Touch, Parts 5-6
Title: Touch, Parts 5-6
Written By: teranee
Category: General
Rating: R
Author's Notes: Lame title, I know, but I ran out of creativity. This thing is freaking long! Anyhoo, Reid gets injured and doesn’t use it as an excuse to emotionally torture Luke. Shocking. Totally TWT - I was gonna make it post-Reid-comes-back-from-the-dead (it totally happens - remember the shrunken head in a box?), but it didn’t quite work, so instead I just slipped in a little “it was a dream” reference, cos I’m physically incapable of not correcting the ending that never happened.
I’ve quoted a bunch of dialogue straight from the show, so yeah, like the characters etc, that’s not mine. You’ll be able to tell what it is cos it’s in italics and contains Noah douching it up.
Also, just so you know, I know nothing about medicine. I made some stuff up, k? I doubt it’s less accurate than the show, though.
Touch, Parts 1-2
Touch, Parts 3-4
PART 5
*****
"You can't give up hope Noah, just because Dr. Oliver couldn't operate."
"It's not that he couldn't operate Luke, it's that he didn't want to. Probably because you blackmailed him to come here in the first place."
"No. No, that's not it.... It's not over. It's far from it."
"Luke, would you just get out of here. Just...just go. Please just...just leave.
*****
Reid's always had his own office. He needs it to fully focus on his work; he deserves it too. Fact, not ego. When he's working, he doesn't like to be disturbed. By anyone. Even Luke, if it's something he really needs to concentrate on - Luke can be kind of distracting.
He likes this though, for some reason. Luke sitting cross legged on the bed, surrounded by neat piles of forms and paperwork, and the writer's journal he always keeps to hand now - because apparently inspiration can strike at any moment - while Reid's at his desk, drowning in chaotic mounds of books and journals and reports and files. He knows where everything is, and he likes it that way. It's a tangled mess, like the brain, but he understands it completely. Luke tried to be helpful and "organise" his desk at work once, when he got called away for half an hour during a lunch date. Reid didn't murder him, and the only way that makes sense is as further evidence that love really does melt people's brains. They spent a couple of hours together putting it all back how it was, made an afternoon of it, ordered pizza and had fan-fucking-tastic sex with Reid bending Luke over his desk. That time Reid didn't mind them messing up his papers at all.
Reid's desk at home is just the same. A perfect mess. And before he hurt his hands, he'd sit there on his own and think that that was the only way to work. When Luke started staying here to look after him, Reid sort of assumed that Luke would use the kitchen table, or sit on the couch with his feet up on the arm rest and his laptop on his lap like a college student. Now though, Luke's sitting on the bed behind him, humming along to his i-pod as he scribbles some notes on something in his red file that Reid knows is dedicated to new Foundation projects. And it's not driving Reid insane. He's not sure how exactly they ended up like this, but it works. Sometimes they'll be like this and work quietly for hours, until Reid remembers that he's got Luke alone, in his room, on his bed. Then they'll take a work break.
Or sometimes they'll sit on the couch, at opposite ends with a plate or a bowl of unhealthy snacks in the middle, working and sharing ideas, or crowded round one screen if they're working on something to do with Luke's work at the hospital. Luke doesn't eat as much junk food as Reid does, but he makes a reasonable effort and Reid's pretty proud of that.
Reid swivels absent-mindedly in his seat while he mentally composes his next sentence. He can't even begin to hold a pen or a pencil at the moment, but he's sort of got his head around typing now. It involves fingertips and awkward angles, but it doesn't strain anything that needs protecting, so that's good. And while it takes him twenty times as long as it should to write anything, at this rate of progress he'll still be finished with his article with plenty of time to spare.
Or so he thinks.
"Damn it!" The new e-mail dings when it pops into his inbox, with the annoying computer sound that he won't admit he's not sure how to turn off. He read the message twice more to be certain, even though he doesn't need to. Luke's by his side in a second, already surveying the scene for threats and problems and Reid's not really sure whether to laugh at this...or scream.
"What is it? What's wrong? Are you hurt? Is it your hands?" Luke's hands are everywhere, jumping about like he's going to track down an open wound or another fire. Reid bats him away as best he can.
"I'm fine." Reid gestures irritably at the screen. "It's the damn editors. They've moved the deadline for submissions to next week. I can't write that fast, not with my hands like this." He doesn't mean it to happen, but he hears the break in his voice before he has time to catch it, frustration hitting him harder than it would if his body was working properly.
A few minutes later, he's on the phone to the editors.
"Listen here, pal, this write up's going to be the only thing worth reading in that poky little journal of yours........I don't care if it's going to cost you, you want this article in your journal........do you even know anything about neurology?.......of course he was, you probably come from a long line of failed doctors........no I will not.......listen to me you son of a-"
He feels the phone being snatched out from where it's wedged between his ear and one of his hands, and turns to see Luke, holding up a hand to silence him before he can even roll out his first objection.
"Hello, this is Luciano Grimaldi." Reid raises an eyebrow, but Luke raises a finger to his lips and again, he doesn't comment. "Yes, of those Grimaldis...that's right...so you're going to miss out on groundbreaking research by one of the world's top neurosurgeons just to save your editing staff a little time?...uh-huh..."
Luke's on the phone for three minutes, and when he hangs up and looks back at Reid there's a sizeable smile on his face.
"You've got a week. That's all I could wrangle, after that they have to go to print, sorry." Reid has no idea why Luke's apologizing, and he takes a step closer, grinning proudly.
"My, my Luciano, I'm impressed." Luke blushes at that and it's endearing as hell.
"So, do you think that's enough time?"
Reid shrugs. He honestly doesn't know. "It might be. I'm not sure. I guess I'll just have to find out."
*****
"You cut my movie? You shot the scenes that I didn't have time to get to yet?"
"Yeah. Noah, you are the most organised director I have ever seen - it was practically like you left a blueprint. You should have heard the crowds at the screening, oh it was amazing."
"You were there?"
"Yeah, yeah of course I was. It was such a wonderful night. And I...I made a recording for you of all the presentations and the awards and the acceptance speeches. And Noah, the standing ovation for your film...I am so proud of you."
"Why?"
"Er..'Why?" You're kidding me?"
"No, not at all. You finished filming, you cut my movie, you accepted my award. You should be proud of you, not me."
"But Noah, I did this for you."
"You did this to control me."
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me. You took my work, my film and you made it your own, and you did this all so you could just control everything!"
"I can't believe that that's what you think I did."
"And I can't believe that you took my film without asking me."
"But Noah, that's the point! It's your film, and it's your award and it's your grant and it's your applause. Why can't you see that?"
"I can't see, period. I. Can't. See."
*****
It's late the next day when Reid stumbles out of his room after an afternoon nap. He stayed up too late last night trying to work on his article. He ended up with a bad headache and a dull pain in his elbow, and he's got a creeping feeling that he's not going to make this deadline. He slept in an odd position, with one arm crushed under his body until it went numb, and the other bent backwards at his side, with his back twisted to accommodate it, so he's feeling a little sore. He's just rolling his neck down to one shoulder when he spots Luke on the couch, huddled over his laptop.
"Luke? What are you doing?" Luke jumps up and shimmies comically away from the computer.
"I'm sorry. I was just...I was working on my story for class and I got to the end of a chapter and, well, your notes were all sitting here and your article was open and I just sort of started typing...I'm sorry." Reid looks at him for a really long time; his forehead creases in the middle and he cocks his head slightly to one side, while he processes the words that came out way too fast.
"So let me get this straight, I couldn't finish my article - my write up for a medical journal, so you just thought you'd finish it for me? Using what, your vast swathes of knowledge about the surgical treatments for epilepsy?" He folds his arms clumsily at his chest and watches with amusement as Luke's expression flashes between unfounded guilt and exaggerated innocence.
"Umm...yes?" Luke ventures, slowly, like he thinks it might be a trick.
"Okay then, Dr. Snyder, hand it over." Luke sits back down on the couch looking more than a little puzzled, and Reid drops down beside him. He places the laptop on Reid's lap and sits back, resting his chin anxiously against his closed fist and goes back to his nervous babbling.
"I don't even know if it's any good. I mean, I have no idea about writing medical articles but you have really good notes so I was mostly working with those and I just sort of...couldn't help myself." He shrugs, holding his hands up apologetically. "Sorry if it's no good, but you can just delete it right, no harm done?" Reid's not mad, not even in the slightest, but he sucks at the reassurance thing, so he figures he'll wait until he knows what he's dealing with before he answers any questions.
Reid's just about able to scroll the document back to where he left off, and he scans down the additional page and a half in almost silence, every now and then murmuring something under his breath or making humming sounds with his tongue.
"You know," he says, finally turning away from the screen to face Luke, "this would've been a lot easier for you if you'd had someone who knew what they were talking about telling you what to write. Most of my residents would struggle with this material."
Luke smiles, and a world of panic falls off his face and Reid's glad about that, but he's more than a little worried that it was there in the first place. "Okay, so the solution is simple. Tell me what to write and I'll write it," he says, like it's the plainest, most perfect thing in the world.
Reid shakes his head firmly. "Luke, no. You're already really busy."
"So a little more work won't make a lot of difference."
"Luke-"
"Reid, this is important to you, which means it's important to me. Now I'm going to sit here and type whatever you do. So you might as well tell me what to put, okay?"
Reid's mouth open and closes a few times as he eyes the determination set into Luke's face. "You're..."
"Annoyingly persistent? Yes I am. So..." Grinning, he takes back the computer and shuffles himself comfortably into his corner of the couch. "We were somewhere around the...amygdala, I think?"
Sensing the battle is already lost, Reid slots in comfortably beside him, resting an arm on the shoulder closest to him so he can lean in and see the screen. Quietly, he marvels to himself about the wonder that his Luke Snyder.
*****
"Luke, I lost my sight. How can things be the same between us?"
"Well I know that things have changed, but you and me..."
