Snuggle (part A)
Title: Snuggle part A
Series: Love hurts
Written by: Parishs
Rating: pg
Summary: Luke tries to find an effective way to communicate with Reid(Luke's POV).
Prompt: Fun Fic Friday prompt of Snuggle (09-19-2014)
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Warning: English is not my native language, unbeta-ed.
Previous chapter
“All of me loves all of you”, I sang together with the radio, and for the first time in my life I really felt that way. Now I finally understood that all the cliché’s were true. They always sounded too cheesy to me, but sitting here in my car next to the man I had told I loved, I felt so special but also so universal. Or… it was so special to me but I realize that every song on the radio was about this feeling. The feeling of belonging. And I had never experienced it before.
A few weeks ago this realization would have made me sad, but now, now I felt a spark through my body every time our hands touched or I felt his eyes on me, it fulfilled me with the deepest feeling of happiness. Yes we didn’t know each other very well, and yes, he was an alcoholic, but the bond we had was special. Making my stomach turn. Sending butterflies through my whole body.
He was the guy I wanted, my need to undress him and kiss his flesh was making me horny on the most inconvenient moments. And I could read in his eyes that he wanted to do the same to me. It was magnificent, to have someone who wanted you that much.
I looked at him while waiting for a red light. He leaned in and kissed me on my lips. Our moans intertwined in my mouth. Maybe we should go to his house, and not a restaurant.
But maybe it was better to go to the destination on my GPS, a nice anonymous restaurant in Chicago where we didn’t know a soul and where we could sit quietly. Where we could talk without people interrupting.
I needed that. I needed to talk to him. I wanted to know what drives him in life, not especially what happened last night. He will tell me when he is ready. But I wanted to hear his voice, his thoughts, often so different from what I expected him to say.
He’s an angel to me. But I am not going to say that, he will laugh at me. Maybe he thinks it’s girlish.
But he is. I am not a believer in the ordinary sense of the word, so I don’t picture him with wings and long curls. I just see him as the man who has saved me from my dark episode. Who is my soul mate, my sparring partner. The one who keeps me sane in a way.
“Hey Luke”, he said and pushed against my arm. “Little daydreamer, wake up, the light is green, are you okay?”.
I smiled at him. “Sorry”, I said. “I was thinking about you”.
“Naughty thoughts?”, he said smirking.
“Yeah that too, but I was reminiscing about why you and I are so good together. Your fingers on my face on the bench , when I was crying, they showed me that you have respect for me, you don’t judge me or make fun of me, you just care for me because of who I am. That is special to me”.
His fingers touched my arm. “I will never make fun of your emotions Luke”, he said softly. “I think it’s wonderful that you are able to show them to me, I am not used to that. Marc didn’t cry, he was angry when I drank, but most of the time he was neutral. Looking back I guess we lived together but didn’t share our lives. I was busy and he was…he was fucking other men. He had left me a long time ago, physically. And mentally. He didn’t give a shit about what I was thinking. Maybe that’s the way things go when you live together”.
I felt so sorry for the man sitting next to me. I had met Marc, we had been talking about Reid. He had told me that he had loved Reid, he wasn’t a bastard who didn’t give a shit.
“That’s the way things went with you and Marc, but it doesn’t have to be that way Reid. And Marc loved you, he really did. You just grew apart. Don’t be so harsh on him. It can’t have been easy for him living with a person who drank too much every day”.
“Are you choosing his side?”, Reid asked agitated.
I looked at him if he meant it. He really seemed a little pissed. Deep inside of me a knot was forming although I tried to push it away. Agitation, I had seen it every day on Noah’s face. It was a silent killer, a demon that slowly paralyzed my muscles and my life. And now it already started with him, the man I loved. It made that a few cells in my body froze, deep inside, where millions of cells were still frozen, where darkness and isolation wandered.
The ice inside me had changed my personality and had finally thrown me off the edge, into a depression. Or something like that, it made me count seconds while I was staring at the ceiling. I didn’t want to go back there, to a time and place where I didn’t feel. I didn’t want to go back to being a man who was begging all day, and giving in. I knew that if I started to be the guy I had been with Noah, I would be back in the darkness in no time.
Weird that I saw the pattern so clearly right now. That I recognized things from Noah in Reid, things I obviously always had been afraid of. Maybe if I knew how this worked in my head, I could do something about it, maybe I could talk about it with Reid, how he blew me away with this, like a piece of dust in a storm.
