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[ohlittledeath]

i made this slightly angry/frustrated angst post a few hours ago, but decided to delete it, because...it was stupid. i'm still angry and frustrated, but i'd rather keep these feelings to myself. i'm off to work in a few hours, to talk things over with my boss. if all goes well, he won't fire me. and if he does...well, i'll worry about that later. :

Comments

[cynni]

I kinda know what you mean... well the expectations part at least.

As for me, I am more comfy in a familiar envoirement and the 3 years I did not live in Nijmegen were the hardest time of my life.

I have the feeling that more and more people are trying to break out of all the expectations of society. Maybe I keep an eye out for it, but I do spot people who struggle with this more and more often.

[ohlittledeath]

exactly. there will always be people out there who'll never be satisfied with the life they're leading, people like me. and at one point, we'll break free from society's expectations.

:-) thanks for the kind words.

[toshiyarnr]

if you don't mind me saying this, i sometimes feel that your friends in eindhoven aren't the best to be around. of course, they are good girls, i like Rosaura and Kaja, but they're leading a life that's not meant for you. (from what i can see) maybe it's already good for you if you try to break free from that. but i'm in no position to judge your friends and i certainly can't forbid you to hang out with them

[ohlittledeath]

i read this over a few times, and i think you're right about a lot of things. i know my friends from eindhoven aren't exactly the best friends i could have, mainly because, as you said before, they're involved in a totally different life/world/scene. partying, boyfriends, studying. that's pretty much all they do, and, to me, there's so much more in life than just that

[toshiyarnr]

i know it's hard to just turn down friends. maybe you don't really need to shut off contact with them. but i guess they should realize how to treat you.
the thing that one time, with Esmee (i believe) that she got mad at you because i didn't want to come along partying. but well, they'll eventually tone down from the partying and sexing around or something.

i'm already glad you changed from partying 3 or 4 nights a week to 1 or 2. i'm not really sure about how much you go out these days.

and my occasional ramblings is just my gordon complaint side. XD i can't live without complaining.

[ohlittledeath]

i remember that night, that they were all furious that i didn't come and drag you with me. "sociale verplichtingen" better known as social control. :-/

well, i hardly really go out anymore lately...and if i do, it's just chillin' at somebody's house! so don't worry about the partying/exsessive drinking...i'm pretty much over the binge drinking. :-)

LOL i know, i know, and i'm a bit of a gordon myself...though, a bit like gerard, too. IDK IDK! you're the gordon to my gerard! LOL

[sol_nuada]

Sticking to choices is overrated. Try following your dream. It doesn't work out? There''s probably something else you'd love to do. The miracle word here is Try. Try doing stuff, you might like some and you might hate some. But that's experience. You'll know that from then on. So just try to reach any dream you have with all your willpower, abilities, intelligence and simply everything you've got. If it doesn't work out, at least you'll be sure that you did everything in your power for it and you can move on to something else.

[ohlittledeath]

thank you for the kind words. :-) i know i should try, i haven't been trying out much anymore lately. but i will, and things will get better. thank you. :-)

[ohlittledeath]

thank you for responding to my post. :-) even though you don't know me well, it's always interesting to hear an "outsider"'s point of view, right?

well, you see, i've been in therapy for quite some years, and in a way, i've learned a lot about myself. yet, i'm still incredibly volnerable, when it comes to other people's opnions on me. (even though i know there's nothing really wrong with me as a person, i try my best to treat others with love and respect.) so, maybe a change of enviroment could really be used to my advantage, but who knows, maybe i'd end up missing my home town in the end. :-)

i know how you feel, in away. but, don't worry. if your hearts in it, you'll eventually experience new things. some people need more time. :-)