"No. They've changed because of it."
"But we don't have to."
"Yes we do, I mean...you want me to be the same, but I am not the same."
"Why, cos you can't see how good looking I am anymore?... Noah, there is no way that I can know what you're going through, and I hate that you're going through it, and you say that...that nothing will ever be the same and...and you're right. A lot of it won't be. But this, us, we're the same. You are still the same wonderful guy that I want to spend the rest of my life with. Do you hear what I'm saying Noah? Do you hear what I am so, desperately trying to tell you?"
"I hear you..."
"Good."
"I just wish I could believe you even half as much as you believe yourself."
*****
So for the last couple of days Luke's been typing up Reid's article, while Reid reads out selectively from his acres of notes and statistics and patient files.
It's part way through one of these sessions when Noah calls Luke for a catching up chat that makes Luke start thinking. The words tick over in the back of his mind, lay down seeds and sprout into something bigger and wider than they were, and it leaves Luke feelings exposed. A little foolish, like he's just burst out of the starting gate at full tilt and made it half way to the finish line before he realised that no-one else was running, and they're all back at the starting line snickering at his mistakes.
He tries to push it out of his mind, knows he shouldn't be doubting anything, probably, but... He concentrates instead on the task at hand. It helps that he's a damn good speller, but he's got his head round the jargon pretty quickly. And Reid seems to really enjoy answering the millions of questions he keeps asking so he's even starting to understand some of what's going on with the science.
He scans again through the chart he's just finished labelling on the screen. "Wow...those results are really good, right? I mean, the patients on the trial did so much better than the control group in every statistical category. That's pretty decisive, isn't it?"
"Yeah it is," Reid says, a hint of pride in his voice, "and once we get this published we'll be able to set up trials in hospitals across the country. Potentially this procedure could improve the prognosis for thousands of patients."
"Wow," Luke repeats. He looks back at the screen in front of him, suddenly amazed at the power of the words beneath his fingertips, then he turns back to Reid to find him staring at him, the tiniest smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. "What?" he laughs, a little nervous.
Reid blinks and slowly shakes himself out of it. "Nothing..." he rustles some papers in front of him. "So we're looking at anomalous results from the B group, right?"
They keep on working uninterrupted for another half hour or so. The laptop's resting on Reid's shins, which are stretched out across Luke's lap, and Luke's busy typing as Reid talks and reads off his notes, but every now and then he'll stop, and stare at the screen, and then a few lines of words will disappear from the screen and reappear as something else, and that makes Reid start asking questions.
"You are getting this down exactly, aren't you?" he asks.
Luke doesn't look directly at him when he answers. "Umm...maybe..."
"Luke..."
"I might be...umm....making it a little more...readable."
"Excuse me? These are words, it's grammatically correct. I'm not trying to win the Pulitzer Prize here."
"I know that, it's just...it's the way you write is really...cold, clinical."
"It's a write up of a clinical study - how else would I write it?" Luke shuffles round so he's facing him better and rests a hand on Reid's knee.
"But you're talking about human beings here Reid, not just statistics. The treatment you're doing...it's saving lives, changing lives," he says, emphatically, passionately even.
Reid takes a minute to analyse the situation, and Luke knows he's weighing up the options, that he's not just gonna humour him. Which makes it pretty damn awesome when what Reid says next is "Okay, well, spice it up if you think it's best."
Luke's smile is explosive. "Really?"
"Sure, I trust you." Reid shrugs, peering back down at his notes and Luke beams quietly to himself. A slight thrill runs through his body at the words, even if they're not much of a surprise not really. He rubs his hands together and waggles his fingers excitedly over the keyboard; as Reid starts talking again about reductions in seizure duration and frequency, Luke starts writing about lives restored and dreams accomplished while the smile on his lips grows wider and wider.
*****
Three days of hard work later, the article's done, dusted and sent off, the world can sleep soundly in its bed tonight, the balance has been restored. Reid's leaning back against the couch with an armed draped across his face, already in and out of the first stages of unconsciousness. Exhausted on every conceivable level, and sleep has never seemed more inviting.
"Okay, I'm tired, I'm going to bed," he mumbles, finally forcing himself upright.
Luke doesn't look up from where he's still leaning over his laptop. "Night," he says, distractedly.
Reid halts in his tracks, gapes at him, unimpressed. "You're not coming?"
"I just wanna finish this story for my class."
"You said you didn't have anything else to do!"
Luke makes a dismissive gesture and settles back into position, slouched intently over his computer, and it's like his body is sparking with this strange mixture of tiredness and creative energy. "It won't take too long. It's just this one character. I'm having a really hard time sorting out his motivations in my head." Reid sits back down next to him.
"What's their name?"
"Huh?" Luke looks up at him.
"The character."
"Oh...Bernard."
Reid snickers quietly. "No wonder you're having a hard time - you gave him a ridiculous name."
"Aren't you going to bed?" Luke shoots back, mildly wounded.
"I changed my mind. Come on, I'll help."
"Your helpful plan is to insult my story?"
Reid bumps his shoulder against Luke's. It's one of those stupid signs of affection that he finds himself doing completely naturally around Luke. "Only the stupid bits," he says, grinning. "So what's the problem with "Bernard"?"
Luke shifts himself and the lap top closer to Reid and leans into him at an angle so Reid's supporting some of his weight and they can both see the screen.
"You really wanna hear this?" Luke asks. Reid lifts his eyebrows and makes an impatient sound in his throat, staring at him until he carries on. "Okay, well, Bernard's - Reid, stop laughing at his name - okay so he is supposed to be falling in love with my main character, but he's sort of got more chemistry with someone else."
"Maybe he just has better taste than you?"
Luke's eyes shimmer up at Reid. "Yeah, maybe."
It's three hours later when they're ready for bed, tired and talked out, and Bernard's going to run off with the guy he really loves, not the guy he's "destined" to be with, so it looks like happy endings all around.
Reid's already grabbing for the covers when Luke pauses, hovering just inside the bedroom door.
"You look pretty tired, Reid. Maybe I should let you have the bed to yourself tonight."
That doesn't make sense, and Reid makes an appropriate facial expression. "What the hell are you talking about?" he murmurs.
"I mean, I could go stay at the Farm tonight, come back in the morning and make you breakfast. Then you could have a bit of space." Luke's voice is oddly shaky, and Reid's tired mind can't quite process all the significance of that.
"Why would I want that? Just get into bed already," Reid says, his eyes already falling shut.
He stays awake long enough to feel the dip of the mattress and the warm, solid feeling of Luke's back pressing into his chest, before everything fades dizzily out of consciousness.
PART 6
*****
The next day Luke gets back a little early from picking up some shopping and dropping by his office for an update, and finds Reid standing by the couch.
"Hey, on the way home I rented a couple of movies. We could watch if you want?"
Reid doesn't really stop to look at him on the way to his room. "I'm actually sorta tired." Luke's stomach lurches a little at the casual dismissal.
"Oh. Okay."
Reid waves a round hand in his direction and disappears behind the door.
A couple of hours later, it's definitely dinner time, and sure enough Reid comes plodding out of his bedroom, rolling his shoulders and clicking his limbs into action along the way.
He sees Luke making dinner and drops into a seat at the kitchen table. Luke stands by the counter, shifting nervously from one foot to the other. Reid moans contentedly after the first bite. That's all good then.
Luke clears his throat, awkwardly before he speaks. "Okay, I'll just...umm...I'll go."
Reid lets his fork clatter back onto the plate and straightens up. "What? Where? Why?"
"Err, to give you some space. Isn't that what you want?" he says, slowly. Reid frowns.
"When did I say that?"
"You said you were tired and then you went to your room on your own."
"Because I was tired," says Reid carefully, like he's trying to work out where it all got lost in translation.
Luke shakes his head. "Yeah, but you meant that you wanted some time alone." Reid opens his mouth but Luke carries on. "And that's okay, I get that you probably don't feel like being crowded right now, so I...I'll...yeah." He winces as he talks.
*****
Reid shakes his head, more than a little confused. "Luke, what's going on here?" There's a dark cloud of feeling inside him that he might just know exactly what this is about.
"Nothing. I just mean... You have to tell me if this is too much, if I'm being too much. I don't want you to end up...resenting me, or something."
*****
"I miss us."
"So do I."
"Really?"
"I...I know I must be sending you all sorts of mixed messages right now."
"Yeah, kinda."
"But I...I don't want you to think I'm trying to push you away."
"Well honestly Noah, that's what it feels like right now."
"I know, but it's just...it's what I need to do right now, for myself - and for you."
"How is this for me?!"
"I don't want to have to resent you."
"Resent me? For helping you?"
*****
Reid's jaw drops open. "Resent you? For what? Helping me?... Are you insane?!" Luke shrugs his shoulders and finds himself staring at his feet. "No really, are you insane?"
"Well I have been kind of invasive, getting involved in everything, and it's because I love you, it is, but I don't want you to feel like...trapped, or something." Reid lets out a series of short, sharp laughs.
"Oh my god, you're serious?" He looks at Luke's expression and sees the fear and the sincerity there, and the dark clouds start to thunder. "You are serious. Wow. Luke, for the last three weeks you've basically been my servant."
"No I haven't."
"Cleaning up after me, cooking my food, changing my bandages, washing me," he reels off, "listening to me complain about my problems when you've got family stuff to deal with..." He pauses, lips tugging up at the corner, "not that you ever don't."
*****
"Your help is the last thing I want right now, can't you see that?"
*****
"I honestly have no idea how I'd have handled all this without you here." Reid stutters a bit when his old instinct for closed walls clings to his speech, but the truth comes out all the same, and he says it plainly and heartfelt, but the message doesn't seem to get through. Luke hunches his shoulders dejectedly.
"You'd figure it out - you are a genius don't forget. And there's Katie, she would've helped out."
"That's not what I meant."
