Cucumber Thief Song (feat. Kelly Dodson)

[ttlynotblue]

STOP!
Do you know where your Cucumis sativus is at this time of night?
I don't mean to cause alarm but I have very strong reason to believe there may be a cucumber thief on the loose. Over the last three weeks I have come home to find any cucumbers I had left out on the counter to of mysteriously vanished during my absents. Even more alarming, the

Comments

[scaronhisface]

Sounds like you have a pest.

[scaronhisface]

Embarrassed? What?!

[ttlynotblue]

You need to stop pushing everyone away.

My main girl Shivangi tried that. Did not work out for her. Mmmm-mmm.

[scaronhisface]

How do you know?

[ttlynotblue]

I know everything!!!

[scaronhisface]

...Then you should know exactly what my problem is.

[ttlynotblue]

Is it an animal, vegetable, mineral, other, or unknown?

[scaronhisface]

"Everything," huh?

[ttlynotblue]

I'll put that under 'unknown'.

Is it multicoloured?

[scaronhisface]

Go find someone else to bug.

[ttlynotblue]

'No'.

Can it be used for recreation?

[scaronhisface]

Seriously? You don't have anything better to do right now?

[ttlynotblue]

'No'.

Is it heavier than a pound of butter?

[scaronhisface]

What's butter?

[ttlynotblue]

Hm. Another 'no'. You really are making this difficult.

Is it manufactured?

[scaronhisface]

How am I supposed to talk to you if nothing you say has anything to do with what I'm saying?