To Defeat the Dragons

[openedlocket]

Title: To Defeat the Dragons
Rating: G
Word Count: 329
Author's Note: This was written for brigits_flame as a Just For Fun entry. The prompt was 'Strike'. I think I used it rather vaguely here, but I meant it in a sort of military sense.

Comments

[openedlocket]

Hey! :D Thanks for ROAR-ing

I have a little brother and sister who play the same 'heroes' game. It always scares and saddens me that they're so ready to charge into battles, always thinking that they'll win and truly believing that it would be just as easy to defeat the real dragons in life.

I'm glad I managed to tell the part that really mattered, even if it's the sad truth of all of this :) And hurrah, finally someone understands my issue with commas :))

super super super late editor falls in

[silverflight8]

*COUGH*

Everything is too quiet, too still but we both know there is nothing left for us to say.
-After "still" I expected a comma and then suddenly there wasn't any (!) and my reading kind of fell over. Consider adding a comma there.

As our fingers intertwined
-You end up switching abruptly into past tense here, whereas everything else around it is in present tense.

unwavering-even when they were clouded with tears
-You slip into past tense again here, but I can't tell whether you mean to Do you mean to say his eyes are not teary now, or that they are? If the latter, which is what I assumed, you should probably use the present tense 'are'.

this circle of death and destruction would just begin again.
-I think you want 'will just begin again' since you're talking about the future (the next generations will have to fight again).

Today, we join a futile battle, but isn’t that every prince’s destiny?
-Ah, poor kid. No, not usually...!

And thus, without a backward glance, we go forth. -Consider cutting out "without a backward glance

Re: super super super late editor falls in

[openedlocket]

Thanks for the edits :) I wanted to keep it all a surprise for another week's entry but for some reason I can never get said entries written, even if the prompts fit well.

Thanks again, especially for pointing out the tense issues :D