"I don't want to suffocate you...I don't want you to feel like...like I'm putting pressure on you to...to deal with me all the time. I'm trying not to mess up this relationship, okay?"
"D-deal with you? What are you- Wait, so let me get this straight. You think that helping me to eat, shower, dress and finish an important paper that I've been working on for months is...messing up our relationship?"
"Well...I just...I don't want to make you feel like I don't think you're capable." Which is ridiculous, because being around Luke makes him all kinds of powerful and at the same time entirely incapacitated, and neither of those are bad things.
Since meeting Luke, Reid's discovered that apparently it's possible to love someone like fire. Not like the burning, scalding, ripping fire that chars through skin and bone and melts the cells and tissues, and blows lives to pieces with mindless violence. This is the good kind of fire. It's internal, constant, and radiating out of him so it lights him up and warms him in the darkest, emptiest places; like the glowing heat at the centre of an empty universe before the detonation that brought time and space and matter and anti-matter roaring to life. The kind of fire that could bring a dead man back to life. It's like life and safety and it burns warm and steady all the time and it's part of that fabric of himself now, as much as his mind and his body and the wounds wrapped around it; and when it's near Luke it flares up and drowns out everything else that's nowhere near this important.
He's also pretty sure that Luke's reaction to him is kinda of similar. Which is all well and good, but it leaves him freaked the pretty fuck out that Luke's talking about them now like distant acquaintances who merely tolerate each other. Like there's any way his company, his attention, his love could possibly be unwelcome when he knows without doubt that they fucking burn for each other.
He stands his ground. "I can't use my hands, dumbass; of course I'm not capable." Habitually, Reid goes to run his fingers through his hair, but ends up glaring at the bandages. "See?!"
"Reid..."
"And that's okay," he says, forcing the panic out of his voice, "if you were anyone else I'd have kicked you out weeks ago, but with you...I don't mind so much. I don't like that you're wearing yourself out trying to look after me - especially considering you're on immunosuppressants. But the truth is, if it was you...I'd want to do the same thing - and I probably wouldn't be nearly as good at it."
"I know you would," Luke says, without even having to think.
Reid takes a step forward, arms folded loosely across his middle. "So what the hell are you apologising for?" he says.
*****
"Every time I'm near you, every time I hear you speak or you touch me it just all comes back in this flood and...everything...the fight over Mason, you going behind my back to your father...everything exploding in my face, literally. It was just so stupid and senseless."
"And it's all me. Noah, if I could turn back time-"
"But you can't. No. Losing my film, my career, that was hard...losing my eyesight...I still...I can't even believe that. But the worst part...was losing my life. The one I shared with you, and now -"
"And now we can't share anything. Noah. I don't want to say this but...we have to split up."
*****
Reid's studying Luke's face carefully, his eyes completely unreadable. He studies Luke for what feels like way too long, then exhales loudly and his arms drop to his sides, lead weights. He turns his head to one side for a second and shuts his eyes tight, muttering something under his breath. When he speaks again his voice is strained like he's only just controlling it.
"This is about Noah."
"What? No, it's just -"
"When Noah was blind and you tried to help him, he pushed you away," Reid says, barely keeping it even.
"Not all the time..." Luke says weakly, but the anguish in his eyes just before they dart away is all Reid needs to know that he's right on the money.
Reid ignores the comment. "He made you feel like dirt when you tried to help him."
"He was blind, it was hard for him-"
"It's hard for me, too. You think I like the fact that I can't dress myself properly? Or that I need someone else to help me to wash?"
"You never complained about the washing thing before." Luke sounds on the verge of a fresh apology, and that's just not going to happen. It's ridiculous to have to defend Luke to himself, but Reid's sure as hell not gonna let him keep being attacked.
"Exactly. Because it's you. How do you not get that, you idiot? I hate this. I can't take care of myself and I can't do the job that's been my life's work. But if you want to tear my clothes off and drag me into the shower, I'm okay with that. I'll always be okay with that." And boy, is that the reality of everything, everywhere.
"Reid..." Reid steps forward and presses his padded hand to Luke's cheek.
"I know I'm not exactly the expert here, but that's the point of this whole love thing, isn't it? Or did I misread the memo? We're supposed to look out for each other, right?"
"Right. But-"
"But nothing. Luke, this," he waves a hand between them, then more vaguely around the apartment, "this has been...Luke, you're...amazing." Even though it's entirely true he feels his face start to flush.
Luke looks stunned, then ashamed, then something that's a mixture of both with some other shit thrown into the mix just for fun. "I guess I just...I was talking to Noah on the phone and he said something, gave me some advice and I just...it got me thinking."
"I'm sure whatever Noah had to say could only have been witty and insightful..." Reid grits his teeth a little at how inside Luke's head that jerk still is.
"Reid..." Luke warns, with the thin patience of a long tired argument, "he was trying to help." Reid laughs, high pitched and a little startled, even now.
"He was making you doubt yourself. Again. But that's nothing new. What I wanna know is, why the hell did you listen to him?!"
"Maybe I shouldn't have let it get to me but I thought, what if I make those same mistakes with you as I did with him? What if...what if I mess this up? Losing Noah hurt me so much, but it was okay, it was our time and I guess I was sort of ready for that, but losing you...I don't know if I could survive it." Reid lifts one hand towards Luke's face; when he catches sight of the bandages he snorts and rolls his eyes. He starts to drop the arm but Luke takes the hand in his own and presses it against his cheek, and he turns his head to press a kiss to the centre of the bandaged hand. Their eyes lock together and Reid smiles.
"Noah's the one who lost you, and he's an idiot."
Luke's brow furrows. "Reid, don't do that."
"Do what? Point out that Noah Mayer is an idiot? It's true. If I didn't know any better I'd be starting to wonder if maybe I did leave him with a little brain damage, why else would he act the way he does?"
"He was just trying to help."
"Noah doesn't know anything about our relationship."
"No, but he knows me."
"Then why the hell did he let you go?" Reid says, and it comes out a little louder and with far more meaning than he wants it to, and maybe most people wouldn't notice it, but Luke is so far from being "most people" that he's in another universe.
*****
"Noah, what's going on?"
"What do you mean?"
"What does it mean that you're here right now?"
"I don't know. I can't see the hand in front of my own face, let alone my future. I'm just here."
"Yeah, we've been through tough times before, we can get through this."
"Yeah, but all those times we knew they were going to end. I may never see again."
"Yeah but that doesn't change how I feel about you Noah. It doesn't change my love for you. And the fact that I'm going to love you forever. Always. I still want the life that we had planned."
"But everything has changed"
"Well, not everything. Whatever your future holds, I want to share that with you. If you let me."
"I can't tell you what it is you want to hear right now. I'm not ready, there's too much I have to figure out."
*****
Luke's looking intently at the floor, scuffing his shoe across the carpet like it's just all too fascinating to look away. He speaks softly. "I guess I kinda...freaked out, huh?"
Reid's surprised when he laughs again, quiet but he means it. Luke sounding a little less lost now. He's relieved. "Well, it was your turn," he jokes.
And then Luke looks at him. Really looks at him, in that way that he does, and Reid feels completely and utterly owned, and complete and utterly inside out. Luke looks at him like he's understanding something for the first time, and Reid hopes against hope that it's just how much better, and more beautiful, and more amazing in every single way, Luke is than Noah goddamn fucking Mayer.
Reid doesn't say anything because he doesn't want to interfere, but in all honestly moments like these make him profoundly uncomfortable and he'd really rather just sit back and watch some TV. But Luke makes him all off kilter, and he knows for certain that he's not going anywhere, even if he had the choice.
Finally, Luke shuffles a few inches closer towards him, lighter than he was a few minutes ago.
"I love you, you know that?" he says, intensity and surety. Reid rolls his eyes, but the soft smile sticks to his face, giving away the warmth that spreads through him every time he hears those unlikely words. Reid would worry about the things unsaid, how Luke didn't exactly concede his points. But Luke's already said them. Luke Snyder can pour more love into one angry look than most other people can with a thousand sappy smiles and all the doe eyes and fluttering eyelashes in the world. Luke has this way of making words more than they are, and there's something in the tone of it this time that's different from anything it's been before. Wiser, maybe, if that's possible, and it sort of sounds to Reid like understanding. Like maybe he's finally accepting it, accepting that he deserves to be treated like the millions of star-exploding, earth-trembling, mountain-raising incredible things that he is.
And that this love shit is more than just words. Reid should know. He's in it, soul deep, has been for a while and he doesn't think he's ever going back. And all Luke says is "I love you," but he looks at Reid like he understands that. He's looking at Reid like he's understanding that for the first time, for all that it is, and Reid briefly wonders just how stupid Luke really is, took him long enough.
Reid grins to himself, but then he's looking at Luke and his smile grows, and they kiss for a while, lazily, until Luke's body relaxes completely against his, and Reid finds himself melting into Luke.
And when they move back a little and Reid only makes a half-hearted attempt to pretend not to be seeing stars. He drops another quick kiss on Luke's mouth, draws back, scrapes the material that's covering his hand gently down his cheek, can't wait for the bandages to come off so he can do this for real, just touch, because words never will be enough. Not for Luke.
He leaves it another second before he wipes the mushy look off his face. Not out of shame, but all this emotional stuff has left him feeling sort of hungry.
"Okay, great. So now that that's sorted, whatd'ya say we take a break from the sappy stuff and get back to the important things?" He gestures at the plate on the table a little way away from where they're standing.
Luke drops his head and laughs into Reid's shoulder for a full thirty seconds. "You only want me for my food," he says, finally looking up with his face well and truly flushed.
"Ah, at last we have an understanding. Go on Snyder - chop-chop!" He waves Luke back towards the kitchen. Luke snorts, and for a second he looks like he's about to say something, but he just smiles and shakes his head.
*****
"I can't."
"You can't what? Be near me?"
"I can't act as though anything is the way it was before."
"But we're still us."