But it wasn’t fair to bother him with this, it would change him, and I didn’t want him to change. He had been right, I fell in love with who he was and I needed him to be him, not a man who carefully walked next to me, afraid to hurt me. Now I knew how my brain worked I had to find a way to cope with this overwhelming feeling. I had to let the past go.
When I saw the Hilton hotel, I drove to the entrance and gave the key of my car to the man at the entrance. Booked a room and pushed Reid on the bed while I undressed myself. I had to be sure that nothing had changed between us, that I still felt connected, that when we were naked and horny our hormones showed us the way.
He didn’t complain about the change of plans, he wiggled out of his clothes and I watched him, the man I wanted so much. It was a good thing that the STD tests had come back negative for the both of us, because right now I wouldn’t have been able to think straight. Go to a store and buy condoms.
Lube would have been handy but we could do without, I used my spit to open him up. God, my heart was beating in my chest, my need drove me forward, faster, and he moaned and writhed and met every trust. When we weren’t talking, we were one.
Panting with open mouth he looked at me with half closed eyes. Now he was close, I didn’t slow down, I rammed in him with all the force still left in me. I would never give in again, I would never beg or degrade myself for a man. Ever again. I hoped he understood that while his cum hit my skin. His convulsing body made mine follow.
It was dark already when I slowly came to live again. Reid was still sleeping. I shook my head while I tried to remember what I had been thinking before I forced myself into the man I loved. Looking back I had been a predator, an animal, showing the other male that I wasn’t afraid, that my opinion mattered, that he had to listen to me.
But instead of talking, I fucked him. Not that he was complaining, but it seemed so primal, why had it been so hard for me to tell him that he scared me with his irritation? I couldn’t fuck him through the mattress every time he said something I didn’t like, could I?
Or maybe I could, maybe this would be our way of communicating. Suddenly I could smile because of the whole situation. It would be so much more fun than arguing. I needed the sex, and so did Reid. Maybe we could force ourselves on the other when something was bothering us, and talk afterwards, when the fear and anger had subsided. We really had to find a way to communicate better, but for now, I was happy. I was in bed with the man I loved, marked with his cum. What more did I need?
Series: Love hurts
Written by: Parishs
Rating: pg
Summary: Luke tries to find an effective way to communicate with Reid(Luke's POV).
Prompt: Fun Fic Friday prompt of Snuggle (09-19-2014)
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Warning: English is not my native language, unbeta-ed.
Previous chapter
“All of me loves all of you”, I sang together with the radio, and for the first time in my life I really felt that way. Now I finally understood that all the cliché’s were true. They always sounded too cheesy to me, but sitting here in my car next to the man I had told I loved, I felt so special but also so universal. Or… it was so special to me but I realize that every song on the radio was about this feeling. The feeling of belonging. And I had never experienced it before.
A few weeks ago this realization would have made me sad, but now, now I felt a spark through my body every time our hands touched or I felt his eyes on me, it fulfilled me with the deepest feeling of happiness. Yes we didn’t know each other very well, and yes, he was an alcoholic, but the bond we had was special. Making my stomach turn. Sending butterflies through my whole body.
He was the guy I wanted, my need to undress him and kiss his flesh was making me horny on the most inconvenient moments. And I could read in his eyes that he wanted to do the same to me. It was magnificent, to have someone who wanted you that much.
I looked at him while waiting for a red light. He leaned in and kissed me on my lips. Our moans intertwined in my mouth. Maybe we should go to his house, and not a restaurant.
But maybe it was better to go to the destination on my GPS, a nice anonymous restaurant in Chicago where we didn’t know a soul and where we could sit quietly. Where we could talk without people interrupting.
I needed that. I needed to talk to him. I wanted to know what drives him in life, not especially what happened last night. He will tell me when he is ready. But I wanted to hear his voice, his thoughts, often so different from what I expected him to say.
He’s an angel to me. But I am not going to say that, he will laugh at me. Maybe he thinks it’s girlish.
But he is. I am not a believer in the ordinary sense of the word, so I don’t picture him with wings and long curls. I just see him as the man who has saved me from my dark episode. Who is my soul mate, my sparring partner. The one who keeps me sane in a way.
“Hey Luke”, he said and pushed against my arm. “Little daydreamer, wake up, the light is green, are you okay?”.
