IC: Contact Post

[overthedratini]

"Hey there! This is Johan-- Iii! -- Oh, and Rainbow! Looks like we missed you, so just leave us a message, and we'll get back to you as soon as we can!"

((OOC: If you need to get in contact with Johan on the IC side, just drop him a line. Put "VOICEMAIL", "TEXT MESSAGE", or "PHONE CALL" (or whatever, so long as I can figure it out) in the subject

Comments

PHONE CALL

[vagabondfool]

...Johan, pick up.

We need to talk.

[overthedratini]

I don't think we do.

[... despite saying this, he picked up and has replied by, wait for it - talking!]

[vagabondfool]

You're really just going to avoid me for the rest of however long we're here?

--And if you even think about hanging up right now, I'll come find you in person.

[overthedratini]

...

[he hasn't hung up, but he's silent.]

[vagabondfool]

...Does our friendship mean that little to you that you'd throw it away because you hate someone that much? That you'd force me to choose between her and you for good?

Even Asuka was being reasonable about it. She knows the risks better than anyone, and she still decided to be supportive as best she can. You're the last person I would've thought would do something like this, Johan!

[overthedratini]

You think-- I haven't thrown anything away. [there is a "yet" there, but he really hopes it won't come to that, and he sounds pretty damn hurt that Juudai is the one thinking that. That just. Blows his mind.]

What about you, Juudai!? What about you!?

[vagabondfool]

You're seriously trying to tell me I've thrown everyone else away?! If I really wanted to throw you guys away, I would have just cut all ties with all of you right when the fusion was done and I came back, maybe left to travel after Kagemaru and Saiou told me not to, and let the world fall into ruin at the hands of Darkness! That would have been throwing you away!!

Why are you trying so hard to make me choose between you two?! It doesn't have to be like this!!

[What he wants to avoid saying is that if he chooses, Johan will lose. But that would be too much of a bombshell to drop right now, he suspects.]

[1/2]

[overthedratini]

[he's snapping now-- and this is before he's completely aware]

Because I have people to protect, Juudai! I can't let her get near them! Unlike you, who's so blinded by love, I remember what she did! Juudai, I was used for what she did! You, who forgives everything that monster did... Someone has to remember! How can you not!? How can you just ignore all of it, Juudai!?

[he pauses-- a long, long pause now.]

I-I... [he's suddenly getting shaky, because this is a thought that's been lingering in the back of his mind for a few weeks now.]

[overthedratini]

[wait for iiiiiit]

I have more in my life than you now!!

[vagabondfool]

[He grunts with frustration, and opens his mouth to speak, but then considers something, and slows down.]

...Johan. You're clinging to the past so desperately you won't even consider that you don't even have the full story right now. I don't love her for no reason at all -- hell, I don't love her because she hurt all of you and I don't care like you're accusing me of. If there's anything to hate her for, it's that. I would tell you what my reasoning is, but I don't even know if you're willing to listen and believe what I have to say.

Plus, you're telling me all this like you think I have no other friends than her, either. You of all people should know that isn't true. I have people to protect, too -- but I do my protecting without running away from my problems, not anymore. In fact, most of the time, it's Yubel who helps me protect them -- with a little coercing and time, I don't doubt the same could be true here. She's not beyond help, and I know because I had to live with her in the same body back home

[overthedratini]

[he'll... he's shaking now because he's hurt and a lot of other things, but he's calmer now and he'll... go slowly.]

I never said I was-- I never said I was better than you, Juudai, and I never will. That's not what I meant. Where did you even get that idea...?!

[he breaks to pause, gather some more thoughts, and keep going.]

But-- But Juudai, maybe I won't believe it, but if you don't tell me, I won't understand one way or the other! Can't you trust me enough to try? Maybe I won't listen, but I thought we were more than that--!

Why does she deserve help...? Where was Professor Cobra's help when she was manipulating him, and caused him to die? He deserved help way more than she does! It's not a damn grudge, you-- [if he were the crying type, he'd be blinking back tears here-- he's not, but he's choking] You idiot! She's a murderer! A monster! How can you just say "she'll atone for these things and then everything will be okay"!? It-- It doesn't work like that!

And what if it was a grudge!? Are you even listening to yourself!?

[vagabondfool]

Because grudges don't accomplish a goddamn thing in the end. Grudges don't, hate doesn't, even regret is pretty useless when it all comes down to it. It's not of use to anyone but you, and even then all it does is it just makes you feel slightly better about things. It's the easy way out of everything; take it from someone who's already had to do it once.

Hell, look at it this way: I killed my friends, and I was a wreck when I realized they would probably hate me for the rest of their lives, how I ruined our friendships permanently. Nothing would make it better, I knew that from the very beginning, but it didn't really set in until after everything was over, and people started saying that we were still friends. Maybe it wasn't outright forgiveness, and maybe it never will be, but it doesn't have to be. It's moving on, which is inevitable and is going to happen with both the victims and the people in the wrong no matter what, over months and years, or maybe more. They could rightfully hate me, and I wouldn't argue it, but they'd

[overthedratini]

[he's silent for a... long while after all of that. hearing Yubel is even WORSE doesn't help any, though part of him somewhere probably knew that from her taunting him earlier. part of him still doesn't understand - but if he WAS to hold it against her forever, if Juudai was telling the truth (and since when has Juudai ever flat out lied to him? even about Yubel, he was always honest), feeling anything towards her when she herself was controlled would just make him nothing more than a hypocrite. he knows that. he knows that.

... even so, knowing things doesn't make accepting things all the way easier. not completely. it doesn't magically erase the pain and the torment and everything else, something that he can see while Juudai knows, he doesn't quite understand just how bad having her inside of him, controlling him, manipulating him, using him affected him in the long run - hearing her voice alone is enough to hurt him. it was one thing to accept, on some level, that Juudai and her had fused, and it was another to comfort him and

[vagabondfool]

[He exhales slowly. That's a relief to hear.] ...It'll take time. I get that. It took time for everyone else, too. I'd be stupid to rush it.

I feel bad for having to put an axe in everything, and for a lot of other things, but... it's important to me that I sort this out first. She'd be even more dangerous if I didn't.

Someday, it'll work out. That day isn't today, or tomorrow, but it will come. Just think about it, work yourself out first, and then maybe once I tame her a bit... I can prove it to you.

...You're still pretty high up there among the important people in my life. One of the highest. So I won't forget, ever. I'll hold you to it, actually. This kind of obstacle is nothing we can't handle, right?

[By the end of his statement, he sounds a little more optimistic and hopeful.]

Maybe you won't want to talk to me for a while after this, and if that's what you need to do, then do it, but I'll be there for you, too, even if you don't see it.

[overthedratini]

... Then-- Please let me have my time, Juudai. I'm-- [he pauses, then shakes his head. this is on a good note, and he wants to leave it that way. he doesn't normally use please with Juudai, but he wants him to know he is willing to at least... try now, but he needs this first and foremost to let himself calm down.]

You'd better.

[he shakes his head-- his own tone may not match Juudai's exactly, but he's certainly sounding somewhat clearer at least.]

I see it. I just... need some space for a little while, I think. But afterwards-- ... Yeah.

[vagabondfool]

I'll give it to you, then. As for afterwards, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it, so don't worry about things that are that far ahead of us right now.

Alright, then... as long as we're settled about that. Thank you for hearing me out, at least.

[Then, more slowly and heartfelt:] ...Really... thank you.