Still not enough, chapter 10
Series: Still not enough
Chapter: 10
Written by: Parishs
Rating: pg-13
Summary: Reid had a nice New Years night with a gigolo he can't get out of his head (Reid's POV).
Sequel of the Yule challenge 2015 entry: Not enough
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Thanks to zzzfreckles (Pamela) for the beta and encouragement!!!
PREVIOUS CAPTER
I touched his skin a few times, softly, afraid to wake him up. But he was tossing and turning and he was talking to someone who didn't do what he wanted. I couldn't understand what he said because he didn't pronounce the words but he was busy.
I gave him a little push now and then when he sounded scared. What had happened to this complex man that he had such busy dreams? When that didn't help I crawled closer to him and I lay my flesh against his outline. I caressed his arm while I, god I couldn't help it, kissed his shoulder.
I had always been good at planning, my whole life was organized from the first minute I woke up to the moment I fell in bed again. Years and years of routine created a life I was happy in, or...
No not that, it was weird but happiness was never my goal. Efficiency was, I had a strict regime in which I did what I could. I wanted to save lives and I did that, I was a doctor. Since Casey was in my life he sometimes managed to suck me out of it but I always came up with reasons why I couldn't have a drink or dinner.
Casey didn't mind, he tried once or twice every week to steal my time and when I had pushed him away for too long he just sent me a text with a time and place. When that happened I knew I had been neglecting him for too long.
Maybe that would change now, I wanted to text him how his date had been but I didn't want to leave the bed. Would it be weird if he woke up? What did other people do on a free Saturday? What if he was hanging in my house all day?
I tried to suppress a panic attack and looked at the body next to me. I had to enjoy it for all that I could right now because maybe last night had been a one-time-thing, maybe he would disappear after breakfast and we would end up in the same status quo we had been in for the past months. Knowing that we had ....something but that our needs were so totally different that we couldn't get past it.
I tried to stay in the moment, not freaking out by doubting about my ability to entertain him later, so I put my hand on his stomach and let it follow his breathing. My fingers travelled over his skin and I smiled when I felt hair. He didn't shave his lower body anymore like he had done before. He had stopped being in shape for others and that was somehow a big relief. He had gained a few pounds as well but it felt good, everything on him did, and I nuzzled my nose in his hair while I enjoyed his heat.
I lay there in his halo and thought about my life. It would be perfectly fine if I died now. Nothing would top this night, I only saw complications coming our way. Would he be sad when I died?
Thinking of him not being around anymore made me very sad. I was living on a kind of high since I met him and although it had been tough being away from each other I always felt that we might meet again. If he wasn't in my life anymore.....
I heard myself sob and I felt his body turn to me.
"Hey", he said sleepy, "is everything okay Reid?".
I felt his warm thump touching my face. It was unbelievable how much he meant to me. I just nodded and tried to easy my breathing. We would manage somehow together; suddenly I was sure of that. The way he looked at me and the way my heart reacted, it was unique and it would be in about 10 years from now, I would react the same on him, I was sure.
"What's wrong", he asked.
"Nothing, I was thinking".
His brown eyes locked on mine trying to see if there was something serious going on. I wanted to ease his mind and say that everything was okay but all I could do was touch his face and kiss him. The connection I felt with him and the insecurities about our future were so confusing that I didn't know what to think anymore, need or feel.
He saw my bewilderedness and rolled on top of me. "Hey", he said softly, "Reid, what's going on? Did I make a mistake by accepting your invitation? Did I cross a line? I can get it that I am driving you crazy with the way I talk to you. I said that I didn't want to be with you but the first time you ask me out I come running to you.
It's all so new to me, you have to understand that I have never had a real relationship with a man before, it was always based on money and the rules I made. I am an egoist Reid, I can see that now, I have to learn to take your needs in consideration".
His weight on me felt so good. His hand in my hair eased my nerves. The words he said were so untrue but somehow I couldn't reply; we could talk about them later. Suddenly the fact that he was here and had reacted to my text instantly was enough, the way he tried to understand me reassuring. He was as lost as I was and he tried to set his own rules but they didn't work, not with me. That was all I needed to think about when I started to doubt again.
"We’re good together, right?", I asked softly.
He just nodded and rolled off me. He pulled me against his chest and yawned."Yes", he said.