I smiled at him. “Sorry”, I said. “I was thinking about you”.
“Naughty thoughts?”, he said smirking.
“Yeah that too, but I was reminiscing about why you and I are so good together. Your fingers on my face on the bench , when I was crying, they showed me that you have respect for me, you don’t judge me or make fun of me, you just care for me because of who I am. That is special to me”.
His fingers touched my arm. “I will never make fun of your emotions Luke”, he said softly. “I think it’s wonderful that you are able to show them to me, I am not used to that. Marc didn’t cry, he was angry when I drank, but most of the time he was neutral. Looking back I guess we lived together but didn’t share our lives. I was busy and he was…he was fucking other men. He had left me a long time ago, physically. And mentally. He didn’t give a shit about what I was thinking. Maybe that’s the way things go when you live together”.
I felt so sorry for the man sitting next to me. I had met Marc, we had been talking about Reid. He had told me that he had loved Reid, he wasn’t a bastard who didn’t give a shit.
“That’s the way things went with you and Marc, but it doesn’t have to be that way Reid. And Marc loved you, he really did. You just grew apart. Don’t be so harsh on him. It can’t have been easy for him living with a person who drank too much every day”.
“Are you choosing his side?”, Reid asked agitated.
I looked at him if he meant it. He really seemed a little pissed. Deep inside of me a knot was forming although I tried to push it away. Agitation, I had seen it every day on Noah’s face. It was a silent killer, a demon that slowly paralyzed my muscles and my life. And now it already started with him, the man I loved. It made that a few cells in my body froze, deep inside, where millions of cells were still frozen, where darkness and isolation wandered.
The ice inside me had changed my personality and had finally thrown me off the edge, into a depression. Or something like that, it made me count seconds while I was staring at the ceiling. I didn’t want to go back there, to a time and place where I didn’t feel. I didn’t want to go back to being a man who was begging all day, and giving in. I knew that if I started to be the guy I had been with Noah, I would be back in the darkness in no time.
Weird that I saw the pattern so clearly right now. That I recognized things from Noah in Reid, things I obviously always had been afraid of. Maybe if I knew how this worked in my head, I could do something about it, maybe I could talk about it with Reid, how he blew me away with this, like a piece of dust in a storm.
But it wasn’t fair to bother him with this, it would change him, and I didn’t want him to change. He had been right, I fell in love with who he was and I needed him to be him, not a man who carefully walked next to me, afraid to hurt me. Now I knew how my brain worked I had to find a way to cope with this overwhelming feeling. I had to let the past go.
When I saw the Hilton hotel, I drove to the entrance and gave the key of my car to the man at the entrance. Booked a room and pushed Reid on the bed while I undressed myself. I had to be sure that nothing had changed between us, that I still felt connected, that when we were naked and horny our hormones showed us the way.
He didn’t complain about the change of plans, he wiggled out of his clothes and I watched him, the man I wanted so much. It was a good thing that the STD tests had come back negative for the both of us, because right now I wouldn’t have been able to think straight. Go to a store and buy condoms.
Lube would have been handy but we could do without, I used my spit to open him up. God, my heart was beating in my chest, my need drove me forward, faster, and he moaned and writhed and met every trust. When we weren’t talking, we were one.
Panting with open mouth he looked at me with half closed eyes. Now he was close, I didn’t slow down, I rammed in him with all the force still left in me. I would never give in again, I would never beg or degrade myself for a man. Ever again. I hoped he understood that while his cum hit my skin. His convulsing body made mine follow.
It was dark already when I slowly came to live again. Reid was still sleeping. I shook my head while I tried to remember what I had been thinking before I forced myself into the man I loved. Looking back I had been a predator, an animal, showing the other male that I wasn’t afraid, that my opinion mattered, that he had to listen to me.
But instead of talking, I fucked him. Not that he was complaining, but it seemed so primal, why had it been so hard for me to tell him that he scared me with his irritation? I couldn’t fuck him through the mattress every time he said something I didn’t like, could I?
Or maybe I could, maybe this would be our way of communicating. Suddenly I could smile because of the whole situation. It would be so much more fun than arguing. I needed the sex, and so did Reid. Maybe we could force ourselves on the other when something was bothering us, and talk afterwards, when the fear and anger had subsided. We really had to find a way to communicate better, but for now, I was happy. I was in bed with the man I loved, marked with his cum. What more did I need?