"And I'm trying to deal with what happened to me. Do we have to throw an us into every conversation and interaction that we have?!"
"Noah, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pressure you."
"No Luke it's...I'm doing my best, I'm doing everything I can to not just sit here and wallow, and actually be a little proactive."
"I know, I know, and I think that's why rehab was so good for you."
"Do you hear anything I say?!"
"What?"
"Rehab was not GOOD for me. Finding a doctor with the skills and willingness to help me see again, that's good for me."
"I know, I understand Noah, I'm just a little nervous because I-"
"No, you know what? You're just doing this because you just want me to accept it and move on."
"No. No, that is not true and that is not fair Noah. You are the most important person in my life, and I want you to get better here."
"Luke...I can't be dependent on you, or your family for more, just right now. It's not the life I want, it's not the life I was meant for. I have to see. You understand? I have to see again and that's all that matters to me right now. Everything else is secondary."
"Including me?"
*****
A week or so after the blow out, they're lying on their backs on Reid's bed, shoulder pressed to shoulder. It's nothing but them and the quiet sounds of their breathing and the traffic moving past outside. It's calm and nice and Luke's lying next to him and that's kind of all that matters. There's a shuffling sound beside him and he feels Luke turn onto his side, rocking ever so slightly closer, so that his warm breath tumbles out against the side of Reid's face.
"Hey Reid?" he says, softly.
"What's up?" Luke takes a deep breath, and Reid turns his head so they're face to face.
"I know we haven't really talked about this yet, and I know right now you need to concentrate on getting better but...I was thinking. I'm here all the time, aren't I? And we share a bed most nights and, you know I've been thinking about getting out of my parents' house for a while now, so I thought...I mean, I wondered if maybe you'd wanna, maybe, think about...getting a place together?" Reid breathes in deep through his nose, long and slow. His lips curl up at one side and he exhales heavily between them.
"Yeah, okay."
"Wha- I- you don't have to answer right now," Luke stutters, but he's already beaming supernovas.
"I said okay, Luke. I err...I had a talk with Katie and I might have asked if...you could live here."
"Here?"
"Or we can find our own place. Whatever."
Luke nods his head, a note of understanding. "But you wanna be near Katie and Jacob? That sounds...good."
"It does?"
"Yeah. Umm...we can wait til you're better...if you're not ready."
"Luke."
"Yeah?" Luke stops talking and finally looks directly at him.
"I'm ready."
Luke nods again, certain. "Good."
*****
A few days later, Luke's hanging around in the corridors of Memorial Hospital again, this time waiting for Reid to come back from his appointment. There's the sound of a door clicking open and he jumps up out of one of the uncomfortable metal chairs that still line the hallways.
Luke can see Reid's smile before it even happens, and he holds up his hands wriggling his white-gloved fingers and not even trying to hide the happiness as he walks briskly towards him Luke meets him half way and drags him into a hug, and he doesn't mean it to happen, but a few tears escape and soak into the shoulder of Reid's shirt.
He pulls back and takes Reid's hands in his, gently threading their fingers together between their bodies. "Wow. You have opposable thumbs and everything!" he says, and Reid chuckles, open and real, and even the casual observer would be forgiven for thinking that he might have human feelings.
"Yeah. I have to wear these things until the skin's fully healed though - I feel like a waiter at one of those obnoxious fundraisers with caviar in the buffet and gold dust in the entrees."
"But you're fine? You're gonna be able to work and everything?" Reid's eyes are full of hope and happy, and Luke kinda wants to jump up and down.
Reid nods. "In a few weeks time I'll be fully operational again, like it never happened," he says and then smiling slightly adds "almost," and looks pointedly at Luke, who flushes deep and red and grins like an idiot. Reid smiles back for a second, almost as dopey, then ducks his head and clears his throat. "So, shame about the robot hands, huh?" Luke snorts and lets both hands drop to their sides, letting them swing a little between them. He waggles his fingers in the hold.
"Hmm...I think I like these ones better," he says, still smiling.
Then Reid's laughing again and he can't help it. Luke surges forwards, slinging his arms around Reid and laughing his relief. He feels Reid adjust in his arms, awkwardly shifting until his arms finally lock around Luke's waist. Luke laughs again.
"You've got your life back," he says, breathlessly against Reid's ear.
Reid pulls back so they're face to face. The skin on his hand feels as warm and soft and right as ever as he cups his cheek and a small smile dances on the edges of his lips. He looks at Luke with a hint of wonder in his eyes.
"Never lost it," he murmurs.
*****
"He's not right for you. There's something about him. He's selfish, he's gonna hurt you."
*****
"Oh hey, I've got something for you."
"Wow, a present? You didn't even get me something for my birthday." Reid shrugs, but there's something dancing behind his eyes and there's a smile on his face, real and wide. They're back in their room, at their place; at least until they find somewhere they both like better. For now there's no rush.
"Don't start getting any ideas that I'm a nice, generous guy or anything." He reaches down beside the bed and hands Luke a thin package in a brown paper bag. "Take a look at it," he urges.
"Nice gift wrap," Luke teases. Reid rolls his eyes and Luke sticks his tongue out at him for a second as he pulls the magazine out of the bag. He scans the cover quickly and looks over at Reid. "Your article?"
"It's bookmarked." Reid points to the yellow post-it sticking out from the top. Luke slides his finger between the pages and flips it open to the article. His insides jump a little when he sees the writing at the head of the article and he feels his eyes start to well up.
"You...you put my name on the article?"
"Well, you did help write it."
"But I didn't...I mean...it's all your work, I was just the...secretary, or something." Reid shakes his head softly, smiling again like Luke's just said something really sweet but really, really stupid.
"We both know you did a lot more than that," he says seriously. Luke blushes and ducks his head. Reid's fingertips dance across his cheek and toy with the wisps of hair behind his ears, making him sigh contentedly. "I've already had calls from hospitals in New York and Boston asking if they can send surgeons to observe the procedure."
"Wow. That's...you're amazing." Reid smirks.
"And this is a surprise to you why, exactly?" Luke snorts and shakes his head. He glances down at the page again and feels a powerful welling of emotions stretching down to deep in his chest and raising a hot lump in his throat. He tries not to get choked up and annoy the hell out of Reid, but it's pretty damn difficult with the journal in his hand and that look on Reid's face like he's the world's biggest ever salami sandwich with all the fillings, on the softest, doughiest bread ever made. He settles of for kissing him hard on the mouth and threading his fingers into his hair and climbing on top of him a little so he can feel the heat from his body.
"Thank you," he whispers, his breath blowing hot between their mouths. Reid's throat bobs as he swallows and his voice comes out deeper than before.
"Hey, you did the work, you...deserve the...credit," he says, his breathing getting heavier as Luke's hands drag slowly down his chest and start to unbutton his shirt. Luke doesn't mind that at all, and he shifts his legs so his body's directly over Reid's, and leans in to kiss him again.
*****
"So," Noah says into the phone, "how's Dr. Oliver?"
His concern seems strangely insincere after everything. He's learned a few things about himself these past two months. About love, about sincerity. He doesn't think this is it; he's not sure it ever was. And that doesn't hurt as much as he thought it would.
"He's a lot better, thanks."
"So you've seen him recently?" Noah probes.
"Yeah, everyday for the last eight months, Noah," Luke says, bluntly.
"Oh. That's good. I just thought...with his injuries..."
"Well, it'd be hard to miss him, since we're now living together." Luke can't keep the note of victory out of his voice, even as he feels a little guilty about the stuttering silence that follows.
"You and - really? Luke, are you sure that's a good idea?" Luke rolls his eyes, and smiles.
"Positive," he says, and a smile warms his voice as he looks up to see Reid coming back from the kitchen, gripping the plates full of pizza proudly in his hands. "I've gotta go Noah, pizza's here," he hurries out.
"Luke, I-"
"Talk to you later Noah. Bye."
*****
A couple of months after the bandages finally come off, Reid performs his first solo surgery since the explosion. It's a relatively small thing, repairing some minor damage that wouldn't even be fatal after the groundskeeper up at the golf course crashes his lawnmower into a pine tree. But it's him all the same. His hands, his wrists, his fingers, everything works perfectly, better than perfect because it's him, and Luke picks him up at the hospital for a celebratory dinner.
They stroll through the parking lot talking about Reid's latest success, and how Mr. Grimly will be back to racing around on his Mega Mower 5000 within a matter of weeks. They're just about to the car when Reid stops walking and Luke turns to see what's up. Reid's eyes are soft and serious, and he shakes his head subtly like he's a little bit amazed.
"Luke...thank you, for all of this. For everything. I don't know if I could have done this without you," he says, honestly. Because maybe he'd have made it on his own, but he's pretty damn glad he'll never have to find out.
"You don't have to thank me. This is a relationship, remember? It's how it works. Besides, you would've done exactly the same thing."
"Yeah, and you'd probably have spent the whole time telling me to get back to work and not to waste my time helping you out."
"Oh man, that would've been annoying," Luke says pointedly, feeling himself grinning like a mad thing. He watches Reid open his own car door and sit down before climbing in next to him. "You know, Dr. Oliver, I think we might be kinda perfect for each other."
"Took you long enough to figure it out."
"Sorry, we can't all be geniuses like you."
"Few are. I guess I'll just have to make do with you."
They're silent for a few minutes.
Reid cups Luke's face. Luke places his hand over Reid's and threads them together. Reid squeezes back, playing softly with Luke's fingers.
"Luke, thank you," he says again, certain and sincere.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
Reid nuzzles his nose against Luke's, closes his eyes and hums a breath, soft and safe and utterly contented.
"I love you, Luke," he whispers. Luke runs his index finger slowly from the corner of Reid's eye to the bottom of his chin. He follows it with his eyes, a soft smile on his lips. When Reid speaks, his gaze moves up to Reid's closed eyes.
"I know," Luke says, soft and a little in awe, like it's the truest and best secret he's ever known, "I can tell."
