Fresh start chapter 32
Series: Fresh start
Chapter: 32
Written by: Parishs
Rating: pg-13
Summary: Reid is a neuro surgeon in Dallas with a burn out who tries to figure out what life is really about (Reid's POV).
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Thanks to zzzfreckles (Pamela) for the beta!!!
PREVIOUS CHAPTER
I held his hand while sitting in the back of a cab. He had called one because after the champagne we drank some more alcohol and he didn't want me to drink and drive. It was just because he cared about me, not because he wanted to control me he said when he grabbed his phone.
"But I like it when you control me", I whispered in his ear.
"Stop it Reid, I can't pin you against the wall here", Luke moaned.
"Why not, this is your apartment", I tried but I didn't have any need to let him have his way with me here. During the night we shared with Noah my respect for the guy had grown. Luke's ex wasn't a bad guy; he was just trying to find his way through life without Luke at his side.
In a way Luke made it easier for him now he had told us his ideas about the future. Noah wasn't hanging anymore and although he said he had not thought about his future he knew what Luke asked of him. Luke gave him freedom and he had to learn how to handle that.
We had been talking for hours about so many things. Because of the alcohol our inhibitions were a bit gone but we didn't drink so much that the things that were said would be forgotten. Everything we said would be remembered. The way I loved my man that night would stay with me for the rest of my life.
I was so fucking proud of him, so proud that he could look at his life in possibilities and not in problems. He inspired me with his ideas and his optimism. I got emotional when he gave Noah enough money to give him time to figure things out, but also drew a line. He made Noah responsible for his own happiness and with that he freed himself from the obviously huge responsibility he felt. Without forgetting the good times they had in the past Luke asked Noah to find his own way without him.
He didn't ask Noah to break the bond with his family, Luke insisted that if Noah felt comfortable enough he was welcome at the Sunday lunches. He knew how embeded Noah was in his family so he didn't ask him to stay away; he put the ball in Noah's corner but made it clear from the minute we had walked into the apartment that things were over between them. Luke had chosen me.
And I? What was I supposed to feel? I think that I couldn't be happier than I was right now. I didn't feel the need to marry because I would never be more in love than I was right in the back seat of this cab.
I hardly could compute what had happened tonight but I felt the impact of Luke's words in every cell in my body, I felt his love for me and his devotion. It was overwhelming me but in a fantastic way, a way I never felt before and it was scary because if this was what love did to you, then how could I ever survive when he was gone?
"Hey", I heard him say next to me. He swept away a tear from my cheek. "What's going on in that beautiful mind?".
I shook my head. Saying out loud that I was afraid to lose him seemed so dumb but I had to learn to express myself, I had to give him an insight in my mind now and them, I had to let him in because I was sure that whatever I was saying he would understand. He wouldn't question me or laugh.
"This night was so special to me Luke", I said and looked at him. "I am so touched by the things you said and by how you have thought this through. It's hard for me to describe what I am feeling for you because everything I can think of is not enough. I don't want to sound like a stalker or a lust-driven teenager but I want you to know that I have never loved someone this much".
"We are better with our bodies than with words, is that what you are saying?", he asked.
Maybe he was right, the way we reacted to a touch or even a look was ridiculous, we were so in sync physically that it was almost scary. We could talk with words but our eyes communicated on a whole different level and our bodies, god, he turned me on as if I was 16. It was never enough, but always good. He never disappointed me and I was what he needed.
"We are so good with our bodies but it's the whole package that makes it so special Luke", I said. "And when things go well in my life I have this tendency to get suspicious, I am already shielding myself for bad things that are going to come because they always do. As much as I try to live in the moment I am so afraid that somehow this is going to end and to be honest ....if I have to live without you.....".
He kissed my hand and leaned against my shoulder. "I get the feeling Reid", he said softly. "I feel the exact same way when I am with you. I can try and rationalize it away by saying that my tumor was benign and I promise you that I won't drive alone but I can't take away your fears.
I hope that after tonight you know that Noah is not a threat anymore but life is scary and unpredictable. People always say that you have to live a day at a time but that's hard. I am so happy but I am also afraid to lose it. We both have to face our fear and try to make the best of it.
I don't want to let it ruin my life with you Reid. I want to make plans because I haven't done that in years. I want to move in with you and start a family. Is that too soon? Do we know for sure if this is what is going to make us happy for the rest of our lives? I don't know but it's the best thing I can think of right now.
This new start for all of us is so freaking amazing. I am going to be busy with my foundation and maybe, if I get more energy, I am going to start a writing course at OU. My mind is so busy right now, there are so many ideas I want to type in my laptop, there are so many stories to be told and they keep me awake at night, my characters. It's so wonderful that my brain is healing so fast that it's starting to fantasize again".
I paid for the cab and we walked home slowly. The moon was enlightening my property and it looked like someone was giving us a blessing. All I could see was mine, including the nice guy on my arm. Luke was right, I had to enjoy it and trust in a good ending. For now I was at ease, knowing that when we were inside my man would undress me and make me feel wanted. It took me a while but I finally came home.
