FIC: Crossroads Part 6/?; Guiding Light
TITLE: Crossroads
AUTHOR: Wonko
FANDOM: Guiding Light
RATING: PG for this part
SUMMARY: Natalia needs to make a choice between her past and her future.
TIMELINE: Begins immediately after the episode on the 12th of May and goes off into its own little world at that point.
DEDICATION: This is dedicated to the memory of badtyler, a great writer and an even better friend.
[ Part 1] [ Part 2] [ Part 3] [ Part 4] [ Part 5]
Natalia woke the next morning to the sound of a loud argument and honking barging in the open window and an unfamiliar warm body at her back. "Olivia?" she murmured sleepily, then flushed deeply as she remembered where she was was. Not Olivia. Her mother.
She turned quickly, wide awake, heart thumping. Her mother was still asleep. She hadn't heard her little slip. Thank God. Relief made her heart flutter, and she slipped out of bed before her mother could wake.
She stumbled through to the kitchen to start breakfast. It had been a strange night, to say the least. She didn't know why she'd been so surprised to find her mother distraught. Her husband had died. Surely even someone as emotionally distant as her mother couldn't fail to feel that kind of loss. And obviously she did feel it. Even if she hadn't seemed to feel anything at the loss of her only child, all those years ago.
Natalia shook herself. No point thinking of that now. A curl of embarrassment crept up on her as she thought of how she'd regressed the night before. Mommy. Dear God, you haven't called her that since you were twelve, her mind remarked. And daddy? Really, daddy? After what he did?
"What are you making?"
Natalia turned to see her mother come into the kitchen, wrapped in an old greying robe. She'd washed her face and put on a little makeup. Natalia shook her head. How typical. Just make sure everything appears okay on the surface - it could have been her mother's motto.
"Pancakes," Natalia replied. She didn't plan on making them heart shaped.
Josephine grunted, which meant she couldn't think of anything vicious to say. "Remember the-"
"-maple syrup," Natalia interrupted. "I know." She looked over at her mother and caught her eye. Something indefinable clouded over her face and then was gone, locked down by a tightening lip and narrowing eyes. Natalia sighed. So they were going to pretend last night hadn't happened. They were actually going to pretend that they hadn't fallen asleep sobbing in each other's arms.
No. No, Natalia decided firmly. That wasn't going to happen.
"How did he die?" she asked softly.
Her mother didn't answer for several long moments. "It was sudden," she said at last. "They're going to do an autopsy you know." Natalia nodded slowly and her mother took a breath. "He had been feeling weak and breathless for a while. I wanted him to give up smoking...I thought that might help..."
Natalia nodded again, suddenly recalling a long abandoned fear. She remembered lying awake, listening to her father coughing and spluttering in the room next door, and vowing never to touch a cigarette. "And did he?"
Josephine's lip curled in a sneer. "What do you think?" she said, but there was no venom in her voice. She was too tired for that.
Natalia nodded. "Okay..." she breathed.
"That last day," her mother continued in a far away voice, "he couldn't even get out of bed. I found him...just lying there, in our bed. His eyes were open..."
Natalia felt her heart clench in sympathy. She held out her hand instinctively, then slowly lowered it to her side. "I'm sorry," she said. "I...I know how that must have felt..."
"How could you possibly know?" her mother snapped.
Sympathy turned to anger as quick as a flash, but Natalia damped it down hard. She clenched her fist behind her back. "You don't know anything about my life," she said, her voice calm and steady. "I'm a widow too, mom."
Her mind travelled back just over a year to that room in Cedars hospital, to the beep of machines keeping her husband's body alive, to the decision she'd agonsied over in those seemingly infinite moments of despair. New life had come of that death, and not just for Olivia. Something had woken up inside her too as the weeks and months passed and her life became intertwined with Olivia's in ways she'd never have imagined. And suddenly she knew - she knew - that Olivia's life had been worth everything. That if she had a choice now, today, between Gus's life and Olivia's that she wouldn't even hesitate. That there would be no choice to make at all.
Josephine was watching her, an unreadable expression on her face. "You...you had a husband?" she said softly.
Natalia snapped back to the present like a broken rubber band. "Yes," she said. "I was married to the father of my child."
There. She'd said it. The issue of Rafe had been sitting unvoiced between them since she'd arrived and now it was out. Where they went now was up to her mother.
"You...you didn't bring him," she said. "Your son."
Natalia shook her head. "I didn't think there'd be room for him here," she said. She hoped her mother knew she meant more than just physical space in this tiny apartment. From the closed expression that flitted over her face she guessed she did.
"No, there probably isn't," she said, and then turned her back and left the kitchen.
Natalia released a long breath through her mouth and then drew in an even longer one through her nose. She frowned. Shit. The stupid pancakes were burning.
* * * * * *
Work at The Beacon had always been quietly satisfying to Olivia but now, without Natalia, it was tiring and tedious. She had to drag herself to the hotel every morning, and when she got there she resented everything - her appointments, her staff, and above all the ticking of the clock counting off the seconds, minutes, hours and days of Natalia's absence.
