John Kasich Confused About Why Women Objected To His Sexual Assault Victim-Blaming Comments

[screamingintune]

Gov. John Kasich (R-OH) said on Sunday that he does not understand the criticism over his comments Friday suggesting that college women should prevent sexual assaults by avoiding parties with alcohol.
In an interview with CNN’s Dana Bash, the Republican presidential hopeful noted that his own daughters will someday go to college parties where there

Comments

[aasin]

In what setting would a rape most likely occur in a university that did not involve alchol?

I don´t like Kasich but people are trying to make a problem out of his well intentioned comment.

[spyral_out]

Listen. Making a bogeyman and a mythical beast out of ~The Rapist~ has the effect of otherizing people who rape rather than recognizing that they're real people, and they're everywhere, and that most people who rape don't even see what they did as wrong. Rather than acknowledging that people who rape live in and are part of our society and dealing with the elements of our society and culture that allow and encourage it, you're proposing that women stay indoors, that women not drink in public (or in private or around other people), that women cover themselves "more" (whatever that means), that women ultimately become kept people, and if they don't take every possible step to prevent being attacked well then it's their fault, you're on their side, really you are, but tch tch rapists just aren't regular people are they

[mimblexwimble]

It actually doesn't prevent women from getting raped.

[dumpweeds]

not to mention, 1 in 3 college men don't even consider forcible sex rape*

*should be noted that it was a small survey but I've seen this statistic several other times over the years from other surveys across the US, this was just the first one I found

[screamingintune]

there's been loads of polling that backs that up, I've seen them though it's almost 5am so I'm not going to go link hunting, but the polling has been done. people don't think women can be raped by boyfriends/spouses. people think it's not rape if a woman changes her mind at the last moment. people think it's not rape if the word "rape" isn't used and it's like "forcible sex." men think there are situations when they're "owed" sex.

[dumpweeds]

people generally only think it's rape when:

1. it's a man and a woman
2. and they don't know each other
3. and he had a weapon
4. and she fought back
5. and he left DNA inside her
6. and if she reported it to the police AND did a rape kit
7. oh, and she better be sober!
8. and wearing sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt!

if ANY of those things are left out, then nope, not rape.

[elialshadowpine]

TW Rape

[screamingintune]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. And you're right (referencing your other comments here) -- I have never been raped but as a woman with woman friends I have known a lot of women who have, and every single one of them was raped by someone they knew. Every single one. Often a boyfriend or husband.

[elialshadowpine]

TW rape

Thank you. *hugs offered*

I know decidedly few women who have not been raped. I also know many non-binary people and men who have been raped. Honestly, a surprising amount of the latter; I'd actually guess that about 30% of my male friends are survivors. I wouldn't use that as the average for the populace as a whole, but rather indicative about who I am friends with.

ALL the people I know have been raped by people they knew. Yes, a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband/wife, partner, or friend. Don't get me started on woman on woman rapes, which are pretty universally ignored, but something that has happened to me. If I have to explain "how that works" one more time I may just strangle someone.

[soleiltropiques]

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

[soleiltropiques]

TW Rape.

Yeah I didn't report my almost rape either.

I didn't report it because the man who almost raped me (and would have if I hadn't managed to get away from him) basically implied I had 'overreacted'. I actually believed him (in part because one of my friends actually agreed with him) and convinced myself it wasn't a big deal (I was only 18).

PS: He was also someone I knew and it didn't happen in a dark alley/street.

PPS: Not as horrible as what happened to nonnycat, though, of course. I got lucky.

(Edited to add an additional point+for typos because I can't type with cold fingers)

[elialshadowpine]

TW Rape (detailed) and BDSM

I'm sorry. This is going to get long and detailed, because I feel it's important to talk about. Uh, written after I went to post... let me say, a LOT longer than I meant. I'm not quite sure how to TLDR this but I'm going to steal one paragraph from near the end that I think sums up why I am writing this. I make the offer at the end for cookies, but dear gods, I think anyone who finishes reading this needs a goddamn PLATTER of cookies (plus, the dark side always has 'em). Since they're virtual cookies, pick your fav. :)

OK, excerpt of two paragraphs:

So... no, sweetie*, I did not "have it worse." We both had traumatic things happen to us, and it's entirely possible if we both talked in detail about our experiences, I might think you had it worse. Because that's how we're trained to think. I firmly believe this is a heavily conditioned thought train that needs to be broken. ANYONE, male, female, otherwise, who has been raped has been traumatized, and it shouldn't be about "who has it worse." We should be

[elialshadowpine]

pt2

The second is the one that bothered me the most, because it was a rape roleplay BDSM scene, and she pushed past my "soft" safeword. It's probable she was acting in character, but ... okay, as a possible partial result of this, I started to realize I am more switchy, and it's only been now, 12yrs later, that I've been able to explore the sub side again. But I've spent a lot of time as a domme, and even in a roleplay scenario, I would hear a soft safeword, however it was phrased, and stop to check in. Breaking the "mood" is less important than making sure your sub/bottom is okay. If you sort things out and can't get back into the "mood", then you either stop or alter the scene, depending on what the sub/bottom want. Also, depending on how comfortable I am; something I think a lot of dommes don't realize is that yes, they can safeword, too. I have done so before because I wasn't confident that we could just move on without potential harm, or simply because I wasn't comfortable doing some of the things asked. (If you hadn't guessed

[elialshadowpine]

pt3

[elialshadowpine]

PART I'M ACTUALLY DONE THIS TIME JFC TIGGER ON A FUCKING POGO STICK

[soleiltropiques]

Wow. I read through all your comments and I really hadn't thought about it that way. You're so right and I honestly hadn't considered until now just how much I had minimized what happened, even to myself.

It's pretty liberating, really, to realize I don't have to feel guilty for feeling traumatized about what happened.

PS: No, the hon didn't across as condescending at all! Thanks so much for your comments, they honestly made my day.