Now or never
Title: Now or never
Series: Love hurts
Written by: Parishs
Rating: pg
Summary: yeah, the day after Reid's drinking....(Reid's POV).
Prompt: Fun Fic Friday prompt of Now or never (09-12-2014)
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Warning: English is not my native language, unbeta-ed.
Previous chapter
“Are you awake”, he asked me softly.
I didn’t know what to answer him. Yes I didn’t sleep anymore, but was I ready to start this day? Jesus no.
He would be looking at me all day, pitiful, needing answers. Promises. And I didn’t have them. Couldn’t tell him with my hand on my heart that I would never drink again.
So I nodded to show him that I had heard him. I turned around and looked at him in the soft morning light that peeked through the curtains. There was no anger in his eyes. No pity. Just a smile that I didn’t deserve.
His hand caressing my hair was almost too much, but he didn’t read my body language, didn’t feel that my muscles tightened. Or maybe he didn’t care.
He shifted a little and pulled my head close to his. Our eye lock was intense. “I am so glad you are here with me”, he said softly.
Sincere brown didn’t let go.
“I mean it”, he said and kissed me softly on my lips. For a second I let him, accepted what he gave me, until my brain kicked in and my body started to move.
“Don’t Luke”, I said a little irritated.
“Ssshh”, he said. “Reg and Scott are still sleeping. Let’s get dressed so we can go outside. We can walk to the city and buy us some breakfast. Come on”.
Walk to the city? I had been driving through the fucking forrest, I knew how far away the city was. Was he crazy? Did he need time to grill me? Tell me that I had to look for another….yeah boyfriend or whatever?
But he rolled over to the edge of the bed and started to put on a shirt, so I didn’t really have a choice but to copy him. I looked around for my clothes but couldn’t find them.
Luke looked at me and smiled. “You have to wear some of mine today Reid, you puked all over your jeans and Scott’s. When we come back we have to start the washing machine, I didn’t have the energy to do that last night”.
O god. I puked. It was years ago that I did that. When I drank every day my body was so used to the alcohol that I didn’t get drunk anymore, but now…and Scott, I puked on him too. How could I ever talk to him again?
But Luke didn’t seem to mind, he walked to his closet without making a sound and got me jeans and a shirt. Underwear. He tossed it onto the bed and pointed to the door.
“I am going to wait outside, be silent, let them sleep for a while”, he whispered and left me alone.
While I tried to put my arms through the shirt I looked at the men sleeping on the couch. Scott’s hand lay over Reg’s chest. What was going on between us? Sometimes life didn’t make any sense. With my pants in my hand I walked outside.
The sunlight was blinding, so I closed my eyes for a moment until I sensed his presence close to me.
“Here”, he said and gave me something. Sunglasses.
He helped me to straighten out my shirt and to put the jeans on. I felt his fingers touching me, caressing me, showing me that he still wanted me and liked me.
“You are so beautiful”, he said softly in my ear and kissed me on my lips.
I felt ashamed and dirty, I didn’t want him to taste my mouth, I was prepared for his anger and disgust but this caring attitude totally swept me off my feet, so I pushed him away.
“Stop that Luke”, I said more harshly than I wanted. “I stink”.
He looked at me and took my head in his hands. “I don’t care”, he said and leaned in again, pressing his lips on mine, forcing my lips to part, tickling my tongue with his. His scent brought me back to live, made that I wanted to try. Maybe one day I would be okay with the stupid move I had made yesterday.
We kissed lazily for a while until my foot started to hurt. I couldn’t stand on it for a long time yet, the tape made it possible to walk a little but only for a short period of time, so I broke the kiss and looked at him. The man I had been waiting for my whole life without knowing it.
“Shit, I forgot about your foot”, Luke said and helped me to the bench in front of his house. Sitting there in the sun, with Luke, my life seemed rather perfect, if only my head didn’t pound like a maniac and the sun was so bright.
What on earth could I say to him? Nothing I could come up with made any sense, and he deserved an explanation. Through his sunglasses I looked at him. He seemed relaxed.
“I eehh…”, I started. He didn’t look at me, giving me time to order the pounding mess in my head. “I am sorry Luke, for messing up your life. I know I don’t…”.
Suddenly his eyes were fixed on me. “Don’t say that Reid”, he said softly. “I don’t need an apology, and I don’t want a lousy excuse. I am sure that in time you are going to tell me what went wrong. I am not mad. I want you to know that I love you and I hope we can continue our relationship, or…whatever it was. I like being with you”.
“Why?”.
“Because I like the person that’s dr. Oliver. And no, you are not perfect, but neither am I. We have the weirdest attraction but in a way it feels good”.
“In what way?”.
Luke had to think about that for a moment. “Although you are not a real hunk, I feel physically attracted to you in a way I have never felt before. Combined with the way you always seem to challenge me mentally, you are the man I want to spend time with. It has never been about physics before for me”.
“Why not?”.
He smirked. “Well, I am not a monk, but I was always looking for a stable basis, a relationship based on respect and devotion. Something like that. Noah and I….”.
