Spreading the Word (and Pictures) on ‘Real’ Sex

[psychesky]

ABOUT a decade ago, Cindy Gallop, a pixie-like businesswoman, said she began dating and sleeping with men about half her age. While their stamina and her experience made a good combination, Ms. Gallop said, she also discerned a disturbing trend: the boudoir moves of many of her young lovers seemed drawn entirely from pornography.So Ms. Gallop, now

Comments

[mirhanda]

I worry that she's going to wind up fighting porn with porn and it's going to turn into just another "let's make it look good for the camera" thing. We're already hearing so much about young men who've never seen a natural breast before telling their young girlfriends how "saggy and gross" their normal, unaugmented breasts are, how young women are pressured to infantilise themselves by shaving their genitalia to look pre-pubescent. It's never ending. I just think this isn't the way to go about correcting the problem.

[tiddlywinks103]

“It’s not about performing for the camera,” Ms. Gallop said. “We’re looking for the comical, the messy, the ridiculous. We’re looking for the real.”

She's explicitly stated how she's not going to do that, though. And it's not about porn itself being something to 'fight' against, imo, which she also stated.

“The issue I’m tackling is not porn,” she said. “It’s the complete lack of open, healthy dialogue around porn and sex.”

[mirhanda]

I know she says that, but what about the couples? Who is to say there isn't going to be pressure on one member of the couple to "do it right for the camera so we can upload it" etc etc. I already hear from so many young women about how their boyfriends are pressuring them to do things from porn and how they are being denigrated for being normal women not siliconed barbies and other major issues as I wrote above. It's really sad, and it makes me glad I'm not a young woman facing this stuff and that I'm experienced enough and strong enough now to not put up with anything like that. But a lot of young women don't have the experience to fall back on, or sometimes they don't feel they can speak up. It's really a huge problem for many young women and we shouldn't dismiss these problems.

[tiddlywinks103]

No one is dismissing them, but her mission statement is about this not happening, like it can in porn. The point of showing 'real' sex is showing real pleasure, why would she let a video go up that is obviously forced and uncomfortable to watch, when it goes completely against why she made the site, in the first place? I get your concerns, but I don't see how you can shoot it down, and it hasn't even really happened yet, especially considering how she exactly addressed your concerns about her motives, and executions.

[mirhanda]

As I said in my previous post, I understand her motives and I'm sure they are benevolent. However, we don't know the motives of the uploaders, and in fact we can't. I just worry about people (especially women, but this could affect some men too) being pressured to upload or pressured to do certain things "for the camera". This has no bearing on Ms. Gallop's motives whatsoever. We know she's trying to do a good thing. This is about the regular people (esp. women) who might have even more pressure put on them for this sort of thing. How can she screen for this? There isn't really a way.

[tiddlywinks103]

Each submission is vetted by Ms. Gallop and her team.

But I guess it really boils down to people having to just wait and see, then.

[mirhanda]

Which is why I said in my previous post: How can she screen for this? There isn't really a way. And there is no way to know if that young woman has been forced or pressured to participate.

[veracity]

I think this might be a good stopgate to make sure it's not turned into a porn-filled fantasy since the article states, "Each submission is vetted by Ms. Gallop and her team. There are now 13 videos." She's put in a factor to help that process. If she, or a trusted staff member that has be held accountable, must vet the videos, there is less chance of random people uploading/placing.

I can definitely see the merit of pressuring theory, but I also think she's looking out for the female partners in a very realistic manner.

[mirhanda]

I hope by "vetting" they mean that she is privately interviewing everyone involved. That still is no guarantee that no one is being pressured, but I'd feel a lot better about it if that's the case rather than that she just views the videos beforehand and assumes that if it looks good, it is good, if you get my meaning there.

[veracity]

I get the idea that she's very involved in the process. She's creating a safe space, so to speak, so I get the feeling she's not going to allow anything she doesn't feel is appropriate to the site's mission.

[blueburndown]

how young women are pressured to infantilise themselves by shaving their genitalia to look pre-pubescent.

Wat. I have to tell you that I've met/had sex with more than a few people and no one has shaved anything to look prepubescent.

[recorded]

Are you saying you've never been with an adult who opts for no pubes or are you implying they don't shave with the intent to look prepubescent?

[perthro]

I think they're saying that their partner(s) do not shave in effort to look prepubescent.

And for that matter, neither do I. I just find hair to be extremely uncomfortable, hot, and itchy all the time. If a person can't tell an ADULT vagina from a child's vagina simply due to lack of hair, there's something more than adequate sex ed missing, and frankly, I'm pretty sure pedos don't go "Oh, she's 35 but missing pubic hair! Right up my alley!"

I REALLY hate it when people equate a lack of pubic hair to being "childlike".

[recorded]

I also dislike the uncomfortable/pube sweat gathering/pube crunch during sex but I only trim and always leave some hair. The hair there serves a purpose. Exposing the pores and leaving no buffer between certain fabrics can cause chafing, leads to more infections (MRSA, anyone?), irritation, & in grown hairs.

So if you're getting rid of it fully, you have to admit there's more of a motivation there than "comfort" or "hygiene." It's done for an aesthetic reason or social pressures.

[perthro]

I really hate synthetic fabrics, so I'm good there. I've had a grand total of two ingrowns in... 12 years, I think. Don't use shaving cream. Ever. That's a guaranteed way to make me break out in a rash, no matter where it's used. Use clean blades, and change them regularly to avoid irritation from dragging the blade. And frankly, my hair (everywhere) has always been really brittle and straw-like. Seriously itchy. I live in a place so humid that going outside for more than 5 minutes leaves me drenched in sweat. Not pleasant at all

[shadwrayvn]

Yea this is my same reason & experience for shaving! I have really sensitive skin & my hair is pretty think & itches every where but my head! I shave & my most of my body completely off for my comfort. My fiancee could care less what I do with my hair (any of my hair)