Written By: teranee
Category: General
Rating: R
Author's Notes: Lame title, I know, but I ran out of creativity. This thing is freaking long! Anyhoo, Reid gets injured and doesn’t use it as an excuse to emotionally torture Luke. Shocking. Totally TWT - I was gonna make it post-Reid-comes-back-from-the-dead (it totally happens - remember the shrunken head in a box?), but it didn’t quite work, so instead I just slipped in a little “it was a dream” reference, cos I’m physically incapable of not correcting the ending that never happened.
I’ve quoted a bunch of dialogue straight from the show, so yeah, like the characters etc, that’s not mine. You’ll be able to tell what it is cos it’s in italics and contains Noah douching it up.
Also, just so you know, I know nothing about medicine. I made some stuff up, k? I doubt it’s less accurate than the show, though.
Touch, Parts 1-2
Touch, Parts 3-4
PART 5
*****
"You can't give up hope Noah, just because Dr. Oliver couldn't operate."
"It's not that he couldn't operate Luke, it's that he didn't want to. Probably because you blackmailed him to come here in the first place."
"No. No, that's not it.... It's not over. It's far from it."
"Luke, would you just get out of here. Just...just go. Please just...just leave.
*****
Reid's always had his own office. He needs it to fully focus on his work; he deserves it too. Fact, not ego. When he's working, he doesn't like to be disturbed. By anyone. Even Luke, if it's something he really needs to concentrate on - Luke can be kind of distracting.
He likes this though, for some reason. Luke sitting cross legged on the bed, surrounded by neat piles of forms and paperwork, and the writer's journal he always keeps to hand now - because apparently inspiration can strike at any moment - while Reid's at his desk, drowning in chaotic mounds of books and journals and reports and files. He knows where everything is, and he likes it that way. It's a tangled mess, like the brain, but he understands it completely. Luke tried to be helpful and "organise" his desk at work once, when he got called away for half an hour during a lunch date. Reid didn't murder him, and the only way that makes sense is as further evidence that love really does melt people's brains. They spent a couple of hours together putting it all back how it was, made an afternoon of it, ordered pizza and had fan-fucking-tastic sex with Reid bending Luke over his desk. That time Reid didn't mind them messing up his papers at all.
Reid's desk at home is just the same. A perfect mess. And before he hurt his hands, he'd sit there on his own and think that that was the only way to work. When Luke started staying here to look after him, Reid sort of assumed that Luke would use the kitchen table, or sit on the couch with his feet up on the arm rest and his laptop on his lap like a college student. Now though, Luke's sitting on the bed behind him, humming along to his i-pod as he scribbles some notes on something in his red file that Reid knows is dedicated to new Foundation projects. And it's not driving Reid insane. He's not sure how exactly they ended up like this, but it works. Sometimes they'll be like this and work quietly for hours, until Reid remembers that he's got Luke alone, in his room, on his bed. Then they'll take a work break.
Or sometimes they'll sit on the couch, at opposite ends with a plate or a bowl of unhealthy snacks in the middle, working and sharing ideas, or crowded round one screen if they're working on something to do with Luke's work at the hospital. Luke doesn't eat as much junk food as Reid does, but he makes a reasonable effort and Reid's pretty proud of that.
Reid swivels absent-mindedly in his seat while he mentally composes his next sentence. He can't even begin to hold a pen or a pencil at the moment, but he's sort of got his head around typing now. It involves fingertips and awkward angles, but it doesn't strain anything that needs protecting, so that's good. And while it takes him twenty times as long as it should to write anything, at this rate of progress he'll still be finished with his article with plenty of time to spare.
Or so he thinks.
"Damn it!" The new e-mail dings when it pops into his inbox, with the annoying computer sound that he won't admit he's not sure how to turn off. He read the message twice more to be certain, even though he doesn't need to. Luke's by his side in a second, already surveying the scene for threats and problems and Reid's not really sure whether to laugh at this...or scream.
"What is it? What's wrong? Are you hurt? Is it your hands?" Luke's hands are everywhere, jumping about like he's going to track down an open wound or another fire. Reid bats him away as best he can.
"I'm fine." Reid gestures irritably at the screen. "It's the damn editors. They've moved the deadline for submissions to next week. I can't write that fast, not with my hands like this." He doesn't mean it to happen, but he hears the break in his voice before he has time to catch it, frustration hitting him harder than it would if his body was working properly.
A few minutes later, he's on the phone to the editors.
"Listen here, pal, this write up's going to be the only thing worth reading in that poky little journal of yours........I don't care if it's going to cost you, you want this article in your journal........do you even know anything about neurology?.......of course he was, you probably come from a long line of failed doctors........no I will not.......listen to me you son of a-"
He feels the phone being snatched out from where it's wedged between his ear and one of his hands, and turns to see Luke, holding up a hand to silence him before he can even roll out his first objection.
"Hello, this is Luciano Grimaldi." Reid raises an eyebrow, but Luke raises a finger to his lips and again, he doesn't comment. "Yes, of those Grimaldis...that's right...so you're going to miss out on groundbreaking research by one of the world's top neurosurgeons just to save your editing staff a little time?...uh-huh..."
Luke's on the phone for three minutes, and when he hangs up and looks back at Reid there's a sizeable smile on his face.
"You've got a week. That's all I could wrangle, after that they have to go to print, sorry." Reid has no idea why Luke's apologizing, and he takes a step closer, grinning proudly.
"My, my Luciano, I'm impressed." Luke blushes at that and it's endearing as hell.
"So, do you think that's enough time?"
Reid shrugs. He honestly doesn't know. "It might be. I'm not sure. I guess I'll just have to find out."
*****
"You cut my movie? You shot the scenes that I didn't have time to get to yet?"
"Yeah. Noah, you are the most organised director I have ever seen - it was practically like you left a blueprint. You should have heard the crowds at the screening, oh it was amazing."
"You were there?"
"Yeah, yeah of course I was. It was such a wonderful night. And I...I made a recording for you of all the presentations and the awards and the acceptance speeches. And Noah, the standing ovation for your film...I am so proud of you."
"Why?"
"Er..'Why?" You're kidding me?"
"No, not at all. You finished filming, you cut my movie, you accepted my award. You should be proud of you, not me."
"But Noah, I did this for you."
"You did this to control me."
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me. You took my work, my film and you made it your own, and you did this all so you could just control everything!"
"I can't believe that that's what you think I did."
"And I can't believe that you took my film without asking me."
"But Noah, that's the point! It's your film, and it's your award and it's your grant and it's your applause. Why can't you see that?"
"I can't see, period. I. Can't. See."
*****
It's late the next day when Reid stumbles out of his room after an afternoon nap. He stayed up too late last night trying to work on his article. He ended up with a bad headache and a dull pain in his elbow, and he's got a creeping feeling that he's not going to make this deadline. He slept in an odd position, with one arm crushed under his body until it went numb, and the other bent backwards at his side, with his back twisted to accommodate it, so he's feeling a little sore. He's just rolling his neck down to one shoulder when he spots Luke on the couch, huddled over his laptop.
"Luke? What are you doing?" Luke jumps up and shimmies comically away from the computer.
"I'm sorry. I was just...I was working on my story for class and I got to the end of a chapter and, well, your notes were all sitting here and your article was open and I just sort of started typing...I'm sorry." Reid looks at him for a really long time; his forehead creases in the middle and he cocks his head slightly to one side, while he processes the words that came out way too fast.
"So let me get this straight, I couldn't finish my article - my write up for a medical journal, so you just thought you'd finish it for me? Using what, your vast swathes of knowledge about the surgical treatments for epilepsy?" He folds his arms clumsily at his chest and watches with amusement as Luke's expression flashes between unfounded guilt and exaggerated innocence.
"Umm...yes?" Luke ventures, slowly, like he thinks it might be a trick.
"Okay then, Dr. Snyder, hand it over." Luke sits back down on the couch looking more than a little puzzled, and Reid drops down beside him. He places the laptop on Reid's lap and sits back, resting his chin anxiously against his closed fist and goes back to his nervous babbling.
"I don't even know if it's any good. I mean, I have no idea about writing medical articles but you have really good notes so I was mostly working with those and I just sort of...couldn't help myself." He shrugs, holding his hands up apologetically. "Sorry if it's no good, but you can just delete it right, no harm done?" Reid's not mad, not even in the slightest, but he sucks at the reassurance thing, so he figures he'll wait until he knows what he's dealing with before he answers any questions.
Reid's just about able to scroll the document back to where he left off, and he scans down the additional page and a half in almost silence, every now and then murmuring something under his breath or making humming sounds with his tongue.
"You know," he says, finally turning away from the screen to face Luke, "this would've been a lot easier for you if you'd had someone who knew what they were talking about telling you what to write. Most of my residents would struggle with this material."
Luke smiles, and a world of panic falls off his face and Reid's glad about that, but he's more than a little worried that it was there in the first place. "Okay, so the solution is simple. Tell me what to write and I'll write it," he says, like it's the plainest, most perfect thing in the world.
Reid shakes his head firmly. "Luke, no. You're already really busy."
"So a little more work won't make a lot of difference."
"Luke-"
"Reid, this is important to you, which means it's important to me. Now I'm going to sit here and type whatever you do. So you might as well tell me what to put, okay?"
Reid's mouth open and closes a few times as he eyes the determination set into Luke's face. "You're..."
"Annoyingly persistent? Yes I am. So..." Grinning, he takes back the computer and shuffles himself comfortably into his corner of the couch. "We were somewhere around the...amygdala, I think?"
Sensing the battle is already lost, Reid slots in comfortably beside him, resting an arm on the shoulder closest to him so he can lean in and see the screen. Quietly, he marvels to himself about the wonder that his Luke Snyder.
*****
"Luke, I lost my sight. How can things be the same between us?"
"Well I know that things have changed, but you and me..."
"No. They've changed because of it."
