[thread]

[hadtoleave]

Who: Squall and Selphie.
What: Resolution of Epic Fight II-or something like it.
When: Middle of very early morning, a while after this!
Where: Selphie's room if she lets him in.
Rating: PG-13 to be safe.

Comments

[anewlingo]

After shutting her journal and sliding it to the opposite side of her desk, Selphie was pretty sure Squall would end up showing up. Or that's what she hoped--if he didn't show, if he didn't try to talk to her again, then that meant he really didn't give a damn. And while Selphie had told him that, she didn't really believe it. They were friends. They had fought before. But this time was so much worse because when it had come down to it... they couldn't work as friends, only as a cold team of people stuck in a room

[hadtoleave]

What he was doing really didn't register until a minute after he banged on the door.

She isn't going to let me in, he realized. Not unless I stand out here and yell at her to open up like a goddamn idiot. It made him even angrier. She was all about communication and when he decided he was going to give her some, she

[anewlingo]

She propped her arm up on the back of her chair and rested her cheek in the palm of her hand. "Then why are you here, Squall?" The question came out eerily level, devoid of annoyance, anger, or even question. It almost didn't seem like one, somehow. She sounded bored.

But Selphie was upset. What he said had been cruel--so she had said things that she felt would be just as cruel before she could check herself. It had been like a reflex, and she wished she could take them back. The problem was that it didn't seem like he wanted to take anything back. That was what had made her cry, and then she became even more upset because she had been in tears in front of Seifer and Squall (...again

[hadtoleave]

Squall had two options:

He could either leave or start paying her back.

They were only a couple months away from a year of knowing each other. What did they have to show for it? They had a card game every few weeks; they took their dogs on walks; there was an occasional excursion into town. Really, how well did he know her? Even he could tell she had been expecting something like this to happen. And of course she'd expected him to lose his temper.

What did she expect now-an explanation or further argument? One day he wouldn't be able to explain it or one of them wouldn't be around. Leaving most likely meant irreparable damage. And the thought of that was what had brought him here in the first place.

So he chose the second option.

Only he didn't know where to begin. He couldn't say anything that directly contradicted his first statement. That would mean-

I'm sick of this, he thought and blurted, "I want you to understand."

He still sounded angry and, damn it, he was.

It shouldn't have come to this.

[anewlingo]

"I want to," Selphie began, shaking her head, "But the thing is, I want you to understand too, you know." It was a two way street, but at the moment there seemed to be some sort of car accident blocking both lanes.

She and Squall didn't always see eye to eye (figuratively and literally--he was what, at least four inches taller than her?) and while she thought she made an effort at least to try and see things from his point of view, she didn't know if he tried to do the same. It hadn't really mattered until now. Maybe he had been afraid, but it wasn't like she and Seifer hadn't been. Sure, he might have been upset Rinoa had disappeared, but it wasn't like she and Seifer hadn't been. They had been in it together.

It would have been easy to hiss at him and insult him again, but she was still hoping there was a way to fix things. "If you want me to understand, tell me in a way so that I'll understand!"

[hadtoleave]

He couldn't say it; couldn't admit it. He didn't even know if he ever could.

So he switched tracks. "Want me to understand what?" he asked irritably. "That I wasn't alone?" He let the irritation take over; it was safer than insecurity. "That you felt the same way? You weren't-" her knight and she hadn't been in love with you. He couldn't say that, either.

"Learn to leave me alone." Squall didn't care that he sounded like a broken record. Sometimes talking only make it worse. Why do you have to keep pushing all the damn time? I'm not going to give you what you want!

But-

He shifted his weight to one leg, tightened his arms across his chest and-though he wanted the opposite-kept his eyes on her.

[anewlingo]

Selphie bit her lip against her initial response: Are you that dense? "You don't have to be alone! You do it to yourself. Haven't we been through this before

[hadtoleave]

"Leave me alone when I tell you," Squall retorted. What was so hard to understand about that? They both-hell, probably everyone-knew that otherwise he didn't care. Most of the time she could bug him all she wanted. But then-after everything that had happened and was still happening-

Are we having the same conversation? he wondered as she went off. It's-"-not like that!" he burst out, uncrossing his arms to gesture.

Not like that all.

And every bit of his frustration exploded in more yelling, just like their fight. Except this time half of it was directed at himself.

"It wasn't about being alone for survival. I'm not an idiot. And all I could think about was you!" He gestured once more before curling his hands into fists. "Rinoa left-any of you could. Or die. I didn't want you out of my sight. I was always thinking about everyone else and I hate it! I couldn't keep her from leaving-" My fault? "-and I wouldn't be able to stop any of you from doing the same

[anewlingo]

Selphie automatically became defensive once Squall began yelling, but the feeling left as quickly as it came because what he said honestly surprised her. Squall had turned the blame on her during their earlier fight, asking why she hadn't noticed Rinoa had gone missing when she was supposed to be her friend and that had stung. But now he was afraid of she and Seifer disappearing? She hadn't thought of that--she wasn't worried about Squall or Seifer going anywhere, but she hadn't really been thinking about much when the world around them was turning into a nightmare

[hadtoleave]

Squall had never experienced emotional overload to the point where you felt the need to either laugh or cry (sometimes both).

Until now.

It sucked.

He suppressed the urge and drew in a deep breath. "Then-" what's the point? He caught himself because he was starting to find out, wasn't he? Or remember? Suddenly, more than ever, he missed Ellone. Yet that also got shoved aside. There wasn't anything to be done about it; she wasn't here.

"Just-" He stared hard at her. Was she-? She couldn't. He hated that as much as he hated the rest of this. Maybe even more. "Just… don't…" It was impossible to keep the waver out of his voice. He clenched his hands tighter. "…don't push so much. I-"

An apology was halfway out of his mouth before he swallowed it. Instead, he roughly said, "Don't," and finally looked away from her. Whether he was telling her not to cry or repeating his demand she not push him was unclear. Maybe it was both.