NEXT CHAPTER
Chapter: 32
Written by: Parishs
Rating: pg-13
Summary: Reid is a neuro surgeon in Dallas with a burn out who tries to figure out what life is really about (Reid's POV).
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Thanks to zzzfreckles (Pamela) for the beta!!!
PREVIOUS CHAPTER
I held his hand while sitting in the back of a cab. He had called one because after the champagne we drank some more alcohol and he didn't want me to drink and drive. It was just because he cared about me, not because he wanted to control me he said when he grabbed his phone.
"But I like it when you control me", I whispered in his ear.
"Stop it Reid, I can't pin you against the wall here", Luke moaned.
"Why not, this is your apartment", I tried but I didn't have any need to let him have his way with me here. During the night we shared with Noah my respect for the guy had grown. Luke's ex wasn't a bad guy; he was just trying to find his way through life without Luke at his side.
In a way Luke made it easier for him now he had told us his ideas about the future. Noah wasn't hanging anymore and although he said he had not thought about his future he knew what Luke asked of him. Luke gave him freedom and he had to learn how to handle that.
We had been talking for hours about so many things. Because of the alcohol our inhibitions were a bit gone but we didn't drink so much that the things that were said would be forgotten. Everything we said would be remembered. The way I loved my man that night would stay with me for the rest of my life.
I was so fucking proud of him, so proud that he could look at his life in possibilities and not in problems. He inspired me with his ideas and his optimism. I got emotional when he gave Noah enough money to give him time to figure things out, but also drew a line. He made Noah responsible for his own happiness and with that he freed himself from the obviously huge responsibility he felt. Without forgetting the good times they had in the past Luke asked Noah to find his own way without him.
He didn't ask Noah to break the bond with his family, Luke insisted that if Noah felt comfortable enough he was welcome at the Sunday lunches. He knew how embeded Noah was in his family so he didn't ask him to stay away; he put the ball in Noah's corner but made it clear from the minute we had walked into the apartment that things were over between them. Luke had chosen me.
And I? What was I supposed to feel? I think that I couldn't be happier than I was right now. I didn't feel the need to marry because I would never be more in love than I was right in the back seat of this cab.
I hardly could compute what had happened tonight but I felt the impact of Luke's words in every cell in my body, I felt his love for me and his devotion. It was overwhelming me but in a fantastic way, a way I never felt before and it was scary because if this was what love did to you, then how could I ever survive when he was gone?
"Hey", I heard him say next to me. He swept away a tear from my cheek. "What's going on in that beautiful mind?".
I shook my head. Saying out loud that I was afraid to lose him seemed so dumb but I had to learn to express myself, I had to give him an insight in my mind now and them, I had to let him in because I was sure that whatever I was saying he would understand. He wouldn't question me or laugh.
"This night was so special to me Luke", I said and looked at him. "I am so touched by the things you said and by how you have thought this through. It's hard for me to describe what I am feeling for you because everything I can think of is not enough. I don't want to sound like a stalker or a lust-driven teenager but I want you to know that I have never loved someone this much".
"We are better with our bodies than with words, is that what you are saying?", he asked.
Maybe he was right, the way we reacted to a touch or even a look was ridiculous, we were so in sync physically that it was almost scary. We could talk with words but our eyes communicated on a whole different level and our bodies, god, he turned me on as if I was 16. It was never enough, but always good. He never disappointed me and I was what he needed.
"We are so good with our bodies but it's the whole package that makes it so special Luke", I said. "And when things go well in my life I have this tendency to get suspicious, I am already shielding myself for bad things that are going to come because they always do. As much as I try to live in the moment I am so afraid that somehow this is going to end and to be honest ....if I have to live without you.....".
He kissed my hand and leaned against my shoulder. "I get the feeling Reid", he said softly. "I feel the exact same way when I am with you. I can try and rationalize it away by saying that my tumor was benign and I promise you that I won't drive alone but I can't take away your fears.
I hope that after tonight you know that Noah is not a threat anymore but life is scary and unpredictable. People always say that you have to live a day at a time but that's hard. I am so happy but I am also afraid to lose it. We both have to face our fear and try to make the best of it.
I don't want to let it ruin my life with you Reid. I want to make plans because I haven't done that in years. I want to move in with you and start a family. Is that too soon? Do we know for sure if this is what is going to make us happy for the rest of our lives? I don't know but it's the best thing I can think of right now.
This new start for all of us is so freaking amazing. I am going to be busy with my foundation and maybe, if I get more energy, I am going to start a writing course at OU. My mind is so busy right now, there are so many ideas I want to type in my laptop, there are so many stories to be told and they keep me awake at night, my characters. It's so wonderful that my brain is healing so fast that it's starting to fantasize again".
I paid for the cab and we walked home slowly. The moon was enlightening my property and it looked like someone was giving us a blessing. All I could see was mine, including the nice guy on my arm. Luke was right, I had to enjoy it and trust in a good ending. For now I was at ease, knowing that when we were inside my man would undress me and make me feel wanted. It took me a while but I finally came home.
NEXT CHAPTER