IC: Contact Post

[overthedratini]

"Hey there! This is Johan-- Iii! -- Oh, and Rainbow! Looks like we missed you, so just leave us a message, and we'll get back to you as soon as we can!"

((OOC: If you need to get in contact with Johan on the IC side, just drop him a line. Put "VOICEMAIL", "TEXT MESSAGE", or "PHONE CALL" (or whatever, so long as I can figure it out) in the subject

Comments

[vagabondfool]

Because grudges don't accomplish a goddamn thing in the end. Grudges don't, hate doesn't, even regret is pretty useless when it all comes down to it. It's not of use to anyone but you, and even then all it does is it just makes you feel slightly better about things. It's the easy way out of everything; take it from someone who's already had to do it once.

Hell, look at it this way: I killed my friends, and I was a wreck when I realized they would probably hate me for the rest of their lives, how I ruined our friendships permanently. Nothing would make it better, I knew that from the very beginning, but it didn't really set in until after everything was over, and people started saying that we were still friends. Maybe it wasn't outright forgiveness, and maybe it never will be, but it doesn't have to be. It's moving on, which is inevitable and is going to happen with both the victims and the people in the wrong no matter what, over months and years, or maybe more. They could rightfully hate me, and I wouldn't argue it, but they'd rather be productive and not hold onto the past so tightly.

This isn't the Yubel I know. At this point, she doesn't regret anything, because it's what she knows to be right in her mind. But she is capable of sanity, because when I was at home, we've spoken about it after the fact, and she's surprised me with some of the things she said. That memory gives me hope -- it'll take time and effort, but whether she wants or even deserves help or not, she's getting it anyway. It's unfortunate, but dwelling on what could've been or should've been is useless. It won't change anything.

I didn't say everything will be okay if she learns to regret it. The people who died won't come back. Hell-- [a dry laugh] it probably won't even be fully okay anyway, considering I've probably pushed my luck to the limit. But barring me from your life by proxy isn't going to help, either, and it'll hurt everyone even more.

As for why... I guess I will have to trust you on that. And if you don't bother listening, then it'll be my mistake for doing so.

...She and I had always been best friends, in this life, my childhood, and beyond that -- the past life. I was once a prince with the power to save the world, and she was my closest friend -- I couldn't even call her a servant. It was... a lot like the relationship we have. But she volunteered to give up her body and undergo an agonizing procedure to become a dragon to protect me until my powers matured, without even telling me. And then when I found out... I promised to love her forever, no matter what anyone may say. And I don't hold to that out of obligation, but because I do love her, because I know she's not that person who just got here, the one the Light turned her into. She's still the human Yubel I grew up with so long ago, even though she's lost her mind bit by bit somehow or other along the way. Eventually, I want to give some sense of being normal back to her, because I hurt her, too. The reason she's being so impossible is because I thought pushing her away was the solution, rather than dealing with everything the way I should have, which is straight up.

[overthedratini]

[he's silent for a... long while after all of that. hearing Yubel is even WORSE doesn't help any, though part of him somewhere probably knew that from her taunting him earlier. part of him still doesn't understand - but if he WAS to hold it against her forever, if Juudai was telling the truth (and since when has Juudai ever flat out lied to him? even about Yubel, he was always honest), feeling anything towards her when she herself was controlled would just make him nothing more than a hypocrite. he knows that. he knows that.

... even so, knowing things doesn't make accepting things all the way easier. not completely. it doesn't magically erase the pain and the torment and everything else, something that he can see while Juudai knows, he doesn't quite understand just how bad having her inside of him, controlling him, manipulating him, using him affected him in the long run - hearing her voice alone is enough to hurt him. it was one thing to accept, on some level, that Juudai and her had fused, and it was another to comfort him and even say "it'll be okay" when she wasn't there, and that was dishonest of him sure, but it's a COMPLETELY different thing now that she's here - now everything has been thrown out of order for him.

he does know, without a doubt, he doesn't want to lose Juudai. but right now he just... can't handle Yubel. not because he hates her or holds a grudge, and yes, perhaps he does on a few levels, but there's something much more carnal there-- but that's not important now. Johan doesn't have a LOT to say anymore, after hearing all of that and after everything else, he is... pretty damn spent. But there is one thing he wants to be 100% clear before this call is over. ... and by now, except for a lot of breathing and sighing and other noises, it's probably been a good five plus minutes.]

... We're always going to be friends. There are some things we just don't agree on, and some things we may not understand about each other, and some things that really really confuse me, but even with all of that, and even if there were a million other things, I will never not be your friend, no matter what happens. So don't ever question that.

I just... I need... I don't know, but-- [he sighs] Just don't forget that, Juudai. Please.

[vagabondfool]

[He exhales slowly. That's a relief to hear.] ...It'll take time. I get that. It took time for everyone else, too. I'd be stupid to rush it.

I feel bad for having to put an axe in everything, and for a lot of other things, but... it's important to me that I sort this out first. She'd be even more dangerous if I didn't.

Someday, it'll work out. That day isn't today, or tomorrow, but it will come. Just think about it, work yourself out first, and then maybe once I tame her a bit... I can prove it to you.

...You're still pretty high up there among the important people in my life. One of the highest. So I won't forget, ever. I'll hold you to it, actually. This kind of obstacle is nothing we can't handle, right?

[By the end of his statement, he sounds a little more optimistic and hopeful.]

Maybe you won't want to talk to me for a while after this, and if that's what you need to do, then do it, but I'll be there for you, too, even if you don't see it.

[overthedratini]

... Then-- Please let me have my time, Juudai. I'm-- [he pauses, then shakes his head. this is on a good note, and he wants to leave it that way. he doesn't normally use please with Juudai, but he wants him to know he is willing to at least... try now, but he needs this first and foremost to let himself calm down.]

You'd better.

[he shakes his head-- his own tone may not match Juudai's exactly, but he's certainly sounding somewhat clearer at least.]

I see it. I just... need some space for a little while, I think. But afterwards-- ... Yeah.

[vagabondfool]

I'll give it to you, then. As for afterwards, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it, so don't worry about things that are that far ahead of us right now.

Alright, then... as long as we're settled about that. Thank you for hearing me out, at least.

[Then, more slowly and heartfelt:] ...Really... thank you.

[overthedratini]

... And thank you, for that.

Yeah. [he pauses, and with a little heartfeltness of his own in with the rest of emotions.] You're welcome.

Just... No matter what I decide on, I know you'll do the same for me when I'm ready to cross the bridge too.