The Winners of the 2022 Lyttle Lytton Contest Are Here

[frejasface]

The 2022 winners of the Lyttle Lytton Contest (to write the worst first sentence of the worst imaginary novel) has been announced.

And they are splendid.https://t.co/WLAqes0aDN pic.twitter.com/fTLlAgYYGT
- Imre Jele (@imrejele) June 30, 2022
Every year, the Lyttle Llytton contest asks writers to send in the worst first sentence to an imaginary novel

Comments

[sandstorm]

The doors of my heart were as closed as those of the Capitol, that morning of January 6th.

The second line is "My heart could only be opened by incompetent policemen, or Lauren Bobert."

[kimyesus]

am I missing something with the winner?? idk it doesn't quite do it for me, unlike

There was the love of my life, blinking at me beautifully. Next to her was my wife. It was going to be a long and tense One Direction concert.

[kimyesus]

ok another one

“This is why I hate your generation!” seethed George after his failed proposal to the girl whose 18th birthday was now ruined.

[kimyesus]

omg this one is apparently from an actual published work

We had just visited Auschwitz, and I was ovulating.

[amacabea]

- Not unlike how mitochondria gives energy to the cell, Alice gave energy to John’s heart and penis, both of whom containing dozens of cells.
- Sunlight touched my breasts like I do during female masturbation. (same)
- “Oh no!” I cried, as a hail of bullets brutally murdered my three wonderful children.
- My mind was racing, NASCAR style. (I'll be using this)
- “Schlormp” went the knife as she plunged it into my heart, breaking it not only physically, but also emotionally, since I loved her.

skdjsakfjdkjdksgfkdsgk

[genbu_no_miko24]

"My mind was racing, NASCAR style. (I'll be using this)"

lol same

[goodnightsong]

My vote would go for the Uncrustable one, amazing.

[kpoplvr]

it really captures the essence of awful bc Uncrustables themselves just shouldn't exist.

[butterflyblot]

“Oh no!” I cried, as a hail of bullets brutally murdered my three wonderful children.