“Tell me Luke, I don’t care that you talk about your ex, he has been a part of your life. What went wrong between you two?”.
Luke swallowed. “Noah wasn’t very physical and I accepted that. I thought that it was okay, that other things would keep us together. But he also let me down on that level. He didn’t really care about me”.
I wrapped my arm around his shoulder. “What a jerk”, I said softly. “How can anyone take you for granted? How can a gay man not want you? When you look at me I am like wax in your hands. Can’t you feel it, how much control you have over me?”.
He looked shocked at me. “You’re shitting me, right?”, he asked softly.
I shook my head. “No, I’m not. All I want is to be with you, although it sounds so cheesy. You are sexy and strong. Stubborn. Special”.
I saw his cheeks redden, he hung his head and he fumbled with his fingers in his lap. “I am not”, he said softly.
I removed my sunglasses and looked at the shy guy next to me. “I think you are”, I said. “Sexy as hell. Sexy Snyder. I can feel it too Luke, the attraction. But it’s not all sex between us, right? I can’t deny that I want you right now, but I am also glad that we can talk. And fight. The fact that you want to be with me after what happened yesterday, it’s so special what you give me”.
He sighed and finally looked at me. “I am not Reid”, he said. “I want to yell at you and accuse you of ruining what we have, but Reg…..fuck”.
“What?”.
“I shouldn’t talk to you about Reg so much, is he the reason you started drinking yesterday? He told me to be patient with you, and caring. And that’s what I want, I don’t want to be angry with you but I am.
It’s boiling inside me, my feelings, my disappointment, my doubts about us. My biggest fear is that you are going to leave me. I am in love with you but you and me in a relationship? I can’t see it happening now, but I don’t say never. Is that enough for you, to know what I feel for you? Do you need more, or is this suffocating you already ……..see, pretty messed up.
I know that you ask yourself what Reg is to me, and I have been thinking about this all night: what if he wants me to stop seeing Reg? What if ……”.
“Sshh”, I said and caressed his wet face. The fact that he was so emotional with me almost brought me to tears. “Stop it Luke. Don’t doubt yourself so much. It’s not because of what you did that I ended up in a bar. It’s never your fault.
I am an addict, and sometimes I loose the fight. But most of the time I am strong, and I want to be because of you. I was doubting a lot about you and Reg, yes. But I don’t want you to change, I need to accept what you have. It’s great to have someone like him in your corner, he has you back. Please keep doing what you do, that’s who I fell in love with in the first place”.
His watery brown eyes looked at me. “You are in love with me?”, he asked.
I nodded.
Series: Love hurts
Written by: Parishs
Rating: pg
Summary: yeah, the day after Reid's drinking....(Reid's POV).
Prompt: Fun Fic Friday prompt of Now or never (09-12-2014)
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Warning: English is not my native language, unbeta-ed.
Previous chapter
“Are you awake”, he asked me softly.
I didn’t know what to answer him. Yes I didn’t sleep anymore, but was I ready to start this day? Jesus no.
He would be looking at me all day, pitiful, needing answers. Promises. And I didn’t have them. Couldn’t tell him with my hand on my heart that I would never drink again.
So I nodded to show him that I had heard him. I turned around and looked at him in the soft morning light that peeked through the curtains. There was no anger in his eyes. No pity. Just a smile that I didn’t deserve.
His hand caressing my hair was almost too much, but he didn’t read my body language, didn’t feel that my muscles tightened. Or maybe he didn’t care.
He shifted a little and pulled my head close to his. Our eye lock was intense. “I am so glad you are here with me”, he said softly.
Sincere brown didn’t let go.
“I mean it”, he said and kissed me softly on my lips. For a second I let him, accepted what he gave me, until my brain kicked in and my body started to move.
“Don’t Luke”, I said a little irritated.
“Ssshh”, he said. “Reg and Scott are still sleeping. Let’s get dressed so we can go outside. We can walk to the city and buy us some breakfast. Come on”.
Walk to the city? I had been driving through the fucking forrest, I knew how far away the city was. Was he crazy? Did he need time to grill me? Tell me that I had to look for another….yeah boyfriend or whatever?
But he rolled over to the edge of the bed and started to put on a shirt, so I didn’t really have a choice but to copy him. I looked around for my clothes but couldn’t find them.
Luke looked at me and smiled. “You have to wear some of mine today Reid, you puked all over your jeans and Scott’s. When we come back we have to start the washing machine, I didn’t have the energy to do that last night”.
O god. I puked. It was years ago that I did that. When I drank every day my body was so used to the alcohol that I didn’t get drunk anymore, but now…and Scott, I puked on him too. How could I ever talk to him again?
But Luke didn’t seem to mind, he walked to his closet without making a sound and got me jeans and a shirt. Underwear. He tossed it onto the bed and pointed to the door.
“I am going to wait outside, be silent, let them sleep for a while”, he whispered and left me alone.
While I tried to put my arms through the shirt I looked at the men sleeping on the couch. Scott’s hand lay over Reg’s chest. What was going on between us? Sometimes life didn’t make any sense. With my pants in my hand I walked outside.
