Cucumber Thief Song (feat. Kelly Dodson)

[ttlynotblue]

STOP!
Do you know where your Cucumis sativus is at this time of night?
I don't mean to cause alarm but I have very strong reason to believe there may be a cucumber thief on the loose. Over the last three weeks I have come home to find any cucumbers I had left out on the counter to of mysteriously vanished during my absents. Even more alarming, the

Comments

[Voice]

[idea_guy]

You've gotta be kidding me.

Who would steal a vegetable?

...and what's a cuke?

[Voice]

[ttlynotblue]

A veggie monster. THE veggie monster. Or is he still allowed to be called the Cookie Monster?

And 'cuke' is short for cucumber, silly.

[Voice]

[idea_guy]

Uh huh. You know, it was probably just a hungry animal or something.

[Voice]

[ttlynotblue]

Or... Something.

[fuhgottaboutit]

But I don't have any cucumbers...

[ttlynotblue]

Not anymore. The thief took them!

[fuhgottaboutit]

Whaaaat? He stole them before I even knew I had 'em?? Man, what a jerk!

[ttlynotblue]

I told you, he's a tricky one!

[jakethetigerboy]

Of all the things to steal, why cucumbers?

There's more to worry about too, right?

Wait. Transparent substance? That's not water?

[ttlynotblue]

Considering the viscosity? I think not! It almost appears to be a paste of some sort.

From what I've gathered, the substance has proven to be some sort of irritant which produces a burning sensation in any tissue it comes in contact with.

[jakethetigerboy]

I had a feeling it might be bad...

I've never known of any paste that's harmful to the touch. Could far be worse if it was eaten and digested.

[ttlynotblue]

Unfortunately, I doubt it's any form of capsaicin, which would make the solution a simple glass of cold milk.

Maybe an amide of vanillylamine and some sort of acid. I will have to check for an odour... After I pick up more milk.