Still not enough, chapter 11
Series: Still not enough
Chapter: 11
Written by: Parishs
Rating: pg-13
Summary: Luke is a retired gigolo who can't forget his last client(Luke's POV).
Sequel of the Yule challenge 2015 entry: Not enough
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Thanks to zzzfreckles (Pamela) for the beta and encouragement!!!
PREVIOUS CHAPTER
While drinking my coffee I looked at the two guys who were joining me. I couldn't remember when I felt so relaxed, so free and loved. It was my own fault that I pushed my feelings away, that I was only focused on the physical aspects.
Reid had asked me this morning why I started to sell my body and although I wanted to be honest I couldn't tell him. I had no idea. It was never a dream of mine in high school.
He saw me struggling to answer him. "It's okay Eddy", he said smiling. He called me Eddy since last night, when I wanted to have a date with him like normal people have but our hormones had other plans. He didn't force me into anything, it was also lust from my side and although I wanted to get to know him first I didn't complain.
It was fantastic to let myself flow on my own needs and see what effect it had on him. He was right; we were so effortless together when we just had sex.
But when we were spend he didn't beat around the bush, he asked me things others wouldn't have done being polite. Reid didn't do polite, he had called me a whore so many times but it didn't hurt, and now he wanted to know why a spoiled rich guy had sold himself for so long.
And that was another thing why I liked him so much, he was sarcastic and curious. He was right; I could have gone to a private boarding school and had the time of my life playing cricket or basketball. Instead I made my own millions with my secret business.
"I don't know", I had said but he didn't buy that, he saw right through me, my lover. When I stammered some shit while I avoided looking at him he grabbed my face in his hands and forced me to look at him.
"Hey", he said, "if you don't want to talk about it just say so Ed, it's not the inquisition here, I am just interested, that's all".
I looked at him and all I could do was kiss him. He was interested, and maybe that was why we were so good together. He wasn't just trying to get into my pants and he didn't want anything from me but my time. He knew my history so I didn't have to hide with him or fake.
Maybe he was a bit rude but he was the only person I knew who wasn't fake, and he didn't accept that from me either. He wanted to know me, he said. And he was interested in my motives, but I had never thought about them, I couldn't put words to them yet.
I wanted to show him that I wanted to try for him, that I was willing to do a mental search in my confused mind for answers so I looked into his eyes and caressed his cheeks.
"I am not used to talk like this", I said. "I can seduce you or have a fight with you but there are not many people I ....'.
"You can trust your heart with, I get that Ed, your grandmother has called me and we had a long chat".
“What the fuck?", I asked stunned. "Why is she doing this? I thought I could trust her but now she is interfering as well".
I stomped out of bed and walked to his living room. I wished I had a cigarette but I had stopped smoking a long time ago. While I looked out over the awaking city I felt tears forming in the corners of my eyes. It was also a long time ago that I had been crying and it had to stop now.
It only got worse when Reid pulled me against his chest and swung his arms around me while nuzzling his nose in my hair. I thought about so many things at once that I froze: we didn't shower so I must smell like shit, I wanted to go out but where to? What was I doing with my life? Why did it feel so good to be in his arms? Why was it so hard for me to answer his question honestly? And not giving him the shit I gave him at New Year’s about loving sex and having a good body for it?
I leaned back laying my head on his shoulder. He obviously didn't care about my smell or my tears, he just waited for me to get my act together again and answer his question.
Or stare outside enjoying the marvelous view from his penthouse. Feeling no pressure coming from him to do things I wasn't ready for made me shaky and weak. He felt it, that my muscles somehow gave in so he pulled me closer to his body and tightened his grip around me.
There had only been one person in my life who also didn't want me to fake and that was the woman who had called Reid obviously. Why? What was happening in the life that I used to live and felt comfortable with? Not knowing the ground rules of the thing I was doing here with Reid made me nervous and lost. Not being in charge was terrifying. Without my bleached and shaved mask I didn't know who I was anymore.
Reid kissed my neck and laid his head on my shoulder.
"Lucinda meant it well Luke, she is worried about you. She told me that you came to her house every weekend until a few weeks ago. She knows that you are fighting in your head, against your past and against your feelings for me.
She didn't tell me anything but just asked me to keep in contact with you. I told her that that was impossible but then she asked me one important question: what do you feel for my grandson?