The sunlight was blinding, so I closed my eyes for a moment until I sensed his presence close to me.
“Here”, he said and gave me something. Sunglasses.
He helped me to straighten out my shirt and to put the jeans on. I felt his fingers touching me, caressing me, showing me that he still wanted me and liked me.
“You are so beautiful”, he said softly in my ear and kissed me on my lips.
I felt ashamed and dirty, I didn’t want him to taste my mouth, I was prepared for his anger and disgust but this caring attitude totally swept me off my feet, so I pushed him away.
“Stop that Luke”, I said more harshly than I wanted. “I stink”.
He looked at me and took my head in his hands. “I don’t care”, he said and leaned in again, pressing his lips on mine, forcing my lips to part, tickling my tongue with his. His scent brought me back to live, made that I wanted to try. Maybe one day I would be okay with the stupid move I had made yesterday.
We kissed lazily for a while until my foot started to hurt. I couldn’t stand on it for a long time yet, the tape made it possible to walk a little but only for a short period of time, so I broke the kiss and looked at him. The man I had been waiting for my whole life without knowing it.
“Shit, I forgot about your foot”, Luke said and helped me to the bench in front of his house. Sitting there in the sun, with Luke, my life seemed rather perfect, if only my head didn’t pound like a maniac and the sun was so bright.
What on earth could I say to him? Nothing I could come up with made any sense, and he deserved an explanation. Through his sunglasses I looked at him. He seemed relaxed.
“I eehh…”, I started. He didn’t look at me, giving me time to order the pounding mess in my head. “I am sorry Luke, for messing up your life. I know I don’t…”.
Suddenly his eyes were fixed on me. “Don’t say that Reid”, he said softly. “I don’t need an apology, and I don’t want a lousy excuse. I am sure that in time you are going to tell me what went wrong. I am not mad. I want you to know that I love you and I hope we can continue our relationship, or…whatever it was. I like being with you”.
“Why?”.
“Because I like the person that’s dr. Oliver. And no, you are not perfect, but neither am I. We have the weirdest attraction but in a way it feels good”.
“In what way?”.
Luke had to think about that for a moment. “Although you are not a real hunk, I feel physically attracted to you in a way I have never felt before. Combined with the way you always seem to challenge me mentally, you are the man I want to spend time with. It has never been about physics before for me”.
“Why not?”.
He smirked. “Well, I am not a monk, but I was always looking for a stable basis, a relationship based on respect and devotion. Something like that. Noah and I….”.
“Tell me Luke, I don’t care that you talk about your ex, he has been a part of your life. What went wrong between you two?”.
Luke swallowed. “Noah wasn’t very physical and I accepted that. I thought that it was okay, that other things would keep us together. But he also let me down on that level. He didn’t really care about me”.
I wrapped my arm around his shoulder. “What a jerk”, I said softly. “How can anyone take you for granted? How can a gay man not want you? When you look at me I am like wax in your hands. Can’t you feel it, how much control you have over me?”.
He looked shocked at me. “You’re shitting me, right?”, he asked softly.
I shook my head. “No, I’m not. All I want is to be with you, although it sounds so cheesy. You are sexy and strong. Stubborn. Special”.
I saw his cheeks redden, he hung his head and he fumbled with his fingers in his lap. “I am not”, he said softly.
I removed my sunglasses and looked at the shy guy next to me. “I think you are”, I said. “Sexy as hell. Sexy Snyder. I can feel it too Luke, the attraction. But it’s not all sex between us, right? I can’t deny that I want you right now, but I am also glad that we can talk. And fight. The fact that you want to be with me after what happened yesterday, it’s so special what you give me”.
He sighed and finally looked at me. “I am not Reid”, he said. “I want to yell at you and accuse you of ruining what we have, but Reg…..fuck”.
“What?”.
“I shouldn’t talk to you about Reg so much, is he the reason you started drinking yesterday? He told me to be patient with you, and caring. And that’s what I want, I don’t want to be angry with you but I am.
It’s boiling inside me, my feelings, my disappointment, my doubts about us. My biggest fear is that you are going to leave me. I am in love with you but you and me in a relationship? I can’t see it happening now, but I don’t say never. Is that enough for you, to know what I feel for you? Do you need more, or is this suffocating you already ……..see, pretty messed up.
I know that you ask yourself what Reg is to me, and I have been thinking about this all night: what if he wants me to stop seeing Reg? What if ……”.
“Sshh”, I said and caressed his wet face. The fact that he was so emotional with me almost brought me to tears. “Stop it Luke. Don’t doubt yourself so much. It’s not because of what you did that I ended up in a bar. It’s never your fault.
I am an addict, and sometimes I loose the fight. But most of the time I am strong, and I want to be because of you. I was doubting a lot about you and Reg, yes. But I don’t want you to change, I need to accept what you have. It’s great to have someone like him in your corner, he has you back. Please keep doing what you do, that’s who I fell in love with in the first place”.
His watery brown eyes looked at me. “You are in love with me?”, he asked.
I nodded.