Next chapter
Chapter: 10
Written by: Parishs
Rating: pg-13
Summary: Reid had a nice New Years night with a gigolo he can't get out of his head (Reid's POV).
Sequel of the Yule challenge 2015 entry: Not enough
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Thanks to zzzfreckles (Pamela) for the beta and encouragement!!!
PREVIOUS CAPTER
I touched his skin a few times, softly, afraid to wake him up. But he was tossing and turning and he was talking to someone who didn't do what he wanted. I couldn't understand what he said because he didn't pronounce the words but he was busy.
I gave him a little push now and then when he sounded scared. What had happened to this complex man that he had such busy dreams? When that didn't help I crawled closer to him and I lay my flesh against his outline. I caressed his arm while I, god I couldn't help it, kissed his shoulder.
I had always been good at planning, my whole life was organized from the first minute I woke up to the moment I fell in bed again. Years and years of routine created a life I was happy in, or...
No not that, it was weird but happiness was never my goal. Efficiency was, I had a strict regime in which I did what I could. I wanted to save lives and I did that, I was a doctor. Since Casey was in my life he sometimes managed to suck me out of it but I always came up with reasons why I couldn't have a drink or dinner.
Casey didn't mind, he tried once or twice every week to steal my time and when I had pushed him away for too long he just sent me a text with a time and place. When that happened I knew I had been neglecting him for too long.
Maybe that would change now, I wanted to text him how his date had been but I didn't want to leave the bed. Would it be weird if he woke up? What did other people do on a free Saturday? What if he was hanging in my house all day?
I tried to suppress a panic attack and looked at the body next to me. I had to enjoy it for all that I could right now because maybe last night had been a one-time-thing, maybe he would disappear after breakfast and we would end up in the same status quo we had been in for the past months. Knowing that we had ....something but that our needs were so totally different that we couldn't get past it.
I tried to stay in the moment, not freaking out by doubting about my ability to entertain him later, so I put my hand on his stomach and let it follow his breathing. My fingers travelled over his skin and I smiled when I felt hair. He didn't shave his lower body anymore like he had done before. He had stopped being in shape for others and that was somehow a big relief. He had gained a few pounds as well but it felt good, everything on him did, and I nuzzled my nose in his hair while I enjoyed his heat.
I lay there in his halo and thought about my life. It would be perfectly fine if I died now. Nothing would top this night, I only saw complications coming our way. Would he be sad when I died?
Thinking of him not being around anymore made me very sad. I was living on a kind of high since I met him and although it had been tough being away from each other I always felt that we might meet again. If he wasn't in my life anymore.....
I heard myself sob and I felt his body turn to me.
"Hey", he said sleepy, "is everything okay Reid?".
I felt his warm thump touching my face. It was unbelievable how much he meant to me. I just nodded and tried to easy my breathing. We would manage somehow together; suddenly I was sure of that. The way he looked at me and the way my heart reacted, it was unique and it would be in about 10 years from now, I would react the same on him, I was sure.
"What's wrong", he asked.
"Nothing, I was thinking".
His brown eyes locked on mine trying to see if there was something serious going on. I wanted to ease his mind and say that everything was okay but all I could do was touch his face and kiss him. The connection I felt with him and the insecurities about our future were so confusing that I didn't know what to think anymore, need or feel.
He saw my bewilderedness and rolled on top of me. "Hey", he said softly, "Reid, what's going on? Did I make a mistake by accepting your invitation? Did I cross a line? I can get it that I am driving you crazy with the way I talk to you. I said that I didn't want to be with you but the first time you ask me out I come running to you.
It's all so new to me, you have to understand that I have never had a real relationship with a man before, it was always based on money and the rules I made. I am an egoist Reid, I can see that now, I have to learn to take your needs in consideration".
His weight on me felt so good. His hand in my hair eased my nerves. The words he said were so untrue but somehow I couldn't reply; we could talk about them later. Suddenly the fact that he was here and had reacted to my text instantly was enough, the way he tried to understand me reassuring. He was as lost as I was and he tried to set his own rules but they didn't work, not with me. That was all I needed to think about when I started to doubt again.
"We’re good together, right?", I asked softly.
He just nodded and rolled off me. He pulled me against his chest and yawned."Yes", he said.
Next chapter