Still not enough, chapter 12
Series: Still not enough
Chapter: 12
Written by: Parishs
Rating: pg-13
Summary: Reid had a nice New Years night with a gigolo he can't get out of his head (Reid's POV).
Sequel of the Yule challenge 2015 entry: Not enough
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Thanks to zzzfreckles (Pamela) for the beta and encouragement!!!
Previous chapter
It was a bit weird to sit and drink coffee with the two guys who I considered being my friends. I never had had friends and Luke didn’t exactly fall into that category but it was nice to feel connected to people somehow.
The fact that he and Casey knew each other made it even more special. They talked about mutual friends and about things that happened a long time ago, when Luke was a basketball coach.
I realized that if this thing between us would grow I had to dive into his past with all the complications that came with it like exes and family but it was worth it somehow, he was the one I wanted to be with so I had to take a deep breath and show interest in the things that had happened to him. I had to invent myself again because all my life I had been avoiding exhausting stuff like that but Ed and I.....
I smirked. Why did I call him Ed, he was so not an Ed but it felt good to give him a name other than what others called him, it was something between us, it was a reference to the night I first saw him and he walked into my life, all innocent doing me a favor but it turned out to become something bigger than anything that had happened in my life. A commitment, was I ready? In a way the question was irrelevant because I had been so miserable without him that everything we had to go though would be okay.
"So what do you think", Casey asked and then I realized that I had been daydreaming again. "Sorry I wasn’t listening".
Casey smirked. "That’s obvious doc but we need your advice, what should I do with Maddie? We had a great time last night but in the end I just kissed her goodbye and went home. She sent me a text but I didn't react yet, what should I do?".
I looked at Luke and then at Casey/ "Why not, you’ve been boring me with stories about her for months now, why don't you answer her? You want to be with her and now that she has shown interest you are backing away. What did she ask?".
Casey let me read the text on his phone; Maddie said she had a good night and wanted to have a drink the following weekend.
"And you don't want to have a date, why not?", I asked
"I don't know. what if she is the one and then I have to introduce her to my parents and I don't know if I am ready for something steady".
Luke looked at me and grabbed my hand. "You don't have to ask us Case because we both are fuckers in the commitment department. We have been stalling to meet each other for months now because we don't know what we want. I only see it as lost time in which we were both doubting, pushing away the obvious.
If she has been on your mind for so long it was either a fantasy or a crush and maybe you have to think less and just go for it. Maybe it isn't going to work out the way you want it but maybe it is and then you can have a great time, like us.
I am so happy that you forced Reid to send me an invitation last night, I have been waiting for it since New Year’s Eve. It's a good thing that he didn't ask me before because I was exactly like you, thinking back and forth about things that really didn't matter.
It's not that we know what we are doing but one thing is very clear; I want to be with him and it's mutual. I can't describe the lightness of my heart, it's like I’m floating on air and I’ve never felt this way before. All the cliché’s are true, Red is the one that I want to spend time with".
"Red?", Casey asked?
Luke leaned towards me and kissed me on my lips. "Well Reid calls me Ed so I wanted a nickname for him too and it's obvious, right? He is a redhead and it almost sounds like Reid".
Casey looked at us as if we were crazy. "That's going really fast guys", he said. "Last night I had to twist Reid's arm to text you and now you are on a nickname basis".
We both nodded. "Yes it's unbelievable", I said and touched Luke's hand with my thump. "It's some bottled up energy that suddenly flushes out, it can't be stopped anymore, isn't that weird?".
Casey shook his head. "No not to me Reid", he said. "You didn't talk about Luke much but I have seen you change, I saw how you started to daydream after your meeting with Luke, you weren't yourself anymore.
I recognized all the indicators, you even didn't eat all your food when we had dinner together, come on man, since when doesn’t Reid Oliver leave food on his plate? And that smile on your lips, it was always there, we could see from a mile away that you relived your night with Luke over and over again. It was a good thing because it softened you".
I rolled with my eyes and shook my head. "You are making a fool of me; I didn't daydream when I was working and I’m always focused on my job".
"I didn't say you weren't", Casey said smiling, "but when you were walking down the halls you didn't see me most of the time. And your patience, I have never seen you taking so much time to inform a family after surgery as last week, I was impressed by the tact you had when they accused you of not informing then well enough. Normally you would stand up and walk away but now you said you understood them, what the fuck Reid?".
I could only nod. "Guess you are right", I sighed. "Ever since I know Luke I understand how hard it must be too loose someone you love. I have tried very hard to think that I could be without him, not ready to give in to the one restriction he had but somehow it didn't work, I was drawn to this wonderful man".
Luke looked confused at me. "Love?", he asked.