"Yes, what?" she snarled into the phone an instant after it rang. She could practically see the poor desk clerk shaking. "Who? Well what does she want?" Olivia sighed. "Fine, send her up."
She slammed the phone back into its cradle. A few minutes later a knock sounded at the door. "Come in," she growled, bracing herself.
Doris breezed in, a predatory smile on her face. "So, is it true?" she asked without preamble, sitting in the chair opposite Olivia's without waiting for an invitation.
"Is what true?" Olivia leaned back in her chair.
Doris's lips twitched. "That your little girlfriend ran off to Chicago the moment you got back," she said. "What's wrong, did you try to jump her or something?"
Olivia fixed her with a disdainful look. "Her father died," she replied, her voice dripping with contempt.
Doris returned Olivia's glare with one of her own. "How convenient."
Anger rose up in Olivia's chest, greeting her like a familiar friend. "My God, you really are a piece of work," she began, but Doris held up her hands.
"Sorry," she said, sounding about as far from sorry as it was possible to be. "I just think she might be a little relieved to get out of town for a while. She certainly seemed uncomfortable the last time I saw her."
Olivia frowned, anger departing and leaving confusion in its wake. "You...you saw Natalia? When?"
A slow smile spread over Doris's face. "Oh, she didn't tell you?" She sounded positively gleeful. "I stopped by the day you guys left your little spa vacation."
"Why?"
Doris's smile widened. "Official mayoral business," she said cryptically, then leaned forward. "I'm afraid I interrupted some baking." She said the word like she might have said roach-spraying.
Olivia flushed, remembering Natalia's almost desperate sounding message that day, and the distance that had crept into her conversations since. "Did you say something to her?" she began, leaning forward. "Because if you did-"
"Whoah, cowgirl," Doris raised her hands. "Not guilty."
Olivia looked for a moment as if she wasn't going to accept that answer, but finally she sighed, flopping back into her chair. "Fine," she said weakly. "What did you want, Doris?"
"Well, I did really want to see how you're getting on without your little wife," Doris replied, a gleam in her eye.
"She's not my wife!"
"Oh, but you so wish she was," Doris replied smoothly, and grinned when Olivia didn't dispute it. "But I also came here to discuss a fundraiser I'd like to hold at The Beacon next month."
Olivia rolled her eyes. "The election's not until next year," she muttered.
"Never too early to drum up support," Doris replied. "Unless you don't want my business..."
"No," Olivia said, holding up her hands. "No, let me just take the details..."
Doris smiled gleefully as she watched Olivia hunting in her desk drawer for a pen. No Natalia around, and the opportunity for lots of private business meetings with one Ms Spencer. Did life get any better than this?
TBC...
AUTHOR: Wonko
FANDOM: Guiding Light
RATING: PG for this part
SUMMARY: Natalia needs to make a choice between her past and her future.
TIMELINE: Begins immediately after the episode on the 12th of May and goes off into its own little world at that point.
DEDICATION: This is dedicated to the memory of badtyler, a great writer and an even better friend.
[ Part 1] [ Part 2] [ Part 3] [ Part 4] [ Part 5]
Natalia woke the next morning to the sound of a loud argument and honking barging in the open window and an unfamiliar warm body at her back. "Olivia?" she murmured sleepily, then flushed deeply as she remembered where she was was. Not Olivia. Her mother.
She turned quickly, wide awake, heart thumping. Her mother was still asleep. She hadn't heard her little slip. Thank God. Relief made her heart flutter, and she slipped out of bed before her mother could wake.
She stumbled through to the kitchen to start breakfast. It had been a strange night, to say the least. She didn't know why she'd been so surprised to find her mother distraught. Her husband had died. Surely even someone as emotionally distant as her mother couldn't fail to feel that kind of loss. And obviously she did feel it. Even if she hadn't seemed to feel anything at the loss of her only child, all those years ago.
Natalia shook herself. No point thinking of that now. A curl of embarrassment crept up on her as she thought of how she'd regressed the night before. Mommy. Dear God, you haven't called her that since you were twelve, her mind remarked. And daddy? Really, daddy? After what he did?
"What are you making?"
Natalia turned to see her mother come into the kitchen, wrapped in an old greying robe. She'd washed her face and put on a little makeup. Natalia shook her head. How typical. Just make sure everything appears okay on the surface - it could have been her mother's motto.
"Pancakes," Natalia replied. She didn't plan on making them heart shaped.
Josephine grunted, which meant she couldn't think of anything vicious to say. "Remember the-"
"-maple syrup," Natalia interrupted. "I know." She looked over at her mother and caught her eye. Something indefinable clouded over her face and then was gone, locked down by a tightening lip and narrowing eyes. Natalia sighed. So they were going to pretend last night hadn't happened. They were actually going to pretend that they hadn't fallen asleep sobbing in each other's arms.
No. No, Natalia decided firmly. That wasn't going to happen.
"How did he die?" she asked softly.
Her mother didn't answer for several long moments. "It was sudden," she said at last. "They're going to do an autopsy you know." Natalia nodded slowly and her mother took a breath. "He had been feeling weak and breathless for a while. I wanted him to give up smoking...I thought that might help..."
