I think I'm an ass

Oct 30, 2005 02:40

Yeah, I screwed up at least partially tonight. I don't know just how much damage I caused, but time will tell ( Read more... )

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nony October 31 2005, 08:17:22 UTC
Well the good news is that he knows exactly how I feel. I'm notoriously bad at hiding positive feelings about people (which in truth is a pretty good flaw), and he's explicitly told me he knows this. I'm absolutely smitten by him, attracted to him both physically and emotionally. That's in my brain though.

I won't deny that I wish we were dating, and that feeling probably isn't going away anytime soon. He understands and accepts this, but he knows me well enough to realize I would never try to break them up. Wishing for something that benefits me and actively hurting someone else to get it are two very different things. And although I'm certainly jealous, I do respect his boyfriend and their relationship ( ... )

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nony November 1 2005, 06:44:35 UTC
Well the obvious truth is that we're just going to disagree on this subject, and that's cool. It certainly wouldn't be our first time....

From where I stand, both he and I understand how we each feel, we've discussed it openly, I've made sure that I'm doing nothing wrong in his mind and that his boyfriend knows about how much time we're spending together. If any heart is going to be broken, it's mine, and I'll be the one responsible. But if I continue growing closer to my friend, and occasionally I let my imagination get carried away, then so be it.

I don't excuse myself for speaking so openly on this taboo subject the other night, and my disappointment with myself won't be soon forgotten. But thankfully the result was positive. And having resolved this with him, I don't feel like I have anything to excuse anymore.

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