To Defeat the Dragons

[openedlocket]

Title: To Defeat the Dragons
Rating: G
Word Count: 329
Author's Note: This was written for brigits_flame as a Just For Fun entry. The prompt was 'Strike'. I think I used it rather vaguely here, but I meant it in a sort of military sense.

Comments

super super super late editor falls in

[silverflight8]

*COUGH*

Everything is too quiet, too still but we both know there is nothing left for us to say.
-After "still" I expected a comma and then suddenly there wasn't any (!) and my reading kind of fell over. Consider adding a comma there.

As our fingers intertwined
-You end up switching abruptly into past tense here, whereas everything else around it is in present tense.

unwavering-even when they were clouded with tears
-You slip into past tense again here, but I can't tell whether you mean to Do you mean to say his eyes are not teary now, or that they are? If the latter, which is what I assumed, you should probably use the present tense 'are'.

this circle of death and destruction would just begin again.
-I think you want 'will just begin again' since you're talking about the future (the next generations will have to fight again).

Today, we join a futile battle, but isn’t that every prince’s destiny?
-Ah, poor kid. No, not usually...!

And thus, without a backward glance, we go forth.
-Consider cutting out "without a backward glance" so you just have 'And thus we go forth' - it's a lot more direct, especially since you're wrapping up your piece.

AH, so it's a dragon! I did wonder. This is nice, but it feels rather incomplete - why do they have to fight the dragon? Why is it a crusade? How did they get there? Nevertheless, it was a nice read.

Re: super super super late editor falls in

[openedlocket]

Thanks for the edits :) I wanted to keep it all a surprise for another week's entry but for some reason I can never get said entries written, even if the prompts fit well.

Thanks again, especially for pointing out the tense issues :D