[fic post] If You Never Fight, You'll Never Win

[oceansex]

So yeah. Been missing in action since Monday. Somehow I caught strep throat, so I didn't want to eat/drink anything 'cause my throat hurt so bad, I couldn't sleep for two days, and I nearly collapsed each time I tried to get out of bed. Turns out I was severely dehydrated, which means I now have to carry water with me everywhere. If my friend hadn'

Comments

[oceansex]

thank you. C:

yeah, I don't normally write angst ('cause I'm a sucker for fluff) but Kyouya is the only Ouran character that makes me need to write angst. he just... doesn't give off a fluffy vibe, lol

[shinebunny]

Talk about literally biting your tongue... Wow. And getting what you asked for. All very bitter and ironic - good job. ^^

[oceansex]

thank you! :3 and yeah, this makes me feel really sorry for Kyouya. I'll try and write some fluff for the poor guy next time, lol.

also, I love your icon!

[wavings]

this is quite sad! very well written though, i liked it a lot.

[oceansex]

thank you. I'm glad you liked it. ^_^

[treeflamingo]

Ooooooh, subtle. I love the way you totally ignored (did not deign to) mention(ing) blood, and yet there is no doubt as to what Kyouya is tasting at the end. My favorite line, however (because it is good), is: donating only a handful of words to whatever conversation he finds himself in.

In other news, I very much enjoy what you did with Kyouya here. One of my favorite ways to write him is like this - wedged so deep into denial, so stubbornly ignoring inconvenient realities, that they may as well not exist. That nobody can even call him on it. So adamant about what he will and will not feel that he doesn't even know what his real feelings are. I love it. I love this Kyouya.

[oceansex]

thank you very much for your comment! the last line was actually the first thing I came up with, and the rest of the situation eventually fell into place around it. and I'm glad you like that line. because it was about Mori, it was probably the easiest line to write for me lol.

most people think that Kyouya is always in control of everything, with no exceptions, but I agree with you. I like it better when he isn't, and knows he isn't, and subsequently denies it so hard that he makes himself and everyone else believe that he totally is.

[hooves]

Uhm, hello. =]

I keep seeing your comments with critique/intelligent things for otaku_revey and I must say I'm very impressed. You've only said really amazing things.

I realize I just made myself sound like a complete idiot, but I wanted to say that. It's not often that someone gives good solid critique. Also, I think I was learning by reading what you were saying! Especially about Kyouya. =]

[treeflamingo]

Wow, thanks. I'm getting complimented on my reviews. ;p I don't even know how to handle that.

The secret truth of the matter is that I dearly miss my high school and college days when writing and critiquing and exchanging criticism were weekly occurrences. I have a secret maniacal plot to turn every fanfic-oriented comm I associate myself with into a constructive, community-driven writing class, where everybody leaves comments and suggestions for everybody else, and all can find ways to push themselves and improve in their writing. After all, isn't the shortcut realm of fanfic the most perfect of forums in which to test out and sharpen one's writing chops?

[hooves]

First, nice opening line. It works perfectly for a summary. Second...

[And even if someone thinks he didn't get what he wanted, in the end, whatever he didn't get he probably didn't want in the first place.]

That is Kyouya in a nutshell. He's exceptionally smart, and the best part is...everyone else will believe that he didn't want it in the first place, too.

[Kyouya didn't want her, so he didn't lose her. He didn't even try, he reminds himself.]

Powerful words here. I like that you make it so obvious that he's convincing himself. Or rather, trying to convince himself.

[But he still has to fight to ignore the coppery taste in his mouth as he unclenches his jaw, releasing his tongue, and watch her back as she walks away.I love this last line. I only have one critique, and I'm sorry I can't help more, but here goes

[oceansex]

First, I just want you to know how much your comments (on all three of my ouran fics, both here and on FF.net) have made, not only my day, but my week. Particularly after the awful time I had last week, seeing such detailed reviews made me feel fantastic. Thank you. C:

As for the last line, I realize that I have a tendency to make unnecessarily complex sentences that sometimes need a reread or two to be certain you know what you're reading. I'm working on it, I swear, lol. "Watch" shouldn't be changed to "watches," because it's in the same tense as the first clause (forgive me if I'm using the term correctly; it's been years since I last used grammar terms, which is a little sad, lol). To clarify, here's what I meant:

"But he still has to fight to ignore the coppery taste in his mouth and watch her back as she walks away."

If I took out the "unclenches his jaw, releasing his tongue", detail, that's how it would read. I hope that made it clearer. >wI'm pretty sure Kyouya is the ensemble dark horse of the main cast. People either

[hooves]

Hi there! I have personally always felt that reviews (or comments) are deserving if I bothered to read a story. I don't know, I'm such a review whore (giving and receiving). But I like leaving nice long reviews if I can, especially if I find lines that I really enjoy reading.

And I totally understand what you meant, now. Thanks for clarifying. Haha, and don't mind me... I could probably learn more from everyone else than the other way around. Back when I was in high school, we pretty much watched movies in English class and everyone passed with an A+ for doing absolutely nothing except some silly, easy, non-English (really) related exam. (Like writing your own version of The Canterbury Tales...yeah, most people finished that in less than an hour and got A+'s all year long.) In short, I learned absolutely nothing, and I only know of things like prepositions and pronouns. I honestly have no idea what they are

[treeflamingo]

Excuse me while I subtly insert myself into this conversation....
~~~subtle~~~

I had actually also noted that last sentence and assumed there was some minor grammatical error, and I also now understand what you were actually going for and that it is way better than what I thought you were going for. Therefore I have a suggestion: add that idea of "still has to" into the final clause, so we know that you're resuming the pre-fighting-the-taste clause and not continuing it. ...I'm really hoping that I've worded that in a sensical manner.