Cucumber Thief Song (feat. Kelly Dodson)
STOP!
Do you know where your Cucumis sativus is at this time of night?
I don't mean to cause alarm but I have very strong reason to believe there may be a cucumber thief on the loose. Over the last three weeks I have come home to find any cucumbers I had left out on the counter to of mysteriously vanished during my absents. Even more alarming, the thief has gone so far as to have stolen them from my kitchen while I was present in my home at the time. How atrocious! If you say it loud enough you'll always sound precocious. Supercalifragilist- Ach, no! The musical number isn't yet. Think of the cukes! Those sweet, innocent, little cukes... They didn't even a chance! HOW GREATLY I MISS THEIR PLEASANT CRUNCH!
Which reminds me! What little traces I have found of the thief's presence, aside from my missing cucumbers, were my beautiful cucumbers chewed remains. A curious, almost transparent substance, coated them which I have only begun to analyze but I felt others are to be advised not to leave their cucumbers out in the open in risk of them vanishing.
SO BE WARNED!
He’s climbin' in your windows, he’s snatchin' your cucumbers up! Tryna eat em so y’all need to hide your cukes, hide your pickles. Hide your cukes, hide your pickles. Hide your cukes, hide your pickles. And hide your gourds, cuz they’re eatin' everythan out here!