And although it was absurd to open my heart to someone I don't know I couldn't stop talking about you. It was obvious that she loved you very much and only wanted what's best for you.
She just gave me food for thought and I chewed on it every night without coming to a solution. Talking about you made me realize that I didn't want to lose you and seeing you was better than avoiding you even though you could not give me what I needed. I realized that I had to adjust my principles to get rid of this fucking shitty feeling that gave me migraines", he whispered in my ear.
"I need to learn to give words to my feelings Reid", I said softly. "And right now I feel so good being in your arms. I am tired of thinking and planning, I only want to sleep and smell your scent.
I have been thinking a lot about you, you know, about an us and when I fantasized I saw us sitting at breakfast in a nice small hotel, far away from anyone who knows us with nothing on our minds but being together. I have no idea what that means but I want you to know that it is what I want, to be with you. Your strength makes that I can try to become myself, although that is not what I mean exactly but........
Reid kissed my ear and laughed. "Stop talking Ed", he said. "I don't want you to explain things; I just want you close to me that’s all. I have no idea either about how this things work but we can make our own picture, right?
We don't have to live up to anyone's expectations, we are just going to do what we want and if you want to go home then do so and if I want to be alone I'll say so. The basic thing here is that I like you to be around and I can't get you out of my head even though I tried very hard; it’s you and me Ed, that's inevitable".
I closed my eyes and tried to tame my fluttering heart; "if you keep calling me that then I’m going to call you Red".
"Nicknames are a sign of intimacy", Reid whispered, "and it's not something I am accustomed to but for you I am willing to make an exception".
"If you want to be with me you have to make a lot of exceptions I guess", I said a little sad.
But Reid didn't let me spoil the good mood; "we will pass bridges when we come to them and you can't push me away anymore. Being together with someone needs a lot of adjusting from both sides, so stop whining and enjoy this moment we have".
I did, more than he could even know. Him taking a chance with me was something I never thought would happen and I never thought it would make me so happy. There were no guarantees in life so I grabbed this once-in-a-lifetime-opportunity and jumped in head first; we were officially a couple, Ed and Red.
Next chapter
Chapter: 11
Written by: Parishs
Rating: pg-13
Summary: Luke is a retired gigolo who can't forget his last client(Luke's POV).
Sequel of the Yule challenge 2015 entry: Not enough
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Thanks to zzzfreckles (Pamela) for the beta and encouragement!!!
PREVIOUS CHAPTER
While drinking my coffee I looked at the two guys who were joining me. I couldn't remember when I felt so relaxed, so free and loved. It was my own fault that I pushed my feelings away, that I was only focused on the physical aspects.
Reid had asked me this morning why I started to sell my body and although I wanted to be honest I couldn't tell him. I had no idea. It was never a dream of mine in high school.
He saw me struggling to answer him. "It's okay Eddy", he said smiling. He called me Eddy since last night, when I wanted to have a date with him like normal people have but our hormones had other plans. He didn't force me into anything, it was also lust from my side and although I wanted to get to know him first I didn't complain.
It was fantastic to let myself flow on my own needs and see what effect it had on him. He was right; we were so effortless together when we just had sex.
But when we were spend he didn't beat around the bush, he asked me things others wouldn't have done being polite. Reid didn't do polite, he had called me a whore so many times but it didn't hurt, and now he wanted to know why a spoiled rich guy had sold himself for so long.
And that was another thing why I liked him so much, he was sarcastic and curious. He was right; I could have gone to a private boarding school and had the time of my life playing cricket or basketball. Instead I made my own millions with my secret business.
"I don't know", I had said but he didn't buy that, he saw right through me, my lover. When I stammered some shit while I avoided looking at him he grabbed my face in his hands and forced me to look at him.
"Hey", he said, "if you don't want to talk about it just say so Ed, it's not the inquisition here, I am just interested, that's all".
I looked at him and all I could do was kiss him. He was interested, and maybe that was why we were so good together. He wasn't just trying to get into my pants and he didn't want anything from me but my time. He knew my history so I didn't have to hide with him or fake.
Maybe he was a bit rude but he was the only person I knew who wasn't fake, and he didn't accept that from me either. He wanted to know me, he said. And he was interested in my motives, but I had never thought about them, I couldn't put words to them yet.
