I think I'm an ass
Yeah, I screwed up at least partially tonight. I don't know just how much damage I caused, but time will tell.
Today was just wonderful. It started out with the contractors coming by and fixing up the stove, so now all appliances except for the dishwasher are installed and working. I slept a little more, and then went to the gym for the first time in several days. Feeling good, I met Busty Dancer for our lesson, where we worked on west coast and a little bit of polka (just for fun).
Aftewards I went home, changed, ironed, and drove out to Texas Land & Cattle for dinner with Chemist. We had an awesome time together, as usual, laughing from start to finish. Then the two of us went to see "Bent" over at the Blue Theatre. I had already seen the movie several years ago, and he had asked me out to see the play. It was excellent, if understandably emotional. (It's about some gay men and how they were treated in the concentration camps during the Holocaust.) I was actually pretty disturbed afterwards, mostly because I have an extremely low tolerance for seeing people suffer.
Deciding we needed to pick ourselves up, we went out to the bar together. And except for dancing with C and M once or twice, I was up there the whole time with him. So much fun, so much closeness. I was just in an amazing mood. We left around 1:15 or so because he was feeing tired, so we walked together back to our cars.
Now we stood out there in the relatively cold air for well over an hour, talking while we leaned up against the back of his truck. And again things got emotional, both of us sharing the real emotional things going on in our lives. This is the stuff I don't even post in my LJ. He told me about his concerns, and I shared mine with him, and we both were just there for each other. We reminisced about our time together dating, noted how our mutual friends keep assuming that we're a couple again, etc. Everything was going just great.
Then I lost my inhibitions and started talking to him about how I really feel. He's trying to hard to be respectful and kind since I'm wanting more than he can give, but in hindsight I was an asshole. I told him that I still struggled not being with him, especially since we spend so much time together, and that meeting him was the best thing that has happened to me in a very long time. Even that stuff was fine, but I think a comment or two later put me over the edge. I told him that I needed to leave immediately before I said something I'd regret later, so we parted.
Now we've discussed going out to see a movie tomorrow night after my dives at the lake, so we'll see what happens. I sent him an apology email the second I got home tonight, so his response will be revealing.
Today was just wonderful. It started out with the contractors coming by and fixing up the stove, so now all appliances except for the dishwasher are installed and working. I slept a little more, and then went to the gym for the first time in several days. Feeling good, I met Busty Dancer for our lesson, where we worked on west coast and a little bit of polka (just for fun).
Aftewards I went home, changed, ironed, and drove out to Texas Land & Cattle for dinner with Chemist. We had an awesome time together, as usual, laughing from start to finish. Then the two of us went to see "Bent" over at the Blue Theatre. I had already seen the movie several years ago, and he had asked me out to see the play. It was excellent, if understandably emotional. (It's about some gay men and how they were treated in the concentration camps during the Holocaust.) I was actually pretty disturbed afterwards, mostly because I have an extremely low tolerance for seeing people suffer.
Deciding we needed to pick ourselves up, we went out to the bar together. And except for dancing with C and M once or twice, I was up there the whole time with him. So much fun, so much closeness. I was just in an amazing mood. We left around 1:15 or so because he was feeing tired, so we walked together back to our cars.
Now we stood out there in the relatively cold air for well over an hour, talking while we leaned up against the back of his truck. And again things got emotional, both of us sharing the real emotional things going on in our lives. This is the stuff I don't even post in my LJ. He told me about his concerns, and I shared mine with him, and we both were just there for each other. We reminisced about our time together dating, noted how our mutual friends keep assuming that we're a couple again, etc. Everything was going just great.
Then I lost my inhibitions and started talking to him about how I really feel. He's trying to hard to be respectful and kind since I'm wanting more than he can give, but in hindsight I was an asshole. I told him that I still struggled not being with him, especially since we spend so much time together, and that meeting him was the best thing that has happened to me in a very long time. Even that stuff was fine, but I think a comment or two later put me over the edge. I told him that I needed to leave immediately before I said something I'd regret later, so we parted.
Now we've discussed going out to see a movie tomorrow night after my dives at the lake, so we'll see what happens. I sent him an apology email the second I got home tonight, so his response will be revealing.