass and the priest was on the steps, greeting each parishioner as they stepped out into the light. It was Father Joe.
"Natalia!" he called cheerily, waving to her. She blinked twice before she finally walked over to him, shaking her head as if trying to wake herself from a dream.
"Father," she said softly. "Good morning."
The priest looked her up and down, a small smile on his lips. "You look terrible, my dear," he remarked conversationally. Natalia flushed.
"I didn't sleep well," she admitted. "And I...had words with my mother and son this morning."
"Ah." Father Joe nodded. "Unpleasant words, I assume?"
Natalia almost laughed. "You could say that," she replied, then sighed. "I'm sorry Father, I don't really know why I'm here..."
Father Joe shrugged. "That's fine. We don't have to talk. Have you had breakfast? Our housekeeper always makes too much..." He trailed off, holding his hands apart invitingly. Natalia shook her head.
"No...thank you, Father. I think I know now where I should be going." She fished through her bag, pulling out the well thumbed letter she'd stayed up all night to read. "This helped," she said, holding it out to him. "Thank you."
Father Joe shook his head. "Keep it," he said. "I think you'll get more use out of it now than I will." He smiled gently, glancing over her shoulder to the street. "And I think there's someone here to see you."
Natalia turned slowly, expecting to see Rafe or her mother spoiling for a fight, but it wasn't either of them. It was the person she should have gone to in the first place, the only one who could help her make sense of her shattered thoughts, the woman who was her home, her life, her world, her love. "Olivia," she breathed, and left Father Joe without a backwards glance, trotting down the steps and practically throwing herself into the other woman's arms.
"Hey," Olivia soothed, running her hands through Natalia's hair and down her back. "What's wrong?" Natalia shook her head tightly and breathed in deeply through her nose, drinking in the smell of Olivia's soap and shampoo along with that quintessential something that no-one could ever replicate, that scent which wrapped her up like a child in a blanket and whispered: "You're home."
"Nothing, now that you're here," she whispered against Olivia's neck. She felt rather than heard Olivia's answering sigh, shuddered at the sensation of warm lips pressing against her shoulder.
"Your mother called me," Olivia said at last, her voice a little trembly. "She seemed to think you'd be coming to see me."
"I was," Natalia replied instantly. "I was confused and I got a little side-tracked. But I was coming to you."
Olivia's breath caught and she had to blink back tears. "Thank you," she whispered.
Natalia squeezed Olivia a little tighter, then pulled back. "Where's Emma?" she asked. Her eyes raked over Olivia's face as if she was trying to memorise her features.
"The hotel has day care," Olivia replied. "I was on my way to see you. We're supposed to look at a building for the Beacon franchising project today, remember?"
Natalia blinked, then nodded slowly. "I remember," she said at last. "Can we do something else first?" She closed her eyes and sighed, leaning into Olivia's slightly trembling hand which had come up to caress her cheek.
"Anything you want," Olivia said. "Anything." Natalia smiled tremulously.
"Thank you," she said. There was a pause, during which the rest of the world seemed to melt away like a pavement chalk drawing in a sudden downpour. "Olivia..." she breathed, struck with a sudden compulsion to say the one thing above all others of which she was completely certain. "I love you."
Olivia swallowed hard and then smiled, that smile of hers which said 'If I don't smile I'm going to cry and it's stupid to cry when I'm so happy.' "I love you too," she replied. "So...so much."
Natalia smiled and took the other woman into her arms again, holding her so close that she was sure she could feel her heartbeat. Olivia clung to her tightly, burying her face into the ebony river of her hair and breathing deeply. "What did you want to do?" she asked at last, her voice watery. Natalia pulled back a little and pushed a stray strand of her hair behind Olivia's ear.
"Can you take me to see my dad?"
TBC...