Spreading the Word (and Pictures) on ‘Real’ Sex

[psychesky]

ABOUT a decade ago, Cindy Gallop, a pixie-like businesswoman, said she began dating and sleeping with men about half her age. While their stamina and her experience made a good combination, Ms. Gallop said, she also discerned a disturbing trend: the boudoir moves of many of her young lovers seemed drawn entirely from pornography.So Ms. Gallop, now

Comments

[perthro]

This was one of the biggest things that concerned me about my ex- one of my first warning signs, and one I should have paid attention to

[mamasboo]

I feel like I'm the only person alive who learned how sex worked from a health book. I think that's saved me a lot of problems because when I wanted to know more about it, I went to the library to the non fiction section. I honestly worry about anyone who would look to porn for answers on how sex works or for ANY answers on females since porn is a crock of shit when it comes to most stuff. Men and boys need to be taught (about a million times until it SINKS IN) that porn is fantasy.

[nicosian]

This. attitudes and accurate sex ED. PLEASE. Why do we hide such a massive facet behind blushes and giggles and bad films and judgement

[mamasboo]

I am just appalled that young men are also still using the words "tits" and "boobs". It's like, "Are we FOUR?"

I agree on the internet thing -- but at the same time there's so much more GOOD information on sex out there. People aren't looking for facts, they just want to get off. There's a difference between understanding the reproductive system, sexuality, and porn. It's like don't do your own thing until you master the basics. These people are trying to skip all the basics and go right for the parlor tricks which is fail all over because IMO most regular folks don't swing from the chandeliers EVERY TIME they screw.

[sperose]

Huh, this came up when I went to a sacred sexuality camp this past summer. We were discussing how people will make love within the nightly temple and how it's nice to see people make love in a non-porn manner because sometimes people don't know how to have sex.

While I am not of the having sex persuasion, I can still see the beauty in people making love.

[tiddlywinks103]

I love this idea. And porn.

Ms. Gallop said she was compelled by the feedback she got from the original site. Women in particular believed that they were trapped in someone else’s pornographic fantasy in bed. “If I want to tackle the impact of porn as default sex educator,” she said, “I have to come up with something as appealing to the mainstream and as all-pervasive in our society as porn.”

Yesssss.

[mamasboo]

Also worrisome to me is that females are being taught that their sexual response is dependent on what the male wants/likes/what works for him.

I find women saying they get turned on by a lot of things like getting ejaculated on and I have a theory that women have evolved their natural sexuality to accommodate the males and have evolved *sexual satisfaction* from the male's "leftovers". It's like, no one's going to pay attention to your needs, so your body compensates by becoming sensitized to behaviors that men want you to perform with only their own satisfaction in mind.

It's sad, really. It's like having sex but being completely alone in it.

[perthro]

I am DYING over that icon, Mamasboo. >D

[tiddlywinks103]

I wouldn't go so far as to fully dismiss that sexual response as evolution, though. Some girls do like it, knowing full well of the male gaze in it, and some girls do like having their hair pulled, knowing it's a sexually aggressive act.

I think it's more about positive sex ed that lets you figure out your sexual proclivities, with minimal judgement, unless you are actively trying to non-consensually harm or degrade someone.

[mirhanda]

I worry that she's going to wind up fighting porn with porn and it's going to turn into just another "let's make it look good for the camera" thing. We're already hearing so much about young men who've never seen a natural breast before telling their young girlfriends how "saggy and gross" their normal, unaugmented breasts are, how young women are pressured to infantilise themselves by shaving their genitalia to look pre-pubescent. It's never ending. I just think this isn't the way to go about correcting the problem.

[tiddlywinks103]

“It’s not about performing for the camera,” Ms. Gallop said. “We’re looking for the comical, the messy, the ridiculous. We’re looking for the real.”

She's explicitly stated how she's not going to do that, though. And it's not about porn itself being something to 'fight' against, imo, which she also stated.

“The issue I’m tackling is not porn,” she said. “It’s the complete lack of open, healthy dialogue around porn and sex.”

[mirhanda]

I know she says that, but what about the couples? Who is to say there isn't going to be pressure on one member of the couple to "do it right for the camera so we can upload it" etc etc. I already hear from so many young women about how their boyfriends are pressuring them to do things from porn and how they are being denigrated for being normal women not siliconed barbies and other major issues as I wrote above. It's really sad, and it makes me glad I'm not a young woman facing this stuff and that I'm experienced enough and strong enough now to not put up with anything like that. But a lot of young women don't have the experience to fall back on, or sometimes they don't feel they can speak up. It's really a huge problem for many young women and we shouldn't dismiss these problems.

[tiddlywinks103]

No one is dismissing them, but her mission statement is about this not happening, like it can in porn. The point of showing 'real' sex is showing real pleasure, why would she let a video go up that is obviously forced and uncomfortable to watch, when it goes completely against why she made the site, in the first place? I get your concerns, but I don't see how you can shoot it down, and it hasn't even really happened yet, especially considering how she exactly addressed your concerns about her motives, and executions.

Semi-O/T, T/W- victim-blaming

[recorded]

Spent all day arguing with shitstains on the huffington post about how married couples who don't meet the sexual needs of their spouse are not "asking for it." It being cheating (or sexual assault). Someone please restore my faith in humanity....

Re: Semi-O/T, T/W- victim-blaming

[belly_savalas]

:(

I find that generally people who don't feel their sexual needs are being met either aren't communicating them or are themselves neglecting their partner's emotional/physical/whatever needs and making it difficult that way. Like, if I ever hear one more fucking dude complain about any aspect of a blowjob I will scream bc either they don't want to reciprocate or they think they're ~super awesome~ and ladies should be grateful for their ~technique~

Or like, men think cheating is okay bc at the end of a 40 hour week & second shifts of taking care of partners or family women don't feel like roleplaying or we

Re: Semi-O/T, T/W- victim-blaming

[recorded]

either aren't communicating them or are themselves neglecting their partner's emotional/physical/whatever needs and making it difficult that way

THIS. I also find that when you ask them prodding questions about when/if spouses ever do not have to answer "martial duties" they suddenly don't answer, because they realize the logical inconsistencies and how much of a sociopath they sound like if they readily admit it's okay to cheat on a wife who is in the hospital with cancer because she doesn't have the energy to have sex with you. SHITSTAINS.

Re: Semi-O/T, T/W- victim-blaming

[les_ypersound]

sex isn't irrelevant though...?