"But we don't have to."
"Yes we do, I mean...you want me to be the same, but I am not the same."
"Why, cos you can't see how good looking I am anymore?... Noah, there is no way that I can know what you're going through, and I hate that you're going through it, and you say that...that nothing will ever be the same and...and you're right. A lot of it won't be. But this, us, we're the same. You are still the same wonderful guy that I want to spend the rest of my life with. Do you hear what I'm saying Noah? Do you hear what I am so, desperately trying to tell you?"
"I hear you..."
"Good."
"I just wish I could believe you even half as much as you believe yourself."
*****
So for the last couple of days Luke's been typing up Reid's article, while Reid reads out selectively from his acres of notes and statistics and patient files.
It's part way through one of these sessions when Noah calls Luke for a catching up chat that makes Luke start thinking. The words tick over in the back of his mind, lay down seeds and sprout into something bigger and wider than they were, and it leaves Luke feelings exposed. A little foolish, like he's just burst out of the starting gate at full tilt and made it half way to the finish line before he realised that no-one else was running, and they're all back at the starting line snickering at his mistakes.
He tries to push it out of his mind, knows he shouldn't be doubting anything, probably, but... He concentrates instead on the task at hand. It helps that he's a damn good speller, but he's got his head round the jargon pretty quickly. And Reid seems to really enjoy answering the millions of questions he keeps asking so he's even starting to understand some of what's going on with the science.
He scans again through the chart he's just finished labelling on the screen. "Wow...those results are really good, right? I mean, the patients on the trial did so much better than the control group in every statistical category. That's pretty decisive, isn't it?"
"Yeah it is," Reid says, a hint of pride in his voice, "and once we get this published we'll be able to set up trials in hospitals across the country. Potentially this procedure could improve the prognosis for thousands of patients."
"Wow," Luke repeats. He looks back at the screen in front of him, suddenly amazed at the power of the words beneath his fingertips, then he turns back to Reid to find him staring at him, the tiniest smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. "What?" he laughs, a little nervous.
Reid blinks and slowly shakes himself out of it. "Nothing..." he rustles some papers in front of him. "So we're looking at anomalous results from the B group, right?"
They keep on working uninterrupted for another half hour or so. The laptop's resting on Reid's shins, which are stretched out across Luke's lap, and Luke's busy typing as Reid talks and reads off his notes, but every now and then he'll stop, and stare at the screen, and then a few lines of words will disappear from the screen and reappear as something else, and that makes Reid start asking questions.
"You are getting this down exactly, aren't you?" he asks.
Luke doesn't look directly at him when he answers. "Umm...maybe..."
"Luke..."
"I might be...umm....making it a little more...readable."
"Excuse me? These are words, it's grammatically correct. I'm not trying to win the Pulitzer Prize here."
"I know that, it's just...it's the way you write is really...cold, clinical."
"It's a write up of a clinical study - how else would I write it?" Luke shuffles round so he's facing him better and rests a hand on Reid's knee.
"But you're talking about human beings here Reid, not just statistics. The treatment you're doing...it's saving lives, changing lives," he says, emphatically, passionately even.
Reid takes a minute to analyse the situation, and Luke knows he's weighing up the options, that he's not just gonna humour him. Which makes it pretty damn awesome when what Reid says next is "Okay, well, spice it up if you think it's best."
Luke's smile is explosive. "Really?"
"Sure, I trust you." Reid shrugs, peering back down at his notes and Luke beams quietly to himself. A slight thrill runs through his body at the words, even if they're not much of a surprise not really. He rubs his hands together and waggles his fingers excitedly over the keyboard; as Reid starts talking again about reductions in seizure duration and frequency, Luke starts writing about lives restored and dreams accomplished while the smile on his lips grows wider and wider.
*****
Three days of hard work later, the article's done, dusted and sent off, the world can sleep soundly in its bed tonight, the balance has been restored. Reid's leaning back against the couch with an armed draped across his face, already in and out of the first stages of unconsciousness. Exhausted on every conceivable level, and sleep has never seemed more inviting.
"Okay, I'm tired, I'm going to bed," he mumbles, finally forcing himself upright.
Luke doesn't look up from where he's still leaning over his laptop. "Night," he says, distractedly.
Reid halts in his tracks, gapes at him, unimpressed. "You're not coming?"
"I just wanna finish this story for my class."
"You said you didn't have anything else to do!"
Luke makes a dismissive gesture and settles back into position, slouched intently over his computer, and it's like his body is sparking with this strange mixture of tiredness and creative energy. "It won't take too long. It's just this one character. I'm having a really hard time sorting out his motivations in my head." Reid sits back down next to him.
"What's their name?"
"Huh?" Luke looks up at him.
"The character."
"Oh...Bernard."
Reid snickers quietly. "No wonder you're having a hard time - you gave him a ridiculous name."
"Aren't you going to bed?" Luke shoots back, mildly wounded.
"I changed my mind. Come on, I'll help."
"Your helpful plan is to insult my story?"
Reid bumps his shoulder against Luke's. It's one of those stupid signs of affection that he finds himself doing completely naturally around Luke. "Only the stupid bits," he says, grinning. "So what's the problem with "Bernard"?"
Luke shifts himself and the lap top closer to Reid and leans into him at an angle so Reid's supporting some of his weight and they can both see the screen.
"You really wanna hear this?" Luke asks. Reid lifts his eyebrows and makes an impatient sound in his throat, staring at him until he carries on. "Okay, well, Bernard's - Reid, stop laughing at his name - okay so he is supposed to be falling in love with my main character, but he's sort of got more chemistry with someone else."
"Maybe he just has better taste than you?"
Luke's eyes shimmer up at Reid. "Yeah, maybe."
It's three hours later when they're ready for bed, tired and talked out, and Bernard's going to run off with the guy he really loves, not the guy he's "destined" to be with, so it looks like happy endings all around.
Reid's already grabbing for the covers when Luke pauses, hovering just inside the bedroom door.
"You look pretty tired, Reid. Maybe I should let you have the bed to yourself tonight."
That doesn't make sense, and Reid makes an appropriate facial expression. "What the hell are you talking about?" he murmurs.
"I mean, I could go stay at the Farm tonight, come back in the morning and make you breakfast. Then you could have a bit of space." Luke's voice is oddly shaky, and Reid's tired mind can't quite process all the significance of that.
"Why would I want that? Just get into bed already," Reid says, his eyes already falling shut.
He stays awake long enough to feel the dip of the mattress and the warm, solid feeling of Luke's back pressing into his chest, before everything fades dizzily out of consciousness.
PART 6
*****
The next day Luke gets back a little early from picking up some shopping and dropping by his office for an update, and finds Reid standing by the couch.
"Hey, on the way home I rented a couple of movies. We could watch if you want?"
Reid doesn't really stop to look at him on the way to his room. "I'm actually sorta tired." Luke's stomach lurches a little at the casual dismissal.
"Oh. Okay."
Reid waves a round hand in his direction and disappears behind the door.
A couple of hours later, it's definitely dinner time, and sure enough Reid comes plodding out of his bedroom, rolling his shoulders and clicking his limbs into action along the way.
He sees Luke making dinner and drops into a seat at the kitchen table. Luke stands by the counter, shifting nervously from one foot to the other. Reid moans contentedly after the first bite. That's all good then.
Luke clears his throat, awkwardly before he speaks. "Okay, I'll just...umm...I'll go."
Reid lets his fork clatter back onto the plate and straightens up. "What? Where? Why?"
"Err, to give you some space. Isn't that what you want?" he says, slowly. Reid frowns.
"When did I say that?"
"You said you were tired and then you went to your room on your own."
"Because I was tired," says Reid carefully, like he's trying to work out where it all got lost in translation.
Luke shakes his head. "Yeah, but you meant that you wanted some time alone." Reid opens his mouth but Luke carries on. "And that's okay, I get that you probably don't feel like being crowded right now, so I...I'll...yeah." He winces as he talks.
*****
Reid shakes his head, more than a little confused. "Luke, what's going on here?" There's a dark cloud of feeling inside him that he might just know exactly what this is about.
"Nothing. I just mean... You have to tell me if this is too much, if I'm being too much. I don't want you to end up...resenting me, or something."
*****
"I miss us."
"So do I."
"Really?"
"I...I know I must be sending you all sorts of mixed messages right now."
"Yeah, kinda."
"But I...I don't want you to think I'm trying to push you away."
"Well honestly Noah, that's what it feels like right now."
"I know, but it's just...it's what I need to do right now, for myself - and for you."
"How is this for me?!"
"I don't want to have to resent you."
"Resent me? For helping you?"
*****
Reid's jaw drops open. "Resent you? For what? Helping me?... Are you insane?!" Luke shrugs his shoulders and finds himself staring at his feet. "No really, are you insane?"
"Well I have been kind of invasive, getting involved in everything, and it's because I love you, it is, but I don't want you to feel like...trapped, or something." Reid lets out a series of short, sharp laughs.
"Oh my god, you're serious?" He looks at Luke's expression and sees the fear and the sincerity there, and the dark clouds start to thunder. "You are serious. Wow. Luke, for the last three weeks you've basically been my servant."
"No I haven't."
"Cleaning up after me, cooking my food, changing my bandages, washing me," he reels off, "listening to me complain about my problems when you've got family stuff to deal with..." He pauses, lips tugging up at the corner, "not that you ever don't."
*****
"Your help is the last thing I want right now, can't you see that?"
*****
"I honestly have no idea how I'd have handled all this without you here." Reid stutters a bit when his old instinct for closed walls clings to his speech, but the truth comes out all the same, and he says it plainly and heartfelt, but the message doesn't seem to get through. Luke hunches his shoulders dejectedly.
"You'd figure it out - you are a genius don't forget. And there's Katie, she would've helped out."
"That's not what I meant."