Did I say that? And if so, did I mean that? And if so, did it scare him? His cheeks turned red and he withdrew his hand from mine.
Casey looked at us and smiled. "I guess love is the right term Luke", he said. "Reid has been talking about you for months so from his side it is something, something big. And when he texted you last night you came running to him, although you made it clear that you didn't want to have sex with him anymore. So why the rush? It's also significant what you feel for my friend, or am I the only one here who sees things straight? No pun intended?".
Luke cleared his throat and looked at me. I grabbed his hand again and caressed it while I tried to tame his racing heart with my gaze. "No labels Luke, we don't need to give it a name yet, we are going to date as far as I'm concerned and we'll see where we end up. No stress Ed".
I held his sweaty hand and brought it to my lips to kiss it. Why was he so vulnerable, so easy to push around?
Casey interrupted us with his remark. "I can understand why you are holding back Luke but maybe you have to learn to trust again, Reid here isn't going anywhere and he really likes you. That's possible you know, to like you. To stay at your side even when thing get difficult".
What was he talking about? Luke was a steady person with millions on the bank and a business with huge profit figures. He didn't like his job he told me but it was a stunning career he had with extracurricular activities during the weekends.
He didn't seem fragile to me until today. Why did I know so little about him? Why didn't I do a Google-search? Why hadn't I been the friend he asked me to be, that first day of the year? I was only interested in him if he wanted to share his body with me, I was only obsessed in reliving our first night without caring about the person he was hiding behind his bleached surface.
Until yesterday I was just lusting after him but now everything had changed; we had sex but it almost felt as if I had abused him, a bruised man with a smooth smile trying to fool us all. He had done an excellent job in hiding but because of Casey's words I got an insight in his life, a fragment of the guy whose hand I held.
Why did we have sex last night? Did he give in because he wanted something from me? I had been so harsh when I said that I only wanted contact when he gave me my physical relief.
As much as I had enjoyed our night I felt guilty, a feeling I never had before and didn't like very much. Why was I sucked to this guy with the body of a teenager? With eyes which hooked on mine? I had been so blind ignoring the hurt and pain in them. He had shown me that he needed me, he had tried to let me see beyond the bleach but I didn't recognize his need, I was blinded by hormones.
I had never taken care of anyone in my life, why did he choose me and why did Casey think that I could do it? Could I? Did I want to?
Next chapter
Chapter: 12
Written by: Parishs
Rating: pg-13
Summary: Reid had a nice New Years night with a gigolo he can't get out of his head (Reid's POV).
Sequel of the Yule challenge 2015 entry: Not enough
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Thanks to zzzfreckles (Pamela) for the beta and encouragement!!!
Previous chapter
It was a bit weird to sit and drink coffee with the two guys who I considered being my friends. I never had had friends and Luke didn’t exactly fall into that category but it was nice to feel connected to people somehow.
The fact that he and Casey knew each other made it even more special. They talked about mutual friends and about things that happened a long time ago, when Luke was a basketball coach.
I realized that if this thing between us would grow I had to dive into his past with all the complications that came with it like exes and family but it was worth it somehow, he was the one I wanted to be with so I had to take a deep breath and show interest in the things that had happened to him. I had to invent myself again because all my life I had been avoiding exhausting stuff like that but Ed and I.....
I smirked. Why did I call him Ed, he was so not an Ed but it felt good to give him a name other than what others called him, it was something between us, it was a reference to the night I first saw him and he walked into my life, all innocent doing me a favor but it turned out to become something bigger than anything that had happened in my life. A commitment, was I ready? In a way the question was irrelevant because I had been so miserable without him that everything we had to go though would be okay.
"So what do you think", Casey asked and then I realized that I had been daydreaming again. "Sorry I wasn’t listening".
Casey smirked. "That’s obvious doc but we need your advice, what should I do with Maddie? We had a great time last night but in the end I just kissed her goodbye and went home. She sent me a text but I didn't react yet, what should I do?".
I looked at Luke and then at Casey/ "Why not, you’ve been boring me with stories about her for months now, why don't you answer her? You want to be with her and now that she has shown interest you are backing away. What did she ask?".
Casey let me read the text on his phone; Maddie said she had a good night and wanted to have a drink the following weekend.
"And you don't want to have a date, why not?", I asked
"I don't know. what if she is the one and then I have to introduce her to my parents and I don't know if I am ready for something steady".
Luke looked at me and grabbed my hand. "You don't have to ask us Case because we both are fuckers in the commitment department. We have been stalling to meet each other for months now because we don't know what we want. I only see it as lost time in which we were both doubting, pushing away the obvious.