I wanted to show him that I wanted to try for him, that I was willing to do a mental search in my confused mind for answers so I looked into his eyes and caressed his cheeks.
"I am not used to talk like this", I said. "I can seduce you or have a fight with you but there are not many people I ....'.
"You can trust your heart with, I get that Ed, your grandmother has called me and we had a long chat".
“What the fuck?", I asked stunned. "Why is she doing this? I thought I could trust her but now she is interfering as well".
I stomped out of bed and walked to his living room. I wished I had a cigarette but I had stopped smoking a long time ago. While I looked out over the awaking city I felt tears forming in the corners of my eyes. It was also a long time ago that I had been crying and it had to stop now.
It only got worse when Reid pulled me against his chest and swung his arms around me while nuzzling his nose in my hair. I thought about so many things at once that I froze: we didn't shower so I must smell like shit, I wanted to go out but where to? What was I doing with my life? Why did it feel so good to be in his arms? Why was it so hard for me to answer his question honestly? And not giving him the shit I gave him at New Year’s about loving sex and having a good body for it?
I leaned back laying my head on his shoulder. He obviously didn't care about my smell or my tears, he just waited for me to get my act together again and answer his question.
Or stare outside enjoying the marvelous view from his penthouse. Feeling no pressure coming from him to do things I wasn't ready for made me shaky and weak. He felt it, that my muscles somehow gave in so he pulled me closer to his body and tightened his grip around me.
There had only been one person in my life who also didn't want me to fake and that was the woman who had called Reid obviously. Why? What was happening in the life that I used to live and felt comfortable with? Not knowing the ground rules of the thing I was doing here with Reid made me nervous and lost. Not being in charge was terrifying. Without my bleached and shaved mask I didn't know who I was anymore.
Reid kissed my neck and laid his head on my shoulder.
"Lucinda meant it well Luke, she is worried about you. She told me that you came to her house every weekend until a few weeks ago. She knows that you are fighting in your head, against your past and against your feelings for me.
She didn't tell me anything but just asked me to keep in contact with you. I told her that that was impossible but then she asked me one important question: what do you feel for my grandson?
And although it was absurd to open my heart to someone I don't know I couldn't stop talking about you. It was obvious that she loved you very much and only wanted what's best for you.
She just gave me food for thought and I chewed on it every night without coming to a solution. Talking about you made me realize that I didn't want to lose you and seeing you was better than avoiding you even though you could not give me what I needed. I realized that I had to adjust my principles to get rid of this fucking shitty feeling that gave me migraines", he whispered in my ear.
"I need to learn to give words to my feelings Reid", I said softly. "And right now I feel so good being in your arms. I am tired of thinking and planning, I only want to sleep and smell your scent.
I have been thinking a lot about you, you know, about an us and when I fantasized I saw us sitting at breakfast in a nice small hotel, far away from anyone who knows us with nothing on our minds but being together. I have no idea what that means but I want you to know that it is what I want, to be with you. Your strength makes that I can try to become myself, although that is not what I mean exactly but........
Reid kissed my ear and laughed. "Stop talking Ed", he said. "I don't want you to explain things; I just want you close to me that’s all. I have no idea either about how this things work but we can make our own picture, right?
We don't have to live up to anyone's expectations, we are just going to do what we want and if you want to go home then do so and if I want to be alone I'll say so. The basic thing here is that I like you to be around and I can't get you out of my head even though I tried very hard; it’s you and me Ed, that's inevitable".
I closed my eyes and tried to tame my fluttering heart; "if you keep calling me that then I’m going to call you Red".
"Nicknames are a sign of intimacy", Reid whispered, "and it's not something I am accustomed to but for you I am willing to make an exception".
"If you want to be with me you have to make a lot of exceptions I guess", I said a little sad.
But Reid didn't let me spoil the good mood; "we will pass bridges when we come to them and you can't push me away anymore. Being together with someone needs a lot of adjusting from both sides, so stop whining and enjoy this moment we have".
I did, more than he could even know. Him taking a chance with me was something I never thought would happen and I never thought it would make me so happy. There were no guarantees in life so I grabbed this once-in-a-lifetime-opportunity and jumped in head first; we were officially a couple, Ed and Red.
Next chapter