"I don't want to suffocate you...I don't want you to feel like...like I'm putting pressure on you to...to deal with me all the time. I'm trying not to mess up this relationship, okay?"
"D-deal with you? What are you- Wait, so let me get this straight. You think that helping me to eat, shower, dress and finish an important paper that I've been working on for months is...messing up our relationship?"
"Well...I just...I don't want to make you feel like I don't think you're capable." Which is ridiculous, because being around Luke makes him all kinds of powerful and at the same time entirely incapacitated, and neither of those are bad things.
Since meeting Luke, Reid's discovered that apparently it's possible to love someone like fire. Not like the burning, scalding, ripping fire that chars through skin and bone and melts the cells and tissues, and blows lives to pieces with mindless violence. This is the good kind of fire. It's internal, constant, and radiating out of him so it lights him up and warms him in the darkest, emptiest places; like the glowing heat at the centre of an empty universe before the detonation that brought time and space and matter and anti-matter roaring to life. The kind of fire that could bring a dead man back to life. It's like life and safety and it burns warm and steady all the time and it's part of that fabric of himself now, as much as his mind and his body and the wounds wrapped around it; and when it's near Luke it flares up and drowns out everything else that's nowhere near this important.
He's also pretty sure that Luke's reaction to him is kinda of similar. Which is all well and good, but it leaves him freaked the pretty fuck out that Luke's talking about them now like distant acquaintances who merely tolerate each other. Like there's any way his company, his attention, his love could possibly be unwelcome when he knows without doubt that they fucking burn for each other.
He stands his ground. "I can't use my hands, dumbass; of course I'm not capable." Habitually, Reid goes to run his fingers through his hair, but ends up glaring at the bandages. "See?!"
"Reid..."
"And that's okay," he says, forcing the panic out of his voice, "if you were anyone else I'd have kicked you out weeks ago, but with you...I don't mind so much. I don't like that you're wearing yourself out trying to look after me - especially considering you're on immunosuppressants. But the truth is, if it was you...I'd want to do the same thing - and I probably wouldn't be nearly as good at it."
"I know you would," Luke says, without even having to think.
Reid takes a step forward, arms folded loosely across his middle. "So what the hell are you apologising for?" he says.
*****
"Every time I'm near you, every time I hear you speak or you touch me it just all comes back in this flood and...everything...the fight over Mason, you going behind my back to your father...everything exploding in my face, literally. It was just so stupid and senseless."
"And it's all me. Noah, if I could turn back time-"
"But you can't. No. Losing my film, my career, that was hard...losing my eyesight...I still...I can't even believe that. But the worst part...was losing my life. The one I shared with you, and now -"
"And now we can't share anything. Noah. I don't want to say this but...we have to split up."
*****
Reid's studying Luke's face carefully, his eyes completely unreadable. He studies Luke for what feels like way too long, then exhales loudly and his arms drop to his sides, lead weights. He turns his head to one side for a second and shuts his eyes tight, muttering something under his breath. When he speaks again his voice is strained like he's only just controlling it.
"This is about Noah."
"What? No, it's just -"
"When Noah was blind and you tried to help him, he pushed you away," Reid says, barely keeping it even.
"Not all the time..." Luke says weakly, but the anguish in his eyes just before they dart away is all Reid needs to know that he's right on the money.
Reid ignores the comment. "He made you feel like dirt when you tried to help him."
"He was blind, it was hard for him-"
"It's hard for me, too. You think I like the fact that I can't dress myself properly? Or that I need someone else to help me to wash?"
"You never complained about the washing thing before." Luke sounds on the verge of a fresh apology, and that's just not going to happen. It's ridiculous to have to defend Luke to himself, but Reid's sure as hell not gonna let him keep being attacked.
"Exactly. Because it's you. How do you not get that, you idiot? I hate this. I can't take care of myself and I can't do the job that's been my life's work. But if you want to tear my clothes off and drag me into the shower, I'm okay with that. I'll always be okay with that." And boy, is that the reality of everything, everywhere.
"Reid..." Reid steps forward and presses his padded hand to Luke's cheek.
"I know I'm not exactly the expert here, but that's the point of this whole love thing, isn't it? Or did I misread the memo? We're supposed to look out for each other, right?"
"Right. But-"
"But nothing. Luke, this," he waves a hand between them, then more vaguely around the apartment, "this has been...Luke, you're...amazing." Even though it's entirely true he feels his face start to flush.
Luke looks stunned, then ashamed, then something that's a mixture of both with some other shit thrown into the mix just for fun. "I guess I just...I was talking to Noah on the phone and he said something, gave me some advice and I just...it got me thinking."
"I'm sure whatever Noah had to say could only have been witty and insightful..." Reid grits his teeth a little at how inside Luke's head that jerk still is.
"Reid..." Luke warns, with the thin patience of a long tired argument, "he was trying to help." Reid laughs, high pitched and a little startled, even now.
"He was making you doubt yourself. Again. But that's nothing new. What I wanna know is, why the hell did you listen to him?!"
"Maybe I shouldn't have let it get to me but I thought, what if I make those same mistakes with you as I did with him? What if...what if I mess this up? Losing Noah hurt me so much, but it was okay, it was our time and I guess I was sort of ready for that, but losing you...I don't know if I could survive it." Reid lifts one hand towards Luke's face; when he catches sight of the bandages he snorts and rolls his eyes. He starts to drop the arm but Luke takes the hand in his own and presses it against his cheek, and he turns his head to press a kiss to the centre of the bandaged hand. Their eyes lock together and Reid smiles.
"Noah's the one who lost you, and he's an idiot."
Luke's brow furrows. "Reid, don't do that."
"Do what? Point out that Noah Mayer is an idiot? It's true. If I didn't know any better I'd be starting to wonder if maybe I did leave him with a little brain damage, why else would he act the way he does?"
"He was just trying to help."
"Noah doesn't know anything about our relationship."
"No, but he knows me."
"Then why the hell did he let you go?" Reid says, and it comes out a little louder and with far more meaning than he wants it to, and maybe most people wouldn't notice it, but Luke is so far from being "most people" that he's in another universe.
*****
"Noah, what's going on?"
"What do you mean?"
"What does it mean that you're here right now?"
"I don't know. I can't see the hand in front of my own face, let alone my future. I'm just here."
"Yeah, we've been through tough times before, we can get through this."
"Yeah, but all those times we knew they were going to end. I may never see again."
"Yeah but that doesn't change how I feel about you Noah. It doesn't change my love for you. And the fact that I'm going to love you forever. Always. I still want the life that we had planned."
"But everything has changed"
"Well, not everything. Whatever your future holds, I want to share that with you. If you let me."
"I can't tell you what it is you want to hear right now. I'm not ready, there's too much I have to figure out."
*****
Luke's looking intently at the floor, scuffing his shoe across the carpet like it's just all too fascinating to look away. He speaks softly. "I guess I kinda...freaked out, huh?"
Reid's surprised when he laughs again, quiet but he means it. Luke sounding a little less lost now. He's relieved. "Well, it was your turn," he jokes.
And then Luke looks at him. Really looks at him, in that way that he does, and Reid feels completely and utterly owned, and complete and utterly inside out. Luke looks at him like he's understanding something for the first time, and Reid hopes against hope that it's just how much better, and more beautiful, and more amazing in every single way, Luke is than Noah goddamn fucking Mayer.
Reid doesn't say anything because he doesn't want to interfere, but in all honestly moments like these make him profoundly uncomfortable and he'd really rather just sit back and watch some TV. But Luke makes him all off kilter, and he knows for certain that he's not going anywhere, even if he had the choice.
Finally, Luke shuffles a few inches closer towards him, lighter than he was a few minutes ago.
"I love you, you know that?" he says, intensity and surety. Reid rolls his eyes, but the soft smile sticks to his face, giving away the warmth that spreads through him every time he hears those unlikely words. Reid would worry about the things unsaid, how Luke didn't exactly concede his points. But Luke's already said them. Luke Snyder can pour more love into one angry look than most other people can with a thousand sappy smiles and all the doe eyes and fluttering eyelashes in the world. Luke has this way of making words more than they are, and there's something in the tone of it this time that's different from anything it's been before. Wiser, maybe, if that's possible, and it sort of sounds to Reid like understanding. Like maybe he's finally accepting it, accepting that he deserves to be treated like the millions of star-exploding, earth-trembling, mountain-raising incredible things that he is.
And that this love shit is more than just words. Reid should know. He's in it, soul deep, has been for a while and he doesn't think he's ever going back. And all Luke says is "I love you," but he looks at Reid like he understands that. He's looking at Reid like he's understanding that for the first time, for all that it is, and Reid briefly wonders just how stupid Luke really is, took him long enough.
Reid grins to himself, but then he's looking at Luke and his smile grows, and they kiss for a while, lazily, until Luke's body relaxes completely against his, and Reid finds himself melting into Luke.
And when they move back a little and Reid only makes a half-hearted attempt to pretend not to be seeing stars. He drops another quick kiss on Luke's mouth, draws back, scrapes the material that's covering his hand gently down his cheek, can't wait for the bandages to come off so he can do this for real, just touch, because words never will be enough. Not for Luke.
He leaves it another second before he wipes the mushy look off his face. Not out of shame, but all this emotional stuff has left him feeling sort of hungry.
"Okay, great. So now that that's sorted, whatd'ya say we take a break from the sappy stuff and get back to the important things?" He gestures at the plate on the table a little way away from where they're standing.
Luke drops his head and laughs into Reid's shoulder for a full thirty seconds. "You only want me for my food," he says, finally looking up with his face well and truly flushed.
"Ah, at last we have an understanding. Go on Snyder - chop-chop!" He waves Luke back towards the kitchen. Luke snorts, and for a second he looks like he's about to say something, but he just smiles and shakes his head.
*****
"I can't."
"You can't what? Be near me?"
"I can't act as though anything is the way it was before."
"But we're still us."