If she has been on your mind for so long it was either a fantasy or a crush and maybe you have to think less and just go for it. Maybe it isn't going to work out the way you want it but maybe it is and then you can have a great time, like us.
I am so happy that you forced Reid to send me an invitation last night, I have been waiting for it since New Year’s Eve. It's a good thing that he didn't ask me before because I was exactly like you, thinking back and forth about things that really didn't matter.
It's not that we know what we are doing but one thing is very clear; I want to be with him and it's mutual. I can't describe the lightness of my heart, it's like I’m floating on air and I’ve never felt this way before. All the cliché’s are true, Red is the one that I want to spend time with".
"Red?", Casey asked?
Luke leaned towards me and kissed me on my lips. "Well Reid calls me Ed so I wanted a nickname for him too and it's obvious, right? He is a redhead and it almost sounds like Reid".
Casey looked at us as if we were crazy. "That's going really fast guys", he said. "Last night I had to twist Reid's arm to text you and now you are on a nickname basis".
We both nodded. "Yes it's unbelievable", I said and touched Luke's hand with my thump. "It's some bottled up energy that suddenly flushes out, it can't be stopped anymore, isn't that weird?".
Casey shook his head. "No not to me Reid", he said. "You didn't talk about Luke much but I have seen you change, I saw how you started to daydream after your meeting with Luke, you weren't yourself anymore.
I recognized all the indicators, you even didn't eat all your food when we had dinner together, come on man, since when doesn’t Reid Oliver leave food on his plate? And that smile on your lips, it was always there, we could see from a mile away that you relived your night with Luke over and over again. It was a good thing because it softened you".
I rolled with my eyes and shook my head. "You are making a fool of me; I didn't daydream when I was working and I’m always focused on my job".
"I didn't say you weren't", Casey said smiling, "but when you were walking down the halls you didn't see me most of the time. And your patience, I have never seen you taking so much time to inform a family after surgery as last week, I was impressed by the tact you had when they accused you of not informing then well enough. Normally you would stand up and walk away but now you said you understood them, what the fuck Reid?".
I could only nod. "Guess you are right", I sighed. "Ever since I know Luke I understand how hard it must be too loose someone you love. I have tried very hard to think that I could be without him, not ready to give in to the one restriction he had but somehow it didn't work, I was drawn to this wonderful man".
Luke looked confused at me. "Love?", he asked.
Did I say that? And if so, did I mean that? And if so, did it scare him? His cheeks turned red and he withdrew his hand from mine.
Casey looked at us and smiled. "I guess love is the right term Luke", he said. "Reid has been talking about you for months so from his side it is something, something big. And when he texted you last night you came running to him, although you made it clear that you didn't want to have sex with him anymore. So why the rush? It's also significant what you feel for my friend, or am I the only one here who sees things straight? No pun intended?".
Luke cleared his throat and looked at me. I grabbed his hand again and caressed it while I tried to tame his racing heart with my gaze. "No labels Luke, we don't need to give it a name yet, we are going to date as far as I'm concerned and we'll see where we end up. No stress Ed".
I held his sweaty hand and brought it to my lips to kiss it. Why was he so vulnerable, so easy to push around?
Casey interrupted us with his remark. "I can understand why you are holding back Luke but maybe you have to learn to trust again, Reid here isn't going anywhere and he really likes you. That's possible you know, to like you. To stay at your side even when thing get difficult".
What was he talking about? Luke was a steady person with millions on the bank and a business with huge profit figures. He didn't like his job he told me but it was a stunning career he had with extracurricular activities during the weekends.
He didn't seem fragile to me until today. Why did I know so little about him? Why didn't I do a Google-search? Why hadn't I been the friend he asked me to be, that first day of the year? I was only interested in him if he wanted to share his body with me, I was only obsessed in reliving our first night without caring about the person he was hiding behind his bleached surface.
Until yesterday I was just lusting after him but now everything had changed; we had sex but it almost felt as if I had abused him, a bruised man with a smooth smile trying to fool us all. He had done an excellent job in hiding but because of Casey's words I got an insight in his life, a fragment of the guy whose hand I held.
Why did we have sex last night? Did he give in because he wanted something from me? I had been so harsh when I said that I only wanted contact when he gave me my physical relief.
As much as I had enjoyed our night I felt guilty, a feeling I never had before and didn't like very much. Why was I sucked to this guy with the body of a teenager? With eyes which hooked on mine? I had been so blind ignoring the hurt and pain in them. He had shown me that he needed me, he had tried to let me see beyond the bleach but I didn't recognize his need, I was blinded by hormones.
I had never taken care of anyone in my life, why did he choose me and why did Casey think that I could do it? Could I? Did I want to?
Next chapter