Okay, so I was going to make this a life update, but for now I feel the need to bitch about something petty, and if anywhere is the place to do that, it's livejournal
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well i think anytime you bring up misogyny or some form of feminism it gets tricky to not get rid of feeling illegitimate or irrational because i really do believe that we are trained in society to believe that these things are figments of our imagination. or that people don't do them intentionally therefore saying anything qualifies overreacting. personally i believe that is bullshit. it's by allowing people to not have hurt feelings that these patterns continue. it's not to say that they're bad people but they've hurt your feelings too by doing these things so it's fair to say that if it hurts you then it's fair to voice the reasons why without worrying about what anyone else thinks
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Rhea- Thank you for being so validating. It's so easy to feel all hysterical and bitchy because I'm voicing these things. I do think you're right about me being shyer- I think about that a lot, especially because Luka is so good at connecting with people and nurturing positive relationships with them quickly (something that I struggle with) It's possible that Luka is perceived as the partner who is socially more visible and therefore is addressed first by people who met us at the same time. I don't know, so far, I'm still out of ideas as to how to bring this up with people. It's not a conversation that would pull on my social strengths, that's for sure.
I have absolutely nothing constructive to offer except that it SUCKS that people are treating you as an afterthought and it blows my mind that people are doing that. Are people seriously not thanking you for cookies that you made? Because that is really shitty. If you made me cookies I would thank you. If you and Luka both made me cookies I would thank both of you.
I know I don't know either of you super-well, but if I ever were to do something that made you feel badly like this I hope that you would tell me so that I could avoid doing it again, and I hope that your other friends would also want you to tell them so that they can avoid hurting you in the future.
Well, people are sometimes thanking Luka for both of us (his name is signed to the card) or are thanking Luka, then me. I don't know, I definitely notice when my thank you is time-stamped 5 minutes later than Luka's thank-you, and it definitely makes it real to me that they thought to thank Luka first, even if they thanked us both. Which is they thing, they're being polite, and thanking both of us, but I still notice that i'm coming second and it still bothers me, even though I assume that they didn't put conscious thought into whose facebook wall they would write on first, or whose name was first listed on the email, or whatever. I feel really awkward around saying something directly people (and so I haven't) because I can't think of a way to express it that doesn't sound hypersensitive or unreasonable to me.
Sexism blows and that is what femmephobia is about. Fuck that bullshit.
You, however, are awesome and amazing.
And, you and I both know, that the whole world would fall to pieces without the queer femmes. We hold this world together with strength and ferocity and looking really really good. Just sayin.
That's lame that they ignored you. I'm so obnoxious, I'd probably have advertised the fact that I made them. I'd be like, "You're welcome- they took me hours!" Maybe they didn't want to assume that you made them because they didn't want to buy into stereotypes about women in the kitchen?
You know, that's kind of a tactful way of being like "helloooooo!" I'm going to use that one. Not about thought, about the stereotypes and whatnot. I suppose I should try to let it go, I guess.
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I don't know, so far, I'm still out of ideas as to how to bring this up with people. It's not a conversation that would pull on my social strengths, that's for sure.
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I know I don't know either of you super-well, but if I ever were to do something that made you feel badly like this I hope that you would tell me so that I could avoid doing it again, and I hope that your other friends would also want you to tell them so that they can avoid hurting you in the future.
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I feel really awkward around saying something directly people (and so I haven't) because I can't think of a way to express it that doesn't sound hypersensitive or unreasonable to me.
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You, however, are awesome and amazing.
And, you and I both know, that the whole world would fall to pieces without the queer femmes. We hold this world together with strength and ferocity and looking really really good. Just sayin.
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Thanks for being so damn awesome and spreading the love. <3
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Not about thought, about the stereotypes and whatnot. I suppose I should try to let it go, I guess.
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