"And I'm trying to deal with what happened to me. Do we have to throw an us into every conversation and interaction that we have?!"
"Noah, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pressure you."
"No Luke it's...I'm doing my best, I'm doing everything I can to not just sit here and wallow, and actually be a little proactive."
"I know, I know, and I think that's why rehab was so good for you."
"Do you hear anything I say?!"
"What?"
"Rehab was not GOOD for me. Finding a doctor with the skills and willingness to help me see again, that's good for me."
"I know, I understand Noah, I'm just a little nervous because I-"
"No, you know what? You're just doing this because you just want me to accept it and move on."
"No. No, that is not true and that is not fair Noah. You are the most important person in my life, and I want you to get better here."
"Luke...I can't be dependent on you, or your family for more, just right now. It's not the life I want, it's not the life I was meant for. I have to see. You understand? I have to see again and that's all that matters to me right now. Everything else is secondary."
"Including me?"
*****
A week or so after the blow out, they're lying on their backs on Reid's bed, shoulder pressed to shoulder. It's nothing but them and the quiet sounds of their breathing and the traffic moving past outside. It's calm and nice and Luke's lying next to him and that's kind of all that matters. There's a shuffling sound beside him and he feels Luke turn onto his side, rocking ever so slightly closer, so that his warm breath tumbles out against the side of Reid's face.
"Hey Reid?" he says, softly.
"What's up?" Luke takes a deep breath, and Reid turns his head so they're face to face.
"I know we haven't really talked about this yet, and I know right now you need to concentrate on getting better but...I was thinking. I'm here all the time, aren't I? And we share a bed most nights and, you know I've been thinking about getting out of my parents' house for a while now, so I thought...I mean, I wondered if maybe you'd wanna, maybe, think about...getting a place together?" Reid breathes in deep through his nose, long and slow. His lips curl up at one side and he exhales heavily between them.
"Yeah, okay."
"Wha- I- you don't have to answer right now," Luke stutters, but he's already beaming supernovas.
"I said okay, Luke. I err...I had a talk with Katie and I might have asked if...you could live here."
"Here?"
"Or we can find our own place. Whatever."
Luke nods his head, a note of understanding. "But you wanna be near Katie and Jacob? That sounds...good."
"It does?"
"Yeah. Umm...we can wait til you're better...if you're not ready."
"Luke."
"Yeah?" Luke stops talking and finally looks directly at him.
"I'm ready."
Luke nods again, certain. "Good."
*****
A few days later, Luke's hanging around in the corridors of Memorial Hospital again, this time waiting for Reid to come back from his appointment. There's the sound of a door clicking open and he jumps up out of one of the uncomfortable metal chairs that still line the hallways.
Luke can see Reid's smile before it even happens, and he holds up his hands wriggling his white-gloved fingers and not even trying to hide the happiness as he walks briskly towards him Luke meets him half way and drags him into a hug, and he doesn't mean it to happen, but a few tears escape and soak into the shoulder of Reid's shirt.
He pulls back and takes Reid's hands in his, gently threading their fingers together between their bodies. "Wow. You have opposable thumbs and everything!" he says, and Reid chuckles, open and real, and even the casual observer would be forgiven for thinking that he might have human feelings.
"Yeah. I have to wear these things until the skin's fully healed though - I feel like a waiter at one of those obnoxious fundraisers with caviar in the buffet and gold dust in the entrees."
"But you're fine? You're gonna be able to work and everything?" Reid's eyes are full of hope and happy, and Luke kinda wants to jump up and down.
Reid nods. "In a few weeks time I'll be fully operational again, like it never happened," he says and then smiling slightly adds "almost," and looks pointedly at Luke, who flushes deep and red and grins like an idiot. Reid smiles back for a second, almost as dopey, then ducks his head and clears his throat. "So, shame about the robot hands, huh?" Luke snorts and lets both hands drop to their sides, letting them swing a little between them. He waggles his fingers in the hold.
"Hmm...I think I like these ones better," he says, still smiling.
Then Reid's laughing again and he can't help it. Luke surges forwards, slinging his arms around Reid and laughing his relief. He feels Reid adjust in his arms, awkwardly shifting until his arms finally lock around Luke's waist. Luke laughs again.
"You've got your life back," he says, breathlessly against Reid's ear.
Reid pulls back so they're face to face. The skin on his hand feels as warm and soft and right as ever as he cups his cheek and a small smile dances on the edges of his lips. He looks at Luke with a hint of wonder in his eyes.
"Never lost it," he murmurs.
*****
"He's not right for you. There's something about him. He's selfish, he's gonna hurt you."
*****
"Oh hey, I've got something for you."
"Wow, a present? You didn't even get me something for my birthday." Reid shrugs, but there's something dancing behind his eyes and there's a smile on his face, real and wide. They're back in their room, at their place; at least until they find somewhere they both like better. For now there's no rush.
"Don't start getting any ideas that I'm a nice, generous guy or anything." He reaches down beside the bed and hands Luke a thin package in a brown paper bag. "Take a look at it," he urges.
"Nice gift wrap," Luke teases. Reid rolls his eyes and Luke sticks his tongue out at him for a second as he pulls the magazine out of the bag. He scans the cover quickly and looks over at Reid. "Your article?"
"It's bookmarked." Reid points to the yellow post-it sticking out from the top. Luke slides his finger between the pages and flips it open to the article. His insides jump a little when he sees the writing at the head of the article and he feels his eyes start to well up.
"You...you put my name on the article?"
"Well, you did help write it."
"But I didn't...I mean...it's all your work, I was just the...secretary, or something." Reid shakes his head softly, smiling again like Luke's just said something really sweet but really, really stupid.
"We both know you did a lot more than that," he says seriously. Luke blushes and ducks his head. Reid's fingertips dance across his cheek and toy with the wisps of hair behind his ears, making him sigh contentedly. "I've already had calls from hospitals in New York and Boston asking if they can send surgeons to observe the procedure."
"Wow. That's...you're amazing." Reid smirks.
"And this is a surprise to you why, exactly?" Luke snorts and shakes his head. He glances down at the page again and feels a powerful welling of emotions stretching down to deep in his chest and raising a hot lump in his throat. He tries not to get choked up and annoy the hell out of Reid, but it's pretty damn difficult with the journal in his hand and that look on Reid's face like he's the world's biggest ever salami sandwich with all the fillings, on the softest, doughiest bread ever made. He settles of for kissing him hard on the mouth and threading his fingers into his hair and climbing on top of him a little so he can feel the heat from his body.
"Thank you," he whispers, his breath blowing hot between their mouths. Reid's throat bobs as he swallows and his voice comes out deeper than before.
"Hey, you did the work, you...deserve the...credit," he says, his breathing getting heavier as Luke's hands drag slowly down his chest and start to unbutton his shirt. Luke doesn't mind that at all, and he shifts his legs so his body's directly over Reid's, and leans in to kiss him again.
*****
"So," Noah says into the phone, "how's Dr. Oliver?"
His concern seems strangely insincere after everything. He's learned a few things about himself these past two months. About love, about sincerity. He doesn't think this is it; he's not sure it ever was. And that doesn't hurt as much as he thought it would.
"He's a lot better, thanks."
"So you've seen him recently?" Noah probes.
"Yeah, everyday for the last eight months, Noah," Luke says, bluntly.
"Oh. That's good. I just thought...with his injuries..."
"Well, it'd be hard to miss him, since we're now living together." Luke can't keep the note of victory out of his voice, even as he feels a little guilty about the stuttering silence that follows.
"You and - really? Luke, are you sure that's a good idea?" Luke rolls his eyes, and smiles.
"Positive," he says, and a smile warms his voice as he looks up to see Reid coming back from the kitchen, gripping the plates full of pizza proudly in his hands. "I've gotta go Noah, pizza's here," he hurries out.
"Luke, I-"
"Talk to you later Noah. Bye."
*****
A couple of months after the bandages finally come off, Reid performs his first solo surgery since the explosion. It's a relatively small thing, repairing some minor damage that wouldn't even be fatal after the groundskeeper up at the golf course crashes his lawnmower into a pine tree. But it's him all the same. His hands, his wrists, his fingers, everything works perfectly, better than perfect because it's him, and Luke picks him up at the hospital for a celebratory dinner.
They stroll through the parking lot talking about Reid's latest success, and how Mr. Grimly will be back to racing around on his Mega Mower 5000 within a matter of weeks. They're just about to the car when Reid stops walking and Luke turns to see what's up. Reid's eyes are soft and serious, and he shakes his head subtly like he's a little bit amazed.
"Luke...thank you, for all of this. For everything. I don't know if I could have done this without you," he says, honestly. Because maybe he'd have made it on his own, but he's pretty damn glad he'll never have to find out.
"You don't have to thank me. This is a relationship, remember? It's how it works. Besides, you would've done exactly the same thing."
"Yeah, and you'd probably have spent the whole time telling me to get back to work and not to waste my time helping you out."
"Oh man, that would've been annoying," Luke says pointedly, feeling himself grinning like a mad thing. He watches Reid open his own car door and sit down before climbing in next to him. "You know, Dr. Oliver, I think we might be kinda perfect for each other."
"Took you long enough to figure it out."
"Sorry, we can't all be geniuses like you."
"Few are. I guess I'll just have to make do with you."
They're silent for a few minutes.
Reid cups Luke's face. Luke places his hand over Reid's and threads them together. Reid squeezes back, playing softly with Luke's fingers.
"Luke, thank you," he says again, certain and sincere.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
Reid nuzzles his nose against Luke's, closes his eyes and hums a breath, soft and safe and utterly contented.
"I love you, Luke," he whispers. Luke runs his index finger slowly from the corner of Reid's eye to the bottom of his chin. He follows it with his eyes, a soft smile on his lips. When Reid speaks, his gaze moves up to Reid's closed eyes.
"I know," Luke says, soft and a little in awe, like it's the truest and best secret he's ever known, "I can tell."