Natalia nodded again, suddenly recalling a long abandoned fear. She remembered lying awake, listening to her father coughing and spluttering in the room next door, and vowing never to touch a cigarette. "And did he?"
Josephine's lip curled in a sneer. "What do you think?" she said, but there was no venom in her voice. She was too tired for that.
Natalia nodded. "Okay..." she breathed.
"That last day," her mother continued in a far away voice, "he couldn't even get out of bed. I found him...just lying there, in our bed. His eyes were open..."
Natalia felt her heart clench in sympathy. She held out her hand instinctively, then slowly lowered it to her side. "I'm sorry," she said. "I...I know how that must have felt..."
"How could you possibly know?" her mother snapped.
Sympathy turned to anger as quick as a flash, but Natalia damped it down hard. She clenched her fist behind her back. "You don't know anything about my life," she said, her voice calm and steady. "I'm a widow too, mom."
Her mind travelled back just over a year to that room in Cedars hospital, to the beep of machines keeping her husband's body alive, to the decision she'd agonsied over in those seemingly infinite moments of despair. New life had come of that death, and not just for Olivia. Something had woken up inside her too as the weeks and months passed and her life became intertwined with Olivia's in ways she'd never have imagined. And suddenly she knew - she knew - that Olivia's life had been worth everything. That if she had a choice now, today, between Gus's life and Olivia's that she wouldn't even hesitate. That there would be no choice to make at all.
Josephine was watching her, an unreadable expression on her face. "You...you had a husband?" she said softly.
Natalia snapped back to the present like a broken rubber band. "Yes," she said. "I was married to the father of my child."
There. She'd said it. The issue of Rafe had been sitting unvoiced between them since she'd arrived and now it was out. Where they went now was up to her mother.
"You...you didn't bring him," she said. "Your son."
Natalia shook her head. "I didn't think there'd be room for him here," she said. She hoped her mother knew she meant more than just physical space in this tiny apartment. From the closed expression that flitted over her face she guessed she did.
"No, there probably isn't," she said, and then turned her back and left the kitchen.
Natalia released a long breath through her mouth and then drew in an even longer one through her nose. She frowned. Shit. The stupid pancakes were burning.
* * * * * *
Work at The Beacon had always been quietly satisfying to Olivia but now, without Natalia, it was tiring and tedious. She had to drag herself to the hotel every morning, and when she got there she resented everything - her appointments, her staff, and above all the ticking of the clock counting off the seconds, minutes, hours and days of Natalia's absence.
"Yes, what?" she snarled into the phone an instant after it rang. She could practically see the poor desk clerk shaking. "Who? Well what does she want?" Olivia sighed. "Fine, send her up."
She slammed the phone back into its cradle. A few minutes later a knock sounded at the door. "Come in," she growled, bracing herself.
Doris breezed in, a predatory smile on her face. "So, is it true?" she asked without preamble, sitting in the chair opposite Olivia's without waiting for an invitation.
"Is what true?" Olivia leaned back in her chair.
Doris's lips twitched. "That your little girlfriend ran off to Chicago the moment you got back," she said. "What's wrong, did you try to jump her or something?"
Olivia fixed her with a disdainful look. "Her father died," she replied, her voice dripping with contempt.
Doris returned Olivia's glare with one of her own. "How convenient."
Anger rose up in Olivia's chest, greeting her like a familiar friend. "My God, you really are a piece of work," she began, but Doris held up her hands.
"Sorry," she said, sounding about as far from sorry as it was possible to be. "I just think she might be a little relieved to get out of town for a while. She certainly seemed uncomfortable the last time I saw her."
Olivia frowned, anger departing and leaving confusion in its wake. "You...you saw Natalia? When?"
A slow smile spread over Doris's face. "Oh, she didn't tell you?" She sounded positively gleeful. "I stopped by the day you guys left your little spa vacation."
"Why?"
Doris's smile widened. "Official mayoral business," she said cryptically, then leaned forward. "I'm afraid I interrupted some baking." She said the word like she might have said roach-spraying.
Olivia flushed, remembering Natalia's almost desperate sounding message that day, and the distance that had crept into her conversations since. "Did you say something to her?" she began, leaning forward. "Because if you did-"
"Whoah, cowgirl," Doris raised her hands. "Not guilty."
Olivia looked for a moment as if she wasn't going to accept that answer, but finally she sighed, flopping back into her chair. "Fine," she said weakly. "What did you want, Doris?"
"Well, I did really want to see how you're getting on without your little wife," Doris replied, a gleam in her eye.
"She's not my wife!"
"Oh, but you so wish she was," Doris replied smoothly, and grinned when Olivia didn't dispute it. "But I also came here to discuss a fundraiser I'd like to hold at The Beacon next month."
Olivia rolled her eyes. "The election's not until next year," she muttered.
"Never too early to drum up support," Doris replied. "Unless you don't want my business..."
"No," Olivia said, holding up her hands. "No, let me just take the details..."
Doris smiled gleefully as she watched Olivia hunting in her desk drawer for a pen. No Natalia around, and the opportunity for lots of private business meetings with one Ms Spencer. Did life get any better than this?
TBC...